The Problem With Making It A Science (Absolute Must Read)

[squirrels]

I figured this out only recently myself. THe things that you use to pull yourself up, they start to hold you back and limit you.

Sometimes you just need to wipe your slate clean and re-invent yourself. You'll find yourself pulling in things you learned from before just naturally, and that's the way it SHOULD be.

 

[2xp]

stop focusing on techiques and just live ...

and read pook's posts ...



when i discovered this site, i read the bible and tried the little tricks (physical and mental ones). but with more perspective i now think it only helps guys with zero or very little social skills. like nerds, geeks or guys who were raised in very different ways and don't know how to behave socially.

second step was discovering pook's posts. he does a great job by saying you should focuse on yourself :

1- by achieving your dreams and being dedicated to what you like the most. by stopping thinking about others and what your social image may be but instead trying to reach excellency
2 - by working out, do more sports and go outdoors (go to "look like pook" post).


when i realised this was the way to go, then focusing about smiling, standing straight, being funny, being sexualised were NOT OBJECTIVES but CONSESQUENCES of what i am. Now they just come naturally, i don't have to think about it. Then i just suprise myself when from time to time, a hot girl is attracted to me The times when i was just a spectator appears to be really far, far away...

another advice is to read fingers 's posts. although he appears and focuses less on manly matters (no harm intended, mr or senor fingers, if you are reading this), his stories are funny. He gave me some ideas about travelling, massaging , dancing, music, other artistic stuff, connecting with Nature . His posts were cool and also entertaining. thanx , mr fingers.

i think of him more as a 70ies hippies "inspirational " Don Juan. pook is more like a hardcore alpha neanderthal athlete.
both are OK to me, and i'm adding my passion to litterature and photography.

by the way, i'd like to thank the creators of sosuave.com, it helped to connect me with Nature and my real me !!

 

[radix]

I recognize this 'robotic' feeling, and what I've done to overcome it is quite simple - start at the beginning, and don't move on until you've got it nailed..

To be more precise, I started working on a confident posture first - it was real hard. First I could do it only in front of the mirror, later I managed when I was walking around empty streets, and now I can do it in the most crowded of places. Now that I've got that nailed I'm working on eye contact (I have my good and bad days) and the responses this gets are amazing to me. Simultaneously I'm also working on my social skills. I started by not being a wallflower anymore but joining in conversations that are on-going. Then I moved on to initiating conversation when I'm in a group - usually with somebody who is a bit social so I can be sure there will be a bit of a conversation. I'm actually noticing people following my lead these days, which is a -very- strange sensation when you're used to blending into the background like I used to do for all of my life. For example, when I'm out with some new-found friends (who only know the confident me), I tend to have the first and last say in choices to make (I often propose things too, such as activities etc - it's automatic to some extent). Other examples: they wait for me to go through a door first. When in a group conversation one topic fizzles out they look to me to start up a new one (challenging for me at this point, but I'm sure I'll get there too) - and the list goes on.

This whole process I've described took up at least a year, if not more (I started this whole confidence building thing way before I found this site). So take it easy, it WILL happen. I haven't even mentioned women yet - initially I started all this confidence building for that sole reason. Now however I've found out that I'm loving my life 100 times more even without taking women into account. I only now feel I'm ready and stable enough to have a girlfriend, and flirting is becoming part of my natural style, which I'm really enjoying. I get prolonged eye contact and smiles all over the place on my better days.

Which is also something you'll find when you're working on a new skill - initially about 1 in 10 days are 'better' days. Then in the months that follow it becomes 1 in 2. Eventually only 1 in 10 days will be a bad one and the thing you're working on has become part of your new style.

So I can only say keep the faith, take small steps and you'll be a new man! Good luck

 

[Crank_It_Up]

J-Man, do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy? What are your other interests besides women?

 

[maranathaman]

Anytime some clown says that his thread is "an absolute Must read" that automatically disqualifies it in MY Book!

 

[J-Man]

Originally posted by maranathaman
Anytime some clown says that his thread is "an absolute Must read" that automatically disqualifies it in MY Book!

*dresses up in a big colorful gown and puts on a squishy red nose and a matching wig*

...

i have to say, im pleasantly surprised with what people have been saying in here. ive been thinking about it and the solutions i came up with are the same that have been posted.

work out and play sports even more (emphasis on even - i have been a decent amount until now): i agree.

get other passions and have more hobbies than reading about picking up women: i agree .

memorize all of pooks posts: i agree (hyperbole here... though i just saw Troy with brad pitt... i am in awe. simply amazing. my new role model).

i may not be a DJ just yet, but i am no longer an AFC. i am now up to the second final stage in being a DJ: completely throwing out absolutely everything i "learnt" here and making my god d@mn self...

... and you know what, ive noticed a pattern in almost all successful DJs here: THEY ALL LEAVE! it happens with almost all of them. some are incredibly kind and stay here and advise those still on their paths, but its nearly impossible, at least for me, to stay here with my fellow DJs and AFCs alike without going against what i just said. it would be hard (to say the least) not to get caught up in everything again.

perhaps its time for me to leave this site... NO, its DEFINITELY time for that. maybe ill read pooks stuff, probably not, but maybe. i will come back here every once in a while to this thread. i already have it bookmarked. this is it!

oh yeah, and i mentioned that this was all the second to last step in being a DJ. whats the last? living my life!

i feel like a gigantic boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. i feel free.

you wanna know what the this f*cking mindset is? ill tell you:

i have a date this saturday. usually i would be worrying, just a *litte* bit, about how things will happen. sure i would forget about it and do other things, it wouldnt bother me really at all, but still, there would be a little anxiety. will i attract her? how will things turn out? what if things go wrong? these are doubts i would normally have, even slightly.

but NOW, i cant WAIT for this date. i cant WAIT to see what happens. will she find me attractive? will i get laid? will i stay with her for the rest of my life and marry her and have children? will i get rejected?

i can hardly sit still just thinking about what will happen.

next time i see a girl i would like to meet, i will not doubt her, myself, or ANYTHING for ONE SECOND! i will JUMP at the opportunity JUST to see what happens. and i could care less what happens, as long as it does.

this is life my friends. this is life. youve spent enough time on here. now its time to live.

 

[Okra]

I feel the same way sometimes. It's like I think too much about the strategic moves that I'm making in reality to the point where I can't enjoy reality. I'm trying to relax and not think so much. I think not thinking is the key. Zen. Now. Now is all that is happening. nothing else. no sosuave.com.

 

[One on One]

I feel you on this thread.

I think it's part of the evolution of becoming a DJ. There's a Zen saying that I think really sums it all up, "He who speaks does not know and he who knows does not speak."

Think about that for a second.

Everything you read on this site is someone speaking who does not really know. Actually, I'd stretch it and say some of them do know, but they cannot speak what it is to be a DJ. In Zen, it refers to achieving Nirvana. You cannot describe how to achieve Nirvana. It just is. The same is true of a DJ.

What is a DJ?

Nobody can answer that. It is unanswerable. Usually it boils down to "confidence," but even that does not describe a DJ completely.

Heh, I'm actually pretty satisfied with myself for coming up with that explanation because I think it's on the mark. With that being said, I am at the same stage you are. I think way too much. I'm more afraid of saying or doing something non-DJ than not saying anything at all so I am a man of inaction right now. I think a lot of guys are like that. We go out, do nothing, then come back and ask what we should have done and other guys who aren't doing anything either tell us what they would have done.

This site just intelluctualizes something that shouldn't be thought about. It has to come natural.

 

[Chrispy]

I was like you when I started reading many of the very good posts here: I thought of the rules, the catch phrases, and the instructions on attitude.

I got past all that as I moved towards form. When you get to form, you realize everything everyone is saying here is about your state and your mindset.

Then you get to real-world situations, and you screw up! But you will keep your form in the real-world...

...it's when you get lost again that you come back and read the posts on this site...

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

The thread surely said "Absolute must read" but it was not worth reading at all. Whomever is dumb enough to follow techniques and systems like slaves don't deserve to evolve.

Have FUN is the most important thing.

 

[radix]

Kineticharm, you missed the point. I think it's a very interesting observation, for a lot of guys it will definitely feel overwhelming once you are let into the fact that you've been doing -that- much wrong dealing with girls. It's not a voluntary reaction to be reminded of the information on sosuave when you're in a situation dealing with girls. So it's an entirely legit question to ask how to overcome it.

 

[radix]

Yeah that'll help fuzz, lying all the time... instead of lying, why don't you make it so you've got something to back it up with?
People usually notice it when you lie you know... there's always something that doesn't feel quite right when somebody lies.

 

[KC_Seductive]

It is sort of like playing a musical instument. You must learn different techniques so you can play what you feel, and what is in your head.

You will reach a point where you don't have to practice as much, but even the most advanced musicians must continue to practice. Otherwise they will get rusty and lose their chops.

Even if you do have the right mindset, you could wind up messing up if you lack the necessary skills.

Actually, it is rather self-aggrandizing for someone to assume they are above what is taught and shared here. But if someone sincerely feels they have learned all there is to know on this subject and wants to move on, I wish them luck.

 

[thecraftylefty]

One of the things you don't find out when you first come to sosuave.com is that the learning process never stops. IT NEVER STOPS! I've learned so much about life, nature, but mostly myself since I joined this message board. So let's break it down a bit...

I've probably read more than I should have when I first found this place. I mean how can you not. You find this place and all of a sudden you think all your problems are solved. Wrong. This place is just a guide to send you on your way to where your heart already has in mind for you.

When I internalized all the stuff here I then stumbled upon fastseduction.com and thought I found the Holy Grail. There was so much more new information and knowledge at my disposal. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world for finding it too. I also began to develop a bit of an ego along the way. I thought I was invincible; or more accurately "special" for having the the knowledge of all these people that wrote amazing posts that were supposed to cure the average guy of his courting woes. For some strange reason unbeknownst to me I really thought like that. And it went on for quite some time too. It took a while to realize it, but better late than never. So I left this site, and others, for quite a while do get a dose of reality, and boy did I ever.

I came back after learning a lot about myself, plus I gained a hell of a lot more practical experience. And I'm so much better off for it. I relied on this board way too much for the solutions to my problems when I already had them inside me. Look at it this way: you're going to do whatever you want anyway, why have 10,000 other guys try convincing you to do something that you don't agree with? Do your own thing! It's great to have people supporting your efforts, but deep down you know what best for yourself so don't second guess yourself and go for what you want. Be your own man.

thecraftylefty

 

[Ser_i]

Yeah okay, I mean I still have it at some times I find myself over analysing the woman infront of me, hell not even women, every god damn person I meet, in what ever situation I find myself trying to figure out what kind of person it is so I can exploit the situation.. but this happens automaticly not with known intention..

it becommes a habbit.... It's not a bad thing but don't focuss on it... talk alot about this with a good friend or something, try to explain why you think things are like that without giving away the source of your info.. that might putt off some weight from your shoulders and just talk to women to enjoy the conversation without an immidieate desire to hit on her

 

[Dirtheart]

I'm starting to understand what is meant by DJ mindset. It's not about replacing AFC traits and moves with DJ ones, or techniques, chat up lines etc, it's about using the knowledge to develop genuine confidence and conviction in yourself.

It's like learning to swim. Once you learn how, you can dive into a pool without fear, without thinking what moves you should be making, and just do it because it's fun.