There is no True DJ here.

[Oxide]

At first i was going to make this post long and well written out, but as i was typing it, i've realized that i am not Pook, nor Icepick or anyone on this board for that matter. I do not have the same writting style, nor do i wish to type up 20 pages , so i am going to write this my way, for i am Oxide.

People never completely change, some are just very good at faking it.

Why do i belive this quote to be true? Simple. Take a "clean" ex coke addict. Tell him this "Man, you have been clean for 10 years, you probably dont even think about coke anymore!" And you will find out that everytime this person wakes up, he thinks about coke. Everytime he is depressed, coke will be on his mind as an escape route.

Take an ex shoplifter. EVERYTIME this person will see an opportunity to steal something and get away with it, they will think about it.

It doesnt matter if they do it, the matter is , inside their head they will always have this thought.

Most of these guys here had been AFC's for over 15 years. And most of them still have more than half of AFC left. No matter how much you read these forums, you will NEVER become a 100% DJ. EVERYONE here does some AFC stuff from time to time. Why? Becuase we are never completely changed.
Yes, by reading this site you will have a changed mentality. By reading more AND APPLYING the stuff you read in real life you will automatically gain some great "Alpha" male traits, and loose some AFC one's. But you will NEVER be 100%.

I dont mean to come off as a party pooper for all of those "great DJ's" out there, but i belive this to be true.
The simple thing everyone needs to keep in mind is , YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE A TRUE DJ TO GET A GIRL. All you have to do is be more of a DJ than an AFC. After some time on this board, i've acquired 90% jerk/10 nice guy attitude. I was jerky to most girls i met, and i saw them get interested in me, but NEVER did i get the girl. Why? Girls are different, for most of them this balance is too harsh and they wont try to follow up.

Since then ive played with my blance and right now i am at 75/25 or so. This is great, more girls interested, more girls follow up, more dates coming up.

Just dont go under 50%, or you will be washing her undie's.

 

[iqqi]

well, yeah...er...no?

i think that dj is more a man with a mindset. not a robot without emotion.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

What a useless post...

It makes no sense...

Give me a defenition of and "AFC" act and a "DJ" act. Whos to say doing this or that is "AFC" or "DJ"?

You base your post on words with no real meaning: AFC and DJ.

Ya'll need to stop worrying about becoming a DJ and start worrying about becoming comfortable with yourself.

I really don't know what else to say, I'm almost dumbfounded.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Deep Dish]

There is no such thing as a "true" Don Juan, in sense of 100%. And truth be told, it doesn't matter. There comes a point in one's progression where you must go back to your roots in order to go further, only in that this time what you're doing is right. It's not a matter of what you do, but rather how you do it; and I could do the same things as a chump but whereas for him it causes failure it could lead me to success.

I see guys who are much more 'alpha' than myself, but I see them losing out on life, without them ever being aware of it. I see guys who are 'mad' players with tons of game, way more than I have, yet life is slowly pulling the rug out from under them.

There was a time about a year ago I said to myself "I'm 70% suave, 30% chump. By this time next year I want to be 100% suave", but truth be told that would never lead to happiness, and a year later I'm happy I never accomplished that goal. The chump side is that side which provides butterflies, innocence, and happiness. It's what keeps you spiritually alive.

The only key is don't let the chump spoil your actions.

 

[Oxide]

mystery, what this post means is that you dont have to try and act like a "hardcore" DJ all the time. Sometimes doing the AFC thing is the right thing to do. it all depends on a girl and a situation.

do not concentrate on torturing yourself with tons of thoughts about what to do next in a situation. Go with the flow and be great.

 

[iqqi]

doing the AFC thing is the right thing to do.

examples?

because if the "AFC thing" is the right thing to do, then is it AFC? Is it average? Is it frustrated? Does it make you a chump?

Do you get it yet????

 

[Clint Eastwood]

This post is great! I used to always overthink things about women to the point of being ridiculous. I would ask guys, who probably didn't know any better than I did. I always wanted to do the "right" or "DJ" thing, so women would all love me and never want to get rid of me.

It was probably a result of being burned and hurt so many times as an AFC. I still had a dream of finding someone special to spend my life with, and couldn't accept the fact that there was really not much wrong with me, but I was just falling in love with the wrong women.

Sure, for awhile, my behavior was probably about 70% AFC. But even when I was more like 70% DJ, the last couple girls still lost interest in me over time. That doesn't mean there was anything inherently wrong with them or me. We just weren't right for each other. Plus, there were other factors.

Now, I don't always try to be a total DJ. My education from this site keeps me from doing anything blatantly AFC, and that's enough. It keeps me from being needy, clingy, and in general... a total wussy.

Yes, I post from time to time about things like ****y and Funny. But, that's who I am. I act that way normally. I used to hide it as an AFC, because I thought it might turn women off. NOW, I don't care if it turns them off or not. I'm into having fun. Fun is the main focus now ! If she finds me fun, she's more than welcome to join in on the fun. If not, I'll find a woman who will.

The point is, I no longer care about whether I'm being ****y and Funny or doing something that goes against the advice on this site. I know I've learned enough and changed enough that I'll never go back into being a clueless, hopeless AFC. I don't need to ask for advice or other people's opinions about women and relationships anymore.

I do what's fun and whatever makes me happy. If people don't consider me much of a ladies man, or I never find someone special to spend my life with, or I never sleep with more than 20 women, so what !?!

I really don't care. I'm going to live my life to the fullest and know that every day I'm becoming a better man. Largely due to finding this site and using what I've learned.

------------------------------------------------

"If a man does his best, what else is there?" - General George S. Patton

"To love oneself, is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." - Henry David Thoreau

and finally

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy. If not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

 

[PEACEDJ]

I agree with some of the comments.. but I have to be honest on this one, I don't like this post at all.

Talk about motivation.. What better way to crush a newbie's hopes then to discourage him that no matter how hard he tries he will always have half of his AFCness left (which by the way I take as an insult to all the hardwork I put into this and your comments are all opinions) I respect what you wrote for us to read but take the time to think about the comments you wrote before you post it. I mean we don't need to put depressed people in agony here?



PS. oh and this is my opinion on your last paragraph. What do you mean by you don't need to be a true DJ.. dude from what I feel in your writing you take being a DJ something for you to become somebody different.. that's probably why you acted jerky because you wanted to become a different person INSTEAD of adopting the essential characteristics to make you better at dating.. so basically what you learned is to be yourself, which is the samething as looking at becomming a DJ by ADOPTING traits.

 

[MetalFortress]

Like es_mer8 once said, being a DJ is 99% you, 1% woman. You don't have to be a male slut to be a DJ, just as you don't have to be someone who never has sex to be an AFC. Take this for example:

Who is more the DJ, an outspoken alpha male who tags a lot of tail, and who everyone looks up to, yet is always depressed and uses his alpha-ness to hide it?

OR

Is a confident, happy man who is not outspoken, who will only get laid by one or two women in his life (by his own choosing), who has no qualms about life and a great charm and personality, is completely honest, and feels no need to hide his true personality?

My vote goes to option number 2. Being a DJ is, when it boils down to it, about being happy. Whether you want to be a man-slut or only want to have sex with one woman throughout your whole life is irrelevant.

 

[JasonR]

this sure is a stupid thread.
if you can achieve the results, and have the same mindset as someone you think is a dj, then surely you are one too.

Thinking about how you used to be, doesnt take anything away from how you think now.
Its not a weakness, if anything its a positive, you can think back to how you would have acted, and when conducting yourself in your new way, you can feel happy that you manage to change completely.

 

[Clint Eastwood]

I understand what you're saying PeaceDJ. And, in many ways, you're right. This post isn't the best thing for newbies to read without having a few things clarified.

First , You need to read the DJ Bible when you first visit this site. To an AFC, this is a whole new world. With new terms and ideas. Then, that AFC will experience an epiphany, or awakening. He'll see what he's been doing wrong.

Second , the newly recovering AFC will want to post questions in many cases. Some people will be slower to understand all of this and implement it into their lives. They should be going out and actually using this stuff.

Third , that recovering AFC will gradually start to become more of a DJ. Sometimes, he'll slip up. And sometimes, he'll notice that a slip up doesn't hurt him. At this point, he starts to question some things he's learned. That should lead to the fourth stage.

Fourth, and finally , he starts to realize that a lot of this DJ stuff just comes naturally to him. That he's become a better man. He no longer needs to question what he's doing with women. Now, he's giving advice to others. The learning may never stop, but he's reached a level where he can throw away the rules he's learned. Now he has the right mindset. That alone will help him in dealing with the women in his life.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Originally posted by Oxide
mystery, what this post means is that you dont have to try and act like a "hardcore" DJ all the time. Sometimes doing the AFC thing is the right thing to do. it all depends on a girl and a situation.

do not concentrate on torturing yourself with tons of thoughts about what to do next in a situation. Go with the flow and be great.

I agree 100%. I guess I just didn't understand your post.

Like Deepdish said, you get to a point where the words DJ and AFC have no meaning, you just be yourself and whatever you do works.

My beef with the post is the emphasis it puts on becoming a "DJ" which I think is kinda stupid. But I guess I read it in the wrong perspective.

Mr. Mystery

 

[***]

Oxide your post is a little murky, but what I think you were getting at is that sometimes its ok to be AFC or DJ or whatever... right?

Well, I agree with it, but I don't. Many of us paint a picture of an unattainable status called "Don Juan", but really what is a Don Juan? What is AFC? These words are labels that mean nothing. Why not just say that you are a Don Juan? Everything you do is exactly what a Don Juan would do. You see humans are imperfect by nature and what governs your nature is perspective. I can say with 100% confidence that I am, down to the very last atomaton, a pure blooded Don Juan. Don't think so? Well who are you to say I'm not...

 

[Oxide]

i like the diversity in replys.

Honestly, newbies wound not understand this post to its full extent, it is targetted to people who have experienced different stages of their DJ careers.

Do not freak out when you do something AFC. think about it and improve on it, do not hate it, know that there is always some AFC left to work on inside of you.

 

[trajhenkhet]

Bruce Lee - "Stunt man by day, Mechanic by night"

A Don Juan is always improving themselves and it never ends till he does.

 

[The Edge]

Regardless of how hard you try, and study, and read, and pretend, and lie, and suppress all your prior AFC behavior, it never leaves you. You may be able to cover it up once in a while and work against that grain of thought, but it will follow you till death.

Yep even the guy that always brought flowers and chocolate on the first date... Even after he realizes how fukkyn stupid he was for doing that.....will still have certain moments when he feels so secure in a relationship that his tendencies surface once again.

The key therefore is to supress these tendencies , because your AFC character is deeply rooted and intertwined in fear, rejection, trauma, and all the little ailments that plagued you as a young'un....

The Edge ' Some have it, and some don't '

 

[drixsa]

After reading this post and espically Mr. Mystery's replies it just reminds me how much i hate titles

People call others "AFC"s when the only thing they have accomplished is learning a couple simple rules(though they are important).

suddenly its as if they are now "above" others

jus my random thought of the day

 

[Oxide]

i feel like i am above others in my knowledge of relationships.
you should too.

 

[htemorp]

Ignorant post, lack of intelligent.

 

[Chemistry]

I think the analogies you used were a little unsuitable...

You talk about shoplifters and crack addicts never truly changin' because that temptation is there... even in this case though they do change, because before whereas they would've given into the addiction, they fight it and do what they know they should... you do have those who relapse as well

Put it in an education perspective... kid is average with his grade, but he puts in two years of hard work, which raises the standard that he performs at...

Simply because he begun at the average level does not mean he will stay there...

It's like anythin' you start up... when you begin, what was in my case music production, there isn't anythin' great there you don't know the skills, you might know what your end goal is, but don't have the knowhow to get there... after time spent in the studio and watchin' how others do this, and computing what it is exactly they are doing, over time you learn to bring it to that level as well

Personally I think that's a much better analogy than the one used originally...