The Problem With Making It A Science (Absolute Must Read)

[J-Man]

well ive been thinking about what exactly the problem im having is and i think ive figured it out. im not sure if anyone else has this problem, but its completely screwing me over. down to every last detail of my life. EVERY LAST ONE.

the problem is:

im not a human being anymore.

- when i walk, i immediately think of this site and remember to walk upright.

- when i talk, i immediately think of this site and remember to elevate.

- when theres a silence, i immediately think of this site and try to think of something CF - to the point where im not even talking because im thinknig about what to say, how to say it, how to show confidence, etc.

- when i look at ANYONE, male OR female, i immediately think of this site and look in their eyes, and as i look in their eyes i think of how confident i must look right now because i am not intimidated.

- when a girl flirts with me, i immediately think of this site and classify what she is doing, and how i should elevate it and i think about how to do that.

- whenever ANYTHING happens, i immediately think of this site.

it has gotten to the point where im really quiet, tot he point where i can never even talk with someone (when she talks i tell myself to be a good listener, elicit values, blah blah blah, and end up hardly even hearing her).

and what do i do of course? GO READ THE BIBLE ON HOW TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS.

im not a human being anymore. at least before, when i was a slight AFC, i was a person, not a scientist; a robot.

and the problem is, i cant just *stop* thinking about the stuff ive learnt on this site, because i KNOW its true, i KNOW its right. how can i just stop doing something i know is right?

im so busy thinking about how to be C/F that i hardly make any jokes at all! my sense of humor has gotten WORSE. my social skills are declining. i just realized all of this today.

its like ive developed a symbiotic relationship with this site. im... dependant on it. when i was a newb, i listened to this stuff and decided "wow, its so true, i MUST read MORE." and i read and read and read...

NOT that im a board hound. i have under 200 posts and have not even been to this site for a few weeks at least. i just... have a good memory i guess. too good. its like this is a class, only theres no teacher, but... well ive motivated myself, thinking this was all a good thing.

can anyone else relate to this? im gonna keep on bumping this to the top until i have this problem clearly answered, whether its posted in here, PMed to me, or whatever. this is IT. i am confident. i can take risks. i am manly. i am happy. i love myself and my life. im an optomist. i know i wont be perfect after this. i know i wont ever be perfect. but i think this is the greatest challenge ive faced yet, and im 100% ready to solve this, whatever the solution may be. after getting this answered, if youre ever in michigan, look for the HB10s, because thats where youll find me.

and if you cant identify with what im going through, read whatever people post anyway, in case it ever happens to you.

to sum it all up: i used to be a human AFC. now im a DJ robot. help me.

 

[CamaroMike]

I totally agree with you on this one. But I got over it. This site should teach you what attracts women but the key that is left out is to make it as natural as possible. If you are constantly analyzing yourself and making sure you are 100% DJ you might appear cool for a while but ultimately people will catch on that it's an act. Now the "confidence" you think you are correcting or boosting has become insecurity, and you are no longer confident. Basically, realize you are a pimp and don't have any insecurity. So what if you say you are silent? Do you think a SUPER DJ like Colin Farrel is talking all the time? No hes probably smoking, or taking swigs of Amstel Light half the time on a date haha.

 

[blienk]

I think this is pretty normal at first. Your problem is, you want to integrate what you've learned here into your everyday life, but it hasn't become automatic yet.

Right now, your thought process is like this:

Event --> Think how to respond --> Think of what sosuave.com taught me --> React

However, once you practice enough things will become more natural so your thought process is like this:

Event --> Go with your natural instinct --> React

After a while, you will automatically begin to walk upright. When there is a silence, you will make a clever comment without even thinking about it. When a girl flirts with you, you will naturally know how to react like a DJ without thinking of this site directly. But for now, you are still building the connections in your mind and it may not seem like a natural process.

For another analogy, think of learning how to drive a car. When you were first learning, you had to think of every process slowly and carefully. When you were coming to an intersection where you wanted to turn left, you would have to THINK to get in the left turn lane, and THINK to put on your turn signal, and THINK to make sure no cars were coming the other direction, and THINK rotate the wheel left and make the car turn. But after you got enough experience, everything started to come together, and now all you have to do is decide you want to turn left and everything else happens almost automatically.

Becoming a DJ is no different. Just keep practicing and I can guarantee everything will become more natural.

 

[J-Man]

Originally posted by blienk
I think this is pretty normal at first. Your problem is, you want to integrate what you've learned here into your everyday life, but it hasn't become automatic yet.

Right now, your thought process is like this:

Event --> Think how to respond --> Think of what sosuave.com taught me --> React

However, once you practice enough things will become more natural so your thought process is like this:

Event --> Go with your natural instinct --> React

After a while, you will automatically begin to walk upright. When there is a silence, you will make a clever comment without even thinking about it. When a girl flirts with you, you will naturally know how to react like a DJ without thinking of this site directly. But for now, you are still building the connections in your mind and it may not seem like a natural process.

For another analogy, think of learning how to drive a car. When you were first learning, you had to think of every process slowly and carefully. When you were coming to an intersection where you wanted to turn left, you would have to THINK to get in the left turn lane, and THINK to put on your turn signal, and THINK to make sure no cars were coming the other direction, and THINK rotate the wheel left and make the car turn. But after you got enough experience, everything started to come together, and now all you have to do is decide you want to turn left and everything else happens almost automatically.

Becoming a DJ is no different. Just keep practicing and I can guarantee everything will become more natural.

once i learnt how to drive a car, however, everything was fine. here, i had no idea what i was doing, i learnt how, and for like a year things were improving. this problem has only come up in the past few months. once i learnt how to drive and felt comfortable doing it i never went back to the awkward stage again...

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by J-Man
once i learnt how to drive a car, however, everything was fine. here, i had no idea what i was doing, i learnt how, and for like a year things were improving. this problem has only come up in the past few months. once i learnt how to drive and felt comfortable doing it i never went back to the awkward stage again...

It would appear that you're not giving us the full story. Without coming clean completely, don't expect anyone to give you advice that will be able to help you. I believe you when you say that for a year you practiced and were rapidly gaining confidence and charisma, responding to situations without having to think about what to say, and being charming with the ladies. I do have difficulty, however, in believing that overnight all of that changed. Regressions aren't natural, not in this respect. If you can make us more aware of the events that may have led up to this regression, you can expect more detailed and useful explanations and insights from the members of this board.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

And people wonder why I keep on *****ing about why techniques, routines and **** is not something you should memorize and that you should think less and live more.........

 

[R3N3G4D3]

That's because you keep forgetting what keeps being restated all the time. The bible isn't a fûcking set of rules, it's guidelines! Pick the ones you feel most important to you, don't try to concentrate on everything at once. Once you master one aspect, like keeping eye contact in conversation, go on and try other ones since you no longer have to think about eye contact which comes off naturally after that. Don't be so conscious of your own behavior that you don't notice anything around you.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

J-Man,

SoSuave is part of "The Matrix" and you are being programmed, neurologically speaking - you are nothing but an alternative energy source - THE MATRIX HAS YOU!!

If you want to get out of "The Matrix", follow the Puerto Rican rabbit!

 

[drumr2]

Very good post.

All in all, we are all still human beings, and no matgter how many tips we pick up from this site, we're still gonna have to be ourselves. Even in a group of DJ's, all will be different from one another. One can pull it off with humor, one can be the silent type, one can be the deep, cynical one...etc. The fact of the matter is that we're trying to better ourselves here. We are NOT trying to be perfect, nor will we ever be. The same goes for the women (or woman) that you're trying to court. She's not gonna be perfect, you're not gonna be perfect, and you shouldn't have so much fear about these petty things comming up. If you slip up a little (once in a while) and the "love of your life" leaves you....then it wasn't worth the effort anyway.

 

[_XT_]

Don't take things so seriously dude

 

[Andress]

try to read

www.seducingwomen101.com

it is a complement to this site ... everything like this site but viewed from the womans perspective... it is like the ying and the yang ... be careful that there's a lot of sh1t on that site ..you have to discriminate between the good stuff and the bad stuff ......

 

[NewMan]

Ahhhh young grasshooper......


Whilst I can understand where your coming from - I think your missing the point somewhat and not seeing beyond - to the future.


As in all activities - there needs to be a set of guidelines - which will enable the unlightened to travel to the top of the mountain. But when you reach the top of the mountain thing change and you can begin to define these guidelines on your own terms.


When I frist came here I read - and read and read. I never bought into everything - but there was a lot of experience here - a lot of insight into what I'd been doing wrong. In some instances I had to re-evaluate what and was doing and where I was going. It was more of a mind set for me - since I never really had a problem talking to women - just handling them when dating and fvcking them.

So once I tuned in my mindset - and figured out what I wanted - the rest was just easy.

I don't by these tips and techniques. I don't believe in rules and a huge list of things you do and don't do.

I believe it's all about attitude - DJ forum can help develop this attitude - but then after that it up to you.

 

[Dirtheart]

I absolutely agree and it has affected me the exact same way. But personally, I do not consider it a bad thing at all. I'm now focusing consciously on my unconscious habits and replacing the bad ones with the good ones. Sooner or later, these will become unconscious habits too and it'll all come naturally.

Every phase of learning goes through these stages, and Bleink's example of driving a car is spot on.

 

[Slickster]

You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Lose that.

However you should keep doing what you are doing. The more you ingrain this DJ stuff into your head then the less you will have to think about it. Just like an athlete studies every detail of his swing, throw, shot, etc. Once you have it, then its just second nature to you and it will all feel completely natural.

In fact you'll wonder why your AFC buddies fumble around so much. Ironically, you seem to be caught up in the specific details/rules of how to become a DJ when in fact the DJ thing isn't about that at all. Its an attitude, a mindset, etc. You don't wait 3 days to call a chick because its a rule. You call whenever you damn well feel like it. You don't try and be ****y and funny. You ARE ****y and funny because that's just who you are.

Maybe try a Bootcamp or read Senor Fingers "Weapons of Mass Seduction". If you do things step by step then you won't suffer from the information overload you seem to be having.

Its good to be passionate about something so stick with it.

 

[legolas]

The problem you present here can be summed up to "too much detail to keep track of" right? I have a solution that worked for me to some extent although I haven't been aplying it to girls all that much.

The mind can only hold up to 7 +/- 2 "chunks" of stuff in memory at one point. If you're in your head keeping track of information and details you're missing out a lot and she gets the vibe that you're weird. So how do you solve the problem of too much information??

You need to chunk the information into a higher frame of reference that includes several of those pesky details in it. The higher the frame the less information to keep track of. I moved away from all that "value elicitation-pattern recitation" model and into a higher frame of thinking. Now I keep track of two things only!!!

The first thing I keep track of is "What is their perception of me and or the situation we're in?" So I have to keep polling her reactions (hint. this is a question to ask to yourself not to her) and modify as needed.

The second thing I keep track of is "Where is her awareness now, what is she aware of at the moment?" Then I mmmay want to move her awareness into a realm where I want it to be.

That's it!! No tricky elicitation things to keep track of, no values to elicit. Most of the time I change both of thse things through stories of things that have happened to me, which I color with language so that I get a stronger effect.

So most of what I do is either speak my mind (while being aware of where this thing might send her awareness) and I use stories to set up the perceptions I want and bum her awareness into the realm that I want (could be sex, relationships etc)

Let's say that you speak your mind about the Iraqi prisoner abuse. Fine, but where is her awareness after that? (into a realm of prisons, physical and mental violence, sexual abuse etc) What kind of perceptions about you is this setting? (you are into politics, you feel a certain way about violence and abuse, you are no fun, and many other ones which you have to gauge by her reactions in order to figure it out)

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by J-Man
...
- whenever ANYTHING happens, i immediately think of this site.

...and the problem is, i cant just *stop* thinking about the stuff ive learnt on this site, because i KNOW its true, i KNOW its right. how can i just stop doing something i know is right?

im so busy thinking about how to be C/F that i hardly make any jokes at all! my sense of humor has gotten WORSE. my social skills are declining. i just realized all of this today.

...can anyone else relate to this? im gonna keep on bumping this to the top until i have this problem clearly answered, whether its posted in here, PMed to me, or whatever. this is IT. i am confident. i can take risks. i am manly. i am happy. i love myself and my life. im an optomist...

...to sum it all up: i used to be a human AFC. now im a DJ robot. help me.

the answer to your problem is that you have fooled yourself into thinking you are confident when in fact you are not. If you were confident would you act like something you're not? If you were confident, would you feel the need to act like other people told you to act? If you were confident, would you need to follow any of the dj bible? If you truly like yourself and are confident, then why change your behavior?

In other words be yourself, and if that's not good enough for her, so what? Who cares? Not every girl has to like you, so why try so hard? Just be you and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[oldschool]

As others have said, it's about confidence. It isn't the moves you make, it's the attitude you have. Your attitude will dictate what actions you take, but memorizing "DJ techniques" won't change your attitude.

Now changing your attitude isn't the easiest thing to do, but it is the most helpful. Start working on that first. You may run into a situation where you don't have a technique, then what?

One thing I like to think is to be like water. It adapts to the shape of its surroundings. A rock seems hard, but is can be broken because it can't adapt. Learn the attitude and be the water, or learn the techniques and be the rock.

 

[VIVAlasVEGASBaby]

To let you in on a little secret, we all go through this stage. Congratulations, you're one step closer to being a "DJ". The next step on your journey should be a long break from this site.

When you take a break for a long period of time (you should try to leave for about 2-3 months) all the DJ **** kind of sinks to the bottom. You start to learn more about YOU. You forget what a DJ even is. You start to pick and choose which qualites YOU want. You start to be human again...

Leave. There isn't any real way of making you feel better. Just leave for a few months; you'd be amazed at how much you'll learn about yourself.

Good luck man.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

I'd agree with the OP if the "rules" of sosuave.com worked with every woman you meet, in any situation you're in. They don't. You have to improvise, adapt, and come up with stuff on the spot. It's like college where you never graduate; you never stop learning.
For me, the point of this site is to jog AFC's out of their mindless, depressive funks and do something constructive with their time, like meeting beautiful women.
Vegas, you're right. I always experience an epiphany when I'm not constantly posting here. Maybe it's time to retire.

 

[J-Man]

after reading everything in here and thinking a bit, i have to agree, the mindset is key - everything else will just come with it. i hear that statemtent a lot these days. but... never really thought about it that much. i guess thats the problem i have...

what is this "mindset"? what is the correct "attitude"?

many of the things you guys are all saying are completely true. someone in this post earlier said ive tricked myself into believing im confident. that person is 1000% right (i mean, the bible says it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, so it MUST be that way, right?). well, id like to forget about all that BS. youve all been really helpful, but the problem is, the only solution ive been given is to quit this site, which ive already tried, and it only got worse. i guess i really just need to have the right attitude.

now about this mindset... how on earth do i get it? is asking the people here for it the solution? or perhaps i should read the bible to get it? i dont see any solution to this without blatantly contradicting absolutely everything that everyone has said until now.

and also, what if the DJ "mindset" and my "mindset" dont match? i could easily MAKE this mindset my own, but wouldnt i be making the very same mistake again? if i can trick myself into believing im confident then perhaps i can trick myself into believing i have this mindset? how the hell do i actually change the way i look at the world? other than fooling myself i dont see how this is possible.