The Top 10 Reasons You Have No Girlfriend

The Bat

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 12, 2007
Messages
1,035
Reaction score
60
This is a great post. Way to completely tear apart the AFC mindset!

However, I want to comment on several points. Some of these you might have wrote to get a specific point across though.

Craig Reeves said:
10. You're Pursuing the Wrong Women

People don't talk about this one much. However, it is one of the more common causes of lonliness, and could very well be the reason you have no woman in your life. You are pursuing women that you *know* aren't compatible with you. Women you *know* are in no position for a relationship. Women you know for a fact will only hurt you. A lot of this can come from not know what you want, which is actually something else I'll mention later on. You want a relationship with a woman yet you're only going to nightclubs and pursuing women that are only interested in a one-night hookup, or you're looking for a sexy fling yet you're pursuing women in churches or yoga classes. You have to know what you want and what you don't want or you're going to keep on pursuing women that will not get you what you want. Remember guys, if you want a girlfriend, the girlfriend you are purusing has to be girlfriend material, interested and available.
The part in bold, I believe, is a HUGE misunderstanding that almost everyone on here has. As I said before, you might have wrote this to get a point across and if you have, then I'm glad we're on the same page. If not, then here is my thinking:

Girlfriend material women ARE available in nightclubs and bars. Just because you picked her up at a club/bar DOES NOT mean that she is only interested in ONS. Conversely, just because you meet her at a church/yoga class DOES NOT mean that she is interested in LTR.

Through my social circle, I've picked up few girls who RARELY (once every 3-4 months and special events like birthdays) go to bars/clubs, and they turned out to be just as *slutty* and non-LTR material as the girls I've picked up at clubs/bars.

On the other hand, I've recently met somebody at a bar who is very much an LTR material. She goes to bars/clubs with her friends to hang with them and have a good time. She actually told me the other day that she still can't believe I was able to pick her up at the bar since she *always* rejects a guy's advance when she is at a bar/club.

My point is, do NOT limit yourself to venue...whatever it is you're looking for. The place that you meet a girl doesn't define the type of relationship (ONS/LTR) you will have with her. The type of person she is, and more importantly, your interest in her will define the type of relationship you will have with her.

8. You Avoid Taking Risks Because You Don't Think It's Going to Work

This is very common. Many times you don't want to try something new simply because of the fact that it's new. You read the books, you go to the seminars and workshops, but for some reason you don't choose to do them. And WHY? What I've found over the years is that anything you learn that involves risking rejection, you are CONVINCED that it will not work. OR...at least not work for YOU. The point here though is that you're convinced that *nothing* is going to work that involves risking rejection. Therefore, you've devoted your entire life to seeking out a system that completely removes the risk of rejection or suspicion from women that you're "gaming" them, or "using some kind of technique" on them. The problem, however, is that there is no such system and there never will be. You are just going to have to realize that no matter what, the risk factors for this game still exist. No matter how much training you get for instance, skateboarding will always be a dangerous sport. Apply that same principle to dating.
Exactly! Another term for this is "buffers" against rejection. Some guys will AVOID the club/bar scene like a plague simply because they believe that they don't stand a chance AND they falsely believe that girls at clubs/bars are not girlfriend material.

On the same token, some guys will RELIGIOUSLY stick to meeting girls ONLY from the internet (myspace, eharmony, etc.). They think that approaching and meeting women in real life is too difficult because they don't know what to say, they think women in public aren't looking to get approached, etc. whatever bull$hit reasons they can concoct up. They preach on and on and on about how meeting women from online saves them time, the headache, lets them choose better, etc.

While the underlying truth is that they are just too afraid of rejection from approaching and meeting a woman in real life. On the internet, at least, the rejection won't be as severe because they've invested a whooping 2 seconds in sending their cheesy message. The less they invest themselves in the process, the less the impact of rejection.

5. You Don't Know How to Form Relationships

Perhaps you may not seem to have a problem meeting women, but you do have a problem with forming relationships with them that could lead to something deeper. You've probably been put in the friend zone so many times, or you've tried to pursue something romantic with a promising target but you only have it blow up in your face. You just can't "get the formula" for getting a girlfriend, mainly because you don't know how relationships are formed between men and women; what has to happen from first meeting her all the way to a romantic relationship. Most of what the media, and what others have told you has been very wrong, btw. This is completely understandable, because if you are never taught, you'll never learn. Once you learn how to go from one step to the next, things will work out much better for you in the furutre.
Bingo!

Seduction community does NOT teach how to form and/or maintain relationships where you are the Man. Maybe the community's purpose ISN'T to form/maintain relationships. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that very few guys on here know how to act/behave after you get in a relationship.

And you know what the paradox/irony is? It's that to remain the Man in a strong relationship...all you have to do is apply the basic principles and mindsets of DJ 101. This is why being a DJ is a lifestyle, and not a set of tricks and techniques that is so profoundly advertised on this site and others.

4. You're Mad That it's Not Easy

Another reason why you might be lonely is that you are out of touch with reality. You secretly wish this game were easier, and because it isn't, you've decided that you were just not going to play it. You look at other guys and they're all having fun, dating women and forming relationships, making it look so easy. You then look at yourself and how difficult it comes to you. Your resentment for the game caused you to grow in hatred for it. Causing you not to want to have anything to do with it. Unfortunately though, it isn't about loving the game, it's about realizing that unless you're playing it, you will never get a girlfriend.
"Don't wish things were easier, wish you were better."

If everybody embraced this mantra, majority of their problems will become trivial.

2. You Don't Know What You Want

A wise man once said that if you aim at nothing, you hit it every time. This definitely rings true for women. You need to know what kind of relationships you are looking for with the women in your life or you're never going to have the kinds you want. Many guys wonder why they never landed that girl they had their eye on, and many times it's because they didn't really have their eyes on them at all and are just mad the girl got away. This constantly happened to me when I was first learning this stuff. It's very important to not only set goals on what kind of relationships you want with a girl, but also what you want from the girl. For instance, if you first meet a woman and you want to go home with her that night, there are going to be different steps that you take to get to that particular goal than if you were just trying to get her number. The point here is that you need to know exactly what it is you want from the women you interact with, that way you'll know what to do.
YES!!!

And the interesting thing is that you have to go through certain experiences in life in order to know what you want or what you do not want. This is why I get irritated every time some rookie makes an extensive list about the qualities he is looking for in a woman. It's like, what makes you believe that you WON'T like a girl who doesn't fit most of the qualities that you pulled out of thin air?

Again, A+ post! Outstanding work, my friend. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts regarding those things above.
 

Craig Reeves

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2003
Messages
519
Reaction score
25
Age
40
Location
Texas, USA
The Bat said:
This is a great post. Way to completely tear apart the AFC mindset!

However, I want to comment on several points. Some of these you might have wrote to get a specific point across though.



The part in bold, I believe, is a HUGE misunderstanding that almost everyone on here has. As I said before, you might have wrote this to get a point across and if you have, then I'm glad we're on the same page. If not, then here is my thinking:

Girlfriend material women ARE available in nightclubs and bars. Just because you picked her up at a club/bar DOES NOT mean that she is only interested in ONS. Conversely, just because you meet her at a church/yoga class DOES NOT mean that she is interested in LTR.

Through my social circle, I've picked up few girls who RARELY (once every 3-4 months and special events like birthdays) go to bars/clubs, and they turned out to be just as *slutty* and non-LTR material as the girls I've picked up at clubs/bars.

On the other hand, I've recently met somebody at a bar who is very much an LTR material. She goes to bars/clubs with her friends to hang with them and have a good time. She actually told me the other day that she still can't believe I was able to pick her up at the bar since she *always* rejects a guy's advance when she is at a bar/club.

My point is, do NOT limit yourself to venue...whatever it is you're looking for. The place that you meet a girl doesn't define the type of relationship (ONS/LTR) you will have with her. The type of person she is, and more importantly, your interest in her will define the type of relationship you will have with her.



Exactly! Another term for this is "buffers" against rejection. Some guys will AVOID the club/bar scene like a plague simply because they believe that they don't stand a chance AND they falsely believe that girls at clubs/bars are not girlfriend material.

On the same token, some guys will RELIGIOUSLY stick to meeting girls ONLY from the internet (myspace, eharmony, etc.). They think that approaching and meeting women in real life is too difficult because they don't know what to say, they think women in public aren't looking to get approached, etc. whatever bull$hit reasons they can concoct up. They preach on and on and on about how meeting women from online saves them time, the headache, lets them choose better, etc.

While the underlying truth is that they are just too afraid of rejection from approaching and meeting a woman in real life. On the internet, at least, the rejection won't be as severe because they've invested a whooping 2 seconds in sending their cheesy message. The less they invest themselves in the process, the less the impact of rejection.



Bingo!

Seduction community does NOT teach how to form and/or maintain relationships where you are the Man. Maybe the community's purpose ISN'T to form/maintain relationships. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that very few guys on here know how to act/behave after you get in a relationship.

And you know what the paradox/irony is? It's that to remain the Man in a strong relationship...all you have to do is apply the basic principles and mindsets of DJ 101. This is why being a DJ is a lifestyle, and not a set of tricks and techniques that is so profoundly advertised on this site and others.



"Don't wish things were easier, wish you were better."

If everybody embraced this mantra, majority of their problems will become trivial.



YES!!!

And the interesting thing is that you have to go through certain experiences in life in order to know what you want or what you do not want. This is why I get irritated every time some rookie makes an extensive list about the qualities he is looking for in a woman. It's like, what makes you believe that you WON'T like a girl who doesn't fit most of the qualities that you pulled out of thin air?

Again, A+ post! Outstanding work, my friend. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts regarding those things above.
Yeah. I didn't mean that you could NEVER find a nice girl looking for a LTR at a nightclub. I was just saying that the chances of you finding a potential ONS is much greater.
 

suavesuave

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 13, 2008
Messages
293
Reaction score
9
Age
45
Main reason. no money
 

Serg897

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 19, 2001
Messages
1,194
Reaction score
20
Age
37
Location
North America
Phenomenal post. Truly A+ material. I particularly like this little bit:

You need to have high standards about the people you hang out with. Stop hanging out with people you look down on or don't respect. You're not doing them a favor, and you certainly aren't doing *yourself* a favor. Don't hold on to unhealthy friendships. If you don't feel like they're as committed to the friendship as you are you need to cut them loose.
This is good advice in general, and not just in the context of not having a girlfriend. As the saying goes, reputation comes from the company you keep. You may be perceived a certain way by others just by who you hang out with.

Not only that, if the friendship is unhealthy in any way and one person is causing you unhappiness or discontent - cutting the person loose is exactly the way to go, despite how difficult it may be. Friends should add to your life, not take away from it.

The above point comes at a good time for me as I am making this realization today in my own life.

Again, fantastic post. Very sound advice.
 

Captain

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
947
Reaction score
29
Location
Australia
Good post. A few comments,

9. You Spend Too Much Time On Women That Are Off-Limits

You need to be pursuing women that are pursuable. There is no point in purusing women that are taken. I don't care how much she likes you. You're only setting yourself up to fail. There is also no use in pursuing women you know it wouldn't work with. For instance, women that are too old or too young. There is no use as a 25 year old to pursue a 15 year old, for instance. Many guys walk away broken hearted because they weren't able to *steal* another man's wife. Listen, if you don't want other guys to steal your women from you, don't go around trying to steal women from other guys. That is a very low form of game, and will cost you dearly if you keep playing it.
I don't entirely agree here. Unless the man is a friend of yours, the woman is free game. If she cheats on her boyfriend with you, she didn't respect him enough to stay faithful. A large proportion of young, attractive women have boyfriends. Sure, there are often complications, but if a man has his stuff together, by all means he should go for her.

5. You Don't Know How to Form Relationships

Perhaps you may not seem to have a problem meeting women, but you do have a problem with forming relationships with them that could lead to something deeper. You've probably been put in the friend zone so many times, or you've tried to pursue something romantic with a promising target but you only have it blow up in your face. You just can't "get the formula" for getting a girlfriend, mainly because you don't know how relationships are formed between men and women; what has to happen from first meeting her all the way to a romantic relationship. Most of what the media, and what others have told you has been very wrong, btw. This is completely understandable, because if you are never taught, you'll never learn. Once you learn how to go from one step to the next, things will work out much better for you in the furutre.
The biggest mistake with relationships that men make is getting into the relationship, then turning into a chump. You need keep doing what attracted her in the first place. You can't let your standards slide.
 

f283000

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
2,158
Reaction score
197
Should lack of time be included in the list? i think it is a domino effect. Lack of time for me for example comes from me being a full time student and having a job at the same time, which leads to tiredness and lack of time and energy for an active social life, which leads to less opportunities for meeting girls.

There are just so many factors involved which have negative domino effects.
 

Kevin Feng

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 6, 2008
Messages
258
Reaction score
5
I couldn't agree more with this post.

I think a lot of PUA's invest their time in the wrong places, trying to micromanage situations with women etc etc.

Not that vintage Mystery Method is a bad thing by any standard, but just getting back to the basics is SO important not only for pick up, but for life and relationships in general.

I've met a ton of PUAs with absolutely no social life and it's just so terribly detrimental to just finding a girl to begin with.

Pick up teaches the principle of being alpha and dominant which indirectly tells people to own their personalities and to not care what others think all the time, which kind of cuts both ways.

I've always put myself in the other party's shoes, that's never failed me in life.

I used to just use vintage MM all the time, honestly, if I have no social value or value of any sort, granted, I had the balls to approach her, but aside, what did I bring her?

Great post, this should honestly be put as a sticky.
 

comic_relief

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 29, 2004
Messages
3,285
Reaction score
49
Location
Baltimore, MD
It's great to see that your back Craig and back with a BANG!

I couldn't agree more.

I recently had a girl that I thought was pretty good quality (LTR material). I checked with her friend (college student) and she was AWESOME! Nothing was really wrong with us...

Then I recently went to her place for her birthday party. I met her "other" friends and they were deadbeat losers that actually got into an argument over one of their illegitimate offspring and who the baby daddy was, went out to bars, were doing drugs, and playing music so loud the police should have called over to me. Then her other friends decided to tell me about how I do not mesh into the group at all and that I shouldn't be there. I said "thank you, you just made my decision on this group very easy for me." Picked up my bag and left :D

I have more respect for myself. I also am now about to hook up with my ex-gf's best friend with my ex-gf's blessing added into the mix :D GO ME!!!

btw when you find a GREAT social circle, please DO NOT under any circumstances let it go unless a very serious complication pops up. FRIENDS ARE HARD TO COME BY IN THIS DAY AND TIME!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

About not knowing how to form relationships, I agree full heartedly. I recently got out of a two year relationship and tried to form a NEW relationship rather quickly. Needless to say, I scared her off and then was promptly booted. So I am cutting all contact :) She said that she didn't want to be a rebound girl, but yet she allowed herself to become one. A self-fulfilling prophecy :p (btw yes I do know that it was a chump move and I am better now because of it)

comic_relief
 
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
153
Reaction score
0
Kevin Feng said:
honestly, if I have no social value or value of any sort, granted, I had the balls to approach her, but aside, what did I bring her?.
Honestly though, what does it matter to her if you hang out with your male buddies or not? Most guys I have acquaintance through work are AFCs with a big ego. There is nothing I'd benefit from their company. The TV is so much better company. If I could, I would hang out with other DJs but they are rare.
 

turtle9

New Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
6
Reaction score
0
Number 1 is sooo true for me!!! I am in the wrong social circle, most of my friends didnt graduate from HS, some did but none went to college. On the other hand I attended a good university, traveled the country, graduated with honors but for reasons byond my control I had to return to my hometown. I have love for my friends, I have known most since I was around 5 and I dont think I am better than them, we came from the same place just different priorities. Chicks I meet through them are often impressed by my background, my way of thinking and material possesions but eventually it dies out we have absolutely nothing in common, hell one even called me too intimidating because I am too smart. Another thing that I have been doing to "fit in" is dumbing it down, I mean I would rather be myself but it sucks being really lonely, ultimately this doesnt work because its all a front, eventually the real me come out, but yea you are right on!
 
Top