The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

Thanks both.

Drake- she engages when she wants something (usually emotional support). No intimacy or refuses to be with bull**** excuses about taking it slow etc.

She will suffer without me as she doesn't have anyone else. But I'm done being in a relationship where she isn't emotionally or romantically invested. I'm getting nothing but my heart broken and being used.

Did you state your purpose and your intentions clearly and concisely? You want to be with her, nothing else! Not friends. State that and walk away. Don't respond to anything else. You're lucky you don't have kids with this woman. You have no reason to contact her and she has no reason to contact you unless she's willing to play by your rules.

 

[Lozboss]

Did you state your purpose and your intentions clearly and concisely? You want to be with her, nothing else! Not friends. State that and walk away. Don't respond to anything else. You're lucky you don't have kids with this woman. You have no reason to contact her and she has no reason to contact you unless she's willing to play by your rules.

I did this and this led to us dating again. But it's now clear she's pretending we are dating because she needs me emotionally to support her (she turned up at 4am on Sunday morning crying about a few things etc). However, there is no intimacy and she is just using me. She says she's not seeing anyone else but I somehow doubt it.
She never makes time for me and is more interested in doing what she wants to do.

I'm debating whether to say i'm walking away and why or just do it (tempted for the latter as she deserves some pain for what she's done). Thoughts on that?

 

[Infern0]

Day 22 BPD ex

She texted me again, asking a nonsensical and pointless question.

Again I have to restate, I clearly explained we were finished and I was moving on because she was not communicating with me. I told her it was best if we have no contact.

At day 19 and 22 she attempts to break no contact with trivial small talk.

No thanks

 

[drake33]

I did this and this led to us dating again. But it's now clear she's pretending we are dating because she needs me emotionally to support her (she turned up at 4am on Sunday morning crying about a few things etc). However, there is no intimacy and she is just using me. She says she's not seeing anyone else but I somehow doubt it.
She never makes time for me and is more interested in doing what she wants to do.

I'm debating whether to say i'm walking away and why or just do it (tempted for the latter as she deserves some pain for what she's done). Thoughts on that?

It sounds like you need to walk away. Don't give her a warning. Just do it. Block her number, delete her from Facebook, everything and anything. Burn all bridges of communication. If she really wants to get ahold of you for the right reasons, she'll work her ass off to build her own bridge to you. But you've got to walk away for your own sanity.

 

[Lozboss]

It sounds like you need to walk away. Don't give her a warning. Just do it. Block her number, delete her from Facebook, everything and anything. Burn all bridges of communication. If she really wants to get ahold of you for the right reasons, she'll work her ass off to build her own bridge to you. But you've got to walk away for your own sanity.

Thanks dude,

It's weird but I feel like punishing her by not blocking her on whatsapp. Let her message me, see I've read it and am not replying. It worked the last time with her. That way she drives herself crazy.

I just worry even if she comes crawling back it will be because she needs the emotional support, not the passion and love. She's proven she can lie before and be selfish.

 

[SayWhat]

I know of all the advice to just don't think about it and let her live her life. And this works from time to time. But in the end, when I get home, it all comes back. The thought of her with him, why she chooses him over me, does she have bpd or not, will she ever send me a text again that she wants to talk, that at the moment they're texting to each other but I'm here with nothing,...

Having sex with another girl would help probably. I got completely over my ex for over 5,5 years because I finally had sex with another girl. But I'm so shy, have low self-esteem and don't meet new people that this is practically impossible. Every relationship in the past has been because of the girl initiating.

Pathetic I know. I have an appointment with a psychologist this thursday, I know these thoughts are normal after a break up, but I think there is more to it.

 

[drake33]

Thanks dude,

It's weird but I feel like punishing her by not blocking her on whatsapp. Let her message me, see I've read it and am not replying. It worked the last time with her. That way she drives herself crazy.

I just worry even if she comes crawling back it will be because she needs the emotional support, not the passion and love. She's proven she can lie before and be selfish.

You have to completely remove yourself! Block ALL forms of communication! Even if you let her see that you've read a message, she knows you've taken the time to read it. You have to disappear. Seriously. Completely! It will drive her crazy! Say nothing and do nothing! She's jerked you around long enough. Don't engage in mind games. Just walk. You'll thank yourself later.

 

[Aesthetix29]

Okay I've got a similar situation, my gf (now ex) sent me this text on Monday (1 week tomorrow)

Hi sorry left my phone at home to think, i dont think i can carry this on i dont want you to think its anything youve done cos it isnt i really need the time to concentrate i tried to convince myself i could do it while i was off work but im not as ready as i thought i would be for a full on relationship x

I didnt even reply as I don't think I needed too.... Once she sent the message 2 hours later she removed our relationship status off facbook etc... I've now blocked her and gone completely NC... There was no signs of this happening no arguing no nothing everything was fine then all this happened in the space of 24hrs, so in my eyes she's either cheated, interested in someone else or an ex has stepped up. I'm just going too maintain my frame and stick at NC! Before I blocked her looks like she's been going out with the girls a fair bit and posting lots of pics etc.... Not exactly sure if I'll hear off her again, but I will keep you all updated. 1 week of NC so far and I feel much better. Personally I think it's disrespectful to finish a relationship via text message... Guilty conscience springs to mind!

Just a quick update guys....Okay so it's now been 8 days and not heard a bleeding thing! Still early days yet but believe it or not I feel much better already, if I'm honest I don't think I'll hear anything off her again period!

 

[zoom5]

Hello!

It's 35 days of NC for me...
So I have stuff to say.
I don't really feel better, I go out meet new women and when I get drunk I deny them because im a dumb ****... So that's bad, I don't even have interest to call them the other day ... I just don't contact them ever.
I'm really bored, thank god GTA 5 is out for PC, so I can play my ass off like an idiot. But still I don't feel better.

I was drunk once and i sent her a "hi" text, she did not respond, I think she has me blocked...sorry, saw the text the other day, had no idea what I was doing.

Her friend called me today asking me how was I doing (haven't herd from her for 2 months) Found out my ex has a BF like since the first week after we stopped talking. Also, she is out with a lot of boys, everyday a different car comes to pick her up, and she is never at home. She should be doing really hard for school now, but she is always out and my room-mate is doing all the work for her... I don't know if the are together...
It's weird how ****ed up she is, it disgusts me how she is using people. She's horrible...

I just can't get over the fact that 1 week after we ended our friendship she got a BF.

Overall I have no Idea how am I going to forget her or become a new person in less then a month...I'm not saying that I got this ways because I found out all the stuff about her. I'm shocked yes... But why haven't I got any sleep a month before? Why do I get these random depressing moods that just wont go away..?
When I get depressed there is no way of getting out...Okay the pills for stress help sometimes but not always...
Also I smoke half a box of cigarettes a day...before that I smoked 1 box for a week.

 

[Lozboss]

Here is the problem with this approach, in bold. THERE is the problem. You are still leaving the door open to her coming back. You WOULD consider taking her back, if it was for the right reasons. As long as this door is open, you will not heal. And all this, for a woman who you say "She's proven she can lie before and be selfish"

Mauser/Drake,

I feel if I do this I have to say something before. She currently doesn't know I'm doing NC.

But I don't want the heartache of the argument or her trying to guilt trip me or emotionally manipulate me.

 

[drake33]

Mauser/Drake,

I feel if I do this I have to say something before. She currently doesn't know I'm doing NC.

But I don't want the heartache of the argument or her trying to guilt trip me or emotionally manipulate me.

Who gives a **** if she knows or not! This is about you. Don't just tell her, because you'll talk to her anyways, just do it. Actions speak louder than words!

 

[Lozboss]

Who gives a **** if she knows or not! This is about you. Don't just tell her, because you'll talk to her anyways, just do it. Actions speak louder than words!

You are right.

I stupidly deleted her number before blocking so will have to wait for her to get in touch to do that (I don't remember it and got rid of the paper with it on).

I've blocked her on FB.

Thanks Brothers for your support. It's so hard (first time i've ever done this).

 

[drake33]

You are right.

I stupidly deleted her number before blocking so will have to wait for her to get in touch to do that (I don't remember it and got rid of the paper with it on).

I've blocked her on FB.

Thanks Brothers for your support. It's so hard (first time i've ever done this).

Change your number? Seriously man. I find it funny that we can easily give advice to others, but it's hard to follow that same advice in our own situation. Seriously cut contact with this chick. Are you talking to other women? Im not saying you have to bang em, although that would help, but get yourself out there a little. Test the waters. Sharpen yourself up. Make yourself worth missing. See yourself as a catch, she will eventually see what she lost and at that point its too late. Move forward and don't look back. It's hard man, no doubt! Im having a hard time too...Im fighting the urge to text my ex, but I havent. Its hard. Im really hoping she breaks down. I dont know if she will, but in the meantime, Im seeing a woman, who knows the situation...she actually knows my ex, she showed me some pics of my ex and her together as small children. This woman has been here for about a year now, she loves me hasnt turned her back on me. It's my birthday Friday and I am going to stay with her at her condo. She says she wants to take care of me...anything I want she says..she wants to "take care of my mans desires." Ummm YES PLEASE! Will let you know how my weekend goes! Not going to lie though, I miss the ex. Ive told all my friends and family that there will be no more talking about her unless she reaches out. Im not going to keep re-opening that cut with conversation. I am doing fairly decent, why f**k that up? Stay strong bro!

 

[Lozboss]

Change your number? Seriously man. I find it funny that we can easily give advice to others, but it's hard to follow that same advice in our own situation. Seriously cut contact with this chick. Are you talking to other women? Im not saying you have to bang em, although that would help, but get yourself out there a little. Test the waters. Sharpen yourself up. Make yourself worth missing. See yourself as a catch, she will eventually see what she lost and at that point its too late. Move forward and don't look back. It's hard man, no doubt! Im having a hard time too...Im fighting the urge to text my ex, but I havent. Its hard. Im really hoping she breaks down. I dont know if she will, but in the meantime, Im seeing a woman, who knows the situation...she actually knows my ex, she showed me some pics of my ex and her together as small children. This woman has been here for about a year now, she loves me hasnt turned her back on me. It's my birthday Friday and I am going to stay with her at her condo. She says she wants to take care of me...anything I want she says..she wants to "take care of my mans desires." Ummm YES PLEASE! Will let you know how my weekend goes! Not going to lie though, I miss the ex. Ive told all my friends and family that there will be no more talking about her unless she reaches out. Im not going to keep re-opening that cut with conversation. I am doing fairly decent, why f**k that up? Stay strong bro!

I'll do the NC bro- don't worry. I'm also focussing on myself (hitting the gym etc).

Have a great weekend and I'm glad you have found someone new.

I'm on a first date tonight with a new chick so hoping that will put things into perspective. Last time I dated I wasn't really impressed by the chicks and that negatively affected my perceptions.

Just want to find some nice women who light my fire and banish thoughts of the ex.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Ive told all my friends and family that there will be no more talking about her unless she reaches out. Im not going to keep re-opening that cut with conversation. I am doing fairly decent, why f**k that up? Stay strong bro!

SOLID. Great job.

 

[drake33]

I'll do the NC bro- don't worry. I'm also focussing on myself (hitting the gym etc).

Have a great weekend and I'm glad you have found someone new.

I'm on a first date tonight with a new chick so hoping that will put things into perspective. Last time I dated I wasn't really impressed by the chicks and that negatively affected my perceptions.

Just want to find some nice women who light my fire and banish thoughts of the ex.

Enjoy your date tonight! Try not to think of the ex and if so, just remember, there is a beautiful young lady across from you that wanted to spend time with you. Your ex didn't. Maybe the last date was just a bad date. They happen.

 

[drake33]

SOLID. Great job.

Thanks! It will be a challenge but today has been a great day. Haven't spoke about her much, just fighting thoughts of her in my mind. Which is an every day thing. Hoping something changes. I know this is a process but I hate not being able to talk to my daughter like I used to. Or see her like I used to. The ex frequently would bring her by my day job if I wasn't busy, or stop by my house with her to see me. I don't get that anymore. Really stings. But the silence is the loudest scream I can let out and let me tell ya, I'm screaming pretty damn loud. Even if it never works out between me and her, and no matter how much time passed...I tossed aside so many random broads and sacrificed all of that in an attempt to put my family together and to repair a relationship that really could have been renewed and restored. I put it out there and tried and she said no. Put that into perspective...you said no to your family for a pos who doesn't work and is mooching off of you? Your daughters father is a hard worker and works two jobs and you don't want to try...atleast give it an attempt? Okay? Her conscience can eat her alive while I'm giving my all to a deserving woman. Lol rant over! Sorry. Stay strong bros

 

[Twist of Cain]

almost 4 weeks now.

still blows my mind.

 

[drake33]

Someone eslap me! Wtf!? Having those pathetic feelings and urges of texting her! Wtf am I thinking! I miss her really bad! Today makes 6 weeks no contact.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Someone eslap me! Wtf!? Having those pathetic feelings and urges of texting her! Wtf am I thinking! I miss her really bad! Today makes 6 weeks no contact.

Focus on any one of the trillion things you can be doing to distract you from your ex. Read more theory to figure out where things went wrong, why they wrong (here on this site and www.therationalmale.com is excellent too), work out, game other chicks, hang out with buddies, take up something you always wanted to try, and do your best to stay away from drugs/alcohol as they'll weaken your will and tempt you even more to reach out to your ex. You got this.