The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

I agree with you - although this is much easier said than done. Especially because our society actively makes us think of relationships as an investment with phrases like “working on the relationship/things” and “reaching compromises.” We are asked to “give effort” and that “relationships aren’t easy”, etc. We view them as contractual - even ones that are not marriages. And in a way everything in life that you give time to is an investment - relationships or otherwise.

I do think taking the mindset you are stating here is certainly a healthier way to approach relationships. Of course, it is selfish in a way - but a good way that will save a lot of time and pointless struggle.

I understand it is easier said than done. I have been there too. But It has to be a selfish way moving forward because it is how women view men. They have been selfishly destroying men emotionally and financially with zero repercussions for decadrs now. It is time for a change. Men have been programmed to as you put it work on the relationship invest in the relationship fix the relationship be a hero/captain save a hoe/stepdad/financial bearer/ carry everything on our shoulders or we are shamed by feminists, when women on the other hand get to flip through a virtual rolodex of men on demand and if men have anything to say about it we are the bad guys.

Women have been putting themselves first and being selfish for too long now. It is time to give women the men they deserve. Ones that put themselves first.

 

[Goldrex]

Day 15. I got an angry rant from her because I liked her friend on tinder. She sent it on both messenger and iMessage. I didn’t reply either way. I found her anger amusing, but I do still miss her. What’s the average time to get over the empty feeling? I know eight months isn’t a long time when considering life as a whole but it felt like we were together for a while. I guess how do I get over the oneitis? Like logically I know she was trash but emotionally I want her back. 25% of the way there, hoping it starts to get better soon.

 

[dude99]

Day 15. I got an angry rant from her because I liked her friend on tinder. She sent it on both messenger and iMessage. I didn’t reply either way. I found her anger amusing, but I do still miss her. What’s the average time to get over the empty feeling? I know eight months isn’t a long time when considering life as a whole but it felt like we were together for a while. I guess how do I get over the oneitis? Like logically I know she was trash but emotionally I want her back. 25% of the way there, hoping it starts to get better soon.

The more you get busy taking care of yourself and focus on yourself your work/hobbies and new stuff for yourself including new women, the less revellant she will be to you.
Also ignore her angry rant. What she is trying to do is keep your thoughts of her and it is a selfish thing for her to do. You have the right to like who and what you want. Just delete those messages without an answer. Block her too. She doesn't deserve an answer.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey guys!

Back again with my NC journey update as promised, every 30 days!

It's now been 5 months!

(You can see my past 30 day check-ins from NC day 0 to day 140 on Pages 605 & 606)

NC 150 Days

Contact & Breadcrumbs
No she has not reached out. Zero breadcrumbs. I remember reading a lot of people who have mentioned that girls usually turn around at some point. I created these bench marks, like "Oh I just have to wait until day 30. Then Day 60. Then Day 90...." and so forth. I now think, there really is no general rule and these benchmarks are stupid. Everyone is different. In my case, she has totally vanished from my life without a word. Most likely she has moved on or monkey branched to someone else. I do not expect to ever here from her again.

Them Feels After 5 Months
I don't really feel any pain anymore from the breakup or the lack of contact. It just isn't potent anymore. Surprisingly, I occasionally still think of her and miss her; yet, I've come to great realisation that I don't really miss her as a person. I miss those seemingly exciting moments of my life, mainly the sex. And aside from that, overall as a people, we aren't really compatible at all. She was full of red flags. So mostly, I've been projecting what I wanted to see on her, she represented adventure to me but as a person, she really was not that great and it would be hell if we were together on the long term.

Plates & Other Girls
On this front, I've actually slowed down. In the beginning 1 - 3 months of my journey, I furiously sought plates, lays and other girls. Had a couple of hook ups, crazy sex with some really hot girls. Those were some intense nights. Honestly as fun as it was, I just didn't really feel it made me feel permanently better in my NC journey, they were all temporary highs. Now that I have recently moved to another place that is currently in a more serious COVID lockdown, I am unable to go out anymore. So this has limited me interaction with plates. Although I've been restricted, it has also allowed me more time with myself and I feel working on myself and my career has really helped me feel much better in moving on than plates or lays. This is something I've mentioned previously as well.

More Red Pill
Because I've less time on plates and girls, I have become increasingly more red pill. The detachment gave clarity. I've also spent more time reading on SS forums as well as other books. I've come to discover greater red pill truths. This has made me more rational and less needy when it comes to girls. I now longer put them on pedestals, even the new girls that are currently orbiting my life. I have a sense of detachment and coolness. It feels alien to me at times, as I still feel a neediness or loneliness due to the lack of great female plates but I also realise that for most of my life prior to the break up, I've been kind of simpy or blue pilled. I used to chat with girls loads, shower them with attention, validation and my life almost revolved around them as a pursuit. Now I have a can't be f*cked attitude. I am not sure how this will impact my dating life but it certainly makes life simpler, makes my mind clearer.

Conclusions
This breakup and no contact has brought me closer to more self-growth. I made incredible improvements in my fitness, professional life as well as my philosophy. From this perspective, the girl seriously held me back and stunted my growth. The funny thing is I became more and more stagnant and was not even aware of it while I was in that relationship. But I guess the universe has its ways of correcting and bringing us to our true paths. I am just surprised I was not aware of it at the time, this reminds me of Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules Of Life, where one of his advice is for us to advise ourselves as if we are advising others. If you step back from your immediate situation and imagine you're someone else, was that girl even good for you? I now realise, no. I am also gaining great discoveries on the red pill path, this is something I hope to update more on in the next coming 30 days. I plan to practice and embrace red pill philosophy and see where it takes me in life!

Hope my bros are doing well.

-James

 

[Foe]

The funny thing is I became more and more stagnant and was not even aware of it while I was in that relationship.

Yeah I can relate dude, I'm only in week 3 NC and I still very much feel the sting of it though admittedly not as much as before. Its hard not to feel somewhat responsible knowing I let my **** go a bit and on the flip side it is rewarding getting it back together. My ex lives about 2km away and her place is on the way to pretty much everything and I find myself looking to see if her car is there. ****ing pathetic. I'm also preparing to see the new guy (small suburb) which I know she cant wait to rub it in my face. Anyway its great to see you doing so well.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Yeah I can relate dude, I'm only in week 3 NC and I still very much feel the sting of it though admittedly not as much as before. Its hard not to feel somewhat responsible knowing I let my **** go a bit and on the flip side it is rewarding getting it back together. My ex lives about 2km away and her place is on the way to pretty much everything and I find myself looking to see if her car is there. ****ing pathetic. I'm also preparing to see the new guy (small suburb) which I know she cant wait to rub it in my face. Anyway its great to see you doing so well.

Dude, you can do it. I did exactly what you did, can relate to searching for signs of her. There's nothing pathetic about it. In fact, I still occasionally do stalk online though not as intensely. Being with someone, especially for a period of time or especially when the sex was great is very much an addiction for us. It messes us up mentally. Red pill teachings are true too, I feel we men are much more "romantic" a sex, we start to instill so much sentimental value into the relationship but when you objectively step back, maybe you'll realise she was not exactly on the same wavelength, especially if she can branch so easily. For me, I honestly realised, she was not the best person for me, conflict of values; the thing I really miss I believe is sex with her, her sexual value and these "passionate" and "joyful" moments I created in my mind when I was experiencing the relationship, where I saw her as almost a goddess. But truth is pretty ugly. Once I was pulled out, after months, I start to realize I was in denial of what it really was. So yes dude, honestly, its over. It may be week 3 but you will start to care less and less; and you will start to see the truth more and more. You will become someone else than the person you are today, someone better, someone who has grown. If she came back today, I honestly don't think I could take her back at all. At most, I'd **** her because she was a hottie but she should have remained a fling or fwb; it should have been like this in the first place. It was my mistake to be romantic and see the romance of this relationship. I now realise as men we need to carefully choose who we enter relationships with, it is one of our greatest gifts and not all girls can engage us on this wavelength and deserve it.

 

[Goldrex]

Yesterday was 3 weeks. She text me twice in those 3 weeks but I never replied. Today she showed up at my house, telling me she was so sorry. I asked sorry about what and she told me she was so mad about me leaving her she filed sexual assault charges on my base. She said she regretted it and she was really sorry and she would tried to withdraw her statement. I was in utter shock, like I’ve heard of girls getting revenge like that but it’s never happened to me before. To top it all off she also told me she’s pregnant with my kid. Like I don’t even know what to do right now.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents.

Back again, as I said, every 30 days, I'll check in.

Wow can you believe it?

NC 180! (6 Months)

Its already been half a year since the break up and the start of NC for me.

(Also 6 months since I first discovered and stumbled on the SS community and RP knowledge).

I am a disbelief that this much time has passed, in a way the break up seems like it was just yesterday, yet it also seems like another lifetime.

Contact

So, to start off with, she did not contact me EVER throughout the past 6 months. Not a single breadcrumb left. No attempts. I had always thought she would break at some point; she was so clingy to me before and practically obsessed with me. So this is a great surprise. There were some saying that 6 months is the magic number of when they come, well, not in my case. Absolute 0.

Emotions

Although I no longer feel the pain of the breakup anymore, even after 6 months, I still think about her from time to time. This I am very surprised by even after 6 months. Though I notice these thoughts have sort of changed. Its not so much the bad yearning I spoke about in my earlier NC updates; or is it a feeling that I had previously, of thinking how good it would be if we can be back together again. Instead, its more like a subtle curiosity of whether she thinks about me, how she is and also flashbacks of some of our really exciting times together. Yet actively, my mind has become so much more rational now than ever before, I see all the red flags she had and would not want to be with her ever again even if she came back. Definitely, my emotions are under control and I have so much clarity now.

Improvement

My career is now at new heights and I won't deny that the break up and the pain fueled most of my momentum of developing my own profession further. I really wanted to become better and in a way I have now achieved this. From noticing how much momentum and progression I've experienced, I now realized how stagnant I had become in the previous relationship. It was like my life force was gradually being sucked out of me; she truly was betatizing me, I was getting too comfortable, if the relationship were to continue, I would probably be a loser. I've also become more fit than I ever had been in the past 2 years. Looking back to old photos of myself, I realized how fat I had become. Now I've lost many kgs weight and gained a more athletic body. My overall look has improved. I work out everyday. One thing I have noticed though, especially in terms of fitness is that my momentum of working out has now gradually diminished. The insane drive I had at the beginning of the NC has more or less gone now. Break up truly is a fuel. Those were some dark times but truly some memorable times of fighting spirit. I am now learning to stick to my commitment, sooner or later, the negativity goes away and funnily enough, you'll miss it because of how much intensity it brought to your life.

Plates

One area of my life that I am currently taking a slight L is the plate/sex life. I recently relocated to a new country with an intense lockdown going on. This has made it impossible for me to go out for weeks. So I've not had access to plates or sex. I have actually become quite affected by this. There is an overall sense of loneliness and worthlessness at times. I went from someone who used to go out with plates every week. Now I am literally stuck with Instagram and OLD, waiting for the lockdown to be over. Yet I have also been reading more into RP material and SS, this has also made me want to change my ways and become more independent. Maybe, I rely my self worth, entertainment and sense of fulfillment too much on women. Perhaps this period and relocation is a challenge for me to become an independent man. Can't deny though, this feeling is a beetch.

RP Journey

I have been giving a lot of thoughts to the RP materials I have been immersing myself into. It seriously feels like an awakening. It is all still very new to me, there is still a lack of understanding, sometimes doubts, but I can see how much more RP I have been. I can also see how truthful the RP really is. I notice significant mental shifts in me; reviewing who I was before the break up and NC, I was seriously so beta and BP. Yet the transformation is difficult, there is still much that feels alien to me. There is also a lot that I got used to that was second nature to me and now I am fighting agaisnt my own instincts and nature to behave in certain ways. E.g. giving girls attention, or being a chat buddy. Yet this is what growth is about. I don't know how much value RP will bring to me as with recent lockdowns I don't have much opportunity to really see more interaction with girls, but I will integrate it into my life and wait for the opportunities to experience life again in its fullest ways with RP clarity once the situation allows.

Concluding Thoughts

I'll end with this. Although my life is going great, there isn't much action in terms of the girls. I desperately want some sexual adventure; especially one of the same proportion of the girl I began NC with, yet I am also aware, much of this is neediness and the current circumstances and great lays and people come in time. I am definitely in a much better place in life and in handling my emotions over the NC and breakup I've experienced. I am a different man!

See you guys in the next 30 days.

James

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hello gents.

Here I am again. Crazy to think I've been doing this every month this year.

I guess my main intentions are to help others with my own introspection; this is a tough path.

NC 210 (7 Months)

Things have definitely stalled and dipped recently since my last update.

The ex has not reached out or breadcrumbed me. It has been absolute silence. I am picturing she probably has monkey branched and totally forgotten about me. It makes me a bit down to not have received anything at all; mainly making me believe like I did not matter at all. At the same time, it is also part of my awakening from my deluded romantic mind to see the truth of women.

The momentum of my work out and self-improvement has tanked significantly; I am still keeping to most of my routines as before (e.g. working out, learning, etc.) however I don't do it with as much intensity and passion as before. As a result, I've started to gain some weight, but it is still largely under control. I am just feeling a bit burnt out and also the pain that propelled me to improve has largely gone. I am fighting to maintain the same momentum of improvement now, I don't plan to give up.

I am currently suffering a horrible dry spell with women. I've recently moved somewhere that has very strict COVID measures and for the most part of the past 2 months, I was in lockdown. So I've not had any contact and interaction with girls for quite awhile now. It certainly does not help me with my NC journey because I am not able to meet others; I've had to largely face this at home and by myself. I've also been adopting more RP mentality and have avoided OLD and not invested very much into it. The result of it is I am quite lonely when it comes to women. I am looking forward for the days when I can get back out there, date and meet women. Yet I've also tried to see the positivity of it, I've tried to see this as a challenge to face breakups alone without distraction and focus on working on me. I can't deny it definitely isn't easy and has made it more challenging for me.

Maybe because of the dry spell, I recently have been thinking about the ex a bit more than usual. I guess I really long for one of those exciting and passionate relationships with a girl. I know much of my past relationship with the ex was largely me romanticizing it but it certainly felt great back then when it was happening; I've not had much luck lately because of circumstance.

Anyway, I'll check out for now.

 

[Romanemp22]

Hello gents.

Here I am again. Crazy to think I've been doing this every month this year.

I guess my main intentions are to help others with my own introspection; this is a tough path.

NC 210 (7 Months)

Things have definitely stalled and dipped recently since my last update.

The ex has not reached out or breadcrumbed me. It has been absolute silence. I am picturing she probably has monkey branched and totally forgotten about me. It makes me a bit down to not have received anything at all; mainly making me believe like I did not matter at all. At the same time, it is also part of my awakening from my deluded romantic mind to see the truth of women.

The momentum of my work out and self-improvement has tanked significantly; I am still keeping to most of my routines as before (e.g. working out, learning, etc.) however I don't do it with as much intensity and passion as before. As a result, I've started to gain some weight, but it is still largely under control. I am just feeling a bit burnt out and also the pain that propelled me to improve has largely gone. I am fighting to maintain the same momentum of improvement now, I don't plan to give up.

I am currently suffering a horrible dry spell with women. I've recently moved somewhere that has very strict COVID measures and for the most part of the past 2 months, I was in lockdown. So I've not had any contact and interaction with girls for quite awhile now. It certainly does not help me with my NC journey because I am not able to meet others; I've had to largely face this at home and by myself. I've also been adopting more RP mentality and have avoided OLD and not invested very much into it. The result of it is I am quite lonely when it comes to women. I am looking forward for the days when I can get back out there, date and meet women. Yet I've also tried to see the positivity of it, I've tried to see this as a challenge to face breakups alone without distraction and focus on working on me. I can't deny it definitely isn't easy and has made it more challenging for me.

Maybe because of the dry spell, I recently have been thinking about the ex a bit more than usual. I guess I really long for one of those exciting and passionate relationships with a girl. I know much of my past relationship with the ex was largely me romanticizing it but it certainly felt great back then when it was happening; I've not had much luck lately because of circumstance.

Anyway, I'll check out for now.

After 7 months you should have already forgotten about her existence. Don't do this to yourself man, don't count how many days you haven't been talking because it doesn't matter.

NC is not meant for you to waste time on her wondering when she's gonna come back, it's about focusing on you and moving on to the better things.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

After 7 months you should have already forgotten about her existence. Don't do this to yourself man, don't count how many days you haven't been talking because it doesn't matter.

NC is not meant for you to waste time on her wondering when she's gonna come back, it's about focusing on you and moving on to the better things.

Yeah, I am surprised I haven't. I have spent the last 7 months working on myself, have made some nice strides in life yet it's hard to completely forget completely, though the pain/intensity of the feelings are gone now. But yeah my recent dry spell is making it more difficult.

 

[gettinit]

But the breaking point really stemmed from the fact that I was actually in an existing relationship with another person. Although it was also a relationship that I was working on ending so I could really focus on the girl. (Its a long story and no moral judgment needed here, I understand my predicament). I thought it could be sorted quietly and easily. Eventually, she found out and immediately dumped me without saying a word.

The ex has not reached out or breadcrumbed me. It has been absolute silence. I am picturing she probably has monkey branched and totally forgotten about me.

From this, I don't see any monkey branching. Although I don't see where you mentioned being commited, I'm going to guess that she viewed you as cheating on her, pulled the plug and was probably pretty unhappy for a while (if she was attached to you). You use the motivation of pain that seems to have been of your own making (no judgement, just how it reads), while she probably used the pain on her end to close off her mind from you. Whatever the case, obviously she is still in your head. Maybe its ego or that, down deep, you know that you f-ed up and a woman that you liked, bolted. We have all been there at some point and from how you said things went down and that she cut communication, I don't see any chance of her coming back.

Anyway, introspection can help, but don't dwell on things to a point where you keep training your mind to think about her. Distraction is the key. Find ANYTHING to do other than sitting around (yes lockdown sucks). Play a new music Genre where no thought inducing songs wil pop up, get a good book, a puzzle, binge watch a TV series, pick up a new hobby. Yes all this has been said before, but it's because it helps. Now that this much time has passed, you may find a new woman tomorrow, next week, or in months and you may be surprised how quickly the old memories disappear (or dramatically fade). The end is ahead. As much as it continues to suck, you just need to wait it out. There isn't a magic bullet, at least one that I know of.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

From this, I don't see any monkey branching. Although I don't see where you mentioned being commited, I'm going to guess that she viewed you as cheating on her, pulled the plug and was probably pretty unhappy for a while (if she was attached to you). You use the motivation of pain that seems to have been of your own making (no judgement, just how it reads), while she probably used the pain on her end to close off her mind from you. Whatever the case, obviously she is still in your head. Maybe its ego or that, down deep, you know that you f-ed up and a woman that you liked, bolted. We have all been there at some point and from how you said things went down and that she cut communication, I don't see any chance of her coming back.

Anyway, introspection can help, but don't dwell on things to a point where you keep training your mind to think about her. Distraction is the key. Find ANYTHING to do other than sitting around (yes lockdown sucks). Play a new music Genre where no thought inducing songs wil pop up, get a good book, a puzzle, binge watch a TV series, pick up a new hobby. Yes all this has been said before, but it's because it helps. Now that this much time has passed, you may find a new woman tomorrow, next week, or in months and you may be surprised how quickly the old memories disappear (or dramatically fade). The end is ahead. As much as it continues to suck, you just need to wait it out. There isn't a magic bullet, at least one that I know of.

Hey bro thanks for the words. Certainly helped. Especially thanks for taking the time to go back and read my entries.

I originally was doing well (or so I thought) in my recovery but my recent move and dry spell has really made it hard.

But yes, you're absolutely right. I need to distract myself much more even when locked down. Also I am excited by the prospect that the next great thing could be around the corner.

Just to give all bros here an idea; prior to this ex, I was also with another bombshell girl that I struggled to get over. She literally was sexual dynamite; intense relationship that ended. Had a hard time getting over that one and never thought I could get the same high until I unexpected met my recent ex.

So yeah, who knows what's next.

But anyway, my focus is to take this breakup as a greater opportunity for self improvement.

 

[bcude]

Hey bro thanks for the words. Certainly helped. Especially thanks for taking the time to go back and read my entries.

I originally was doing well (or so I thought) in my recovery but my recent move and dry spell has really made it hard.

But yes, you're absolutely right. I need to distract myself much more even when locked down. Also I am excited by the prospect that the next great thing could be around the corner.

Just to give all bros here an idea; prior to this ex, I was also with another bombshell girl that I struggled to get over. She literally was sexual dynamite; intense relationship that ended. Had a hard time getting over that one and never thought I could get the same high until I unexpected met my recent ex.

So yeah, who knows what's next.

But anyway, my focus is to take this breakup as a greater opportunity for self improvement.

James, here is the magic. When a relationship is over with someone you thought was a bombshell and amazing, you think that nothing can top her and you wallow in misery for some time or alot of time depending on your experience. Then you suddenly meet someone that tops the ex, until that relationship ends and you think the same thing as before and the cycle continues. Again and again.
You evolve, what you want/need and look for changes with every relationship and so does the quality of women as you raise your standards with every adventure.
I hear that you're struggling right now, but know that a better one is waiting for you out there and this time you will meet her a better man and you will thank this last experience for giving you the opportunity to meet the next amazing one.

That, is what's next my friend if you choose to grow from this.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

James, here is the magic. When a relationship is over with someone you thought was a bombshell and amazing, you think that nothing can top her and you wallow in misery for some time or alot of time depending on your experience. Then you suddenly meet someone that tops the ex, until that relationship ends and you think the same thing as before and the cycle continues. Again and again.
You evolve, what you want/need and look for changes with every relationship and so does the quality of women as you raise your standards with every adventure.
I hear that you're struggling right now, but know that a better one is waiting for you out there and this time you will meet her a better man and you will thank this last experience for giving you the opportunity to meet the next amazing one.

That, is what's next my friend if you choose to grow from this.

This was beautiful and what I needed to hear!

You are absolutely right and have helped me gain perspective.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP: I understand what you feel, really do. All I can say is that with time it gets better. Hang in there.

 

[rc97]

This is good

 

[insertusernamehere]

Any books you guys could recommend to get through the pain?

 

[powersize]

Any books you guys could recommend to get through the pain?

1 - The Rational Male
2 - Book of Pook

Hit the gym in between of reading this books

 

[Raasay]

I plan to do the challenge asap but how do manage aspects like
1. we lived together for 4 years and splitting contracts, the things we own, financial things takes forever, i dont want to wait until this is done and its also tearing me apart to do this now.
2. we have 2 cats i love that stay with her and i dont want to lose them as well. maybe i should just not see them for 60 days...
3. in case we have to be in contact, how should i behave? if im very cold, distanced, serious she will see how much im hurt and i dont want that. I would rather like to be funny, relaxed, happy, maybe a bit flirty... or what do you think?
4. her birthday, if i dont wish her happy birthday same as above probably or she will simply think im an *******.

besides that, like everyone in my phase, i hope to get her back (lol) but i have to move on and get over it. at the same time i dont want to show myself in a way to de-value (sad, crying, desparate etc.) myself in her eyes, i know she is still somehow interested, but too much hurt and too little convinced that we can get better. i want to demonstrate that it was a mistake to let me go because i believe this will also help me to process it.