The sudden pullback - how do you deal with it?

[Bali]

Met a chick and we decided to go out.

Date 1:
On our first date we held hands and made out at the end of the date.

There was a good amount of texting going on (initiated by her, which I kept to a minimum as to avoid being text buddies and having nothing to talk about on the next date), and admitting we wanted to keep going further.

Date 2:
On our second date we went out and she was putting her arm around me, we were making out pretty heavily in public, and she was clawing at my back as she was reaching down my shirt and clawing at my legs. She told me she hates PDA but turned down going to my place and got us a cab to leave but continued making out with me pretty aggressively at the bar, cab, and when the cab dropped her off at her place.

Date 3:
On our third date, same thing, we made out heavily and she wanted to go for drinks after dinner, but everything was closed, so I grabbed some wine and we went back to my place (actually a place I was renting with a friend as she knew he would be in town and we wanted to have an empty place - since my parents were visiting from out of town and I let them stay at mine). Talking and heavy making out which led to us being in my bed with our shoes off and us reaching up and down each other's shirts, me reaching down her pants and grabbing her butt, etc. I figure at this point cool, deal is sealed, then out of nowhere she can't do this because this is only our 3rd and she doesn't know me that well. She kisses me a few more times, then leaves the room and brings some wine back in, lays on top of me and starts making out again and I think okay we're back on.....then her uber cab calls her telling her that the cab is outside (err what the literal f*ck?) At this point, I don't act like some AFC and just play it cool, telling her text me back when she gets home safely and to enjoy her weekend out of town.

She gets home and thanks me for a great night, and I text her back saying Good, we'll do the date she wanted to do the following weekend, and to let me know how her trip out of town to visit one of her good female friends and said friend's boyfriend.

Don't hear anything for 4 days, so (and this probably my AFC moment here) I figure alright I'll send a ping out and see what happens. Ask her if anything interesting happened on her weekend, and she comes back with a text (26 hours later!) with the normal size text she normally does, tell me it was really good and it was nice and relaxing, and thanks for asking but it seems kind of off...doesn't attempt to keep the conversation going directly or even ask about my week/weekend.

I was busy the next day with my friend who was visiting and we had gotten bad news about someone close to us passing away. I end up shooting her at the end of the day, playing it cool and saying:

Glad she had a nice time, let's meet at the place for the date we talked about the last 2 dates at noon.

Get no reply.

What the hell? So it's been 4 days, the day for the date already passed (and I could sense a flake was coming so I made other plans and enjoyed myself anyway), but what the hell gives? She goes from being all over me and me escalating then her backing off, and now full on disappearing.

How do you guys deal with it? I am obviously not going to contact her again, and I have a few other dates lined up, but this chick seemed to have high interest level that just vanished into thin air?

 

[zinc4]

Should have banged her...third date is late...I usually bang first date if I can get it up thatbus...

 

[Bali]

Should have banged her...third date is late...I usually bang first date if I can get it up thatbus...

Thanks for that observation, but she was having a lot of issues with insecurity it felt like. She kept asking if I was judging her or if I thought she was weird and I tried to get her a bit more comfortable and ready but no dice.

 

[Bali]

She either was using you or is not interested anymore. In either case, move on. You won't get what you want from this girl without an excess of effort / a load of baggage.

I can accept both of those, but for future purposes is there any reason why interest would drop that quickly? I asked a female friend, and she said in all likeliness this is a power play from her part to have you chasing after her or there's someone else like an ex, because she had seen this girl and I on our third date, and later commented to me about how that chick was certainly acting like you guys were a couple or something. She was immediately taking my arm and putting it around her, making out with me in front of my female friend, etc.

 

[El Payaso]

She lost interest. Don't waste time analyzing why. Just move on.

 

[bigneil]

The third date should indeed be when sex happens. Earlier if she will let you, without your groveling. He who does not move forward falls behind.

Interest doesn't necessarily permanently drop off. In this situation, use the pain you feel to inspire you to work out more, and go no contact until you hear from her, pursing other girls in the meantime. She will hopefully miss you and then, seeing your improvement, become more interested than ever. This is where a great photo of you can work wonders.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Your escalation wasn't savvy or persistent enough in dates 2 and 3. It happens. She was down but you didn't play the game properly enough in the final stretch so she lost interest.

Maybe you could've gotten her back to yours on date 2. Just because she's reluctant the first time you ask doesn't mean you should stop trying. Also, when she pulled away in the bed on date 3, said she didn't know you that well, and left to get wine, you should've gotten out of bed, gone on the computer/gone to the bathroom/acted otherwise occupied. You should've pulled away a bit and made her chase. Instead, from what you describe, you waited there for her to come back and eagerly went back to making out, thus submitting to her frame and her reality. I wonder about the uber thing.

I also get the sense from your writing that when you guys were making out and stuff, you weren't the first to pull away some of the time. Just because a girl wants some PDA doesn't mean you always have to match or reciprocate what she's doing. In fact, I even would've played it a little coy "easy girl... stop corrupting me in public" etc...

 

[Bali]

Your escalation wasn't savvy or persistent enough in dates 2 and 3. It happens. She was down but you didn't play the game properly enough in the final stretch so she lost interest.

For instance, when she pulled away in the bed on date 3, said she didn't know you that well, and left to get wine, you should've gotten out of bed, gone on the computer/gone to the bathroom/acted otherwise occupied. You should've pulled away a bit and made her chase. Instead, from what you describe, you waited there for her to come back and eagerly went back to making out, thus submitting to her frame and her reality.

I also get the sense from your writing that when you guys were making out and stuff, you weren't the first to pull away some of the time. Just because a girl wants some PDA doesn't mean you always have to match or reciprocate what she's doing. In fact, I even would've played it a little coy "easy girl... stop corrupting me in public" etc...

To be honest I feared this may have been the case to some extent. I mean during the second date I was progressing escalation and told her to not worry about what other people think and ensured I kept it up. I did pull back a bit and let her chase between date 2 and 3, I didn't text her after date 2 and let her come to me..which she did 2 days later. As well as letting her chase me for the third date.

As for the third date thing, ya I felt I should have pushed a bit more but at the same time a girl that keeps asking if I think she's weird etc. gives off a bit of a red flag that if I push too fair who knows what she could do. I've been with girls before that did that, then they wake up the next morning with massive regret and then the real crazy kicks in.

I guess the question now is...is there any recovery from this? I mean my impression is this: this chick likes to play hard to get, yes I know against all the PUA mentality - but hear me out. All the stuff she's been doing is text book stuff, reply hours later (at one point she was mad at me because she texted me at 10:30 at night and I was already asleep due to an early day at work) so I replied to her the next day in the morning and she got pissed and decided to "one-up" me by replying 15 hours later so I just blanked her back till the next day again and she then smartened up and started being communicative, attempting push-pull (called her out on this), trying to give me the cold shoulder during our second date (called her out gracefully on this one as well), so now this is why I wonder if this is one last attempt at control to make an AFC and is just a recoverable item or is it really a done and dusted thing?

 

[jurry]

Done and dusted.

 

[Suspens]

Thanks for that observation, but she was having a lot of issues with insecurity it felt like. She kept asking if I was judging her or if I thought she was weird and I tried to get her a bit more comfortable and ready but no dice.

WTF!? I would be scared sh!tless if a girl asked such idiotic questions.


Run bro.

 

[Tictac]

Some women think that they can blue ball the H*ll out of you and then walk off. It's some form of low grade entertainment for them to make out and then pull back. Let's them get their breathing all heavy and think it's fun.

If you allow that to happen more than once with a chick, it's on you, not her. You don't need to b*itch about it. You just don't call them back.

 

[VladPatton]

I'd of been so pissed after that blue ball session that I would of deleted her phone before she got in the cab. I just have zero patience for côck teasin. Instinctually, it would of been correct, since her interest dropped down to zero.

Fûck that, good riddance, man.

 

[nismo-4]

She just wants attention and wants to be friends. When a woman blueballs me, she is automatically deleted and I move on.

I guarantee your princess is in another castle, and was there the whole time. Move on from her unless you want to be an orbiter.

Case closed.

 

[soulforge]

Man i try to bang a chick 1st date, each and everytime..
If i haven't banged her by 2nd date... usually cut her loose

 

[pyros]

To be honest I feared this may have been the case to some
.
.


I guess the question now is...is there any recovery from this? I mean my impression is this: this chick likes to play hard to get, yes I know against all the PUA mentality - but hear me out. All the stuff she's been doing is text book stuff, reply hours later (at one point she was mad at me because she texted me at 10:30 at night and I was already asleep due to an early day at work) so I replied to her the next day in the morning and she got pissed and decided to "one-up" me by replying 15 hours later so I just blanked her back till the next day again and she then smartened up and started being communicative, attempting push-pull (called her out on this), trying to give me the cold shoulder during our second date (called her out gracefully on this one as well), so now this is why I wonder if this is one last attempt at control to make an AFC and is just a recoverable item or is it really a done and dusted thing?

so it seems your little princess is not that nice. She's manipulative and bitc-hy.

See this hero, she's gone on that trip BECAUSE SHE'S MEETING SOME DUDE SHE'S GONNA FVCK. This is why she's lost interest completely.

Anyway, she had not that much interest in you to begin with, just see what I bolded.
Why was she displaying so much love? because she's mentally unstable, she's a crazy b-itch, she's retarded, she's manipulative, and you will do better without her.

I would not attempt any recovery. If she contacts you and is willing to meet, I would meet up with her and try to fvck her, and if it doesnt happend and she toys with you again, I would erase her from my live forever.

Once they lose interest, there is nothing you can do.

 

[usernamedox11]

Dude, where did you meet this girl? Sounds like a girl I had messing with, did not bang...the girl would say the same crap and ask if i thought she is weird and whatever. She would also take 15 hours and sh1t to reply to texts. I'd call her out on it and person and she'd say she's busy lolol...This same girl would hint would talk to me about marriage and whether or not she'd sign a prenup and talk about me meeting her dad...

Delete number and move on...

Honestly, I'm never going to put myself in that position again, where I'm in a text battle with a girl that purposely delays texts. Anything past 6 hours, and I will delete and block number if it is in the beginning stages. It will only get worse in the long run, not better, in my experience. Purposeful delayed texting is VERY immature. If a girl starts doing that with me, I am going to bow out. I don't need that sh1t...stresses you out for nothing

This girl acted so sensitive about sex around me and then I find out from a friend she used to try and force guys to have sex with her in HS because she was insecure and had daddy issues...

As these kinds of girls get older, they wise up and play games and use sex and games as a weapon...just don't engage. Deal with mature women that won't play games with you. I know ejecting is easier said than done but it'll save you a lot of headache and stress in the future. This purposeful delayed text crap is manipulative and psychologically abusing. Don't put up with it.

 

[cordoncordon]

I think it is pretty obvious she either met a guy she already knew or a new guy on that trip she took. I mean, her friend and her friend's bf are there, I can promise you they set her up with someone.

Don't overlook the obvious.

For sure do not contact her at all. My bet would be if you don't text her for a while that you will hear back from her. But use her as a FB only. She has proven her worth, which isn't much.

 

[mikey2012]

Why are you guys still commenting on this thread? Didn't you read nismo ? CASE CLOSED