the problem of being average looks on POF

[pete101]

i also find there's a lot of women in very low end jobs who'd you not batter an eyelid at, not cos of looks but you just wouldn't encounter them in your day to day lives.

like chefs, people who work in the kitchen, nurses, etc

i dont know if these women are low quality, just struggling to survive i guess.

 

[pete101]

In my opinion: any guy on an online dating site who engages in 3 days' worth of emails and texts lacks fundamental game to begin with; he's over-relying on technology, thinking that the chick needs 3 days' worth of boring conversation to warm her up enough for a date.

But over-relying on technology is just as often committed "in the field"--not because the technology is bad--but because the aspiring PUA lacks THE single most important part of pickup: confidence! He lacks the willingness to embrace and learn from failure and rejection...he has no confidence in his game, so thinks the technology will do the work for him. Rather than just ask the chick out, he thinks he'll charm and humor his way into her heart with a few days' worth of witty lines and storytelling.

Give you an example:

Let's say one fine Tuesday afternoon you get the number of that tall skinny big-boobed MILF that you've been salivating over at your gym; you wait 2 days to call. On Thursday night, you talk for 30 minutes but don't invite her out. On Friday afternoon, you call her again, and talk for 10 minutes...you want to ask her out, but you're too scared of rejection. Day 3: Saturday. You talk again for 5 minutes before she cuts you off, saying that she has to go. You never hear from her again.

Three days' worth of phone talk and no date...which means no poon for this aspiring PUA.

He should have invited that MILF out on Thursday! 5 minutes of conversation then an invite: "Do you have plans tomorrow night? Great! Come have a drink with me at 8 pm at the Cougar Bait Bar and Grill."

Game is game. Confidence is confidence.

A man who successfully interacts with women uses EVERY advantage--the Internet, the nightclubs, the bookstores, etc. etc. Women are everywhere these days, dating sites included. Why deny yourself access to thousands of women via online?

Women are women. Women don't change personalities once they subscribe to an online dating profile.

If she's an attention ***** "in the field," then she'll be an attention ***** online;

If she's a cool chick "in the field," then she'll be a cool chick online.

Chances are, that woman whom you've met through your social circle PROBABLY has AT LEAST CONSIDERED subscribing to an online dating site.




Since when are nurses considered "low-end jobs"??? I LOVE nurses! They get paid well, and they like to take care of their men.

i think in the US they're paid more, over here in europe they're one of the least paid professions. it's why the quality of healthcare is not great.

 

[J Roc]

Game is game. Confidence is confidence.

A man who successfully interacts with women uses EVERY advantage--the Internet, the nightclubs, the bookstores, etc. etc. Women are everywhere these days, dating sites included. Why deny yourself access to thousands of women via online?

Because a man who is successful with women is spinning so many plates he doesnt have time/desire to create an online profile and email chicks.

 

[Iceberg]

Because a man who is successful with women is spinning so many plates he doesnt have time/desire to create an online profile and email chicks.

In 2012, I just don't think that's the case.

I'm successful in work and with women, and if I'm home relaxing on the couch, I might think "Hey, let me see what's up with my OKC account."

It's not like this is some 24-hour process. World of Warcraft or whatever, where you spend hours every day on it.

If you dislike the concept of online dating, that's fine. Personal preference. But you also seem to be completely unwilling to admit that it has usefulness....Which is also fine. I'm not here to convert you.

 

[J Roc]

In 2012, I just don't think that's the case.

I'm successful in work and with women, and if I'm home relaxing on the couch, I might think "Hey, let me see what's up with my OKC account."

It's not like this is some 24-hour process. World of Warcraft or whatever, where you spend hours every day on it.

If you dislike the concept of online dating, that's fine. Personal preference. But you also seem to be completely unwilling to admit that it has usefulness....Which is also fine. I'm not here to convert you.

its a crutch for people who lack game.

If you are successful with women... why arent you picking up your phone to call a woman to come over instead of logging into a dating site?

 

[Iceberg]

its a crutch for people who lack game.

If you are successful with women... why arent you picking up your phone to call a woman to come over instead of logging into a dating site?

Why couldn't a man pick up a phone to call a woman, AND have an online account?

You make it sound like one eliminates the other. There's more than one way to get a woman. As technology changes, so do the ways we use it. 100 years ago, you'd be saying, "why are you calling a woman on the telephone instead of writing her a letter?"

 

[Don Alfredo]

OK, I would be very careful with internet dating if I were you. It has been pointed out quite correctly that it seems to be the increasing choice of busy professionals and there are more upmarket sites for this. This is good, if you have a good profile as it puts you out there and you never know. Don't go for free sites. Unless you want nutters or teenage mums. A few tips for a good profile:

- Have a good profile shot. It's a cardinal sin not to have a picture first off. If there's room for a few, have a couple of shots that show you doing different things - playing sport, out on the town or even one in fancy dress.

- Fill out the info sections. This shows you have taken the time to actually have a look at it and be semi serious about it. Don't however write essays. Girls don't want to get bored. But also girls need something to message you about or a tag they can latch onto as an excuse for sending you a message.

- Don't have a "type" as this limits who you might meet. You never know, they could have a hot friend...

- Don't spend more than 10 minutes on it at a time, but check your profile pretty regularly. This will get you noticed on most sites and says to girls that if they message you there's a strong chance you'll receive it.

- Don't "like", "prod" or "wink" at anyone - just send them a message. They can "wink" back and you can do all that stuff further down the line to escalate things, but if you do this before, it will kill any chances you have.

- Be selective. Pay sites with "compatibility scores" are brilliant. Go for your high percentages. Just like in sport.

As a note to finish on, it may be a good thing that you put yourself online as it says you're in the game. Find a good pay site and see where you go. But NOTHING is a substitute for real life contact. As soon as you escalate, talk about getting together for a coffee. Don't SAY this as such, but you don't want to hang around.

 

[pete101]

the thing with the paid internet dating sites i'm very sceptical about, some like match are surprisingly expensive if you look at the monthly fee for what it provides. i do see higher quality women on there BUT it seems to me for those women looking for higher quality males they're assuming the high quality male is going to pay for a subscription when if he already is successful with women would have reservations about paying for a subsription dating site.. pride and ego etc would prevent him from doing so.

yes, people are busy and professionals but still as a man there's some element of pride involved whereby it seems like you're a failure if you have to resort to internet dating which i guess with free dating sites you can justify joining cos well, there's no expenditure on your part. no harm no foul etc.

it seems though for the higher quality women that they dont want to be on the free dating sites cos so many losers and afcs message them it becomes a burden, if pof came up with even stricter filters it would help weed out the low quality guys for them and maybe higher quality women would join unless of course if she is a high quality woman, why does she need to use a dating site?

the 'number of characters' needed in a message filter is quite good, it stops the guys who just send 'hi' as a message.

it seems to be pof has a full range of low quality men and high quality men, all across the spectrum, whereas for the women its all low quality except for a few from time to time.

what confuses me is why would a high quality woman who chooses to pay for a subscription site like match ASSUME that a high quality male would pay for a subscription there?

 

[pete101]

OK, I would be very careful with internet dating if I were you. It has been pointed out quite correctly that it seems to be the increasing choice of busy professionals and there are more upmarket sites for this. This is good, if you have a good profile as it puts you out there and you never know. Don't go for free sites. Unless you want nutters or teenage mums. A few tips for a good profile:

- Have a good profile shot. It's a cardinal sin not to have a picture first off. If there's room for a few, have a couple of shots that show you doing different things - playing sport, out on the town or even one in fancy dress.

- Fill out the info sections. This shows you have taken the time to actually have a look at it and be semi serious about it. Don't however write essays. Girls don't want to get bored. But also girls need something to message you about or a tag they can latch onto as an excuse for sending you a message.

- Don't have a "type" as this limits who you might meet. You never know, they could have a hot friend...

- Don't spend more than 10 minutes on it at a time, but check your profile pretty regularly. This will get you noticed on most sites and says to girls that if they message you there's a strong chance you'll receive it.

- Don't "like", "prod" or "wink" at anyone - just send them a message. They can "wink" back and you can do all that stuff further down the line to escalate things, but if you do this before, it will kill any chances you have.

- Be selective. Pay sites with "compatibility scores" are brilliant. Go for your high percentages. Just like in sport.

As a note to finish on, it may be a good thing that you put yourself online as it says you're in the game. Find a good pay site and see where you go. But NOTHING is a substitute for real life contact. As soon as you escalate, talk about getting together for a coffee. Don't SAY this as such, but you don't want to hang around.

haha are you really 19? a lot of what you say sounds like something a seasoned 30+ year old who's too busy with work to meet people on the regular.

you're 19 what are you doing on an internet dating site??

 

[pete101]

i think a problem with pof and online dating is you can't tell if she's IOI'ing you or more likely just attention wh0ring.

i think the proof is in the pudding, whether she gives you her number and agrees to meet up. it really depends on whether she's NEW to online dating or experienced.

i think the assumption is you need to get her number and meet up within a few messages, i agree for EXPERIENCED internet daters but girls new to the game they must be wary and i'm you must come across as desperate if you're not talking a bit.. i think maybe at least 6-7 messages over a period of 2 days before you suggest to meet up. (i think it's more the talking over 2-3 days rather than the number of messages, just to make them feel they've been talking to you for a few days even if it's only been 3-4 messages)

the issue i have is that, if i put myself out there and try to be flirty and i dont get a response back, and then you see her logging on rapidly and off you can be sure some other high value male is making strides where you aren't and that's frustrating but i guess it's something you have to accept if you're average looks? there isn't much you can do to c0ckblock the c0ckblockers online so accept your fate.

i always thought women who agree to what you say or compliment you on your taste or get excited about stuff you're into even though she may not be was a good IOI but i think it gets distorted online.

who knows, i followed up a day later asking her a different question to set up the rapport again and shes replied and asked me questions too but i guess i could be down the same path of attention wh0ring it's too much to say.. tbh i feel friendzoned cos she sees we have a lot of similar interests so i'm mistaking her replying to me as one of interest (interest as a friend maybe but not necessarily dating).. her profie says 'looking for fun' i think that says everything, and maybe cos i didn't approach her in a propositional sexual way i'm getting rebuffed?

she hasn't been online for a day now, i think she tried it and got bored.. or more likely found the guy she wanted to hook up with and is done with it. too much trash to filter through, if i was a girl i wouldn't want go through the hassle of looking through all the losers messages and profiles, it's not fun anymore.

 

[Don Alfredo]

haha are you really 19? a lot of what you say sounds like something a seasoned 30+ year old who's too busy with work to meet people on the regular.

you're 19 what are you doing on an internet dating site??

I have 19 posts By the same logic, you're 650 years old... that's a lot of ***** in that time!

 

[pete101]

I have 19 posts By the same logic, you're 650 years old... that's a lot of ***** in that time!

oh sh1t sorry dude, i read that wrong i thought it said age: 19. whoops. must be going blind in my old age!

it makes sense now what you say, i was thinking wtf how does a 19 year old know so much about internet dating?

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm no fan of online dating, but in my limited experience with it, I learned one thing:

Respond to emails as soon as possible. Women get so many emails that she will lose interest quickly if you wait too long. You won't look needy by replying right away. It's mostly about striking when the iron is hot and using that to get numbers and dates.

 

[pete101]

here's the kicker about POF, cos so many loser afc guys start sending stupid messages to the hot women, propositions, sexual invites, general stupidity im not surprised many delete themselves off the site straight after when they get 300 messages of absolute nonsense.

the one i was going back and forth with has deleted herself. cant blame her. you could say if she was interested she would have left me a message before she left but given they have so many options any way she's not gona care about some guy she was speakign to on the internet unless she was extremely attracted.

actions speak louder than words. it's a shame, i had a lot in common with that one, just didnt get the opportunity to further build rapport.

it's definitely better to focus on real life women. i'll be doing that the next 3 days.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

the one i was going back and forth with has deleted herself. cant blame her. you could say if she was interested she would have left me a message before she left but given they have so many options any way she's not gona care about some guy she was speakign to on the internet unless she was extremely attracted.

Cold approach will always defeat online game. A woman will instantly ditch all the internet dating guys for a guy she just met through a cold approach.

 

[big weezy]

My opinion is: it all comes down to the QUALITY of the approach.

Whether she's approached online or "in the field," a cold approach is a cold approach.

Confidence, wit, and humor often translate equally these days.

Women and men ARE using the Internet to meet up these days.

If you bring forth the fundamentals of solid game, she will be open for a meetup.

How or where or why you meet up is not as important the quality of the game you bring.

The Internet is just as effective as the nightcub--both avenues should be used as a TOOL to meet up.

you mentioned before i read somewhere about if a girl doesn't give you a firm yes then you need to answer appropriately..

im stuck in this pof thing where she didn't want to give our her number (i think she's had bad internet dates before) to strangers.. plus she's a legit model so must be bombarded with messages both online and real life (does make me question why she's on there)

she asks me to skype/msn first, i say i dont use skype/msn but will exchange blackberry pins with her for bbm (same thing as skype/msn im just on phones) and to meet up during the day this weekend. she says she doesnt have a BB but this weekend should be fine, 'but let's confirm later in the week and see'

that last bit is the killer, i read somewhere on here when she gives you that she's testing you to see if you'll fall for the whole confirming bait.

what should i have responded with?

 

[Serg897]

I have never had a decent response rate on OKC, and only sporadically within the past two years have I been able to meet up and fvck a few women from there.

However, Im gonna share that being succesfull online CAN be done.

I have a friend who has never been very good with women. He is shy and awkward. But he had a female friend help him set up a profile on OKC, put up great pictures that she helped him take, and bam - his response rate is 25-30%, and he has women contacting him every week.

It probably helps that he is 6'2, but I honestly believe its the pictures. He isn't bad looking and he works out, so the full body shot he has plus the one of him teaching small children for his job probably puts him above and beyond the rest. The profile text is nothing special.

Online dating, properly used, can seriously expand your sexual options. The pics will make or break you. If you dont have a friend to do it, consider taking professional shots.

 

[big weezy]

Hey Weez that last part is a killer only if you allow it to be. A guy with options could care less if he loses the girl; even if you have no options, you have confidence--and a confident guy doesn't settle or compromise his time, waiting on some chick to commit an hour or two for a drink with him.

So I would respond with:

"That's OK. I'd rather wait until you're not as busy. How about I call/text you next Wednesday to see about meeting up?"

If she offers her number, DO NOT call or text until the next Wednesday. But if she doesn't offer her number, then I would just move on. I don't like "building a rapport" via text/email/skype or whatever. I use technology as an invite tool only. In my mind, the chicks who are slow to metamorphisize from technology to in-person meetings are usually the ones who are looking to reject you. These chicks have trust issues, in my opinion.

My opinion is, don't settle for a "wait and see." Make her commit without seemingly forcing anything. Signal to her that you're not going to accept ANYTHING less than a for-sure date time and place.

damn, i sent a reply before i read yours.

i didnt' explicitly say i'll agree.

she was like: don't have a BB unfortunately
Weekend sounds good to me, let's see and maybe confirm by the end of this week?

me: i'm a busy man i'm on my bb right now, i have a few things going on this week and on the weekend but i should have a couple hours free on Sat and Sun to hear your sexy accent and your life story, and how you've come to where you are now in this country.

leave me your number then.

her: Ok, let's keep in touch and see what we can arrange for this weekend.
My number is ***********, it will be nice to meet and have a nice converstation

i smell a flake, do you?

on a side note, with another 1 she 'appeared' to giving me lots of rapport then suddenly cut off contact after 3 messages.. she was a new 1 on pof so i expect them to stop talking to me after 2-3 messages as usually they like the other guys better.

i made the cardinal mistake of following up twice to which i didn't get replies till like an hour later apologizing but no further questions to follow on..

i didn't respond to either as they were just answers to my questions. no by me ignoring her messages she's now sent me a response responding to my original msg..

this pof stuff is really tiresome.. :-s

 

[Iceberg]

Online dating, properly used, can seriously expand your sexual options. The pics will make or break you. If you dont have a friend to do it, consider taking professional shots.

You know it's weird, as a guy, to figure out which kind of pics to have on your online profile.

On one hand, it's logical to have the best quality pics of yourself. On the other hand, it's not particularly "manly" to have re-touched, staged, professionally-shot pictures of yourself.

I feel like it's our thing as men to not care about those types of things. Even if we do care, we can't give the appearance that we care.

100% of my pictures are just good shots of me taken at various social events by various friends. Camping. Playing guitar. Woodworking. Traveling.

Of course I don't REALLY care about whether or not someone gets a professional pic done for the purpose of online dating. But on the rare occasion when I look at the profiles of my "male competition" I look down upon the guys who have fancy pics. It makes them seem like metrosexuals or something.

But at the end of the day, you gotta do what works. And if that sh*t brings the girls in, then do it. This is just something that's been on my mind lately, and you happened to bring it up.

 

[Serg897]

But at the end of the day, you gotta do what works. And if that sh*t brings the girls in, then do it. This is just something that's been on my mind lately, and you happened to bring it up.

Yeah - frankly, I used to believe that there was very little I could do to improve my success rate online as I've tried using different random pics people have taken (I dont have my own camera) and edited my profile text many times, as well as sending out many messages.

However, my friends success story has vastly changed my perspective. He now tells me that he has 4 dates in four days, his phone is constantly beeping from new texts, and new contacts are coming in from the site all the time. We have been close for years, so I know he is telling the truth (and in all that time, he wasnt getting laid because he has no idea how to meet women in his daily life). Frankly, I'm amazed - I had absolutely no idea he would be having THAT much success, and it has restored my faith in going online.

I am really starting to understand the dynamic now - online, there are a few guys getting most of the attention, because women are always bombarded with messages and will focus on what they percieve to be the very best, while the rest of us might get lucky once in a while. The goal is to get pics that portray you well enough to get into that upper echelon.

I am going to have a close female friend of mine help me take good pics one of these days. This is when it pays to have platonic lady friends. And if that doesnt pan out, I might even consider professional shots as well.