The secret of giving attention to the opposite sex...

[Wyldfire]

I posted this concept on another thread and felt it was a good enough point to warrant it's own thread.

It's very simple.

When it comes to giving attention to the opposite sex, follow this little guidline:

Don't give so little that you starve them. They will leave.

Don't give so much that you suffocate them. They will leave.

Give JUST enough to satisfy them. As long as they are content but don't take it for granted, they will stick around.

 

[Blizzard128]

And this is relevant to what situation? When she's interested, when she's not?

Here's an idea:

Make a home video of you street racing in your '69 Nova with Unforgiven II by Metallica blasting in the backround.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I think this is common knowledge for almost everyone here. The problem for most people is finding that balance. For some women, "just enough" is a tiny amount of attention, for others, it's a lot more.

Figuring out that "just enough" balance takes knowledge of the woman you're dealing with, and that knowledge comes with hard earned experiance. Can't learn it on the internet.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I've noticed that it piques attraction, it doesn't really make attraction out of thin air per say. Use it sparingly and deftly because it can look pretty obvious to anyone on their flirting game, or even jsut random people.

There is acting like the person doesn't exist and acting indifferent. Like that old adage states (or how I remember the jist of it) "The feeling of indifference is worse than one of hate, because that means they can't even be bothered to think of you"

 

[comote]

Good topic, how much attention do you give.
My strategy tends to be when I interact with women I give them my undivided attention for those moments that we are interacting.
Otherwise if we are not interacting I will wait for them to get my attention.

 

[Jariel]

I can defintely vouch for this, but I have a lot of trouble finding the right balance for the right girl.

 

[Wyldfire]

Although the concept of how much attention should be given might seem like it should be common sense, lots of guys here don't get this. I've heard many say not to give any attention and then there are people like midwest who suffocate with it.

How do you know when to give more or give less? Simple...from the behavior of the girl. Not giving any attention will make a girl think you aren't interested in them. Giving too much attention will make her avoid you to get some space. When you are giving just enough attention she will not complain and will seem more content and easier to deal with. If you're giving some but she wants a bit more, this is the main time she will test you with jealousy. How a girl acts will tell you if you are giving too little, too much or just enough attention. If the girl isn't testing you or complaining and starting pointless arguments (for negative attention), isn't avoiding you and isn't angry with you then you are giving just enough.

 

[Fenderules]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Although the concept of how much attention should be given might seem like it should be common sense, lots of guys here don't get this. I've heard many say not to give any attention and then there are people like midwest who suffocate with it.

How do you know when to give more or give less? Simple...from the behavior of the girl. Not giving any attention will make a girl think you aren't interested in them. Giving too much attention will make her avoid you to get some space. When you are giving just enough attention she will not complain and will seem more content and easier to deal with. If you're giving some but she wants a bit more, this is the main time she will test you with jealousy. How a girl acts will tell you if you are giving too little, too much or just enough attention. If the girl isn't testing you or complaining and starting pointless arguments (for negative attention), isn't avoiding you and isn't angry with you then you are giving just enough.

your sure do hafe good insights, i dont care about what those other guys say taht "women know nothing" attitute. sure i bet most of them do, just like men but at least you have some good advice to give. What you said sounds better then all these "avoidance" tactics and stuff. I mean if a girl does start pointless arguments, i will call her on it cause i will not be yelled at for something i didnt do, but i'll take into consideration why she is doing it

 

[aBAzLLnA]

It's still better to lean towards less attention. Kinda like cooking, you always start less, and gauge from there, if it's too little, just add a little more. Whereas, if you add too much, you can't just take it away.

Then again, if you truly want to get complicated, you play the contrast card. Give her no attention, then give her plenty. But balance is definitely key.

New players out there gotta take note of this.

 

[ScrewIt]

Yea it's definitely a great idea to find the balance between the two.

But strangely what i find have worked for me in the past is give a good amount of attention, then slowly decrease it or completely take it away. Then at this point, the ball is in my court.

 

[Ricky]

Believe me to much attention is bad.

I have gone back to nuts AFC on a girl that i'm dating now. The only thing that saved me from blowing it is that we don't get to see each other that often. So that kind of saved it.

 

[golf299]

So if you do give a girl too much attention (like I believe I have done lately with this girl I've been courting) and she does begin to pull away (like this girl did), what can you do to redeem yourself?

We're on spring break right now (in different places) and I don't plan on trying to contact her during the break (and judging by how she is recently acting towards me, I don't think she'll be contacting me either).

So is there anything else I can do besides not contacting her for a week, then when we're back at school--ask her out again, kiss her and see how she responds????

 

[Wyldfire]

Anytime a girl you're involved with pulls away the way to bring her back is for you to pull away, too and just bide your time. This is something that works the exact same way with both men and women. Once a person gets the intimacy needs met, they naturally pull back some. If you attempt to have more intimacy with a person who has had their fill of it you are chasing them away. The more you try to bring them back the harder they will pull away. So...you just pull back too, do your own thing for awhile and give them that space. Their natural response will be to seek more closeness quicker than they normally would. I often refer to learning to ACT instead of REACT in a relationship, and this is one of the examples of what I mean.

So...if she pulls away, you pull away. The absolute WORST thing you can do when someone is in need of space is to crowd them and not give it to them.

 

[golf299]

Well, Nothing's Doing...

wyldfire,

the girl i posted about above hasn't contacted me all break. just a couple weeks ago she was calling and texting me multiple times a day... perhaps i was too available to her?

anyway, her IL has dropped really low...

my guess is that she may not contact me again. so should i make one last ditch effort to contact her and try and get a date/kiss to see what's up?

aside from seeking other girls, what can a guy do??

thanks!

 

[Reach]

Blatantly experiance builds it all up. I want a good luck from everybody for me tomorrow. Good luck to you too.

 

[italostud]

Originally posted by Blizzard128
And this is relevant to what situation? When she's interested, when she's not?

Here's an idea:

Make a home video of you street racing in your '69 Nova with Unforgiven II by Metallica blasting in the backround.

LMFAO

 

[I-am-someone]

So... you're saying I should give more attention to girls? Perhaps.
I hate giving attention to women though, they always make such a big deal out of everything I say to them... doesn't even matter what most of the time, they'll be all happy that I'm talking to them, which may be fun for some people, but gets annoying when you're just trying to have a decent conversation.
Ofcourse, that's all with girls below 20, so I guess that may have something to do with it.

Anyways, I've taught myself to give very little attention to girls. As soon as you do, they'll be thrilled to the extent at which you simply don't want them anymore. I must agree though that a lot of women just thought I wasn't interested and moved on. Perhaps I should balance it out a bit more then, eh?

 

[DJHoolahoop]

Originally posted by I-am-someone
Anyways, I've taught myself to give very little attention to girls. As soon as you do, they'll be thrilled to the extent at which you simply don't want them anymore. I must agree though that a lot of women just thought I wasn't interested and moved on. Perhaps I should balance it out a bit more then, eh?

eh? I thought that's a Canadian thing? Guess not... anyways man, i too wonder about that as in the past i'd give attention ALL the time and get no where. Now I feel like I give some, but it seems it's not enough cuz the girl ends up not being interested in the end.

So how do you know, since the girls i are around ALWAYS seem to be subtle about it. they always want ME to "figure out" what they want.. if only i was a mind-reader

 

[PRMoon]

Fire. I totally agree with what you said but I also think different mates need different amounts of attention and it's your responsibility to gauge how much attention you should give.

I've had girlfiends call me all the time and I've had girls who won't call at all. Depending on your level of perceptability, you may be overwhelmed or underwhelmed by the come ons put out by the people you chose to associate with.

What it boils down to is some relationships will require a lot of work on your part and others will work for themselves, but its your job to determine the level of work necessary to make it work and if it's really worth it to you.

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by PRMoon
What it boils down to is some relationships will require a lot of work on your part and others will work for themselves, but its your job to determine the level of work necessary to make it work and if it's really worth it to you.

Yeah , So the question that im stuck at is .... does this work to maintain the relationship occurs naturally ?? I mean without any reading of tips or techniques or does it require ...Cz i used to read aloy of stuff here long time and philosophize everything ...now my approach is having fun , relaxing and enjoying the journey irregardless of the outcome but thing is i have problems in maintaining and keeping the relationship .

It's like i jump too fast and give plenty of attention ...actually i express my intentions and feelings and don't like to hide it .just try to control it . or i get turned off real early .