Think I'm being **** tested

[JoelyBoy]

Hey, I was seeing this girl for a while last year - things fizzled out (on her part - she became very flakey)

Anyway I saw her on the weekend, we spoke a little and then I sent her a message on FB:

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Hey Jacqueline I just wanted to appologise if I was rude on Saturday night when I saw you in De Ja Vu. I'd just had a bit of a disagreement with the new manager from Mix (I won't bore you with the details!). Anyway I was wondering if you fancy going for a meal? We could go to Henley or something it's really nice around there I think you'd like it.

have a good evening

Joel x

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She replied today:

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Hi Joel,

No problem re saturday, not sure re the meal it depends what your intentions are!

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I want to say 'No hidden intentions, I'd just like to take you out for dinner - I promise I'll have you home by midnight!


Any advice? I don't know if she wrote that because she is seeing someone or because last time we went out I slep with her on the same night, so she might be thinking I just wanna bang her! but it's more than that - I actually really like this crazy broad!

Any help would be much appreciated!

 

[HappyHarryHardon]

Tell her "My intentions? Taking you out to dinner of course! - Pick you up at <time> okie dokie?"

If she's into you she won't reject that one. Doesn't really matter what you say to someone if they like you. If Brad Pitt said to her question: "I dunno." You think she'd care? HELL NO!

 

[Iceberg]

Any advice? I don't know if she wrote that because she is seeing someone or because last time we went out I slep with her on the same night, so she might be thinking I just wanna bang her! but it's more than that - I actually really like this crazy broad!

Any help would be much appreciated!

I'll start off saying that you asked her out in the most sheepish, awkward way possible.

Hey Jacqueline I just wanted to appologise if I was rude on Saturday night when I saw you in De Ja Vu. I'd just had a bit of a disagreement with the new manager from Mix (I won't bore you with the details!). Anyway I was wondering if you fancy going for a meal? We could go to Henley or something it's really nice around there I think you'd like it.

I've never seen the "apology / request" tactic before...but hey, what do I know. Maybe it's the hot new thing.

I feel like I'm missing a few gaps in this story. So you dated last year, and things fizzled out because she flaked on you. What makes you think things are different now?

I want to say 'No hidden intentions, I'd just like to take you out for dinner - I promise I'll have you home by midnight!

Another sheepish, apologetic approach from you. And why do you want to take her out for dinner? Is she your girlfriend? Oh right, she's some girl who flaked on you a year ago. Dinners are rewards for good, calm, loyal girls. Not some flake.

Anyway, I can see how you'd think of her response as a sh*t test. If she didn't want to go, she could have just ignored you or lied about not being available. So whatever, if you want to waste your time with this girl, just tell her you just want to get some drinks and catch up.

I actually really like this crazy broad!

You "really like" a girl who flaked on you a year ago. Christ... The scent of desperation is strong on you.

 

[bob2007]

I'll start off saying that you asked her out in the most sheepish, awkward way possible.



I've never seen the "apology / request" tactic before...but hey, what do I know. Maybe it's the hot new thing.

I feel like I'm missing a few gaps in this story. So you dated last year, and things fizzled out because she flaked on you. What makes you think things are different now?



Another sheepish, apologetic approach from you. And why do you want to take her out for dinner? Is she your girlfriend? Oh right, she's some girl who flaked on you a year ago. Dinners are rewards for good, calm, loyal girls. Not some flake.

Anyway, I can see how you'd think of her response as a sh*t test. If she didn't want to go, she could have just ignored you or lied about not being available. So whatever, if you want to waste your time with this girl, just tell her you just want to get some drinks and catch up.



You "really like" a girl who flaked on you a year ago. Christ... The scent of desperation is strong on you.

Agreed. But hey, u slept with her already! so you must have something going great for ya.

"I'm a man of action, not intentions . See you saturday at 8?

 

[JoelyBoy]

Yeah agreed here too. But that wasn't what I was asking 'am i desperate' I was asking the best way to respond to the **** test. I'm sure everyone here has had a case of oneitis, otherwise why are you here? - thanks so far guys!

 

[JoelyBoy]

---UPDATE---

call me newb or whatever but advice is what i'm really looking for...

Sent the message to her:

Hey, my intentions? Taking you out for dinner of course! Tomorrow evening around 8ish?

She replied:

I've got plans later, could possibly do next thursday will let you know nearer the time

Obviously I'm not going to just say 'yeah sounds great'!!

I wanna say 'Can't make next Thursday, what about Sunday?'

????

thanks

 

[Iceberg]

---UPDATE---

call me newb or whatever but advice is what i'm really looking for...

Sent the message to her:

Hey, my intentions? Taking you out for dinner of course! Tomorrow evening around 8ish?

She replied:

I've got plans later, could possibly do next thursday will let you know nearer the time

Obviously I'm not going to just say 'yeah sounds great'!!

I wanna say 'Can't make next Thursday, what about Sunday?'

????

thanks

So now you're asking me to solve scheduling issues for you?

Kidding....but seriously. What's the problem? She responded, but with a half-offer. So why do you care about pushing it to Sunday? Can you REALLY not do next Thursday, or is this some stupid tactic that you're trying to use?

If I were in your position, I'd keep my mouth shut and not text her until the day before. She's being flakey about making a counter-offer, then you be flakey about responding. Let her wonder for a bit. I certainly wouldn't be eager to respond to "I can MAYBE see you next Thurs."

But if you seriously can't do next Thursday, then do what you gotta do. I don't know your schedule.

 

[JoelyBoy]

haha thanks Iceberg - I can do next Thursday, though I was learning to be honest! (don't make yourself too available...)
I'll do that - leave it until next wednesday - although I actually deleted her number (from reading all these forum threads) she was pissy about that and so now i'm only contacting on FB - really I know I should just knock this one on the head...daddy horny though....

 

[loveshogun]

don't make yourself too available...

Oh, availability - the most misunderstood resource in DJ history!

See, when we say "don't make yourself too available," we don't mean to ignore an offer for a date while you sit at home twiddling your thumbs.

We mean you should be too busy with awesome things to be available all the time. See, when my girl asks me when we'll be going out this week, I literally have to check my schedule because I'm so f*cking busy that even she has to wait sometimes. It's not because I'm trying to "demonstrate high value." It's because I'm legit f*ckin' busy. She's got the top spot for my free time, and knows the deal. She's happy I make time for her, and pays out in spades because of it.

What is so hard to understand about this? I'll never know.

 

[HappyHarryHardon]

Don't sound like she's really that interested man. Do what Iceberg said and leave it until the day before asking again like "Hey there! Dinner tomorrow at 8? I can already smell the food! "

Somethin like that. Do not contact her... you know why? Cause this exact same thing happened to me last year. I was seeing a girl (we already had a couple dates) and I called to make plans to see a movie but she turned around saying she couldn't that weekend because she was studying for exams or whatever. She said she'd love to go but she'll let me know next week. I didn't contact her the whole time. She called me and we set up a date. So just wait. Meanwhile, try other girls. That's what you do. Never just one.

 

[window]

you need to go after women who want and choose you also, this woman has very very low interest in you. I wouldn't contact her again.

 

[JoelyBoy]

What is so hard to understand about this? I'll never know.

Well i work away a LOT so actually i am busy 90% of my life, hence why it's hard for me to quickly get some girls when i am back home and feel the pressure!!

 

[floydb25]

I'm just wondering how everyone assumes that low interest somehow equates to **** testing. As soon as she said "depends on what your intentions are" - I immediately thought rejection. As if saying, "only if we're just going as friends / not a date". And then again with not agreeing to the date, and not giving a concrete date afterwards. Just a big "maybe; not sure; will let you know". This doesn't signify high interest at all. She is not putting any effort into this - not even in her responses. There's no excitement, eagerness, happiness, compliments, pursuing... Nothing. Just dry, half-assed responses. "Yeah, sure, whatever, no big deal; I'm busy, can't make it, maybe another time". That means she probably doesn't care. I doubt she's "acting" aloof - she probably has low interest altogether. Not everything is a test or a game. Nor is it a challenge or playing hard to get. Some people are simply not interested, and end up flaking, blowing you off, giving half-assed responses, not agreeing to dates, not contacting you... Basically, not giving a ****.

Almost every girl who acted towards me as she is to you had low interest. I also assumed everything was a test, but they simply didn't care. They weren't into me. I made up excuses, assumed they were playing games, seeing how genuine I was, afraid of getting hurt... Blah blah. It was as simple as I didn't accept it to be: they weren't interested. The only result was being used as an option / doormat / back-up plan.

Don't chase after someone who doesn't care, shows low interest, and doesn'tpursue you. Certainly not if they flaked and showed low interest in the past. You are doing all the work here, and she's blocking your advances. You are even the one who had to contact her again. At best she's gonna string you along and play you for a fool. With you contacting her, pursuing her, apologizing to her, not giving up on her - you're basically putting yourself in this position, and asking to be used.

Those be my opinions.

 

[pipe007]

dont waste your time advising this noob, he doesn't get it. He needs to get rejected harshly by this girl around 20 times, and then by another 20 girls, before he starts to get some insight....

 

[floydb25]

Seems that's the only way any of us learn. Something terrible has to happen to YOU before any changes are made. I never listened to anyone, either - only to find out they were right all along. "Oh no, not her; she's too perfect and nice; they're just being negative and jumping to conclusions; that likely didn't happen; my princess would never do that; they don't understand her like I do"... A few months of dealing with her bat**** insanity later: "****ing crazy lying cheating ***** **** *****! Why did I ever get involved with her? [Rant, *****, cry, whine, tantrum over the same things I was warned by everyone from the beginning.]" :crazy:

 

[backbreaker]

No one on this forum, as bad as it is today takes the cake and i'm sure thre are a handfull here that can remember, when i first got her how stubborn I was dealing with this one girl. i just knew. i did not listsen to one person here. i argued with everyone, and this went on for about 4 years. 4 motherfvcking years. not 4 months. not a year. 4 years. search my post history at the beginning of my time here, whatever anyone here has posted about a chick doing this i've posted about it i'm pretty damn sure. this girl had me by the balls like something bad.

lol on the very first page of this site right now there is a dude talking about his "unusal" situtation about a girl not contacting him for years. wrong lol. search my name, girl contacted me 2 years to the day i told her to get bent. she knew how to play me like a string. had me buying her computers, i paid for her college , took her out to eat all the time, bought her lcothes, never got so much as a finger bang.

she would throw out these hints about how she wanted to get together. she would stop by my house and chill with me all the time. we'd go out toe at often. shell she'd spend the night. we've kissed, we've walked down the riverwalk at night holding hands.. she knew.. exactly how much pressure to apply toe to get me where she wanted me. she always was on the cusp of leaving. i eventually got enough balls to date someone else (you know.. i resented dating someone else because i wanted to be "ready" for when she was ready to date me) and there was no doubt in her mind that had she asked i would have dumped the girl with the quickness and hse was right. and the girl was fvcking hot. i just had it BAD.

it took what it took, about 4 years, but one day i realized here i am , i just sold my company, i have a lot of money in the bank, I am a fvcking catch and here i am on a friday night waiting for a girl to get done getting railed by her BF to call me and give me the blow by blow. it took me a good 4 years to realize the people here know what the hell they were talking about.

then when i started re reading everything here, it became clear as day. You might call her BPD I would call her a user. besides being ass licking hot she had nothing to offer. and living in LA now i see 5-10 of her a day easily.

I mean, she cared about me as a friend. there was a real friendship there. but that's it. she is the one who drug me to drug rehab and pretty much saved my life. hell she was the only one who really knew. so i don't hate her. but.. she just was not attracted to me liek that at that time.

and to make matters worse, and that's when things really sunk in . eventually, i turned my life back ar ound, got in shape and she was all over me.. and i did sleep iwth her for like a week.. and realized.. i chased this **** for 6 years.. lol she isn't even any good in bed. i lost all interest right then and there. i mean some good came out if. . i grew up... i would be lying if i said that i did not start my company to impress her. just being 100000% honest. i was thaht AFC. i mean it's not now, i've grown into myself but i started my business ventures for very AFCish reasons


so when i say something and it comes off as harsh, man i've been there. i promise you i ahve been there and i've probably been there worse than you are. i was that same knucklehead guy who came here and cursed everyone out because they weren't telling me what i wanted to hear. i grew out of it and wised up.

 

[Johnnyventana]

This one is simple. Do NOTHING! You already asked, she said she'll contact when it gets closer.

This already doesn't sound good, but oh well.

Do not contact her again. Chasing will make her low interest go lower. Maybe she's working some other dude. Who knows. Maybe she's playing you. Doubtful. But if so, this calls her bluff. If it is existent.

But if she wants to see you, she'll contact you. Trust me. And if not, she won't.

It really is that simple.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Nice post backbreaker. It should be sticky'd!

 

[floydb25]

It's interesting how everyone's bad experiences - including my own - always involves a hot chick. There's another thread on the front page about a girl flaking, and the girl in question is the hottest one available. That's why the OP is obsessed with her, and won't stop trying to win her over. It's why I was obsessed, backbreaker was obsessed, and probably 90% of the posters are obsessed. It's always a hot chick they try to move the moon for.

That's actually the problem. You're not the only one doing this for the hot chick. She's probably using, playing, flaking out on, and bull****ing a number of other guys, as well - because she can, and guys keep allowing it. Hell, they're embracing it. Then you wonder why these hot chicks act like such *****es.

This isn't likely to change, either - because its wired into them based on their environment. They're used to, and even expect to have guys chasing after them, trying to win them over, going out of their way for them, becoming infatuated with them, making up excuses for them, etc, etc - no matter how horrible they are to them. They know this. That's why they do it. They have too many options to care. They know guys will still fight for, and fawn over them regardless. They just have to sit up in their pedestal and look pretty - while deciding who is good enough for them.

Stop becoming infatuated with, attaching yourself to, and bending over backwards for these hot chicks. Most of them are bad news, and will manipulate and control you if you allow them to. It's their game; this is their lifestyle. They get around, and know how things work. This kind of behavior should not be acceptable; don't be afraid to move on. Ever. Nobody is worth the kind of crap you guys put yourselves through to win over these hot chicks. You MUST draw the line, and not tolerate too much BS. Beyond their looks and sex appeal - they probably have nothing. Once you get involved with them, and realize they're just as flakey, stubborn, annoying, unfaithful, difficult, snobby, etc as they were in the beginning - you'll look back and wonder what you even saw in her in the first place. It almost always comes back to her looks. Nobody likes who these people are, and their bull**** doesn't end. You aren't a special cookie.

 

[Trump]

Why the heck are you taking a girl out to dinner that you don't want to sleep with?

I don't get alot of the guys here. Most guys would take weeks off work, drive across state lines, and bargain like crazy to save $5,000 on a car. But when it comes to a hot girl, they will give their time, money and energy, and expect nothing in return. Ridiculous.

Tell her your intentions are to sleep with her, at least she'll RESPECT you for asking for something in return.