This HB is trying to be INDEPENDENT!!

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

This girl I got involved with is seriously so confusing. She is a Canadian exchange student living on my college a few dorms down. We got together a couple of months ago although she was seeing another guy while I was seeing a few girls. She was dating me and this other guyso I felt a bit annoyed but then again I was hooking up with other girls.

She ended it with me to be with him exclusively but that only last for over a week. Then she went back to spending a sh*tload of time with me. She still wanted to be friends although we have kissed ona few occasions. She hangs out with me a lot. Its so confusing because I know she likes me but tells me she doesn't and that she only wants to be good friends. I know she is bullsh*ttin because we got it on again just last week (no sex tho I was very close).She said that can't happen again although she had a really great time.

She's explained to me that everywhere she goes she's always involved with a guy and that she's trying not to ever get involved with anyone. She's planned to do this for 2 years and until then she will get into a serious relationship. So that means I get f*cked over and shes trying not to get tempted. I don't know whether I've messed up along the way or she is sticking to her new-age psycho development thing. (she is a psych student by the way) We've fooled around a couple of times and both times she mentions that this cant happen again. I dont know if she is trying to get her life together by proving that she not going to be reliant on a guy for happiness.

Once she couldnt sleep one night and I said i could have given her a back rub to put her to sleep (she loves my backrubsand never refuses it). But she said its not good because she doesnt want to be reliant on that in case she gets dependent on that just to fall asleep. Its so stupid because its like saying you are sick but you do not want to get reliant on drugs to help you but you would rather use ur weak immune system to get better.

I know shes going to realise soon that shes being silly with this independent crap. No one can go at it alone. I dont know how it will make her better person when she breaks other ppls hearts and become cold and distant. Its like me staying off girls to become a better person at the end of 2 years. yea right I need experience before thats going to happen.

Its really playing up with my head. We hang out a lot and there are a few moments where it looks intimate and somethings going to happen. We lie down in bed every night I'm over there. I like her a lot even when I'm fooling around with other girls. She gets hell jealous when I am having a good time with other girls although she is not an attention wh*re.

I need to know what it takes to make things happen. When we fool around, it seems like its just the natural flow of things but after that she comes to her senses and intervenes and says now she has to start all over again. One time she said that "WE" have to start all over again being friends. I dont think she is messing around behind my back because she is either spending her time with me, at uni or at work. Im not stalking her but I pretty much am aware of what she gets up to because we all live together in a small college (100 residents)

So obviouslt I've got the goods to turn her on. She going away for 2 weeks with her family and I am not calling her at all. I really need help on this one. I hate no being in control and moping around thinking I've f*cked up.

DJs anyone?

 

[Bobbles]

She got with the other bloke exclusively for a week and then she came to you after. She sounds like a piece of cr*p. Dump her right now, she isn't worth it. You go find yourself a girl who will be exclusive with you first.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

You need a pimp leash.... byatch get back here.

 

[Socialreject]

This chick has control freak written all over her...

At every turn she is trying to control everything happening (and succeeding for most part). Dump her ass, she is trouble and i bet she's ugly two!

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

damn, the control freak thing has some truth to it. we are not "together" but id like it to be because it just feels natural for me and i can tell she can go along with it. but yes nonetheless shes tryin to control it even tho she gets tempted to hook up with me.

she is very hot but that wasnt the sole reason i like her. ive treated her like crap and rude to her and she still comes back. maybe if i do everything that she cant control and do not give her what she wants then that would shift the power back to me right??

Im not ringing her at all during these holidays...She can come to me and take me out but if she does keep to her word then ill snap back on her and make my exit...it sucks because we r tryin to make our friendship work.

 

[Soprano]

damned canadians

 

[Rottencrotch]

This chick has control freak written all over her...

At every turn she is trying to control everything happening (and succeeding for most part). Dump her ass, she is trouble and i bet she's ugly two!

Have you seen her?:yawn:



Rotten'

 

[Socialreject]

Have you seen her?:yawn:

Nope, have you seen your sense of humor anywhere? Or is it still missing

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Shes gone for 2 weeks...I am not calling her at all...she can call me...shes not even sparing 5 mins to give me a call.anyone has 5 mins to spare

Then when she gets back I might lay low or ignore that shes back for a couple of days.

it sucks because i dont know if she likes me while shes tryin to stick to her new-age psych crap.

if all goes bad im gonna need all the balls n strength to be able to walk away. its startin to become borderline oneitis. i once did that to a former oneitis and then she had a wild fling with my best friend...not really a good way to be able to move on and feel good about

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Well she lives like a 10sec walk from my room so I dont know how its going to turn out. I guess I'll have to ignore her and if she flirts with me I will have to call her on it and tell her to quit it.

Like what do I say when she pulls something like this...I thought the LJBF line meant that the girl is not attracted to you and she will never hook up with you again. But in this case we have hooked up many times. Weird huh?

She says she wants to be independent yet hangs out with me a lot? Normally if a girl pulls out the LJBF line and says she wants to be independent then I would normally move on and walk away without fuss..but this one really different. As if this is a big sh*t test that I have passed many times.

 

[organizedconfusion]

she's tooling you dude, she's probaly boned other guys and just only see's you a certain way..sounds like she likes you alright , but more on an affectionate level..c'mon dude, 'laying together everynight' and no sex? anytype of activity that creates alot of feeling of affection,without sex and you might as well be 'best friends' with her and go on shopping dates.Even if you are boning her , it dosen't mean you 'excite' her enough for her to want to be with you exclusivly.she wants to be independent and hang out with you alot, so you can be her emotional suckerfish-girls love that shyte,that's why they have gay friends and or guys they strum along- to keep them emotionally balanced or something like that.Sounds like she likes to be around you and you make her feel good,but more on a comfort level then anything else- it also looks like you are around and there every second 'just in case' she changes her mind..changes her mind? give me a break! you like her and you are confused by all this comfort/affection building crap that you are supposed to do with a girlfriend, but since you guys are only friends- of course it's gonna confuse the crap out of you! any guy would! It also sounds like you like her alot ,if you didn't you would'nt post an entire thread about her...


If i were you ,you sound pretty confident and sociable- go to the gym, work out, meet some different girls ,just get away from her for a bit..don't announce it to the world or anything..just do it, if you are afraid that she'll become disinterested or meet someone else..then she's a flake and everything she said about being independent was only directed towards YOU and genuinly had nothing to do with her or her freedom (apparently if she met someone else!) but if she's still around after the break and you have the same feelings about her- i'd definetly rengage her into my life..but this time totally calling the shots to begin with and be the one in charge.

that crap she's giving you about not being with another guy for 2 years? please, yeah right- and when Johhny Jock strap comes along and lays it down on her she's really gonna give him the miss independent speeh..riiiigghhht


my general rule is- anything that creates too much affection early on sends out friendship signals ,i usually save the affectionate crap for later on when it feels natural and things have progressed to a certain level emotionally (hun, i love these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches..chips too? your'e the best hun,lets cuddle and watch Hostel..hows that for affectionate ) the activities that create affection IMO are things like :cuddling,long talks about crap (future,dreams,childhood woes,whatever- it's best just to avoid these situations in the first place ) long walks holding hands,anything were the girl gets all gooey eyed and feels like sharing something basicly no no no!!! save that stuff for later on! that way she'll have something to work for i say!

and anything that creates a ton of attraction..well, usually leads to sex.flirting,teasing,being aloof..you know , fun & exciting stuff..

P.S.
she is a psyche student, who knows..she might be doing everything on purpose just to tool you around to keep her head on straight:kick: if you like her as much as you let on, i'd say do the best thing and forget about her completly..why? because in the end YOU'LL be a better person because of it and in a way make you more attractive overall... whats more attractive? you doing your own thing,having a life and moving on- or dwelling on her and her where abouts and questioning everything that happened and what's going to happen? waiting for her to come to a desicion?..you decide ..TRUST ME, i been there ...

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Wow man thanks so much...

I dont know why i didnt have sex with her when we were both hot and horny. I was only puttin my fingers down there and I knew she "came" cos she was a bit loud and gaspin for breath and writhin like a snake lol....but f*ck i should b doin that sh*t as well...

Even though I know for sure she is not foolin around with other guys, hates having to talk about problems n so on and never uses me as an emotionl tampon...Im just goin to try move on and let things where they fall.

When I was lying down next to her I was laying heavy kino like running my the back of my fingers from her face to her fair, shoulders, side hips and down to her legs.. So it aint just any normal close friends type thing..I know I could tempt her but why so much defence for that silly psyche development crap.

Next time she brings up her 2 year thing Ill call on her bullsh*t and tell her that she wont be able to do it and couldnt resist me but I wont hold that against her lol.

that or just move on lol

Once again thank you so much and keep them coming

 

[organizedconfusion]

it sounds like you have alot of feelings for her and maybe trying to figure out which technique will 'break her'- all i can say is distance makes the heart grow fonder and in the event that she does find someone else or decides to 'move on' ,then either way you called her bluff..actions speak louder then words.And she may regret not getting with you when she had a chance..NOTE,she'll regret it- not you- because YOU made the desicion to take charge of the situation and take control of where YOU were headed..with or without her. That makes you the one being persued and HER the pursuer... it'll totally flip things on their back,which hopefully it's the position she'll be in.At this point of the initial stages of things-You have to be willing to walk away at anytime,if you want to be seen as value in her eyes IMO...(use common sense though dude,if she really needs help and you have to kick someones azz for hurting her..then do so if you must )

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Distance ahhh yes..shes goin away for 2 weeks for holidays with her family...I am not calling her AT ALL...if i do therefore I am weak and already have lost the fight. I will have to close this thread and start all over again...slap myself hard too but anyways haha.....its been a week so its halfway lol

So when she comes back I wont make any efforts to see her and when she talks about what happen during the holidays I will:

1. tell her I met so many people, (to show her that i am a social person and nothing will stop me from having fun. I love meetin new ppl thats the differnce. with her other relationships she was just stuck with the guy and didnt get to meet new ppl)
2. did cool stuff with them, (hell, i am a fun person with or without her...can she stand the chance of missing out? she is a travelling student...main purpose: have as much fun as possible...missing out: silly girl lol)
3. had a lot of fun doing things with other people. things that she previously have had to cancel on. (she will realise what she has missed out on)
4. tell her the nice things people have done for me. she will get jealous hahaha

But of course I am doing these hands down...I am not going out of my own way to do these. I must be careful that I am doing most of these to take control of the situation and not merely for her sake. if she doesnt trun around heck at least i had fun regardless.

by the way I had sex with a different girl to get this silly oneitis thing off my head...this girl wasnt that great but at least she let me game her well and then she gave me smokes and backrubs to impress me...why cant every HB be like that. hell because she didnt establish us to be exclusive i have kissed 3 other girls (including one of her hot housemates lol) and had sex 3 times with another girl. ohhh well

 

[organizedconfusion]

why would you even care if you you got with the exchange student in the first place? i don't understand why you just don't forget about her..unless there really is a strong connection that you feel between the two of you. if i were you i would'nt even mention all that you done when she was gone..girls aren't stupid..she'll know somethings up and she'll think all you're trying to do is egg her on or get her to feel jealous.Girls are keen on this type of stuff, she can sense how glad you really are to see her..it'll be written all over your face..she will be able to sense if you are doing things to spite her and resent her also..but there is a way to get at her..think about it this way..what has more of an effect? her hearing about all the fun things you did while she was away and listening to you talk about it,and then going back the same type of behaviors before...or you telling her that you just kinda hung out and did nothing much, but then she see's some girl wrapped up all around you everytime she see's you..makes you wonder dosen't it? makes her wonder..what the hell was he really up to when i was away? by telling her the things you did, it kinda takes away mystery of it all and who knows, she might just block it out of her mind..but if she believes that you didn't really do much, but then see's you with another girl having a blast,it'll make her wonder and go crazy over trying to figure out whats going on..kinda like what you're doing with her... by saying one thing (ie;i didn't really do much..no really i swear!) and then showing her another (ie; another girl all over you, you having fun and a life without her) it'll drive her up the wall - because she'll have a hard time trying to figure out what the situation is..but that's just my take on things. if you really want to be with her,which it sounds like- you really do have to risk losing her... maybe her losing you will eventually open up her eyes (and legs)

but then again..you always could just ask her where you guys stand..

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Wow thats a good point you've brought up

Yea she does have a jealous side to her but never shows it to me. Other girls just mentions who is that blonde girl (the girl in question) who is always giving me the dirty eye lol. Of course she never admits to it though.

By the way I'm always around girls but this time I have to be more flirtatious with all of them...I can't be a gentleman all the time haha

Someone told me that girls are experts in hiding their sh*t...who knows

She always mentions that we should just be friends (her silly psyche new age thing) but ends up hooking up with me. So yea if I ask her where we stand thats all she says (I found out what she says and does are two completely different things) The last time we hooked up she said it wasnt suppose to happen (even though she enjoyed it like hell) and now we have to start all over again as friends. wtf she has said that line to me like 3 times already everytime we hook up. She has repeated told me not to TEMPT her to hook up...so obviously she has self imposed rules on herself.

Now why would a girl think she will become a weaker person when succumbing to the pleasures in life. lol

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Do you think erasing her out of my mind is a good thing?

I mean if my game was very solid and the attraction was strong enough then she would disregard her goal to be independent and be with me without hassles right? But in my case I could say that my DJ skills wasnt good enough which made it easy for her to decide to not get involved fully (there is attraction to a point but not strong enough to convince her to be with me). Could someone help me out on this?

I need a way to get of her out of my head. I even f*cked a girl this week yet I'm still thinking about her.

I get hung up on girls all the time...realy need to get my head around this issue.

 

[organizedconfusion]

forget about her for awhile, don't focus on all the things you want to do or going to just to forget about her..because you're doing it to spite her (conciously admiting to it or not).She's still at the core of intent,therefore keeping her fresh in the back of your mind, because you are doing things to 'forget' about her...HER ,she is still in your mind! just forget about her for a bit i would say..most guys are afraid of losing someone they really care for that way, like they are somehow giving up on them..no,give her space- that's all she needs ,thats all the both of you need.She will renter your life again if there was really something there... no need to pre-mediate things like;ooh! i am not talking to her for six days and then gonna do all these things and then brag to her about it and make her feel jealous! no,dude..seriouslly,that sounds really pathetic. i'd say just go on with your life without her for a bit..and she will renter your life/things will work out...and if she dosen't then forget her. i have had my share of having to forget about certain girls only to have them renter on their own..only thing is i can be a grudging pr1ck and i usually never let them back in..sorry! their loss..what? i never said i was perfect or that i forgive easily...

 

[Tazman]

It's like a double edged sword. On the one hand you want to reach a point where you don't care about her so much that it comes out in your behavior (needyness), but on the other if you do manage to lose a bit of interest (which is ultimately what will get rid of oneitis) your feelings aren't as strong as they were before and if you finally get what you want, you then reflect and wonder why you were so caught up in the first place.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Back in the day when I was a real hardcore chump I used to have this plan of making the girl hate me so bad that there is absolutely no chance of ever getting back together at all.

I was a real a$$hole, bastard etc you name it...it work on all the girls to the point where they never want to speak to me again. I burnt bridges. It burnt oneitis effectively and I was only f*cked up for a lil time.

But as effective as it was it was never the DJ way. Not only it hurt the girl but it hurt me on the inside so bad.