The Perfect Don Juan

[Dizgal]

Anti-Dump:
Actually, Tom Cruise doesn't do it for me....he's too short.( I'm 5"9)
Honestlly, I don't think I would go out someone who waits 9 days, because it shows lack of interest, of course, unless they have a believable reason, like they were out of town or something like that. I think overall it would depend on each individual situation.

 

[MaMo]

there you go again, reading between the lines when there are no lines. i never said dont post your opinion. what i mean by positive is saying something like this "i understand what your saying, but heres my take on this situation". when you say this there is no arguement, you are only stating your opinion. instead of taking their words and making something out of them that they did not mean. most of what ppl say is more something like this "your wrong!!! you are stupid for even making a post like that!" i prefer seeing success stories and opinions over negative criticizing.

 

[archangel32]

DJ's need to read this!

 

[G]

:O what a great post ... don't laugh guys, know it is an old one , but I read it just now !

Now I know how my bf has sooooo much control over me ... maybe he has got a way to this thread and practiced it on me

 

[G]

I am posting a reply again only to put a stress on the fact that if you wanna get a girl , just do EXACTLY what AD says in this post ... IT WORKS , believe me , it does ... I am a girl , I know what I am talking about .

That is exactly what will make a girl want you ...BUT ( and here is a BIG "but" )be careful not to overdo those advices, cause at a point like this , if you overdo , you might lose the girl for good ...

just the opinion of a girl.

 

[Sgt. Ray]

Anti-Dump: Great post! I think back on all of the times in my life when I @%$&'ed up because I didn't act immediately. Instead I had to think, weigh my options, etc., in which case women read me as the spineless orifice that I was.

Low Self-esteem: I must disagree with your take on moving in; I think Anti-dump is right on target here. The stats show that couples who live together beore marriage are more likely to divorce. When you live together, she's sees you warts and all, which is the exact, diametric opposite of challenge and mystery. In fact, a Penn State study stated that women who lived with men were more "verbally aggressive," meaning that they b*$?#ed more. A woman who lives with a guy is hell-bent on getting maried, and will turn the screws until he does.

If you're already nailng her, why do you need her shrill, nagging voice telling you where and when you can go anywhere, or carping every time you notice a chesty blonde?

[This message has been edited by Sgt. Ray (edited 06-12-2001).]

 

[war_eagle60]

A-D,
Here's a question for you. in your origional post, you said,"A Don Juan never gives flowers, cards, or gifts for the first two months."

But, I read elsewhere on this site that you should always bring something to the door to give to your date.

Could you please clear this up for me, thanks.

~The Mighty Eagle of War

 

[Scarface]

I know this is a really old post, and my question might get ignored... but do you guys really think you have to wait 3 months before you tell her anything about yourself...

I know 3 months goes by quick, buts it seems a little long...

 

[stuartSan]

Whoa.. all the Master Don Juans having their debate here. Nice post. Couple of Master Don Juanitas too. Nice to have some women advice so we could hear the story from both sides.. but if too many women come here.. these advice and guidelines wouldn't work anymore

 

[AlfredB18]

Originally posted by war_eagle60:
A-D,
Here's a question for you. in your origional post, you said,"A Don Juan never gives flowers, cards, or gifts for the first two months."

But, I read elsewhere on this site that you should always bring something to the door to give to your date.

Could you please clear this up for me, thanks.

~The Mighty Eagle of War

Basically, don't overindulge in the trinkets for the chick. Get one carnation for the first date and that's all for a while.

The key is ONE. I showered a few girls with gardens of flowers and other junk, and I got "LJBF"ed.

I give another girl one rose for Valentines day and even her mom loves me from that night forward. It helps to have mom behind you when it comes to inluencing her daughter in your favor.

 

[AlfredB18]

Originally posted by Scarface:
I know this is a really old post, and my question might get ignored... but do you guys really think you have to wait 3 months before you tell her anything about yourself...

I know 3 months goes by quick, buts it seems a little long...

If, by chance, you have come in to the presence of a real intelligent girl (it happens), she will eject you before that 3 months is up...more like 3 days if you give her the vibe that you live a double life.

Basically, don't pour your soul out to her so soon. You do that, then she feels compelled to do the same, which inevitably brings up her past and how she got done wrong by guys X, Y, and Z....then you're in the "Zone" because she's using your shoulder to cry on.

 

[syncmaster]

This is a really good thread. I've learned a lot. I'm surprised that we have more female DJ's in here.
I just wanted to welcome you all, G, Dizgal, nice to have ya.

------------------
Syncmaster signing out.
a.k.a ... Adam

 

[BigBill]

I like what LSE is saying.

I may try that out myslef and see If I can get it to work. Like he said its all in the attitude. If I tried this s few months back before I started talking to girls and getting my confidence level high it wouldn't have worked. now that I really don't give a fuk about any particular chick and have that true confidence I bet it works just like he says.

You set yourself apart from the rest by

1) expecting her to call you
2) coming on like you get chicks calling you all the time instead of havig to chase them like most guys.

I'm gonna try it and see. the main thing is the confidence. Either way ought to work if you have that going on.

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

Guys,you are making things complicated,that's all.!

When you people say follow rules, they are too difficult to be applied. There are times when you should bend the rules to fit yourself. If there are rules that we must definitely follow, I suggest if someone list them all out so we will never be confused again.

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Ok, what's happening on this thread is a "failure to communicate".

Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:

1) Most of the guys on here are recovering AFCs. That means they need HARD AND FAST RULES. No bending, no breaking, no thinking. Otherwise they will lapse back into their AFC ways. (I speak from personal experience)

2) After the recovering AFC has ingrained the DJ ways, made them part of who he is, AND they have become a habit; only THEN is he free to start bending and breaking them. He will now have the skills and habits necessary to not go back to being an AFC. Even then, sometimes he will slip up. (Again, speaking from personal experience)

3) Each person has their own personality and style. Each person's approach and attitude will be different. Once the basics are ingrained, a true DJ will use the DJ principles to his advantage, or discard them when necessary, also to his advantage.

Each DJ on this site will instinctively know if a particular method will work for them. I am very good with neg-hits, because I can have a very nasty sarcastic side when I want to. So, I tame that and bend it to neg-hits. See what I mean?

If a particular approach, tip, or idea doesn't work for you, then treat that idea the same as you would a girl you don't like. NEXT! However, this presupposses that you have at least TRIED the idea, and not rejected it because it sounds like it won't work. Neg-hits are another PERFECT example. They sound like they would p*ss off a hot chick, but they won't if used correctly.

I am glad to see that everyone is keeping this on a "professional" level, if you will, and not getting personal.

In conclusion, there are all different styles. You will find what works for you.

 

[Mastermind]

Originally posted by Low Self Esteem:

11. TOTALLY DISAGREE!! Don't just shack up wit any ol broad but if it is marrying the best that you are tryna do, than you better live with her ass before you even think about marriage. i have lived with broads before and i swear to you it is a totally different ballgame once you live with them, than it is when you don't. you better test them waters before you decide to be thinkin bout marriage. human nature makes you always want to do something and then once you do it or get what you want then you see it aint what you thought, and in this case if you are talkin bout a girl you better be sure.

[This message has been edited by Low Self Esteem (edited 06-11-2000).]

Umm well I Totally disagree on this one, I read this book that if you live with someone before you marry them you have less chance of staying with them or her

. This because you get a lil bored with her if you live with her, you know what shes like. On the other hand if you don't live with her b4 you marry her then things get interesting.


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Don't over-shower her with compliments that will make her BIG and you little.

[This message has been edited by Mastermind (edited 09-22-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Mastermind (edited 09-22-2001).]

 

[Ralph Bellamy]

Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
THE PERFECT DON JUAN
He asks for a girl's phone number when he FIRST meets or sees her. Not one month later.

He always asks for the HOME phone number. He walks away if he doesn't get it.
AD

I have seen a lot of debate over "give your phone number" vs. "demand hers" and I want to put in my two cents:

I have had far more initial success giving my number out than getting others. Usually, it's on the back of a business card that only has my work numbers, like I'm saying "I'm just doing this for you." You would be surprised how often I get phone calls the next morning saying "I just wanted to make sure you got home okay."

Having said *that*...I am *not* recommending it and am agreeing with Anti-Dump. Why? Because my weak points are related to approaching women on my own and this will not solve those. Some of my biggest heartbreaks have come from women who made the first move...because *I* wasn't in control. That's changing, buddy, let me tell you...

 

[Maximus]

Originally posted by Low Self Esteem:

and to Penzilla- you have me wrong i DO get it that is why i got strong opinions

Ditto.

I "get" what I need for me.

Be open to all.

Observe and learn.

Keep what is usefull to you.

Discard the rest ONLY AFTER much thought and deliberation.

Know yourself.

Know what you want.

Then go get it.

Maximus

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The Way of The
Simpleton - A
simpleton: lays down
no first law, takes
everything that
happens as it comes.
The simplicity of the
truly sophisticated.

---- Bruce Lee

[This message has been edited by Maximus (edited 05-23-2002).]

 

[Maximus]

Originally posted by Ralph Bellamy:because *I* wasn't in control.

This has always puzzled me.

Why do people think in terms of power and control?

No. I am not naive. Power and control are a reality in this world. I would simply ask those here to start looking at all relationships (personal and professional) that rely on tactics of giving and taking power; methods of gaining or releasing control.

ARE THOSE PEOPLE HAPPY?

It has been my observation in life that those who constantly think in terms of power and control will have great difficulty achieving true happiness.

The only control you need is control over:
- yourself
- your choices
- your reactions to things beyond your control.

Once you let go, things just start to work out for themselves. This may sound like new age nonsense to a lot of people here - and I would have agreed with you to some degree two years ago. Many things in my life have changed but I have ALWAYS remained true to my core values.

Trust

Honesty

Help others

Help yoursef

Be happy

I still have my down times. I simply trust that there is A GOOD REASON I was put on this planet.

I hope when I draw my final breath, I will be able to look back and know what it was. I think my answer will be...

Just be

Maximus

[This message has been edited by Maximus (edited 05-23-2002).]

 

[SexPDX]

It's time I revisted an old post.

He asks for a girl's phone number when he FIRST meets or sees her. Not one month later.

I think what he means by this is don't hesitate and I agree with that, however I wouldn't say this is an unbreakable rule.

He always asks for the HOME phone number. He walks away if he doesn't get it.

I understand the argument for this but it's really inconsequential if you create sufficient attraction which phone number you actually get. If she gives you her cell and not her home number it's not necessarily to be taken as a sign of insufficient attraction necessarily. She may in fact be doing it to make it easier for you to get in touch with her.

There is no need to make a big deal out of which number you get. The exceptions I can think of are..

1) NEXT her if you get a beeper number.

2) If the girl is a stripper be sure you get her HOME phone number. That separates you from the guys she considers only customers who she strings along.

A Don Juan always waits four or more days before calling a girl. She must wait.

Disagree, if you created a sufficient level of attraction you are just wasting time and putting yourself in a position to have to rebuild the excitement that you created for her initially. However, if you did NOTHING to create an attraction then calling quickly would be lame so wait (but don't expect much to come from calling an unattracted girl).

A Don Juan never arranges a date face-to-face with a girl. He always calls first. She must wait and wonder about him.

Disagree. There is no guarantee she will wonder about you at all. If AD were still around I would very much like to hear from him what her wondering about you would be inspired by if you have done nothing to facilitate the development of feelings of attraction other than asking for her phone number. He says asking for her phone number is how guys express their interest but the truth is that most girls will not be "wondering" about a guy simply because he asked for her phone number or expressed interest in some other way. It's the guys who ATTRACT them that they wonder about and if you attract them STRONGLY, they will want to see you again soon. So what would be the problem with saying face to face, "I was going to do X at Y time, you should come with me"? Then instead of wondering she gets to anticipate.

He sees a girl ONLY once a week for the first three weeks. He has to 'clear' his dates with other women. Or pretend he is busy with other women. He says he is busy if she wants more.

A matter of personal preference for the most part. Not a bad policy to have I suppose.

A Don Juan never gives flowers, cards, or gifts for the first two months. Her birthday is the only exception .

No serious argument from me on this rule. Definitely give her nothing big which would be supplication but maybe something small that you think she would like wouldn't be so bad. And back when I was following the DJ rules to the letter I did give a chick flowers for her birthday who I first started seeing, so I think the exception AD mentions is good.

He never talks over an hour with a women on the phone. EVER. Twenty minutes is tops. He avoids contact with her. With e-mails and messages, etc. between dates. He calls once to arrange the next date.

For most guys this is probably smart but I know some guys who are really good on the phone and I see no problem with them being on the phone for as long as they want.

During the first three months he tells her NOTHING about himself. She has to ask. When asked, he gives only tiny itty bitty pieces.

This was probably said to keep guys from going on and on about themselves to the point where it bores the chicks to death, so it was probably well-intentioned when taken in that context but I believe that you do need to reveal some things about yourself to create rapport with anybody. Of course you do need to be tactfull about your self-disclosure in terms of exactly what information and you don't want to constantly be putting yourself at the center of attention but hoarding as much info as you can for three months is a little too much.

Maybe he figured guys would slip up enough of on that one on their own so if he got them to restrain it just a little, they would strike an appropriate balance.

He waits for her to say 'I love you' first. Then he knows she really means it.

Agreed.

A Don Juan never says 'I love you' before two months. Ever.

I see no need for such a hard-assed rule on this one. I know when I am in love (which has only been once) and I will have no problem owning up to it if I KNOW it's there. I guess he's talking to guys who don't know the difference between infatuation and love.

A Don Juan NEVER proposes before six months. He prefers to wait one year. All minor flaws must be seen.

I am not qualified to comment on this one.

A Don Juan never lives with a women. He is a free man. He will marry the BEST when he meets her.

Agreed.

A Don Juan only FOCUSES on the romantic side of a women. He knows long talks lead to friendship not LOVE. He knows being a mystery fascinates her and makes her WONDER and WANT him.

He talks about mystery like it is all there is to attraction, too much emphasis on it IMO. Also, I disagree that long talks necessarily "lead to friendship and not love." He is attempting to judge the outcome of an interaction by only evaluating the duration and not the content, which is not logical.

And lastly, a true Don Juan
makes sure the relationship is 50-50. HALF of the time she is doing what HE wants to do. He feels this in his stomach. Not head.

Don't really understand this one completely so I will leave it alone.

I think AD was well-intentioned but I don't like the approach of a focus on rules. The more a guy focuses on rules (even if he is an AFC) the more he is hindering the development of his ability to form opinions about women on his own. These rules may help guys who have no game only because AD's game will be better than theirs (which obviously will not be saying much) but I guy is not going to get to be great with chicks by simply following these rules.

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- The performer known as Nick