The secret of giving attention to the opposite sex...

[AMF]

THE THEORY IN PRACTICE.

Think of actual balancing scales.

You never "know" the exact amount needed to balance the scales.

So: add some, take some away, add some, take some away.

This is the TOTAL essence of PUSH/PULL - add some, take some - and why its such an inportant concept.

The first goal of PUSH/PULL is creating uncertainty, but the END GOAL is actually creating certainty - yes, certainty.

Certainty that you are perfect for them.

 

[becker]

This part of relationships kills me. The last girl I was seeing fell into this problem with me. Essentially, she was a girl from work that I dated but it wasn't a problem because she was temp. Anyways, we spent so much time together, and when we went home, I never called her, but she'd call me. I'd talk to her on the phone for too long, and eventually, we just got a little tired of being around each other every minute while at the same time, we liked each other.

The whole thing ended on relatively good terms, and I'm still talking to her, but I suck at the whole attention thing, primarily because I don't analyze, I just do whatever the heck I want, which means that if I want to give her attention, then I give it, and if I don't, I don't. Problem is that I will often give her too much attention just because I feel like it rather than thinking about the possible bad consequences. I'm doomed.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

this is a good post, i was wondering about the same thing as well, I think you gotta be careful how u withdraw the attention as well. I mean you give attention and suddenly make yourself busy. It shows you have a life. But dont make it seem as if your whole life revolves just around your work or your studies. Subtly show that you are interested in her, like complimenting her once in while, making her laugh, flirting, u know the drill... But pull away, not by ignoring her but like go do something else so you appear busy ( and no, video games and watching sports does not count ).

I think if u ignore her its gonna piss her off the wrong way. I mean say u were getting the green light from some chick and she suddenly ignored you, what are you think of the situation? Most of you guys will say I will ignore her, but why would you ignore her? because she did it first? to build up attraction or challenge?

Then you see her chatting and flirting with another guy, you will start to wonder if shes actually interested in u or just doing it for fun? is she serious about me or just flirting for some attention? Dont you think these little things are gonna piss u off and the two of you just keep playing these little games with each other??

Dats why I think ignoring a chick isnt the right way to pull the attention away. It might work on the short term sluts but not with the true LTR gems.

I think giving too much attention is what the AFC does, complimenting all the time, not willing to disagree, always available, spews out his feelings too early in the relationship...

 

[Ricky]

Man I love my girlfriend, but it's heading the wrong direction. I sense her withdrawing.

It really sucks. Sometimes I'll call or even she will call but she will say she is busy after a few minutes and has to go.

This was a girl with tons of interest in me a few months ago. I can't help but think that are relationship was on rocket fuel and just burnt out now.

And the thing that sucks is that for this girl (above all the other girls I've dated), I really thought she was the one.

Ugggh

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by HB_Hunter
Yeah , So the question that im stuck at is ... does this work to maintain the relationship occurs naturally ?? ...but thing is i have problems in maintaining and keeping the relationship .

Yes and no. Parts of relationships will often be easy and come to you naturally. You will instictively do certain things that are very beneficial to your relationship with the person you're involved with. You'll talk to them and they'll tell you their wants and needs and you'll in turn natrually try to fill those wants and needs.

But conversely there are parts to relationships that are not expressed verbally and you'll have to actively persue these intangibles and work to keep your relationship strong. Most likely (but not assuradly) you and your significant other will both have elements about yourselves that you are not comfortable expressing even to one another or things you do will make the other angry but for one reason or another you won't work to rectify the situation. Other times something will happen in your independant lives that could have serious gravity on your relationship without either one of you knowing it until it's too late. These are just a few brief explinations for the infinate amount of things that will work against you in your relationship. I didn't really go too much into depth with them but regardless you may (or may not) have to work on these issues.

So actively monitoring your relationship (a job in itself) is definately a necessity if you truely want your relationship to survive. Keeping your head in the clouds and thinking everything is status quo all the time might work for you as well and indeed has worked for many people in the past but you should also keep in mind that there's a 50% divorce rate in the US today. I'm not saying working harder at a relationship will indefiatly make things alright but usually when you work at something with your best intrest in mind, things will tend to end better.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Yea good post guys