The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

Guys

I just want to share that it has been really hard for me

and the blame is on me.

we broke up for no reason in January. Yes January
8 months ago

and instead of going nc, I’ve kept on talking to her per her demand

she cried and begged that I don’t NC

and now, 8 months later, guess who is suffering a terrible depression. Me!

she is moving to Australia (we’re from Brazil) never to come back, and I feel like ****

I’ve should’ve listened to my better judgment and nc when the timing was proper.

now here I am, feeling like sh!t and nowhere near recover.

since I’m already effed I’ll do the chumps way out and ask her to do it the next time we see each other, because we have been spoking all this time

and to anyone believing that maintaining contact will make her regret her decision and come back
I’ll guarantee you

it won’t

 

[Foe]

since I’m already effed I’ll do the chumps way out and ask her to do it the next time we see each other,

Dude, just read your Got dumped post from years ago and your still doing the same ****! You seemed to have had it all figured out back then and now your hear doing it again?

 

[Lotus Effect]

Dude, just read your Got dumped post from years ago and your still doing the same ****! You seemed to have had it all figured out back then and now your hear doing it again?

For you to see how life play tricks on you!

When you think you’ve got all figured out! BAM!

life show up a new and improved way to kick you in the nuts!

not my proudest moment, but I think it was necessary to share.

The more you know, you realize how little you actually know! And I think it’s awesome.

you know? It makes you feel alive!
I know it will pass, and I know how to handle myself, but again, this new case has been completely different from previous ones, and it got me from somewhere I wasn’t expecting

 

[Lotus Effect]

By the way

When I wrote this last piece, I was drunk as f and I needed to vent

my advice remains the same

NC

speaking to the chick will only increase/prolong unnecessary pain

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day one!

and this time is for good

we’ve met
Had dinner
I told her how I feel in order for her to know what kind of stuff having her around me was causing
She said that she loves me and I’ll always be her first love but it’s over

so I finally took it as a man and walked away

ive heard her truth
She heard mine

and that’s it!

now I know that there’s nothing to be done

She cried, but mostly because she was losing her best friend, not her former boyfriend

Now I’m ready to move on!
and I actually feel better. I’m feeling sad, but I’m happy I had her and that kind of love in my life

I know I’m capable of loving

now it’s time to love Me

 

[member160292]

@Lotus Effect did you date during the 8 months?
Were you the same person that was in the relationship?

There is always a familiarity factor on why she cried, I can only fathom what that would do to my ex right now since we hang out once a week. Any feedback would be much appreciated brotha!

 

[dude99]

@Lotus Effect did you date during the 8 months?
Were you the same person that was in the relationship?

There is always a familiarity factor on why she cried, I can only fathom what that would do to my ex right now since we hang out once a week. Any feedback would be much appreciated brotha!

Why are you hanging out with her once a week?

 

[dude99]

Day one!

and this time is for good

we’ve met
Had dinner
I told her how I feel in order for her to know what kind of stuff having her around me was causing
She said that she loves me and I’ll always be her first love but it’s over

so I finally took it as a man and walked away

ive heard her truth
She heard mine

and that’s it!

now I know that there’s nothing to be done

She cried, but mostly because she was losing her best friend, not her former boyfriend

Now I’m ready to move on!
and I actually feel better. I’m feeling sad, but I’m happy I had her and that kind of love in my life

I know I’m capable of loving

now it’s time to love Me

When they break up for no reason but still want you there as a friend to keep them validated and entertained ,. It is always you that will suffer. It is a good learning experience for next time. Next time just walk away.

 

[member160292]

Why are you hanging out with her once a week?

She's super fun to hang out with and provides social proof

 

[member160761]

I had to cut off two girls from my life for good. One I have known for years, is quasi-engaged and it is never going to happen we will be united because countries are between us, and also the years we have not seen each other, she is also together with a man whose nationality is reprehensible and I cannot stomach that, even if they should broke up she is tainted.

The other girl I have known for months, she was very attracted to me and when she realized she developes love for me she suddenly makes distance and pretends she was never attracted to me to begin with, while clearly showing otherwise when were on dates. She was wasting my time with her hot/cold games and had to let go.

The former was easier to break off since it was sealed years ago it is not going to work out, the latter still stings and cannot fathom her stupidity and contradictory words and behavior.

 

[dude99]

She's super fun to hang out with and provides social proof

Is this hope to win her back or have you resolved to never taking her back even if she wanted to? Hanging out with her will only delay your healing, unless you made up you mind to never give her another chance and you are are already dating other women

 

[dude99]

I had to cut off two girls from my life for good. One I have known for years, is quasi-engaged and it is never going to happen we will be united because countries are between us, and also the years we have not seen each other, she is also together with a man whose nationality is reprehensible and I cannot stomach that, even if they should broke up she is tainted.

The other girl I have known for months, she was very attracted to me and when she realized she developes love for me she suddenly makes distance and pretends she was never attracted to me to begin with, while clearly showing otherwise when were on dates. She was wasting my time with her hot/cold games and had to let go.

The former was easier to break off since it was sealed years ago it is not going to work out, the latter still stings and cannot fathom her stupidity and contradictory words and behavior.

Sometimes it is easier to just bl

I had to cut off two girls from my life for good. One I have known for years, is quasi-engaged and it is never going to happen we will be united because countries are between us, and also the years we have not seen each other, she is also together with a man whose nationality is reprehensible and I cannot stomach that, even if they should broke up she is tainted.

The other girl I have known for months, she was very attracted to me and when she realized she developes love for me she suddenly makes distance and pretends she was never attracted to me to begin with, while clearly showing otherwise when were on dates. She was wasting my time with her hot/cold games and had to let go.

The former was easier to break off since it was sealed years ago it is not going to work out, the latter still stings and cannot fathom her stupidity and contradictory words and behavior.

It is better to just block and walk. When you look back and see how much time and effort you wasted on a time waster you want to kick yourself.

 

[member160761]

It is better to just block and walk. When you look back and see how much time and effort you wasted on a time waster you want to kick yourself.

The latter girl still stings. I dunno if time can heal this time.

 

[Lotus Effect]

When they break up for no reason but still want you there as a friend to keep them validated and entertained ,. It is always you that will suffer. It is a good learning experience for next time. Next time just walk away.

Yeah mate,

I’m well aware

the OP points this out really well

they use you to cushion their fall. And I knew that.

my hope for this one was that she was the exception

she really did looked like it after five years of relationship

guess I was wrong

just as anyone else she wasn’t the exception
She was the rule

now its 8 months later and it feels like yesterday

well… I’m really sad and angry
But mostly sad

day 3 of nc

 

[Lotus Effect]

Changing the subject

it’s not the same vibe being single with 34 years old as it was the previous times when I was 28 and 25

i feel old
I don’t have the same energy to go out and pickup chicks

and I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s a Brazil kind of thing

but chicks nowadays are extremely annoying

they all feel like they are entitled little beaches
They are overly sexualized
There’s not one that I’ve met who is not either leftist, feminist, pro LGBTQIA’s, an all around hore or all of those things

and I actually feel that they are not giving a flying f to men in general

is it just me or here or is this actually a thing?

ps: I’m good looking so that’s not my issue

 

[Lotus Effect]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material

family oriented
Easy going
I was her first boyfriend
Got her when she was 21 (I was 28)
we had history (I’ve met her when she was 17)
Never cheated
Super effing rare

it was all there

but I let it slip through my fingers
I took it for granted and let it get cold

like anyone here with half a brain I’m well aware that it was my fault

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

 

[member160292]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material

family oriented
Easy going
I was her first boyfriend
Got her when she was 21 (I was 28)
we had history (I’ve met her when she was 17)
Never cheated
Super effing rare

it was all there

but I let it slip through my fingers
I took it for granted and let it get cold

like anyone here with half a brain I’m well aware that it was my fault

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

Hey bud,

It's all about the experience, I'm happy you enjoyed your time with her. There are things you did that didn't help the relationship and she did, as well. Learn what you could change from it.

Break ups are tough and everyone will go through them at one point in their lives. Know that the only person that remains is yourself. A day that you spend not improving yourself is a day taken away from your life. We're only allotted a certain amount of time on this earth, some shorter than others. Be the best you can ever hope to achieve with that time.

Is this hope to win her back or have you resolved to never taking her back even if she wanted to? Hanging out with her will only delay your healing, unless you made up you mind to never give her another chance and you are are already dating other women

She knows I'm dating other women and accepts that because we have great times together. I can see myself seeing her years down the road, but a relationship with her is not what I'm looking for right now.

 

[Redwolf]

Changing the subject

it’s not the same vibe being single with 34 years old as it was the previous times when I was 28 and 25

i feel old
I don’t have the same energy to go out and pickup chicks

and I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s a Brazil kind of thing

but chicks nowadays are extremely annoying

they all feel like they are entitled little beaches
They are overly sexualized
There’s not one that I’ve met who is not either leftist, feminist, pro LGBTQIA’s, an all around hore or all of those things

and I actually feel that they are not giving a flying f to men in general

is it just me or here or is this actually a thing?

ps: I’m good looking so that’s not my issue

I feel the same way. I know an attractive woman who is a hard worker but outside of that has a terrible attitude towards men. Claims to be lesbian or bi but can't keep a relationship with anyone. There are a lot of messed up women these days. I believe a lot of the problem is social media. They are too caught up in what's going on in their phone they ignore reality.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 13 of NC

8 months and 20 days since the breakup

it’s all the same
I fell extremely sad, and I’m feeling hopeless
Cried a lot

You all know… the basic stuff

What really upsets me is that’s been 8 flipping months and I not actually interested in dating other chicks
In a very sad and pathetic way, it kinda feel that I’m cheating on her

I completely lost the interest in dating
And I keep on hoping that I find someone to love
So I can go back into not being single

But one thing can’t happen without the other one

Anyway, I’m sad and lonely and not seeing much light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Foe]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material
it was all there

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

Dude your romanticizing the relationship. Its a normal part of breaking up, trust me Ive been through it many times. You tend to see everything through rose coloured glasses and miss all the good stuff while completely forgetting the reason why your here.

Take it from someone who did the opposite of what you did 4 times, that is staying in the relationship well past its due. It was a absolute sh!tshow. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify the end before the end and take the alpha frame to leave, this is awesome and something I WISH I had done so many times.

You choosing your friends over your relationship is a good thing, I didnt, I put mine before my friends and guess how that ended up. I know how it feels to think you will never get something like that again, my ex is still haunting me like a ghost but consider this, I once heard that every new relationship is better, girl is hotter in each new relationship you find.

Its been the case for me, and why should this time be different. 34 is young man, Im 43....Still in the game