this ***** has the nerve

backbreaker

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I was at the movies watching a movie by myself and my phone rings. It was a female friend of mine and I told her I would call her back once I get out of the movie.

Once I left and we started talking... nothing serious at all, I asked her how was her day and she said she was going to eat BBQ with her parents but they didn't cook so she called some friends and had a pizza. Doesn't seem like a big deal, not a big deal at all right? As a matter of fact it really wasn't, but it was something about that comment that got to me for the next 10 mintues or so. Eventually I told her I would call her tomorrow and when I got off of the phone I started thinking.

Me and this girl met though her EX friend, and I use that term loosely, and my Ex Girl Friend (same person). AFter I broke up with my Ex, me and her became pretty good friends. She knew I liked her, I eventually told her, but she told me that she couldn't do anything with me because of her friend, which I could honestly understand.

Eventually I was picking her up from school and even taking her to school every once in a while... Even then, and this was when I was 18, I worked for myself and had flexable hours.

She would call me late at night and we would talk on the phone until she litearly would fall alseep. We could talk about everything, and still can, execpt of course, me and her. She told me a couple of times that she didn't want a BF, but one day she calls me and throws in a convo that she has a new BF.

Me and her got into an arguement a month later, beause she begged me to take her to the club, and when I called her she never answered. I got worried, seriously, and went by her house to check up to at least make sure she was there, and low and behold she is there with her BF. It's not that she was there with her BF, but the fact that she didn't even consider calling me to say that she wasn't going, which ruined my night waiting around for her. I told her if me and her weren't going anywhere, not to call me but then sent her a letter in response apologizing. She showed it to her BF and I tried to follow up the letter with a phone call, which he picked up. It recently, very recently came out that the reason that she didn't call me back is because her BF didn't want her talking to me. Someone who you consider to be your "best friend" for over a year gone because your BF for 1 month is over protective.

In March, ironically 2 years to the day I told her to stop talking to me, she sent me a letter sa ying she missed me and wanted to talk to me again.

Now, truth be told, I do care about this girl, and I can honestly say, without bull****ting that I seriously wouldn't mind being FRIENDS with her; 2 years I couldn't but now I get enough action from other sources that I am not desperate. The thing is, she doesn't treat me like a FRIEND, but more like emotional support her BF doesn't provide.

When it comes to talking, I seriously doubt she is as comfortable around anyone else then around me, we can litearly talk about anything. There are certain extremely personal family issues that she has that I k now that no one else knows. But you would think that friends would you know.. do friend things... like go grab a bite to eat every once in a while or I don't know, make an attempt to see someone every once in a while.

One of the reasons I COULD be a friend with her is because she would make great social proof and would provide a good companion when I just need to have a female parter to attend certain events, but you can't do that if you can't SEE anyone.

2 years ago I saw her literaly every day, but that was because I picked her up from school, I very rarely saw her after school. Since March I have saw her 4 times in all... One day she came over my apartment and we just chilled, the next day she asked me to come to an art center with her to help with some homework, around 2 weeks later we met at starbucks, and around 1 month ago we met on a wednesday night at waffle house. The thing about thoose, is that they were not random I want to see you events, each one of thoose times, I know 3 at least, her and her BF were having true problems.



Anyway, she even had the oddesity to tell me about this guy who was hitting on her at her mom's job who is 25, 5 years older and how she is entertaining the thought of dating him.

For some reason it all hit me like a ton of bricks tonight, don't really know why, it just did. I am actually PISSED off how someone could have the nerve to use someones kindness for granted.

With that said, let me get some things clear; I hardly, if ever call her. The only time I really call her is when her phone dies, as it did today, or if I need a favor, which is never. Also, I know she thinks I am attractive; not only has she told me, her friends have told me that she thinks I am very cute. And as much as I have talked bad about her in this post, she really, really isn't a bad person, just a little immautre and used to getting by on her looks.

But like I said, more than anything I am just pissed off, so much so where I am seriously, seroioulsy debating if I want to talk to her anymore, even as a friend. You can go eat pizza with the same friends you see every other day but you can't call me up and see if I want to go and grab a bite to eat? You can go out all day but take up my time at night or when you are having problems? It really just pisses me off the more I think about it.
 

JJMcLure

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Wow, that was hella long!

Anyway, what it seems is you think she is your friend, but actually youre like a "pseudo-friend". That's the type of "friend" you are to attention wh0res or girls who have rejected you/LJBF.

You're not their friend at all, just some guy they can use for attention as and when they need it. (You already identified this pattern yourself).

The fact she says she thinks youre cute means jack here. Also, stop making excuses for her behaviour.
 

Dirtheart

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JJmclure is right on the mark. She is using you and treating you like crap and you know it. You are making excuses or looking for reasons for her because it's hard to accept that she can treat you like this when you try to be such a good friend.

For your own good, get rid of her, ignore her, be rude to her, because she's not your friend and she'll drag you down.
 

backbreaker

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You guys, and I was right. I dont' think I was/am looking for advice, but I am ranting so that I dont' loose my cool when I talk to this chick.
 

maranathaman

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You can either...

You can either use her as "social-proof" to get other girls interested in you or kick her to the curb.
Cause as you know,
getting her as a lover is not gonna happen.
 

backbreaker

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you can't get someone to be social proof if you can't SEE them, that's the point.
 

Jon E

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She doesnt respect you because you dont respect yourself enough.

You need to work on that.
 

backbreaker

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well I wouldn't go that far... I am actually known to be pretty arrogant, I have 4-5 women I see on a constant basis, 2 of which actually look better than this girl, but the problem is that this girl knew me when I was a super AFC and sees me as that same person. Honestly at times I do revert, not much, but it happens, but I honeslty think I just was reading the signes she was giving out wrong, simple as that. i don't want to waste my time on her, as much as I do care about her if I have 0 chance, I have other women I co uld be screwing.
 

white_hype

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wow, i didnt read all that crap but you are a HUGE AFC

trying reading up on some material

i got the impression you still kinda like this girl and her tooling you around is pissing you off? well why shouldn't she? you have done XYZ for her for so long, never said a word about it excpet for "OMG I AM SO MAD :(" then you write her a letter saying your sorry you got mad? wtf

a lot of girls are like this, she is jsut using you as an emotional tampon and you did nothing to stop/prevent it

no advice can really fix this b/c there is so much wrong with you, you need to read up a lot
 

backbreaker

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Originally posted by white_hype
wow, i didnt read all that crap but you are a HUGE AFC

trying reading up on some material

i got the impression you still kinda like this girl and her tooling you around is pissing you off? well why shouldn't she? you have done XYZ for her for so long, never said a word about it excpet for "OMG I AM SO MAD :(" then you write her a letter saying your sorry you got mad? wtf

a lot of girls are like this, she is jsut using you as an emotional tampon and you did nothing to stop/prevent it

no advice can really fix this b/c there is so much wrong with you, you need to read up a lot

I know your advice has good intentions, but I wouldn't consider myself to be an AFC; far from it.

However, I am just something that most of the guys here arnen't; and that's in the real world, when REAL feelings are at stake and REAL people make REAL mistakes.

However, you did say something that hit the nail on the head, and that is that I haven't done anything to make her think otherwise, and that is no one's fault but mine. I will own up to that.


Another thing, do you know how dumb you sound by admiting that you didn't read the entire post, but yet then tell someone that they need to read up on advice? That's the pot calling the kettle black.

Do I like her? I can honestly say yes, but not to the extent that some of you would think... If the opprotunity was available I wouldnt' date her, but I think that, wait, I know that part of the reason she is under my skin the way she is is simply because I am not getting what I want. As I stated eariler, I talk to other women, I don't have a problem approcaching other women whatsoever, I can get attention when I want it, but unlike most people here, I am man enough to admit to myself and everyone else when I made a mistake, as I did here.
 

Dee-Zy

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man, that was a long read...

I'm in a hurry, and after reading all that I don't have much timeto type much, but listen man. I know exactly what you are going through.


I had the SAME situation, and for the sakes of 'friends' I didn't apply the rules, I shared and went through alot with this one chick too - but she doesn't fukkin respect me, only calling me up when SHE needs a shoulder, never to do something FUN, like you said - grab a bite, go to the movies or whatever.

Here's my advice, NEVER call her again. NEVER try to 'spend time' with her again.

Not because you are trying to play hard to get, but simply because she is NOTHING but trouble, she will keep on pissing you off on and on and more and more, stop any form of contact with her, just cuz she does not respect you.


I think it's clear that she's using you.

She is NOT a friends



If you see her on the street or through some mutual friends, say hi - how you've been, do small talk, but that's it. Just stay polite but you need to refuse to waste any form of time with her, whether it's on the phone, ro trying to set up something to do with her. Focus on your REAL friends and the 5 girls.

GHOST
 

Skweints

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It sounds to me like you're trying to make your idea of a REAL man (caring about her feelings, doing everything she wants you to do, but still trying to be buff and protective) with what a REAL man actually is like (your own personality minus doing the stuff the DJ Bible tells you not to do).

Hey, it's okay, I used to think exactly what you were thinking... and I used to be stubburn about it. It took PERSONAL EXPERIANCE to open my eyes and realize what my problems were. I was well on the way to changing before I even came to this site... this was just icing on the cake.

Here's what I want you to do, though I doubt you will do it. Drop her, don't be a friend to her anymore. One of my "used to be friends that happened to be a girl" put me through a lot of the same stuff yours seem to put you through. I knew her just like you knew yours. I can say that 80% of the time me and this girl would hang out, I'd be bored out of my F'CKIN mind. The only reason I was attracted to her was because she fulfilled some of my AFC fantasies. Now, since I'm a little more educated, I'd get an urge to try and see if I could turn things around with this girl. When I actually analyized everything, I figured out that there wasn't really worthwhile and beneficial coming out of the whole situation. I think you need to do the same.

However, like everybody else is saying, she definitely is using you. The girl I was talking about above got me good one time. And I was so pathetically AFC that I actually forgave her for it, but I gave her **** about it. To make a long story short, she had called me up at 8 in the morning, asking me to go with her to do a couple things. AFC me? Sure! First stop, food. We order a plate of food and share it. (I paid for it, I believe, can't really remember though.) Second stop: we go to bank, where she askes me for 40 bucks so she can go to the doctors later (made up an excuse for having to pay a fee since it was a walk in.) AFC me? Sure! Third stop: PLANNED PARENTHOOD! I didn't see it till I got out of the car (which she wanted me to originally wait IN the car while she was in the office.) Only reason I didn't listen to her was because a Mars Music store was across the parking lot, and that place is awesome to kill some time. When I called her on it, she made some explination about coming off the birth control shot and needed to get regular birth control to regulate her period because it was ****ed up. AFC me? Believed every word she said. Later that day, I found out she ****ed some dude without a condom the night before at a party.

So, start living your own life and stop worrying about this girl.
 
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backbreaker

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Originally posted by dementia
YEa when i read that i thought "who is he trying to kid?"..

It seems to me that u have one-itis for this chick and if the oppurtunity arose u would fvck the a$$ off her and be in a relationship with her.

You showing up at her house like that wouldve made u look EXTremeLY clingy and over-protective. Her boyfriend wouldve felt great, i bet.

Can you HONESTLY say u wanna be friends with this girl? and if that point came u wouldnt wanna fvck her?? (picture it in your head and be honest) Dude read the ladder theory. DONT be friends with girls u wanna fvck or have a relationship with, it will just get in the wya and fvck your head up.

If you are going out with 5 other hotter girls then why not use them as social proof?

I like to call these kinda women an "AFCB" (AFC b!tch) ... its the b!tch who fvcks with u and leads u to this site, its the b!tch u should say "Whoa i was an AFC in the situation with this girl, its an expereince and i should ditch her a$$ and use this experience on a new girl who I CAN MAKE A RESPECTABLE first impression on"..

that girl doesnt respect u, she has a boyfriend and its gonna take way too much time and effort to try and switch that around.

Kill the one-itis dude. Time heals, in a couple months u will probably hear from her again. They ALWAYS come back!

Oh and NEVER write letters. EVER!!

Man I would love to see you in action. Over protective because I was actually worried that she would not pick up her phone after she begged me to take her out and it is not like her at all?

Dee-Zy, thanks, probably the best adivce on the board; People don't seem to understand what it's like when you are dealing with REAL people, you can tell some of these guys would crubmle the first time a woman touched them. There are times, most of the time actually when she would just call me just to call, as a matter of fact, that is what annoyes me the most about her, she would just call with no purpose whatsoever. I am personally not a phone person, espically since I live by myself.


But your advice is very well taken, and thanks, I needed it.
 
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Do not have girls as 'friends'!!! A waste of time that only leads to frustration!! Women don't want you (men) as a friend!!

You young bastards don't understand the nature of women! Quit appeasing them and having women control the agenda!
 

Hollowpoint

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Originally posted by JJMcLure
Wow, that was hella long!

Anyway, what it seems is you think she is your friend, but actually youre like a "pseudo-friend". That's the type of "friend" you are to attention wh0res or girls who have rejected you/LJBF.

You're not their friend at all, just some guy they can use for attention as and when they need it. (You already identified this pattern yourself).

The fact she says she thinks youre cute means jack here. Also, stop making excuses for her behaviour.
Totally agree.

BTW the word is audacity
 

backbreaker

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Thanks,


I have given the situtation alot of thought yesterday, like I do any situtation, and I realized the way I treat this girl is totally different than the way I treat any one else. I am not a jerk or anything, but at times I try to hard to please this chick, when normally I am a happy go lucky person that will say whatever is on my mind at the time.

What I decided to do is that because, like you said, it's not like she is doing anything wrong, she is just being a protypcial woman, that I at least owe it to myself, and herself to treat her like I treat everyone else. The only way I can do that realistically is to get away from her for a couple of weeks, so when I got home from the bar last night I thought of things to fill my schedule for the next 2 weeks, which wasn't that hard to do. There are a couple of girls that I talk to that i really need to spend a little more QT with and get to know better.

After thoose two weeks I will resume some contact with her, but on my terms, not hers. If I don't see any progress in 1-2 months, all depends on how I feel at the time, I will then call it quits, but as I see it it's a no loose situtation.
 

Dee-Zy

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don't do it.

You know how you said you will occupy yourself for the next 2 weeks? How about, extending that for the next 2 decades.
 
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