persistent exaction said:
Here's a little "tell" for you guys who are dating right now. The next time you go to a restaurant, and you get a table where one seat faces the open room, and one seat faces the wall, walk in behind your date and see where she sits. Do this a few times and observe what she does. My guess is invariably they take the seat that faces the room. I jokingly call this the "single's" chair. It's where you can make eye contact with loads of people. Do this a few times and just take note of her behavior. Then, one day just casually tell her that you would like to sit there. If she objects or throws a hissy fit, you may have a real live histrionic on your hands. Mix it up the next few times you go out to get a sense of how she reacts to "sharing." This can be done just getting coffee or a sitting in a number of places. If she is okay with you mixing it up, then you likely have a woman who is truly into you. If she insists on always taking the "single's" seat, then you likely have trouble brewing.
LovelyLady said:
Actually, many of us women consider keeping our backs against the wall/viewing the room as the "safety" seat because we are able to get a "feel" for unpredictable situations/drunkards entering that might bother us - it is so we aren't caught off guard. I yield that seat once I know the guy I am with can handle himself, and/or a jerk approaching.
You guys are touching on it, but you are both wrong in the sense of "chivalry" and "etiquette", or a "healthy relationship".
Funny that the woman didn't know where to sit, and funny that the guy didn't sit in the right spot on purpose. You are both close to making the correct connection, but haven't. Pay attention.
LovelyLady wants to be in control of the situation, despite what is the logical and practical way. She gets to sit and watch as persistent exaction gets stabbed in the back, and she consequently gets dragged off and raped. LovelyLady does indeed fail persistent exaction's test (she has trust issues, is controlling, is selfish, etc.). But, rightfully so considering that persistent exaction didn't step up and assume the role of the man. Had he not been playing bullsh¡t games, he would have lead, and the woman might have followed his masculine lead.
The man is supposed to protect, the woman is supposed to trust in the man's protection. The man ALWAYS sits facing the
door or the bulk of the crowd. That way, being the stronger of the two, he can see threats and take action. A man never turns his back on the enemy.
The Man sits in the chair facing the door. When a woman questions it, I explain why from the chivalry/etiquette standpoint. When she retorts "you just want to check out chicks",
THEN it's a HUGE red flag. She wanted to check out guys and/or has a low self-esteem that she's projecting onto you. She assumes you are up to no good and not looking out for the good of the couple.
This test has been failed over and over again.
Since men are such wussies, women have become accustomed to looking out for themselves. This turns into being adversarial in a relationship because women don't trust, and are used to fending for themselves, so they resist a man's attempts to lead and protect. Women constantly question and undermine men in order to assure their own safety and prosperity: they can't just trust in their men... because men are AFC's. So, they try to control everything themselves because they assume they do it better.
It's a sad, sad circle we've found ourselves in. I've found that many women are incapable of being with a man in a healthy relationship. When an actual Man comes into a woman's life, she has no idea how to be. "The curse of the DJ", to me, is having to watch in horror as women sabotage themselves: "You GO GIRL!" No, baby, please stop, you are hurting yourself in so many ways.
There really needs to be a SoSuave for women. Just as we learn about "positive masculinity" here, there should be a place for women to learn "positive femininity".
