This is retarded ... why am I chasing girls?

[edger]

I like where this is going

-looks & money
-ban women
-screw looks, it's all about social proof
-screw money, it's all about social proof
-screw social proof, it's all about looks (and/or money)
-if you have looks and dont mind taking your clothes off, you can strip and get social proof AND money
-I need a beer

Lol! That's SoSuave for ya. Let your own experience be your guide with women, need I say more.

 

[muscleman]

Oh and backbreaker ... you suggesting people taking a break from women and all this other stuff to like who you see in the mirror - isn't that going against where you're currently at? I remember you in other threads discussing how your job from home means you don't really have many friends, want more, etc.

 

[Fuglydude]

I like where this is going

-looks & money
-ban women
-screw looks, it's all about social proof
-screw money, it's all about social proof
-screw social proof, it's all about looks (and/or money)
-if you have looks and dont mind taking your clothes off, you can strip and get social proof AND money
-I need a beer

hahaha that's awesome... way to summarise this entire thread!!

 

[backbreaker]

Oh and backbreaker ... you suggesting people taking a break from women and all this other stuff to like who you see in the mirror - isn't that going against where you're currently at? I remember you in other threads discussing how your job from home means you don't really have many friends, want more, etc.

I"m not perfect but alot of **** in my life I have together. I'm very well off financially, I have a body 99.8% of america would kill for, I have no debt, I do what I love for a living, I am a very talanted jazz musican....

you are reading into one post and trying to get a glipse of my life. you can't do that.

If you want to know the god's honest truth, my probelm is that AA had become my social life. The problems that come with that, the people as a whole just aren't that healthy.

I was trying to make people be something they weren't, and then when I try to use common sense and say **** this, people would tell me "just keep cming back".. i'm done putting my hand back ont he stove. I know it's hot.

My issue was was pretty unique. It's not that I can't meet people, the AA culture... well.. you have tob e in AA. it's very cultish. My problem without coming out and saying it wasn't that i can't meet friends but really was more so of what type of friends do I meet. AA or non AA friends. anyway i dont' want to steal your post.


Read back over my (long) history heire. i came here when i was 19. i'm 26. I grew up here. from the time i was 18 to i was 21 i ddin't go on a date, didn't do anything beucase I put every dime and every amount of energy I had into my company at the time and it paid off. not just financially, but it tought me something at an early age that you people twice my age dont' get sometime; women dont' make you happy.

women can ADD to your level of happiness. But what makes me happy is not women. it's setting goals, being the best person I can be as cliche as it can be

the dfiference between me and alot of posters, not all but alot, is I don't pretend to be a perfect DJ. I am very open about my flaws, that way I can address them and fix them. i don't come here to show off., brag or talk down to people or show people I dont' know how cool I am. I come here to improve and give back.

read this, this is probably the best I have made to date. I did this, honestly did it, and it changed my life.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=84433&highlight=LJBF


I read your post about you being confused about life and what not. I strongly recommend you do the 100 day checlist I did. Sit down, take a week, brainstorm the person you want to be.

the closer you are to the person you want to be, the happier you are. it has nothing to do with how much ass you get or how fine the woman who you are poking is.

 

[brokenupinside]

FWIW I'm with backbreaker on this.
Everything helps BUT you have to work on being happy and comfortable...once you achieve that people flock to you because you look and feel like a winner to them BECAUSE you FEEL that way yourself.I know it's like talking in circles but it's true.
I used to be in that mindframe and I swear I could not lose if I tried,not only with women but jobs etc.Women would approach me offering to pay money for my services etc ,it was unreal.
I had guys offering me jobs left and right,life was good.

Then I got inot an LTR with a loser/mental case,became sloppy in my day to day,content etc. and although she was a hot chick it was not worth it.

I lost the proverbial spark in my eye so to speak to the point that I've been told by a few chicks "you are cool but why the sour face?" which says it all.

I'm working now on getting back to that state I know I can be in,yes I have a girl but she is not the focus anymore,the focus is ME and it's not selfishness,it the way it's supposed to be ...it's expected from others,people see you as an alpha and that's attractive,anything alse is seen as a weakness...trust me,it may be CUTE(by the way that's deal breaker for me ,any chick calls me cute and I'm out as fast as if she had said HIV) in the beginning but they start instictively looking somewhere else sooner or latter for fugly fat guys with a few extra $$ and a don't give a crap attitude.
Wallet trumps stud ...always.....
Think of someone you would like to hang around with and BE that person,chances are lots of others will feel the same way.

 

[guru1000]

I can smell desperation in every thread you create. In every interaction, your frame is compromised as a direct result of HER being the focus (the prize). You pedestal women in every conversation with only your overt desire to create a harem.

Before marriage, I cultivated harems of 8's and 9's with ease. One thing is for sure, my focus was always ME.

Looks, money and social proof are door openers and LTR incentives. Women want a man who has goals and ambitions not including her.

Backbreaker is correct in the sense where you make women a priority when in fact they should only sit in the passenger seat and serve as a supplement to your life. They are a byproduct of your success, not your success.

So you come to the DJ site to discover the secret of pick up. The secret is your desire and ambitions are in the wrong place.

Never make a women your goal.

 

[muscleman]

Guru you have a good point. All the approaching and all that I've been doing lately is of course putting focus on her and not me. I'm realizing that now and backing off. And as backbreaker said it's not making me happy.

Yes, I do have a desire to cultivate an 8/9 harem as you say lol, but on my own terms. I noticed all of this is taking up a lot of my free time which should be spent focusing (and figuring out) what I really want to do with my life. I've never really had said harem though which is why this started in the first place - I just want to feel important.

My wing/roomie is worse off as far as putting girls on a pedestal, but perhaps it's just something he has to briefly go through (I went through it myself) before realizing things.

I do want to go out and socialize, but I'm going to make it a point now that when we go out on weekends, it's to make connections with people and work on my social skills (and just relax a bit) rather than sarging. I'd like to have some more friends.

Backbreaker - I'll read through that thread you linked and do the whole brainstorming thing, I think it'll be good for me.

 

[Drum&Bass]

I agree with everyones posts. There is no 1 technique or factor that is guaranteed to work for every situation.

I've been the good looking guy that was beat out by the wealthy guy when it came to getting the girl I wanted.

I've been the good looking guy that beat out wealthy guys (RARELY) because of my charm/personality/looks.

I've been the nice guy that never got the girl who wasn't interested in me but flirted with me all night.

I've been the nice guy that got the girl who was also genuinely nice.

I've been the guy thats hooked up with girls from just walking into a bar and being drunk/loud/tough and obnoxious and talking to them for 20 mins.

and I've been the loud/drunk tough guy who didn't attract or hook up with any girls.

In hind sight, Through all my experiences, 1 thing remains constant, Self Improvement in 4 areas.

Personality
Financial
Physical
Experience

Once your in a good place with all those 4 elements. It will better prepare you for situations that occur or situations that you can create. It will also help you to create balance.

One of the things that has helped me to keep balance was to stop going to bars and clubs on weekends and do more wholesome things, like hang out in parks with friends, hiking, camping...etc...wholesome fun seems to put things in perspective and reminds you to be a balanced man and tones down the focus of chasing women.

 

[backbreaker]

think about the guy sitting at a bar, whose sole purpose there is to see women. every woman tbat goes by he is like "does she like me" "is she hot". when he talks to her, if he does, everything he is about is getting her approval. did he say the right joke, is he ****ey and funny enough? does he touch her?

imagine the guy sitting at the bar who is there becuase he wants a drink. he sits there, and says what he wants to say. he's in a good mood, becuase he is very happy with himself. he's not trying to make anyone else smile or get anyone elses approval.


you are that first guy now. you want to be ome that second guy

 

[backbreaker]

muscleman I want you to sit back and actually ask yourself the question that you posed.. why ARE you chasing girls.

Really ask yourself that. not in the sense that hey... girls should be chasing me... but in the sense that...

why do you give a damn to the point that you do about women? Why is your life revoled aorund getting women to the point that it is?


if you did not get laid for the next 3 years would you consider your life to be a failure?

if you became a successful business person and accomplished some things in life, would they not mean as much if you did not have a woman there with you to "have fun with?"

Do you have hobbies becuase you actually LIKE them or you think they are things that women would like in a guy?

Do you dress like you like to dress or do you dress becuase you thinkt hat's how you think women want you to dress?

sit back and look at how much **** that you / we do that is dictated by *****. That's wh you are ****ing miserable.

 

[st_99]

think about the guy sitting at a bar, whose sole purpose there is to see women. every woman tbat goes by he is like "does she like me" "is she hot". when he talks to her, if he does, everything he is about is getting her approval. did he say the right joke, is he ****ey and funny enough? does he touch her?

imagine the guy sitting at the bar who is there becuase he wants a drink. he sits there, and says what he wants to say. he's in a good mood, becuase he is very happy with himself. he's not trying to make anyone else smile or get anyone elses approval.


you are that first guy now. you want to be ome that second guy

This is kind of a catch 22. We have a biological drive to want HB's and if we currently don't have one, we will be driven to act like the first guy in your example. How do you simply ignore your urge to hook up?

The second guy in your example is what happens when you already are in balance, you're probably already in a relationship, your getting enough sex and are content with whats going on at the moment.

 

[backbreaker]

This is kind of a catch 22. We have a biological drive to want HB's and if we currently don't have one, we will be driven to act like the first guy in your example. How do you simply ignore your urge to hook up?

The second guy in your example is what happens when you already are in balance, you're probably already in a relationship, your getting enough sex and are content with whats going on at the moment.

this is AFC think

go read pook's "be a man"

 

[st_99]

this is AFC think

go read pook's "be a man"

you're right, point taken