Think I am losing this ones interest. need some insight

[StrayCat]

I really do not know how to fix this. I am chatting with a few girls, but there's one I've been jonesing for over the last month. We've seen each other four times. Third time we were naked and playing around, but she didn't allow me to enter her. Forth time she had her period, but we did other things, no oral sex though. Granted, I didn't ask, and I think that was my oversight. She's been traveling for the last week or so, and wanted me to connect via messenger, which I wasn't on since it was international. I agreed, and we were chatting each day. She comes back today into JFK, which is Saturday, and she said on Tuesday she wants to see me tomorrow, but messaged Wednesday that Sunday she already has things to do, and suggested next Wednesday instead. I suggested Monday since it was columbus day and I was off, but she said she already has plans, so I said next Wednesday would be fine. She wished me sweet dreams and I've not heard from her since. I find it also interesting on messenger you can see when the contacts are last active by just opening up the app. She's active all the time, so that got me thinking that too much time has past and the attraction from her is gone. I come to this conclusion because every day for the last week and a half or so she's contacted me. She's been silent since Thursday which is very out of the ordinary, and I see her active in my contacts section the app. I've noticed this as I am chatting with others on this messenger app too. Any ideas or suggestions?? My gut is telling me not to reach out or chase and wait until I hear from her. In the past I've done that, but that failed.

 

[MountainSlide]

If she’s getting distant and you try and chase her, you’ll just push her further. Your first mistake is messaging her everyday. Messaging is for making solid dates, not chit chatting. It gets boring, leaves nothing to the imagination, and will reduce your value in her eyes. Wait a week and then send her a message to make plans (time/place/day). Based on what you’re saying, it sounds like you’re feeling insecure about where you stand with her, and that’s the wrong place to be coming from. Give her some space to miss you and she should come back, if she doesn’t, it’s her loss. Remember that. Stop thinking that by doing something you’re going to help your situation, or that by not messaging her, she’ll forget about you. That isn’t how attraction works. If you decide to get in touch with her in a week or so, maybe try picking up the phone rather than texting.

 

[StrayCat]

I know, but she messaged me, not reverse. I would respond a few hours later because of time difference, and she'd usually respond pretty quickly. I wasn't chasing her, it seemed like she was chasing me on vacation and I just responded to her messages. I just thought it was kinda odd and irregular that she's been silent for the last few days. Highly irregular since chatting with her. I didn't want to join this messenger thing, but she claimed the texts she was sending me failed and sent pics proving they were failing, so I did. If I said no can do, I think that would had been the wrong answer.

 

[MountainSlide]

Yeah but this is what women do. They test you my friend. Dont fail the test. Go hang out with other women. And live your life. Don’t worry about her.

 

[StrayCat]

I guess it's possible. I am entertaining other offers, just I thought I was building a connection with this one as she was contacting me all the time. With that, I thought high interest and I wanted to keep it going so I agreed to the messenger thing. I am not just focusing on her, I have drinks for tonight and tomorrow already setup. I will go no contact. The insight is appreciated.

 

[MountainSlide]

I wouldn’t call it no contact. If it were me, I would wait until she gets in touch. When she does, set a firm date. Say to her that if anything comes up where I can’t make it, I’ll get in touch, other than that, I’ll be there. Then not even confirm. Just show up for date. And stop texting with her so much. If she texts you in between the date, tell her your looking forward to seeing her but are super busy. Scarcity makes value

 

[StrayCat]

I wouldn’t call it no contact. If it were me, I would wait until she gets in touch. When she does, set a firm date. Say to her that if anything comes up where I can’t make it, I’ll get in touch, other than that, I’ll be there. Then not even confirm. Just show up for date. And stop texting with her so much. If she texts you in between the date, tell her your looking forward to seeing her but are super busy. Scarcity makes value

She's supposedly coming over on Wednesday and we're cooking dinner; yet it's been peep since Wednesday. Not too sure this is going to happen. Live and learn I guess.

 

[MountainSlide]

She's supposedly coming over on Wednesday and we're cooking dinner; yet it's been peep since Wednesday. Not too sure this is going to happen. Live and learn I guess.

When Wednesday rolls around don’t text her some weak sh*t like “are you still coming over tonight”. You assume that she will, because you are good catch, and high value man. Just remember that you have other options and It’s her job to fight for your validation. So you don’t compliment her or give her validation unless she earns it. Your time is the most valuable gift you can give to another person, but you’re acting like her time is more valuable than yours. And if you act that way then she’ll find someone else who does things right. Let her message you to come over Wednesday, and if she doesn’t, don’t message her. Let her do all the initiating, and when she gets in touch, set a solid date (like six back and fourth messages max then tell her your busy and you look forward to seeing her - end conversation). I understand that this stuff is counter intuitive because it feels like there is something you should be doing or saying, but by chasing or pursuing her, you’re reducing your chances of success.

 

[StrayCat]

When Wednesday rolls around don’t text her some weak sh*t like “are you still coming over tonight”. You assume that she will, because you are good catch, and high value man. Just remember that you have other options and It’s her job to fight for your validation. So you don’t compliment her or give her validation unless she earns it. Your time is the most valuable gift you can give to another person, but you’re acting like her time is more valuable than yours. And if you act that way then she’ll find someone else who does things right. Let her message you to come over Wednesday, and if she doesn’t, don’t message her. Let her do all the initiating, and when she gets in touch, set a solid date (like six back and fourth messages max then tell her your busy and you look forward to seeing her - end conversation). I understand that this stuff is counter intuitive because it feels like there is something you should be doing or saying, but by chasing or pursuing her, you’re reducing your chances of success.

Yep I also agree and that was my plan. I wasn't going to reach out and if I do not hear from her, then so be it. It's just very unlike her to be silent for so long. I honestly doubt I will be seeing her. I guess I'll see in a few days.

 

[MountainSlide]

Yep I also agree and that was my plan. I wasn't going to reach out and if I do not hear from her, then so be it. It's just very unlike her to be silent for so long. I honestly doubt I will be seeing her. I guess I'll see in a few days.

Women will pull away if you make yourself too available. When you don’t chase and pursue her, there’s a decent likelihood that she comes back.

 

[StrayCat]

Women will pull away if you make yourself too available. When you don’t chase and pursue her, there’s a decent likelihood that she comes back.

I guess. I just find it just a weird place to be in. This will also be like 2.5 weeks or so since we last saw each other; assuming Wednesday actually is still on. How does one go from zero contact for a week to sex for not hearing or communicating for so long? Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. I guess a little confused on my part.

 

[MountainSlide]

This is how women function. If you are contacting her too much, your value in her eyes will diminish ‘law of supply and demand’. As you’re no longer contacting her via text and only setting dates to meet up, your value increases in her eyes, which brings her interest level up. When her interest level increases, it’s easier for her to have sex with you. It’s not like she walks through the door and has sex. She comes over, you guys hang out, make dinner, have a good time, and when she’s comfortable and having fun, at this point you have sex.

 

[Tilex]

Wait a minute......
Did you say you were both naked and playing around on the 3rd date?
It's uncommon for people that aren't sexually attracted to each other to do that together.
You should've been able to seal the deal that night.

I'm guessing she gave you LMR and you gave up trying to f*ck her again that night.
How did she stop you from having sex? What exactly did she say or do?
Can you give more details?

 

[StrayCat]

This is how women function. If you are contacting her too much, your value in her eyes will diminish ‘law of supply and demand’. As you’re no longer contacting her via text and only setting dates to meet up, your value increases in her eyes, which brings her interest level up. When her interest level increases, it’s easier for her to have sex with you. It’s not like she walks through the door and has sex. She comes over, you guys hang out, make dinner, have a good time, and when she’s comfortable and having fun, at this point you have sex.

Perhaps, but I only initiated once while she was on vacation, and she did all the rest. I thought since she was initiating it would be cool to respond when I had a chance. It was just really strange when she said she'd seem me on Saturday, because she "really wants to see me", but then said it's too crazy when she just came back and immediately offed next Wednesday; so I agreed. Many others here suggested to follow AMS and The Red Man group on Youtube, so I have been watching their videos. They all said if she initiates communication, that is a good sign and I should respond when I had time. I wasn't just waiting around, I work two jobs lol. But the silence when she came back is perplexing. Oh, I forgot to mention, when she arrived back in here, she did text I'm back safely. I guess text me whenever. I thought that was weird, but I did say welcome back.

Wait a minute......
Did you say you were both naked and playing around on the 3rd date?
It's uncommon for people that aren't sexually attracted to each other to do that together.
You should've been able to seal the deal that night.

I'm guessing she gave you LMR and you gave up trying to f*ck her again that night.
How did she stop you from having sex? What exactly did she say or do?
Can you give more details?

Yes, I have a hot tube and she came over to cook a meal. We never really cooked a meal, but went into the hot tub. I moved over to her and attempted to kiss her and she was a bit hesitant, but then let her guard down. Then attempted to remove her top, some resistance, but that was removed and she was walking around the tub topless, I then went for her bottoms, she stopped. I retracted and then starting playing with her above her tops and moved my fingers in, she allowed it for a bit and seemed to enjoy it, but then said too fast. A little bit later, from kissing and fondling, I was able to remove her bottoms. She then said, that mine were still on, so I removed them too. She was straddling and very careful that nothing went in. It was a 3 hour make out session, and she said she was surprised that I stayed erect for so long. It was killing me, but one, I didn't have a condom with me, two I didn't want to push it too much. The tip entered a bit, but she'd move her vagina away after a bit. Next time over, two days later, we made out again, she was naked til her bottom, but her period came; and I could smell the scent, so she wasn't lying. She was grabbing me, but she wouldn't go further. Two days later she went away on a trip, but she wanted to remain in contact. She was having intl texting issues, so she requested me to get whatsapp or messenger. I've never used either, but I agreed to keep the attraction going. Each day she'd reach out and I'd respond several hours later due to the time difference. She seems to be distant ever since last Wednesday which makes little sense to me. Others told me it's a test to see how I'd respond or chase; I've done neither. So I am at a complete loss with her interest.

 

[MountainSlide]

Look bro. Just because she was initiating contact doesn’t mean sh*t. Because she isn’t now. It’s not weird, there could be a lot of different reasons for it. If a girl sends me a message, unless I’m completely uninterested, I’m going to respond. But I’m going to limit my communication via text, make solid plans, and get her in person. Once I set up a date, if she messages me, I’m going to tell her that I’m happy hear from her and I’m swamped right now, I look forward to seeing her, but I gotta go. Maybe over the course of two to three messages. If she keeps messaging me after that I’m going to take my time to respond. Unless you’re just looking to be an orbiter who she has on call or text buddies, this is how you do it.

 

[StrayCat]

Look bro. Just because she was initiating contact doesn’t mean sh*t. Because she isn’t now. It’s not weird, there could be a lot of different reasons for it. If a girl sends me a message, unless I’m completely uninterested, I’m going to respond. But I’m going to limit my communication via text, make solid plans, and get her in person. Once I set up a date, if she messages me, I’m going to tell her that I’m happy hear from her and I’m swamped right now, I look forward to seeing her, but I gotta go. Maybe over the course of two to three messages. If she keeps messaging me after that I’m going to take my time to respond. Unless you’re just looking to be an orbiter who she has on call or text buddies, this is how you do it.

Completely agree. I'm staying silent now and I'm making dates and plans with others in the meantime.

 

[MountainSlide]

After seeing this woman 3 times, the last of which was at your place naked in a hot tub, I find it unlikely that she would suddenly have issue with texting or messaging habits.

I don't know what this woman is thinking, and I am not saying this may be the issue, but I am more likely to believe she may have had an issue with being pressured sexually and is trying to cool off and slow things down.

Pushing your next get together off until mid week, when dates are typically shorter, end earlier and typically involve less alcohol than a weekend situation could be another indicator of this in addition to withholding sex in the hot tub.

That said, I don't the advice is any different. Cool off, let her get in touch and don't try as hard for a bit.

If you look at the conversation, she was contacting him everyday after she’d been at his house and got naked. Then suddenly she pulled away. But they’d made plans for Wednesday night at his house. Based on the story, I think it’s unlikely because she felt pressured for sex.

 

[StrayCat]

She texted me this morning to confirm for Wednesday and that she's looking forward in getting together. I guess that's a good sign.

 

[MountainSlide]

I'm not saying that's the issue. I'm just more likely to believe that over a messaging habit being the problem here.

The man talked a woman into his hot tub; one who held out on sex even when she knew damn well what going to his place implied. If anything, he's doing better than a lot of guys here in regard to communication and could probably offer a few tips.

To say that this woman's IL was there right up to some magical texting threshold doesn't seem probable to me.

Just my opinion.

Desperation, jealousy, possessiveness... These are the issues that will arise with too much communication. Those are the issues that would have to be resolved if they were there. Not the number of text messages. Limiting communication is just a bandaid for another problem.

I agree but don’t think that it’s a bandaid. It’s a step in the right direction. A guy needs to give a woman the space to choose him, to think about him, and to wonder what he’s doing. He needs to be able to walk away, and realize that these thoughts and actions are what will develop the higher IL in the woman. So when he realizes that he doesn’t need to text all the time to attract her and focuses on his own life, those problems can go away, and he can have better relationships. When he thinks that he needs to take action and focuses on it, it takes away from his own life and happiness as well as reducing her IL.

 

[Roober]

All that worrying for nothing!

Since you didnt hear from her for a couple days, it's not such a bad thing to drop a message once in a while. It's a subtle way to let her know shes on your mind without directly telling her. It could be a joke or some random thing she said, something to let her think your listening to her.

Either way is good though. She reached out meaning shes obviously interested.