The official Borderline Personality Disorder thread [Merged]

[realsmoothie]

Listen, for all of you guys reading this thread, ignore it at your peril. I never really paid much attention to this BPD stuff because I thought it was just one of those DJ terms for "*****" or something. I didn't realize it was a scientific term until recently, and it cost me big.

Long story short, a friend of mine had a girlfriend for the last few years, a girl that I ended up becoming pretty good friends with going out to the bar and that kind of thing. We talked a lot, quite often about my friend and hers relationship, and she really wrangled me in. Around six months ago they were really rocky, breaking up off and on, and her and I started fooling around. It all ended up in a complete disaster a week or so ago as her and I had a huge fight (partially because I could feel myself being played) and I ended up smacking up her ex-boyfriend in the midst of it.

Anyhow, a few days later I just happened to borrow a psyche student's Personality textbook and happened to hit on the BPD section. I couldn't believe it... this girl had EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM (many of which seen in the above post). I almost pissed my pants in surprise at just how easily decipherable her behaviour was.

Of course, nothing is quite as simple as saying "she has BPD, so she's straight up evil". This girl, I do believe, is genuinely interested in me, and I do care for her in a lot of ways. But thanks to this little textbook I know that entertaining ideas of reforming her or even just FWB'ing her (her current plan for us) is ridiculously stupid.

Now if I can just convince my ego and my wang that this is so. Gonna take a while. But the rest of you, pay real, real attention to those symptoms above. These kinds of girls are exceptional liars, they can convince you of anything. But the real trick is that - at least in my case - I don't think they're deliberately evil or manipulative, they just can't help it. This makes detection almost impossible, because in her heart she may be really interested in you, but she's incapable of entering into any kind of real relationship without her past coming up and short-circuiting the whole bloody thing.

I now consider myself an expert. I have gone toe-to-toe with a monster BPD and survived... barely. Consider yourself warned.

 

[jonwon]

This is always the case with BPDs. They are compulsive cheaters and compulsive liars.
MY BPD exG/f told me once about one of her male "friends" whom she met for coffee and chat after school. According to her he was an ex Catholic priest who had an attraction to "unavailable women" ( talk about projection)..She swore up and down that he was just a "friend".

MY suspicion was confirmed one Sunday ..
WE had broken up ( regular occurence) a few weeks earlier and then she called me to "talk" one Saturday afternoon. I met her and we got back together in the coffee shop, went out on a date that same night, fukked like monkeys till 3am.
Then she disappeared ( hurriedly, with some lame excuse) at 9am Sunday on her way out to meet her male "friend" for a lunch date which had been appanently arranged a few days prior.
SHe neglected to tell me any of this during out date .

SHe came back to my place later in the day and admitted it all. The look on her face was partly one of victory, and partly one of having been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

I eventually met this particular "friend" socially. After a few discrete questions from me, he admitted that he was NOT an ex priest, and he was just another science teacher on staff. He wanted to marry her and, she had dangled him for the attention. He was crazy in love with her, and had written her love letters while she was dating and fuKKing me.
When I told him what she was up to with me he was devastated.Totally in the dark.

BPDs lie and BPDs cheat. Take that to the bank.

Classic case - Another perfect example of the rule, watch what women do rather then what they say, it will screen out BPD girls almost instantly.

 

[boomerick]

Everyone who reads this forum and dosen't know what BPD is should stop right now and do a Google search for 'Borderline Personality Disorder' or 'BPD'. When I heard people talk about it years ago I thought it meant a girl who might be slightly neurotic (hence borderline). HAHAHAHA, what a dumbass I was. The worst thing about a BPD girl is how they slowly steal your life away from you and somehow convince you that you're the problem. Educate yourself before you get involved deeply with one of these. They can't help what they do. They can't be fixed. They will tear your life apart.

 

[jophil28]

-
-Jekyll and Hyde act where she at first acts sweeter than sweet to draw you in but then becomes the devil incarnate behind closed doors ..

Yes, this is frequently seen in "The waif ", a BPD sub type.
The Waif presents as UBER feminine, sweeter than candy floss, compliant, passive, and eager to please you. She may make a "helpful" gesture in the first two weeks of meeting her. She will be attentive, grateful for your attention, and willing to do whatever you suggest. SHe may tell you stories of her recent sad and lonely life which might include neglect or poor treatment by a man . There is a magnetic vulnerability about her . She flirts with you, makes suggestive or sexual hints, and kinos you.
She has perfected the feminine 'act'. Her behavior is indistinguishable from a normal woman who has HIGH IL in you.
SHe will enter sexual intimacy quickly - first or second date, but with practised ASD or LMR. You are enthralled by this gorgeous perfect creature .You are IN !
But something tells you, in that deep place inside, that this is too good to be true.

Anyone of you (me included) who has met one of these women will know how it goes in the next few months.

 

[boomerick]

Originally Posted by jophil28

Anyone of you (me included) who has met one of these women will know how it goes in the next few months.


Down hill fast!

 

[catman]

another life saved from bpd

I meet one of these women right after my divorce Wow!What people said about the sex is all true the sky is the limit and they continue to want more even more than i could give and i love sex.She told me she had her tubes tied and guess what happened?When she told me she was pregnant i was not only pissed that she lied to me but also pissed at myself for not listening to my gut instinct that told me she was trouble(thinking w the little head)!She demanded that i let her and her 15yo son live w me and my daughter and also support them?She had a job when i meet her but got fired for steeling her sons a thief too tried to steal my daughters ipod wtf?What she didnt plan for was the fact that i just got out of a marriage that was started by an unplanned pregnancy.I straight out told her that i wasnt going to do anything for her and that if she kept the baby she would be paying me child support(i have shared custody week to week with my 14yo daughter).I stuck to my guns and she agreed to put the baby up for adoption.Please think of the kids you already have and what getting mixed up with with a bpd women can do to your already broken family!!!!!! The sex wasnt worth all this!

 

[Bible_Belt]

I meet one of these women right after my divorce Wow!What people said about the sex is all true the sky is the limit and they continue to want more even more than i could give and i love sex.She told me she had her tubes tied and guess what happened?When she told me she was pregnant i was not only pissed that she lied to me but also pissed at myself for not listening to my gut instinct that told me she was trouble(thinking w the little head)!She demanded that i let her and her 15yo son live w me and my daughter and also support them?She had a job when i meet her but got fired for steeling her sons a thief too tried to steal my daughters ipod wtf?What she didnt plan for was the fact that i just got out of a marriage that was started by an unplanned pregnancy.I straight out told her that i wasnt going to do anything for her and that if she kept the baby she would be paying me child support(i have shared custody week to week with my 14yo daughter).I stuck to my guns and she agreed to put the baby up for adoption.Please think of the kids you already have and what getting mixed up with with a bpd women can do to your already broken family!!!!!! The sex wasnt worth all this!

wow, thanks for sharing that. It is a BPD tale through and through.

 

[Zunder]

Yes, this is frequently seen in "The waif ", a BPD sub type.
The Waif presents as UBER feminine, sweeter than candy floss, compliant, passive, and eager to please you. She may make a "helpful" gesture in the first two weeks of meeting her. She will be attentive, grateful for your attention, and willing to do whatever you suggest. SHe may tell you stories of her recent sad and lonely life which might include neglect or poor treatment by a man . There is a magnetic vulnerability about her . She flirts with you, makes suggestive or sexual hints, and kinos you.
She has perfected the feminine 'act'. Her behavior is indistinguishable from a normal woman who has HIGH IL in you.
SHe will enter sexual intimacy quickly - first or second date, but with practised ASD or LMR. You are enthralled by this gorgeous perfect creature .You are IN !
But something tells you, in that deep place inside, that this is too good to be true.

Anyone of you (me included) who has met one of these women will know how it goes in the next few months.

This is good sh!t Jophill, and the kind of stuff I want to read from you, rather than the constant bickering with Str8up. Just my opinion - you of course can do/write what the hell you want.

My Irish ex Gf had a lot of the symptoms talked about on this thread.....and she wasn't even much of a looker, which makes me entertaining her as a GF on and off for almost a year, even more unforgiveable.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I don't think they're deliberately evil or manipulative, they just can't help it."

This is a common misconception among well meaning individuals who have a lot of faith in humanity.

The truth is far more grim.

Al Bernstein a psychologist expert of the Cluster B personality disorders and author of the book Emotional Vampires all about these people says that its wrong to think of them as sick in the sense that you write off all of their behavior as being purely the illness.

Like every other human on the planet they have a choice on what actions to take negative or positive, good or evil.

They understand the ramifications of their negative actions on people as well so they cannot be held blameless.

This is the reason Jophil is highly credible when he calls them evil.

Thats far too religious of a term for me to embrace wholeheartedly but its such a well known term that describes someone that is intensely harmful that regardless it is a fair descriptor of these people.

The main problem is that though they understand the harm that they cause they could really care less as there is an undercurrent of extreme narcissism in all of them that puts their emotional needs, desires what have you above everyone elses and to add to that their narcissism is to such an extreme that they view everyone else in the world as less important than them anyway.

They view themselves as the only true people/human beings on the planet and everyone else is basically a cardboard cutout or 2D cartoon character.

They think of themselves as the only ones with a soul and the only ones worthy of having feelings to be respected.

Also they are very much underdeveloped in maturity partially trapped in early childhood but able to put up a good act for the public to think them normal and well adjusted.

This is probably why Al Bernstein in his book basically conveyed that while they can be evil like anyone else based on their choices he did not think them intrinsically evil.

He said that their immaturity is basically a gateway to where evil can enter in.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I was getting texts this week like:

when can you come over? i miss you soooo much.

your gf is a b!tch, i want to do you cause i hate her. we won't tell her, and she'll never know

guys are stupid. all i ever do is masturbate. i want to meet a girl

 

[jophil28]

"I don't think they're deliberately evil or manipulative, they just can't help it."


Also they are very much underdeveloped in maturity partially trapped in early childhood but able to put up a good act for the public to think them normal and well adjusted.

This is probably why Al Bernstein in his book basically conveyed that while they can be evil like anyone else based on their choices he did not think them intrinsically evil.

He said that their immaturity is basically a gateway to where evil can enter in.

I agree. Bernstein's view matches my own experience with a BPD .
Mine even said, many times," I have the emotions of a child.".. and she acted accordingly- with complete self-centeredness and totally disregard for the impact of her lying and cheating on others. Men were "objects" to her..like adult toys.
However. she DID understand the general destructiveness of cheating in relationships, but she only regarded it as problematic if she were the victim. SHe had NO problem in the role of the cheater.
Women with BPD treat the men in their lives like children treat adults. They have no developed sense of cooperation or reciprocity, preferring instead to sneak, manipulate, lie and play mindgames.
One of the early giveaway signs of a BPD woman is the confusion and extreme anxiety that you start to feel in the first months or two..
Her words do not match her actions, her behavior changes from sweet to sour and her mindfvcking tactics kick in.

The BPD SOP has now taken root, and you are merely the new leading man in the latest remake of her life movie.

 

[Sinistar]

Don't forget the endless string of medical problems.....mine had the following....

1. Three kidney stones when she was in college.
2. Constant untraceable stomach pain, nothing helps.
3. Constant untraceable chest pain, nothing helps.
4. Some ankle injury due to a disease I never heard of (looked it up, it is real).
5. Stress fracture in her foot from running.
6. Nose surgery for something (deviated septum possibly?)

The point is, they are loaded with medical issues.

I seem to recall that that this may become more pronounced especially as they grow older. Perhaps the hottie Cluster 'B' who could easily draw attention at 20, 30 and even 40 from any random guy now needs other ways to get the attention (and then flip) at 50, 60, etc from friends, family, etc.

I don't use the word "evil" but I surely wouldn't tell someone who's endured the experience that they shouldn't. But these people know what they're doing to people. And many do eventually learn of their sickness only to do nothing about it - or worse - go on to use it as an excuse. Fvckers.

Are border lines good at spotting other borderlines?

No sure about that. However are great match for BPD/HPD female is a NPD or Psychopath Male. They will never give enough for the other party to reach the flipping point. Sounds like a great relationship - yeah right. Heck, maybe the BPD/HPD woman then spends the entire time in the "too good to be true" mode. So at least the narcissist get's just what he wants; oodles or wild s3x, her doing everything to reach that point where she feels he loves him (so she can flip). Meanwhile he never commits, never indicates emotional investment, never says ILU - but hey that's all in a normal day for the narcissist.

 

[catman]

I have been around the block several times and i will add that there are so many of these women around that i can count a least 4 just in my life and im only 40 The girl that i lost my vigginity to at 13 was bp and perhaps thats what attracts them to me and vice versa?I know the slutts are attracted to me as well and i still have a hard time telling the difference and walking away?The medical problems are sometimes a dead give away but sadly this is not always the case either.Most never want to work and their familys are usually sick and tired of their bs too just like the one who i got pregnant her mom told me to run when i meet her for the first and only time?They dont cook or clean or take care of their kids either but so do alot of the women i have had or meet since my divorce.What is the matter with women now days is it because im getting all the left overs?Any thoughts on this?

 

[jophil28]

I have been around the block several times and i will add that there are so many of these women around that i can count a least 4 just in my life and im only 40 The girl that i lost my vigginity to at 13 was bp and perhaps thats what attracts them to me and vice versa?I know the slutts are attracted to me as well and i still have a hard time telling the difference and walking away?The medical problems are sometimes a dead give away but sadly this is not always the case either.Most never want to work and their familys are usually sick and tired of their bs too just like the one who i got pregnant her mom told me to run when i meet her for the first and only time?They dont cook or clean or take care of their kids either but so do alot of the women i have had or meet since my divorce.What is the matter with women now days is it because im getting all the left overs?Any thoughts on this?

Many women demonstate poor behavior which may resemble BPD. THose woman are destructive (to you, and herself) but she may not qualify as clinically positive. That does not make her any more suitable for a relationship.

A lot of a women's "attitude" has several roots and they have been discussed and debated here at length.
THe only way to protect yopurself against woman's crAp is to assemble a clear set of criteria for selection and a clear set of dealbreakers.

You say that you are meeting low Q woman. Forget all that pop psych crApola about how you may have "low self esteem" or you have "mother abandonment" issues or some other lame speculation .

IF you want to meet better woman ,the first thing to do is to define what
" better " means to you, and then decide how you will process a woman who does not meet your standards. Make no mistake UNLESS you have standards and expectations and you are prepared to walk away when she does not measure up ,you will continue to be towed along by the whiff of pvssy and beaten up by low quality women's games..

FInd some of GURU1000's posts. HE speaks expertly on this subject..

 

[Bible_Belt]

In terms of psychopathology, borderlines and narcissists dovetail together perfectly.

uh-oh. It's a good thing I am way too perfect to be a narcissist.

 

[jophil28]

In terms of psychopathology, borderlines and narcissists dovetail together perfectly.


It's a match made in heaven.

..more likely, the pits of Sheol.

 

[realsmoothie]

I've done a bunch of reading on BPD lately to get a good grip on this latest girl and how my brain got so wrapped around her.

One thing we should all keep in mind that BPD individuals only account for between 1 and 2 percent of the population... at least as far as the qualify under the "official" designation of having 5 out of 9 symptoms. That's not very much, people, so we can't go about labelling every overly-emotional girl a BPD chick.

BPD is also not infrequent in men, though it is something like 75% women.

As for being evil, that just doesn't help. You can't classify someone with a scientifically-based term like BPD and then say they CHOSE to become that way. BPD, it's believed, comes from an absence of caring by the parents or outright abuse.

I'm not saying that "they just can't help it" and we should just let them revel in terrible behaviour, but it's not as simple as that. We can applaud the ones who fight against it by seeking counselling or therapy or drugs or whatever, and deride those that use their condition continually as an excuse. I'm also sure that a lot of BPD women have no idea that they have a condition, as they're probably averse to admitting that they have a problem quite frequently.

 

[penkitten]

how many times do i have to tell you guys to shop better.
think of it like this:
you aren't supposed to buy the broken barbie dolls no matter how pretty they are. just put that box back on the shelf and find something else to play with!

 

[penkitten]

So I told her this morning that I couldn't go....and of course she has blown up, it didn't matter that my apartment building has a destructive tenant that I need to be around for in case she starts a fire or floods the building again.

She of course now tells me that a whole group of them were going to Myrtle Beach and that I've ruined the plans. I don't doubt that she would have done something very disrespectful to me on this trip and now that has ruined her plans. Or that she wanted to use me to help split the $$ for the hotel and the rental car.

She never even told me that the myrtle beach plans were solidified or that more than just the four of us (her, me, bride, groom from my other bpd thread) were going.

so she made secret solid plans to go and split money with you, but failed to inform you that it was necessary for you to go OR it wouldn't be possible for anyone to make the trip, and because of her failure to inform you ,( let alone ask you if this was really something you wanted to do) fell through, she's pissed at you?
whack job!
you do not need to be involved with a woman who makes secret solid plans to spend your money behind your back, and gets mad when you don't do what she wants. you do not need a women that throws fits as an attempt to get her way.
you are too good for this stuff.

 

[SHECHAFESMYFIGS]

I dated a NPD woman for about eighteen months, and a little over a year has passed since the last of her slow-ending soulr*pe of me. I want to comment about the percent of population issue that was raised. While diagnosable "cluster b" women may be a small percentage of the female population, many many men may be damaged by just one of these women over the course of her life. You have to consider that they often are mindf*cking more than one man at a time, who thinks he is in an LTR with her.

Also, I am interested in the sex issue with them. Sam Vaknin made an interesting distinction between communication styles with these women. A phase he uses is "sexual communicator." It puts a different more selfish (on her part) spin on why the sex with them is so good.

This site and another called a "Shrink 4 Men" were very helpful for just surviving the experience for me. I am very flighty with women now. This may become a problem because the slightest sign of one of the cluster b's and I am out.