The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lozboss]

Right now I've started tutoring again since it's that time of year where uni/college have exams. Peaks and trough type business. I've found myself an absolute cash cow of a student too. Extra income is exactly what I needed.


In my head I'm saying everyday I don't contact the ex, before she flies back to Germany, I add £X to my spending budget. Which is basically a budget I can do whatever the hell I want with without feeling bad about it. So I have my incentive, now I just need something to spend it on. Any ideas?

I didn't end up going on that holiday to Italy and I'm glad because I want to spend my money on something more tangible. Something that will allow me to improve myself as a man, feel better about life and also to basically meet new women where I live, that can be enjoyed repeatedly if, rather than a quick fvck on holiday that's here today and gone tomorrow.


So far I've come up with:
- More gym equipment for my room.
- An upgrade to my current wardrobe (the ex used to make light hearted comments about my clothes and she was right when I look through it now)
- New suit for work and a new set of shirts
- New shoes (smart), new trainers and a new set of smart casual shoes

Defo the new threads. Nothing better than looking good and feeling good because of it.

Sounds strange but why not try something slightly different style wise? Get a woman's input if you have female friends. It will help mentally too.

 

[drake33]

Focus on any one of the trillion things you can be doing to distract you from your ex. Read more theory to figure out where things went wrong, why they wrong (here on this site and www.therationalmale.com is excellent too), work out, game other chicks, hang out with buddies, take up something you always wanted to try, and do your best to stay away from drugs/alcohol as they'll weaken your will and tempt you even more to reach out to your ex. You got this.

Thank you! I'm trying to stay busy. I just have this lingering fear/thought. I'm going to have completely moved on and forgotten it when she comes and says I want to be with you and put our family back together. How do I deal with that!? I mean, I laid it out clearly like neither of us had before and she said no! Initially she tried to place the blame on me, claiming I had my chance...yeah right, or she wouldn't be seeing some ****ing bum who doesn't work and is trying to get disability at the age of 28...dafuq!? I just want her to come to me. I know I can't force that along. I know I have to remain silent. Friday is my bday, wonder if she'll try to pull something...idk..anyways be strong bruhs

 

[drake33]

Easy peasy. Send her a text and say you think it's better if you don't have contact anymore, as it is not working out.

Then you block her on all platforms.

Mauser, drop your knowledge on me please!

 

[drake33]

Rerationalisation. She does not want you brah. It's a hard pill to swallow and I have really only been in this situation once at 21 years old. Mate, I know it hurts, but until you acknowledge this you will forever be trapped and unable to move on.

The only situation where you should consider taking an ex back is where she dumped you for a good reason. But this isn't what happened at all. Were you being verbally/physically abusive? Nope. Were you jobless and unable to provide for the family? Nope. Were you a beta herb who destroyed her attraction for you over time? Perhaps. But nothing you can do about that in the short or medium term. Let it go.

And watch the film Swingers.

It sounds ridiculous and admittedly quite difficult for a lot of guys here but you really need to go fvck ten other women (GFTOW) and also (what I think is crucial) gain an emotional connection with some of them. I promise you if you do this you will realise that all these special and unique qualities you think your ex had which is driving you to continue desiring her despite the fact she DUMPED you are really not that unique at all. You will see the same qualities in other women and realise that you can be happy (or happier) with someone else than your ex. It's purely about coming from a position of abundance rather than scarcity. Tbh I was a bit of scumbag to the ex but she still wants me. And I realise she has the same problem - scarcity! She doesn't believe she can get anyone better than me. It's paralyzing. Don't let it trap you. Any time I think of making things work with my ex I keep this in mind. Go through it, GFTOW. If by the end you STILL think your ex is worth going back for then fair enough. That's what i'm doing. And you should be too.

I've banged a few since the whole split up/debacle that took place in February. Three? Not quite ten but...idk...it's just hard to move on completely, but I have one who really wants to be with me. She talks of our future, it's just she doesn't know where her job may take her. She lives three hours away but wants to move back closer to me and her family. If she were closer, it would be full speed ahead. She is the one I'm going to stay with for my bday weekend!

 

[drake33]

Just caught her driving by my work...completely out of her way. Maybe coincidence and I am probably reading too far into that, but still...kind of gave me a chuckle...she didnt see me, but I saw her...and it's way out of her way.

 

[Jmurphy55]

It's not exactly been an easy 6 weeks but I feel a lot better than I did. Managed to lose a stone in weight, my lifts are as high as they've ever been and I'm making progress. I know others have said to date loads of girls, honestly, I don't have the energy currently, I'd rather put it towards looking good for my holiday.

Self improvement is definately the way forward, there's no magic cure but having a target to aim for, and achieving it, definately helps.

 

[drake33]

It's not exactly been an easy 6 weeks but I feel a lot better than I did. Managed to lose a stone in weight, my lifts are as high as they've ever been and I'm making progress. I know others have said to date loads of girls, honestly, I don't have the energy currently, I'd rather put it towards looking good for my holiday.

Self improvement is definately the way forward, there's no magic cure but having a target to aim for, and achieving it, definately helps.

Good deal man!

 

[ZTIME]

Thank you! I'm trying to stay busy. I just have this lingering fear/thought. I'm going to have completely moved on and forgotten it when she comes and says I want to be with you and put our family back together. This is how guys set themselves up for failure. We create these crazy scenarios in our heads of how she's going to come back and the we sit there and wait. And the pain keeps lingering day in and day out until we choose a different path. Don't hang on to the pain! Let it go! Let any thought, hopes, or dreams of her coming back go. How do I deal with that!? You won't have to! Have more respect for yourself then taking back that tramp. Move forward not backward! I mean, I laid it out clearly like neither of us had before and she said no! Initially she tried to place the blame on me, claiming I had my chance...yeah right, or she wouldn't be seeing some ****ing bum who doesn't work and is trying to get disability at the age of 28...dafuq!? I just want her to come to me.No you don't! I know I can't force that along. I know I have to remain silent. Friday is my bday, wonder if she'll try to pull something Now your ruining your birthday by waiting for her to give you a little attention! Why do this?...idk..anyways be strong
bruhs

Good Luck Man! Try to enjoy Your birthday!! Your life is gonna be rough if you keep going down this path!

 

[SayWhat]

What an update

My ex came into the bar and she got called by her husband who was serious mad. He's an ex criminal who burned stuff and ran around with a gun. I guess he was mad because she came into the bar pretty late for no reason, so he suspects something. A bit later her new guy came in.

I hear a customer saying to me 'you're so silent today'. I was a bit sick but had a bit of a down day because of her. I hear the customer whispering to my ex new guy 'he's not sick he's just love hurt because of her'. This really hurted me the most, I don't want to be percieved as a weak guy, I know I am but still.

An hour later her husband kept texting and calling, threatening to come to the bar. My boss called the cops, but my shift was over so I wisely left. I don't think he came, but for some reason thank god it's over. The hardest part is really that this new guy thinks I'm heart broken and probably thinks he's better then me.

 

[drake33]

As requested, in bold.




THe benefit of Facetime is you would keep close contact with your daughter. The downside is it is guaranteed your ex would be monitoring, sticking her nose in, and possibly recording somehow.

As for the rest of it? FVCK her. No second chances anymore. You gave several, and she shVt in your face. Get your head around that, get mad and get thinking of yourself as single. I was in the same boat as you, for probably 18 months until the divorce was actually final. WORST thing I ever did, was hold out hope "she would come back" I wouldn't take her back today for 5 million bucks.

Thank you, Mauser. True knowledge right here. I appreciate it a lot. I am moving forward. Everything you said is spot on. I may not exactly like hearing it, but it's what I need to hear. Its going to take some time for me to process this completely, but I will. Thanks again. You're exactly right, just like I knew you would.

 

[drake33]

Good Luck Man! Try to enjoy Your birthday!! Your life is gonna be rough if you keep going down this path!

You're right. Im going to. Im going to spend the weekend carbing up on lots of birthday cake oreos, ice cream, and sugar wallz:rock: :rock: :rock: I'm feeling pretty damn good today. I am now to the point where I hope she DOESNT contact me. Thanks man. I will report how the weekend goes.

 

[Twist of Cain]

my ex who vanished off the face of the earth did admit to me that her guyfriends were causing a distraction in her relationship, right before i left for the academy.

makes me wonder if im doing the 'right' thing.

 

[Lozboss]

Like I said yesterday it's all about having that abundance mentality and absolutely believing that you are the prize. And why not. I've worked hard to be the man I am today. And I WILL eventually find someone better than my ex who will appreciate that AND who won't have her negative attributes or history. Win win.

This is gold.

You have to realize that you deserve someone who WANTS you and WANTS to be in your life.

 

[zoom5]

Hello!

It's 35 days of NC for me...
So I have stuff to say.
I don't really feel better, I go out meet new women and when I get drunk I deny them because im a dumb ****... So that's bad, I don't even have interest to call them the other day ... I just don't contact them ever.
I'm really bored, thank god GTA 5 is out for PC, so I can play my ass off like an idiot. But still I don't feel better.

I was drunk once and i sent her a "hi" text, she did not respond, I think she has me blocked...sorry, saw the text the other day, had no idea what I was doing.

Her friend called me today asking me how was I doing (haven't herd from her for 2 months) Found out my ex has a BF like since the first week after we stopped talking. Also, she is out with a lot of boys, everyday a different car comes to pick her up, and she is never at home. She should be doing really hard for school now, but she is always out and my room-mate is doing all the work for her... I don't know if the are together...
It's weird how ****ed up she is, it disgusts me how she is using people. She's horrible...

I just can't get over the fact that 1 week after we ended our friendship she got a BF.

Overall I have no Idea how am I going to forget her or become a new person in less then a month...I'm not saying that I got this ways because I found out all the stuff about her. I'm shocked yes... But why haven't I got any sleep a month before? Why do I get these random depressing moods that just wont go away..?
When I get depressed there is no way of getting out...Okay the pills for stress help sometimes but not always...
Also I smoke half a box of cigarettes a day...before that I smoked 1 box for a week.

Bumping post cause im going insane right now...

 

[SayWhat]

Bumping post cause im going insane right now...

Realize you're not alone in this and that time will heal. I have these mood swings also and I get sick and tired of them. My ex also had a new bf (lets say affair, I'm not going to post the complete story again) after a week, I believe this was going on for a while though, but it was then I was completely sure.

This pulled the ground under my feet, I was and still am (even though a bit better) devastated by this. So devastated I contacted a psychologist with which I got an appointment in an hour.

I do believe I will feel better after a while, as I got through a much more serious break up a few years back (NC helps for yourself, you still feel down, but you won't have to deal with some texts you send to her that expresses your desire for her etc... This will cause you more harm than good). I still can't see a bright future for me though, of finding that one girl that I want to spend my life with. It's also because of this I'm going to a psych. Everyone says I shouldn't have a problem of finding a girl because I'm good looking, but we all know that's not all that. I am just too silent and have low self-esteem. I don't consider myself a man, I have a d*ck and love to f*ck women, but I resent conflict and will do everything to avoid it. Let's hope he can solve this and that in a year I can look back and see that this event was the cause of a tremendous change in myself.

You can believe everything happens for a reason, I sometimes can't believe it myself, but some events do hopefully lead to improvement. We sometimes have to hit rock bottom to get out of the hole.

Hang in there.

 

[drake33]

How do you guys deal with the fact that your ex is still happy to let you fvck them (if this is the case).

Still haven't found a replacement chick and having a hard time turning that side down. Free pvssy after all.

Unless youre completely emotionally removed, don't do it. You're still opening up that wound. Youre probably still emotionally invested because you're posting here. If you can do it and not feel a damn thing..I say do it..especially if she has a boyfriend and she cheated on you with him. Just toy with her if you want. But don't get sucked back in. Show her no emotion...give her nothing but the D!

 

[drake33]

That's how they try and get you back when all else fails. Entice you with the V!

#true****

 

[zoom5]

Realize you're not alone in this and that time will heal. I have these mood swings also and I get sick and tired of them. My ex also had a new bf (lets say affair, I'm not going to post the complete story again) after a week, I believe this was going on for a while though, but it was then I was completely sure.

This pulled the ground under my feet, I was and still am (even though a bit better) devastated by this. So devastated I contacted a psychologist with which I got an appointment in an hour.

I do believe I will feel better after a while, as I got through a much more serious break up a few years back (NC helps for yourself, you still feel down, but you won't have to deal with some texts you send to her that expresses your desire for her etc... This will cause you more harm than good). I still can't see a bright future for me though, of finding that one girl that I want to spend my life with. It's also because of this I'm going to a psych. Everyone says I shouldn't have a problem of finding a girl because I'm good looking, but we all know that's not all that. I am just too silent and have low self-esteem. I don't consider myself a man, I have a d*ck and love to f*ck women, but I resent conflict and will do everything to avoid it. Let's hope he can solve this and that in a year I can look back and see that this event was the cause of a tremendous change in myself.

You can believe everything happens for a reason, I sometimes can't believe it myself, but some events do hopefully lead to improvement. We sometimes have to hit rock bottom to get out of the hole.

Hang in there.

Should I visit a psychologist?
Im scaired of that and don't know if I can open up to someoone like that... Do I have to pay for it? I dont have the money for it ....

 

[SayWhat]

Should I visit a psychologist?
Im scaired of that and don't know if I can open up to someoone like that... Do I have to pay for it? I dont have the money for it ....

You have to figure that out for yourself. I believe something deeper is going on as I have very low confidence and self-esteem and my father died at the age of 12. A break up does this to you, but it lasts too long for me.

I feel weird going to a psychologist yes, there is still this kind of taboo around it. But this has to be solved, I don't want these f*cked up relationships in my life and I don't think I can solve it on my own. Talking about it really is no problem, he has a deontological code that keeps everything you say in the room.

You probably have to pay for it yes, I don't know what your policy is in your country. But you can ask him what it will cost per session, how long it would probably take,... Asking is free .

 

[drake33]

Got the happy birthday text haha! Bright and early. Laughed, deleted, and moving forward.