The Ultimate Red Flag List

[Colossus]

Leave it to Alexander to drop a post longer than the great wall...

Seriously though, I concur with most of your first list, EXCEPT----the one about women who drink beer. Not always bad. I like a woman who can enjoy a fine beer, but doesnt drink beer exclusively. That's too masculine. It's akin to dudes who drink wine all the time. *cough**gay**cough*

The second list is great; however, it can mostly be summed up in a few key concepts:

RESPECT
-Of you and your time, interests, values, and friends.

GENUINE INTEREST
-Proven through her actions

EMOTIONALLY MATURE/HEALTHY
-Good family relations, healthy friendships, ego in check, and free of any relational neediness.

That's it basically. The rest is all preferences.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Leave it to Alexander to drop a post longer than the great wall...

That's why I don't post often. It's a tic of sorts.

Seriously though, I concur with most of your first list, EXCEPT----the one about women who drink beer. Not always bad. I like a woman who can enjoy a fine beer, but doesnt drink beer exclusively. That's too masculine.

Heh, that's actually what I meant. Women who can enjoy fine beers are great. I just don't like it when they swig pints with the dudes as if they're a dude. Should have specified that better. Too masculine indeed.

It's akin to dudes who drink wine all the time. *cough**gay**cough*

Hey! Kings and nobility drink wine!

Okay, these days it IS gay.

The second list is great; however, it can mostly be summed up in a few key concepts:

What can I say? I like giving examples. A summary just doesn't hold the tide like a li--- a great wall does.

 

[DMSR76]

You guys are touching on it, but you are both wrong in the sense of "chivalry" and "etiquette", or a "healthy relationship".

Funny that the woman didn't know where to sit, and funny that the guy didn't sit in the right spot on purpose. You are both close to making the correct connection, but haven't. Pay attention.

LovelyLady wants to be in control of the situation, despite what is the logical and practical way. She gets to sit and watch as persistent exaction gets stabbed in the back, and she consequently gets dragged off and raped. :crackup: LovelyLady does indeed fail persistent exaction's test (she has trust issues, is controlling, is selfish, etc.). But, rightfully so considering that persistent exaction didn't step up and assume the role of the man. Had he not been playing bullsh¡t games, he would have lead, and the woman might have followed his masculine lead.

The man is supposed to protect, the woman is supposed to trust in the man's protection. The man ALWAYS sits facing the door or the bulk of the crowd. That way, being the stronger of the two, he can see threats and take action. A man never turns his back on the enemy.

The Man sits in the chair facing the door. When a woman questions it, I explain why from the chivalry/etiquette standpoint. When she retorts "you just want to check out chicks", THEN it's a HUGE red flag. She wanted to check out guys and/or has a low self-esteem that she's projecting onto you. She assumes you are up to no good and not looking out for the good of the couple.

This test has been failed over and over again.

Since men are such wussies, women have become accustomed to looking out for themselves. This turns into being adversarial in a relationship because women don't trust, and are used to fending for themselves, so they resist a man's attempts to lead and protect. Women constantly question and undermine men in order to assure their own safety and prosperity: they can't just trust in their men... because men are AFC's. So, they try to control everything themselves because they assume they do it better.

It's a sad, sad circle we've found ourselves in. I've found that many women are incapable of being with a man in a healthy relationship. When an actual Man comes into a woman's life, she has no idea how to be. "The curse of the DJ", to me, is having to watch in horror as women sabotage themselves: "You GO GIRL!" No, baby, please stop, you are hurting yourself in so many ways.

There really needs to be a SoSuave for women. Just as we learn about "positive masculinity" here, there should be a place for women to learn "positive femininity".

Great post!

 

[socialdj]

Red Flags
- she leaves her kids at home to party
- she acts like a movie star
- she "cares" about her ex
- her best friend is a guy
- her mother was beat/abused/divorced
- she was was beat/abused/divorced
- she is a reformed ***** that is giving you a tough time even though you know she is easy

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

- changes past events or doesn't remember them that way (ltr)
- constantly late being somewhere without a good reason (ltr)
- phone is constantly getting ringed or especially messaged by someone you don't know and she responds immediately (ltr)
- change in bedroom behavior (ltr)
- Her entire family could be arrested for three different reasons (some even being underage) (ltr)
- Her families morals make anyone on Jerry Springer look like a saint (ltr)
- No hobbies, and no, going to school for a career is not a hobby (ltr)
- likes double standards (ltr)
- Believes that people that never cared about her will someday magically care about her (ltr)
- Has seen a therapist and not taking the medication (ltr)
- Has difficulty communicating like an adult especially when arguing (ltr buster right here)

 

[darkstarrr]

I'll say that basically normal women who are not disordered can grow up and become fvcked up from having a bad father for sure but thats merely because thats the only behavioural model they had growing up.

Their minds are still normal and there is still hope for them that they can change if they want to. The type that there is not much hope for to change is the borderlines and the histrionics.

A girl that developes Histrionic or Borderline personality disorder was raised by her mother without enough empathy, caring and appropriate attention when that girl was still a baby which then in turn causes the baby to become traumatized and damaged for life as the trauma then gives them one or the other or both of these disorders. They spend the rest of their lives acting towards men how their mothers acted towards them as babies.

Loving one minute, cold the next and then utter disinterest which causes so many victims to chase after these types much like they themselves chased their mothers attention and love as children only to ultimately get it when they did the most outrageous things for her amusement.

As for the histrionics their mourning process for a guy that walks away lasts roughly anywhere from 30 minutes, to a week or two weeks and then since their world is an ever changing daydream literally they get lost in a new one and forget the guy that walked away ever existed as their love interest.

For example I sought one out because I had not learned my lesson from my first horrible histrionic experience and got her to be my girlfriend right after a guy walked away from her. Do you know how long she told me that pain lasted? Only a week. She cried locked up inside her closet for a week and then was as happy as could be and she told me she couldn't give a damn about that guy now.

So yeah their emotions empathy and all that stuff is just extremely lacking and damaged. They have emotions and empathy certainly but not in the amounts needed to be a truly loving and caring human being.

Reading this changed my life. I'm the sucker that met a cute girl who appeared to be normal because she was highly functioning. Over the course of our 1 year relationship it was one red flag after another, but I chose to ignore them because I was attracted to her and thought she liked me and could love me. Unofrtunately in the end I was cheated on and dumped for one of her ex's, and she exhibited no signs of mourning whatsoever. It is sick and twisted.

Reading Kontroller's post was paramount for me because it describes to the T this nut case I am talking about. For weeks I have been blaming myself, feling indequate like I am not loveable or wanted, like something is wrong with me. When in fact the real problem is that I was with a neurotic sick b1tch who was sucking the life out of me like a fvcking leach.

I've had enough of the bvullsh1t, the pain, suffering and mourning a loss of someone who I thought could love me and potentially be the one. I may have made a fool out of myself in a hand full of people's eyes but fvck them. They don't know a darn thing about who she really is and frankly - that tramp doesn't deserve an honest, loyal, trustworhty, extremely successful, good looking, fun to be around, funny, and intellegent guy like me who enjoys travelling, eating out, going to shows, concerts, and who just enjoys and appreciates life.

FVCK HER THAT LAME STUPID HOR

 

[Hemingway]

I think somebody should be reading and not posting....


Red flags:
- she owns a home that is mobile and a car that isn't
- she owns a homemade fur coat
- she once gave birth in a pool hall
- she keeps a can of RAID on the kitchen table
- has crime-scene tape on her bathroom door
- she has flea and tick soap in her bathroom, but doesn't own any pets
- keeps a can of lard on her nightstand
- number one item on her Christmas list: Ammo

 

[cosmopolit]

- she had more one night stands than long term relationships
- she doesn't like children
- her main interests in life are shopping and clubbing
- she is a heavy drinker, smoker or junk food consumer
- she hates cooking
- she treats other people disrespectful or has an arrogant behaviour towards people she doesn't know

 

[gösta berling]

I have to agree and at the same time disagree.

I was on Zoloft for a few months for anxiety (mostly social anxiety) and it all but cured me of an affliction I had suffered with my entire life.

There's a BIG difference between intorversion or shyness and social anxiety. I faked my way through life pretty well, even managed to get some decent girlfriends along the way, but let me tell you, it absolutely SUCKS to break out in a sweat at the mere thought of interacting with other people.

I couldn't handle the side effects of the med so I got off of it, but luckily it had enough time to rewire my brain so that I don't suffer nearly as much as I did in the past.

So that's one example of how being on anti-depressants isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Which brings us to today.

I visited my doc the other day and she wrote me a scrip for Wellbutrin, which is supposed to help with anxiety/depression without a lot of the nasty side effects.

This time it is for depression first, and secondly anxiety.

Situations in my life have placed an enormous strain on me and the stress is beginning to take its toll. Almost to the point where I have a hard time functioning. So I decided to be preemptive and get my head in order before it starts to take a mental AND physical toll on my body.

Chances are I will be able to get my life in order on the next year or two, but until then I am going to need something to help get me through it without doing serious harm to myself.

So that would be a second situation where an anti-depressant wouldn't necessarily be a red flag.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't take note of the fact someone is taking anti-depressants, but depending upon the situation it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I seem to have the same problem as you do. Until recently I didn't even know what "social anxiety" was. I hope it's true that zoloft all but cured you, because your post inspired me to give it a try.
But it's called zertralin these days.