this baffles the crap out of me...

[backbreaker]

I have a friend who is a female... I have dated enough women to know how they think... but this one is different, so different I find it sorta facinating.

She has a BF, who she admits isn't that good looking (and this girl is easlily a 8 in everyones book, a 9 in mine), has nothing that she says she looks for, and even admits that she is "content" and not really happy... but she has been with him for 3 years.

She calls me every other saturday morning, mad because her and her BF did nothing but go over their friends house and sit around, same thing they have done for the last 3 years.

No body likes him, her mom wont' let the guy in her house, he doesn't have a job, he tried to kill himself around half a year ago, does drugs, dropped out of school, is as AFC as AFC can get; crying on the phone, checks in, literaly checks in with her every hour or so over the phone.

But she won't leave or cheat on him...

Not that I am trying to **** her... wouldn't mind, but that't not the point.

The point is that it goes against everything we as DJ's know.

She has said a number of times that she never goes after a guy that everyone wants.

Women are supposed to want, long for a REAL man, a man she can't control, a man that is in control of the relationship.

what do you guys think?

 

[Bonhomme]

Tick, tock, tick, tock ...

Can you hear the sound of the clock ticking before she gets with someone else and dumps his sorry azz? I can hear it all the way over here in Detroit.

She has said a number of times that she never goes after a guy that everyone wants.

Low self-esteem. That's the only way she could be with this loser, much less stick with him through all the boredom and misery. She's like a person who has fallen into a cult, but can't bring herself to admit she's been sucked in. She feels she's invested too much to let go and/or she really thinks she can't do or doesn't deserve any better.

I have a good looking acquaintance who I used to be hot for who was dating a real scumbag who cheated on her all the time and sponged off her and her parents endlessly. But she was stuck to him like glue: was stuck to him. Eventually she dumped him. But not before the relationship transformed her into a smoking, tattooed, standard-issue goth chick who I find much less attractive.

She'll eventually be rid of him. If you really do want to get with her, turn up the ****y & funny, and make your phone conversations and meetings (if you do run into her) more fun than those boring evenings doing nothing but drugs at their friends' place. Then when she jumps ship it might be on your shore.

 

[backbreaker]

lol, I wasn't playing when I said I really didn't want to get with her, I really don't, like I said, that is just some crazy crap.

The thing about it, i have known her for around 7 years, and for the most part, you are 100% correct... she is good looking and knows it, but at the same time has low self esteem. Her mom talks about her constantly, always puts her down and tells her she is no good, etc.

As far as seeing her, she comes over my house all of the time, at least 2-3 times a week, and she is definatly attracted to me, as I am to her, but I leave it at that... I could never just **** her because she is a good friend, and I coudln't date someone with that low of a self esteem.

However, we are talking about 5'7, hispanic/white, 105lbs, long sexy legs, long red hair... the women is bad as hell in the looks department.

I told her that she has alot of growing up to do emotionaly, and as far as relationships, and that she is so scared of being hurt that she gives up traits she really wants in guys in exchange for emiotional security.

 

[Skweints]

Definitely low self-esteem dude. She couldn't imagine being with a great guy... that's why she doesn't want to go after them... she already knows she'd get shot down, or at least, that's what goes on in her mind.

If you just want to be friends with this girl, then, if I were you, I would do anything I could to make this girl feel better about herself. Don't go jumping through hoops, but at least try to make her feel special. Hell, even teach her a few things to make her the Don Juanita she could be... if she's got the looks for it, I'm sure you could turn her into a little pimpette...

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by backbreaker
I have a friend who is a female... I have dated enough women to know how they think... but this one is different...

That's about the point that I stopped reading.

 

[backbreaker]

how can a mod be as ill witted as to post something like this.

This is really, baffiling me, not because I want to date her, but simply because to be a true DJ you hvae to understand all types of women, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE IS THE WAY SHE IS.

Even if you don't agree, please, please keep your shallow remarks to yourself, I don't go to your post and say thigns such as that, it is totally uncalled for.

 

[skeeloo]

this hoe has got self esteem issues as already stated. she's a sorry loser and cant handle a realman, iv come across these types b4 they date screwed up men so they feel better bout them selves.

 

[flexion_]

I have to agree with the moderator on this one.
Why is she calling you every other Saturday morning telling you her problems? - because you are her emotional tampon.

You stated twice in your post that you like her and you are acting AFC towards her. Listen, if you want a piece of her ( I think this is the problem here ) then stop being her emotional tampon.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Every once in a while you will find a girl that loves AFC guys. Maybe she dated too many players and is sick of them, or maybe she just likes being around them because they make her feel wanted. Who knows.

 

[backbreaker]

my gosh guys do you listen?

SHE CALLS ME EVERY SATURDAY BECAUSE SHE IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!!

I have a girlfriend, who is 4 years older than me, lives with me and is a model. I have been friends with this girl since I was 13-14 years old. I can't stress enough the fact that I don't want to bang her (we have in the past, but neather of us looks at each other like that)

And like I said she is my best friend, or one of them, don't call her a hoe because she isn't. She is a women with low self esteem.

My gosh guys, are you guys soo bad that every pretty girl you see you have to ****? get a grip.

Hell I might be her emotional tampon, but that's fine because I don't want to date her and haven't for a while. I Unload an equal amount of my problems on her as well.

some of you, not all of you, are truely pathetic. I ask a question, a serious question, and all you can think about is me going AFC because she is a cute woman.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by flexion_
I have to agree with the moderator on this one.
Why is she calling you every other Saturday morning telling you her problems? - because you are her emotional tampon.

You stated twice in your post that you like her and you are acting AFC towards her. Listen, if you want a piece of her ( I think this is the problem here ) then stop being her emotional tampon.

please, please show me where i said I like her and I was acting AFC towards her.

I said I wouldn't mind ****ing her, and I woudn't... she it hot. But I have before, so it's not like I am fantiasing about her or anything, but if she walked out my bathroom butt naked I wouldn't let a hard on go to waste if you know what I mean.

But I am damn near engaged now, I made a decision a long time ago that she wasn't the girl for me.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Every once in a while you will find a girl that loves AFC guys. Maybe she dated too many players and is sick of them, or maybe she just likes being around them because they make her feel wanted. Who knows.

No, I know that's not it either... I know all of the guys she has dated, and all of them have the same MO... average looking, AFC to the max. She has never been cheated on (that she knows about at least) which I still don't beileve but she swears it.

 

[StringShredder]

But she already has an extremely AFC boyfriend, so why would she be put off by slightly AFC behavior from a new guy?

He was probably slightly AFC in the beginning, but now he's surpassed her loser tolerance threshold.

It could well be that if someone tries DJ this girl, you won't get anywhere, because she responds to puppy distress signals or whatever.

She needs the BF to be a weak guy, for whatever reasons. Maybe so she can get someone to do things for her, or so she can appear to be the better half next to him. Or, heck, maybe she likes him precisely because her parents don't, and she is still rebelling against their authority (while expecting the jellyfish to submit to hers, still).

Who knows?

Not every woman responds in the "normal" way to a confident guy who is ****y and funny, and the rest of it. That's why you're supposed to "next" the psychos, feministas, kooks and whatever riff-raff. There is nothing puzzling here really, only the discovery that generalizations don't appy to every individual.

Speaking of generalizing, the losers still get women from time to time, as this example shows, but they get these other ones, who latch into their characteristics for whatever reasons. And that creates experiences for them from which they generalize about all women.

 

[DJDamage]

The chick clearly has a low self-esteem. Therefore she is stuck with a guy she knows won't cheat on her or abandoned her. Those two elements alone will cause her to stick with him.

As well there are other elements at work here that are deep rooted in her subconscious level that she is not even aware and therefore no one can know for sure what her attraction to him is all about.

 

[backbreaker]

yesterday she called me when she got out of school and I was cooking dinner for me, my dad and my GF and some of her parents... We had a very interesting conversation, but the funny thing was she told me he checks in with her, somethign I never knew (or bothered to want to know) and I asked her does she get tired of it, and she said it doesn't bother her one bit. We talked until I got done cooking which was aorund 55 mintues or so, and he called her 4 times while we were on the phone just to literarly check in and let her know what he was doing. She said she would be broke and go over his house just so he can take her out to eat, and then she would go home. i am thinking... aren't these the things we teach guys to steer away from doing? She tried to break up with him around 3 months ago and he called her sobbing on the phone and literary kept calling until she changed her mind... Then though the old "if you leave me I don't know what I will do (I tried to kill myself already hint hint)" line.

I am thinking as a guy, If I were a girl I would find this repuslvie.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by StringShredder
But she already has an extremely AFC boyfriend, so why would she be put off by slightly AFC behavior from a new guy?

He was probably slightly AFC in the beginning, but now he's surpassed her loser tolerance threshold.

It could well be that if someone tries DJ this girl, you won't get anywhere, because she responds to puppy distress signals or whatever.

She needs the BF to be a weak guy, for whatever reasons. Maybe so she can get someone to do things for her, or so she can appear to be the better half next to him. Or, heck, maybe she likes him precisely because her parents don't, and she is still rebelling against their authority (while expecting the jellyfish to submit to hers, still).

Who knows?

Not every woman responds in the "normal" way to a confident guy who is ****y and funny, and the rest of it. That's why you're supposed to "next" the psychos, feministas, kooks and whatever riff-raff. There is nothing puzzling here really, only the discovery that generalizations don't appy to every individual.

Speaking of generalizing, the losers still get women from time to time, as this example shows, but they get these other ones, who latch into their characteristics for whatever reasons. And that creates experiences for them from which they generalize about all women.

beileve me, if I were trying to date her, I would next her for a number of reasons, that being one, and some others that I won't get into, but I am not a master DJ but I am far from an AFC, and even with the I don't give a damn attitude, we hvae gotten into approx 2 arguents in 7 years, we get along great, so much so that my GF gets jealous at times.

 

[diablo]

Ok, should you want a serious answer, here goes. I don't see the point of this thread. You're not involved in a relationship with her - though you want to be - nor is anyone you're friends with. How he acts, his past history, what his family life is like is all none of your concern. How does it affect you? Why does it matter to you? Sure, he's a needy AFC... so are about 293802838 other guys out there. We don't make threads detailing all of their relationships now do we? Of course not... because the only person you should be worrying about is yourself... not your crushes boyfriend. By that I mean no disrespect, but it's obvious that you have a thing for your "friend"... the fact that she might only be considered to be an '8' by most people but that you see her as a '9' is a clear indicator of that. Saying that you'd 'next' her if you were trying to date her isn't being completely honest now either, is it... perhaps I'm just a cynical ass, but I have a hard time believing that you can toss aside your sexuality for 2 years and be just a platonic friend with a girl who's a '9' in your book when you're 21... there's definitely an element of desire there on your part... though I'd be curious as to why you haven't tried acting on that yet - is it that you're afraid of what might happen, or are you more comfortable in having a hot friend that you can't touch than possibly being rejected?

 

[backbreaker]

first, you still haven't taken the time out to read my thread.

I will answer all of your questions for you?

Why do I care?

See the 4-5th post..
" I don't want to date her, but the key to being a true DJ is understand all types of women and why they act the why they do. The fact that I don't understand why she does what she does baffles me"

"because the only person you should be worrying about is yourself... not your crushes boyfriend."

I will be getting married in around a year, I am happliy engaged as of last month, to a model might I add. She not a crush, but a female friend who is attractive.

"the fact that she might only be considered to be an '8' by most people but that you see her as a '9' is a clear indicator of that."

Silly. I have a cousin that is very very good looking but she is my cousin. I would give her around a 8, but I wouldn't think about dating her because she is my cousin. You can think a girl is good looking and not be interested in them because to get my attention you have to bring more to the table than looks.

ugh I'd be curious as to why you haven't tried acting on that yet -

Like I said, we have had sex a couple of times... as recently as 3-4 months ago and around 10 or so times in all over the last 7 years. I had an opprotuntiy to date her a while back, but I just got out of a relationship with her best friend and didn't want to go that route. Over the years we mess around occusionally, and the idea of me and her has came up, a couple of times by both of us, most recently her around a year ago, but we I just don't see her in that route. Yes she is attractive, but at the same time I don't want to date her, it just wouldn't be right.

 

[diablo]

I don't want to date her, but the key to being a true DJ is understand all types of women and why they act the way they do. The fact that I don't understand why she does what she does baffles me"

If you can figure out a way to understand every woman out there and why they act the way they do, I'll nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize. I don't think a man has been born yet who has that ability.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Much like the stock market, profit opportunities exist. The dating scene is not a "perfect equilibrium" of a dating world. There's no X =Y to formulate Logic behind why hot girls go for losers.


SOME, I theorize, and have had support from people, is that over time, especially for women who've endured enough drama, heartache, and the like, only go for what will HURT THE LEAST. OR, they resort to casual relationships.


Some of this happens at the subconscious level, and some of it is consciously done. Which is why, nobody has to be perfect to score, because you can't ALWAYS know the perfect approach, day, position of the moon, star alignment, color-combo, etc. Girls I've talked to dumped me for fear of success, for fear of being hurt...


One could even say that, this is why the biggest bytches become the most nymphomaniacal, psychos around, because they put up a hard exterior, and once they fall, THEY FALL. The exterior is means only to frighten weaklings who would otherwise.

A-Unit