The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[cedricz]

That's quite a refreshing post - I do believe though that once a relationship has broken down it's best to just improve yourself and get a better girl. Find a woman better than the last one by improving yourself.

How many people find happiness with a relationship that fell apart and months or a year later got back together?

Stop idolising the relationship, it was never that good, there's much better out there.

Well the general belief is that you should never get back to an ex
Maybe this is true in many cases
But there are special circumstances eg. long distance or business / financial problems which can really weight on the relationship and mood
My ex and i essentially broke up for the 2 reasons above
Both problems have recently been solved few months after the breakup ; does it mean we should never be together again?

Also, sometime guys need to be kicked out of the relationship to realize what they want. Example: guy takes his woman for granted and/or does not really know what he wants, isn't sure he wants to fully commit with marriage or moving together
The sudden loss makes him realize how miserable he is without his woman and eventually fights to get her back and settle down

Yes some people are just incompatible and hate their guts or attraction is lost but that's not the case for 100% of breakups
Hence this general idea that trying to get an ex back is wrong doesn't make any sense
Every relationship is different

 

[Murk]

But if you broke up due to long distance, that problem is still going to be there no? The financial problems? Isn't it easier to start from scratch with girl where neither of these things will be an issue?

 

[Soflobro#2]

Yeah it's clear she's still trying to have the best of both worlds. Again she's asked to hang out this weekend. Again her boyfriend is away.

She claims her boyfriend has no problem with it. I doubt he's actually been told or knows our full story.

Of course not. Either she is hiding this, or bullshviting him and saying it's purely platonic.

A woman who values you wouldn't even want to hang out with another man alone because she would do everything she can to avoid jeopardizing the relationship with you.

 

[cedricz]

But if you broke up due to long distance, that problem is still going to be there no? The financial problems? Isn't it easier to start from scratch with girl where neither of these things will be an issue?

i'm in the same city now and business is good

finding a pretty woman is relatively easy; finding a pretty woman with a great personality that knocks your socks off is much harder; there are many women out there but the older you get the more pecular, elitist and inflexible you become.
That makes you look back and pine about your ex much harder than what you do in your 20s

 

[Murk]

I hear that.

Ok so what's your plan, next steps.

 

[cedricz]

I hear that.

Ok so what's your plan, next steps.

Next step is to find a better girl; it's going to take some time but it is what it is
The ex won't come back, unless she gets her a** dumped by the new guy.
The new guy my ex is dating is her ultimate fantasy; a model she has been stalking for years; she apparently had him lined up and waited for him to breakup with his girlfriend which happened more or less synchronously with us

 

[TBG]

Of course not. Either she is hiding this, or bullshviting him and saying it's purely platonic.

A woman who values you wouldn't even want to hang out with another man alone because she would do everything she can to avoid jeopardizing the relationship with you.

I'm going with hiding.

It turns out her boyfriend works off shore, two weeks on, two weeks off. It's funny how she only gets in contact and wants to hang during the two weeks he's away isn't it......

 

[Soflobro#2]

I'm going with hiding.

It turns out her boyfriend works off shore, two weeks on, two weeks off. It's funny how she only gets in contact and wants to hang during the two weeks he's away isn't it......

Why would she do that when he's not even going to be available?

 

[Soflobro#2]

That's quite a refreshing post - I do believe though that once a relationship has broken down it's best to just improve yourself and get a better girl. Find a woman better than the last one by improving yourself.

How many people find happiness with a relationship that fell apart and months or a year later got back together?

Stop idolising the relationship, it was never that good, there's much better out there.

For me it was usually because they made my life much more convenient. But it's not good for me because they just enable me to be lazy and a low key addict.

 

[TBG]

Why would she do that when he's not even going to be available?

Dude the whole situation is crazy.

They went on two dates, he left to go traveling for three months, we get together during that time. He comes back. She decides to pursue things with him. He moves in after officially dating for only a month. Fair enough he was obviously still there in the background when he was away, but to move in after a month, come on now.

Fair play to him though. He's probably not paying rent. He has sex on tap when he comes back. He doesn't have to put up with her constant depression whillst he's away working.

 

[Soflobro#2]

Dude the whole situation is crazy.

They went on two dates, he left to go traveling for three months, we get together during that time. He comes back. She decides to pursue things with him. He moves in after officially dating for only a month. Fair enough he was obviously still there in the background when he was away, but to move in after a month, come on now.

Fair play to him though. He's probably not paying rent. He has sex on tap when he comes back. He doesn't have to put up with her constant depression whillst he's away working.

Lol. Why would you even get involved with her when she has another man? Are you a lesbian?

 

[GabbsArchitect]

Not sure how active this thread is now but it's day 5 for me after a three week break up. The other days were a breeze, today has been horrendous.

Women eh?

 

[Paradiddle]

All I can say is, NEVER EVER GIVE UP. Giving up is being submissive which, of course, is a feminine trait. Even I have felt like giving up. But that's the reason there are all these awesome people in sosuave to make you feel that you're not alone and there are hundreds, if not thousands, going through the same phase that you are going through. Persist, my brethren. Peace.

 

[SteveSDCA]

I got a text this morning from the one I was dating/fooling around with. I live in SoCal and she moved to NoCal for work. She said 'So I had some time off and I got into an uber and one thing led to another and here I am!'

No do you want to get together or let's get together. Just wanting more attention.

 

[SteveSDCA]

I got a text this morning from the one I was dating/fooling around with. I live in SoCal and she moved to NoCal for work. She said 'So I had some time off and I got into an uber and one thing led to another and here I am!'

No do you want to get together or let's get together. Just wanting more attention.

I ran into her this morning at the gym we used to meet at to swim. She is close to my friend's GF and as soon as I saw my friend's motorcycle I knew she was going to be there. She was sitting next to my friend and said Hi. I said Hi back and then looked at my friend 90% of the time and ignored her.

 

[Bwub60]

Well I guess I will post. Got dumped yesterday after she flaked on a date we had. Said her niece invited herself over and pretty much wouldnt leave. I was at a neighborhood party and at first I said its fine just get back with me when you are free next. Well she started texting me later when I was pretty drunk and I was being ****ty and she ended up sending me a text saying she couldnt give me what I needed. I said if thats how she feels then fine but doing it over text message was a ****ty way to do it. She called me and we talked for a bit and she hung up. I tried calling her back and she didnt answer. Then sent me a text saying she had company but she could call me back later if I wanted. I said "thats up to you. you know where I stand" she replied with "I dont know what else to say." I didnt reply and about an hour later she text me with "are you awake" I said yes and she called. At first she acted like she was just calling me back but I called BS and she admitted that she wanted to call me and she was conflicted. I asked how she felt when she was around me and she said she loved being around me but that things are complicated. She is going through a divorce and I pushed things to fast. We had been hanging out for about a month and a half. I know thats a short period of time and I went AFC but I have to learn from my mistakes. At the end I said I am not gonna be her friend and I currently seeing another person too (She knew I might be seeing other people since she was going through a divorce). If she wants to see me then call me and if I am available then maybe we can get together but I will not being doing the contacting. On a side note we are both teachers. I am also a coach so I will see her at some point. We have a few days left in the year and I will probably have to email her but its usually just forwarding kids work. I am alittle beat up over it because I did like her quite a bit and I made some mistakes. I do have a date with another girl Thursday so that should help. Anyways thanks for this post. Reading it helped.

 

[Bwub60]

Day 4. Ex contacted me via text msg about a student of hers we have here. Nothing big but exchanged a few texts and thats it. kept it professional and friendly. Not really sure if it counts but decided I need to document it.

 

[Buddha]

Hello guys,
Need your opinion here. So I have a good job, travel around and basically good life. Have girls in every country/continents I travel to, but I just sleep with them when am there. Basically young girls - who doesn't like 5 star hotel and nice bars and stuffs? I never buy gifts or anything , just good time. But over the time, you feel empty after ****ing so many girls and crave for that SOMEONE where you can be yourself and build something for life.

And then 3 months back I met this girl and went on a dinner date which went way nicer than I was expecting. We had sex right in the restaurant after they closed (Restaurant owner knows me)
Next day we were planning for 2nd date where I turned AFC, writing her and asking out mostly. We fixed a date after 2 days and I went on with a gift for her, waiting till I get the message she is on the way, and next thing I know she blocked me.

A little about this girl- she is only 23, a social butterfly, 10/10, having several guys lined up, buying her super expensive stuffs, had a pretty bad relationship and after that she turned bitter and had several hookups.

Now back to the story- So I totally NC her for a week and sent her a message from other chat app where she responded immediately As I was traveling we scheduled another date once I was back and he had sex again. Before leaving her place, I mentioned this is our last meeting because of her last time behavior where she cried and said she wants me and that was done by her colleagues because she was freaking out.
Same week, she invited me to go out with her and meet all her girl friends. That was a great night and we end up having sex on the same bed as her friend passed out after heavy drinking. Same night we also had a fight because I found in her phone she was sending the same reveling picture to other guys same time she was sending me whole week.

Next morning , I got up wth several texts from her saying we can not hangout anymore if I don't want something serious as she wants a relationship with me , and guess what- I said yes , only if she get her life clean and get rid of previous guys from her phone/life.

We had several dates where she started introducing to me too her friends and colleagues etc and many times we had fight over her texting,sending pics to her previous guys/hookups.

After dating almost 1.5 months, we went on a weekend holiday, and that night again I saw her phone and learned the following
1. She ****ed a guy hour before coming to my place and having sex with me
2. She write to a guy that she is seeing me in front of me after our one fight, later texting him it was someone else who wrote this message from her phone.

I woke her up to confront and she started panicking and packed her bag in the morning and went away. Ofcourse I tried to stop her and asked for explanation for which she just tried to run away saying she needs time to be alone.

I didn't contact her for a week and she makes Instagram stories of being on a date with the 2nd guy and next day blocking me on the IG but not on other apps which she did earlier.
It's been now 3 weeks, and I have maintained the NC. Now my questions is if anyone can 'Decode" this behavior. Ofcourse I do not want her as relationship anymore, but definitely she is fun and wild to be with, making me feel much more younger and alive. Is there way to get her back just for that part ? Any suggestions or feedback from anyone will mean a lot !!

 

[Murk]

Bro you scared her off being a possessive needy psycho.

You have no right to go down her phone after a few dates, if she's a 10/10 with guys buying her expensive gifts then of course she will be seeing other people. Did you have an exclusivity chat? Why can't she be seeing other people?

She may have been telling the truth wanting a relationship with you, but you've blown it. She's blocked you on social media so just leave her alone, anything else is just creepy.

How old are you?

 

[Buddha]

hey bro, am in mid 30s.
The day she asked for a relationship, I asked clearly what does it means where she said she wanted a committed relations and we both agreed on getting rid of other ex/hookup from our phone/life.
So it was clear from myside and I maintained the same, while for her it didn't.
Many times she asked me when I was out if I am with another girl or when am on phone she will ask if am still talking to other girls. So for me it was same to ask her.
Why look at her phone? well , I think am glad I did before I spent more effort and emotions later to be found I have been cheated and dumped.