The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[TheMonkeyKing]

SayWhat:

Sure, this chick has wound you up something chronic, but by the sounds of things, she thrives on drama and attention..... three kids, husband, new lover, you....?? She's clearly got a screw loose man.

The easiest way to 'hurt' her? Make her a nobody; the only reason she's still playing you about is because she is a brat who need constant attention and stimulation.

Trust me, I've been there - this chick dumped me by text one evening at like 1am. I ignored. By 5pm the SAME day she send a tirade of EIGHT unanswered texts, because apparently there was 'no one there to stop her texting'.....

You get the comparison? Some people just need other people in there life to stop them going completely mental, left alone with their own thoughts.

This has little or nothing to do with you, and most to do with her.

You don't need to say anything to her. In fact it's best you probably don't, apart from work stuff, if needed. Silence, in fact, speaks far louder.

 

[Jmurphy55]

The night progressed. I'm f*ckin wasted right now. She acts like I said, even touches me because she 'fell', but in the meantime texts with this new guy in plain view where she knows I can see this.

I should ban her from my life, I want to send her a text saying this, I know I shouldn't do this.

What happened today: it was a (female) co workers birthday. She was working and I came to work and I saw her and said "happy birthday" in the normal joyful fashion when it's someone's birthday. A few minutes later she said to me "I didn't know you were this spontaneous". (She always was jealous of me and this co worker). But a few hours later I saw her texting with this new guy, I don't know what to think.

I came in the kitchen and she was talking to our boss and when I entered she said "don't enter this conversation" and laughed to our boss. In our language this sounds different, I don't know how to translate this. I just don't know about the mixed signals.

Should I delete her from FaceBook?

I want to hurt her, I don't know how.

Let's forget the girl for a moment.

I don't know how old you are, but when you were 18 did you envisage your dream woman being married with 3 children and you prising her away from that? Because I doubt that you did.

Man, I understand that it is hard because you obviously have feelings for her, but do you not have se self worth? Not only as she got a bucket load of red flags, but on top of that, she is treating you like dirt. Do you want to be the guy that has another child with her and then she leaves you as well?

Don't worry about hurting her, worry about healing yourself.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I want to hurt her, I don't know how.

The sad part is that obsessing over how to achieve that will end up hurting you more. If anything, now is the time to become self-obsessed. And yes, delete her from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, your phone, wherever else you may have her. Ultimate goal is to delete her from your thoughts.

 

[Lozboss]

Anybody? 30 days complete! Halfway!

Congrats Buddy.

I can't imagine what you are going through. What you have don is the right thing. It's always tougher with kids and the Ex is the mother of your child.

But you are doing well, you are a good Dad and will make someone else a great boyfriend/husband.

Stay strong buddy and if you need to talk PM your skype or whatsapp and I'm here for you to vent.

L

 

[drake33]

Having a weak moment...wondering if I should send a shared memory text!? Please someone e-slap some sense into me! I don't want her to think I'm mad and don't want her, but on the other hand she has a boyfriend and claims she's happy. However I am pissed at how she treated me and made threats about our daughter! I spoke to her dad while he was in my place of work, had a good talk about me and him and his grand daughter..he also said that he wasn't sure what she was doing. Me and him had some issues and it was really more about two men talking and making peace for the past. I want her back! Thanks Lozboss!

 

[Lozboss]

Having a weak moment...wondering if I should send a shared memory text!? Please someone e-slap some sense into me! I don't want her to think I'm mad and don't want her, but on the other hand she has a boyfriend and claims she's happy. However I am pissed at how she treated me and made threats about our daughter! I spoke to her dad while he was in my place of work, had a good talk about me and him and his grand daughter..he also said that he wasn't sure what she was doing. Me and him had some issues and it was really more about two men talking and making peace for the past. I want her back! Thanks Lozboss!

No Contact is the way. RoyalFlush is right- NO CONTACT.

If you want her back then you have to step away- you know this is your head, now control your heart.

She will need to work out for herself that this new boyfriend isn't good enough.

You need to concentrate on being a better person, continuing to be a good Dad and CUT her from your life as much as possible. The biggest hurt you can cause is indifference.

We all feel weak sometimes- that's when we rely on others to help us stand up again.

Now -NO CONTACT. Move on with your life Drake.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Are you really prepared for an icy cold "why did you send this..." from her? Don't play with fire.

Or worse still ...silence... which is what you ought to be doing anyway, Drake, remaining completely silent..

 

[drake33]

Man, you guys' support is huge! Im so glad I found this board! I havent said anything, and I won't. I did text her this morning about pick-up schedule with our daughter, but that was it. She simply said okay, and I didnt reply. Im sure the "you're being immature" is coming. Am I being immature for suggesting separate birthday parties? Her birthday isnt until June, but planning will have to start soon. I know we need to sit down and have a parenting meeting soon, also. Just to iron things out. My birthday is coming up too...Im also wondering if I'll get thrown breadcrumbs that day...Im focused on being the best me that I can. I guess just wait and see if she contacts me? Mauser96 said in one post that you should respond to nothing short than an unequivocal apology. I think that's probably my best bet...although I dont want her to think Im just being a jerk. But the last thing I said was sorry...after that she was the one talking the craziness...probably trying to bait me...Idk...but if she wants to date a scumbag, whatever...as long as he treats my daughter with respect, its cool. Thank you guys! Drake is struggling...but I'm trying...

 

[drake33]

I want to contribute to this thread so bad...but I feel like if you're in a position where you're not right 100% emotionally you have no place trying to do that. But once things shake out a little, I want to really help out and give back.

 

[ZTIME]

I want to contribute to this thread so bad...but I feel like if you're in a position where you're not right 100% emotionally you have no place trying to do that. But once things shake out a little, I want to really help out and give back.

I learned awhile ago that by posting your story here and following the advice left by others that you've already started contributing.

Some of the advice may seem contradictory to your current state of mind, but remember that after a while you'll start to see the light.

For right now, I'd start focusing more on you and a whole lot less on her. Reread your 12:35 post and understand that you are still completely putting way too much value into this girl. (I know. I've been there.)

 

[ZTIME]

Man, you guys' support is huge! Im so glad I found this board! I havent said anything, and I won't. I did text her this morning about pick-up schedule with our daughter, but that was it. She simply said okay, and I didnt reply.The only communication you should ever have with this girl should only pertain to your child. Nothing else. Im sure the "you're being immature" is coming.You're hoping that it's coming! You'd be more disappointed if you got no response! Am I being immature for suggesting separate birthday parties?Why would you care what some chick who is f**king some other dude thinks of your maturity level? Her birthday isnt until June, but planning will have to start soon. I know we need to sit down and have a parenting meeting soon, also. Just to iron things out. My birthday is coming up too...Im also wondering if I'll get thrown breadcrumbs that day...Don't settle for crumbs! go out and get the whole loaf from another chick!Im focused on being the best me that I can. I guess just wait and see if she contacts me?While you're sitting and waiting, how about you start working on a workout schedule, a ditary plan, and a social schedule with friends. It'll help to make your waiting a lot more comfortable. Mauser96 said in one post that you should respond to nothing short than an unequivocal apology. I think that's probably my best bet...although I dont want her to think Im just being a jerk.Here it is again. You worrying about what a chick that is f**king another guy thinks about you But the last thing I said was sorry...after that she was the one talking the craziness...probably trying to bait me...Idk...but if she wants to date a scumbag, whatever...as long as he treats my daughter with respect, its cool.because all you should worry about is your daughter. forget the mother, you'll bebetter in the long run Thank you guys! Drake is struggling...but I'm trying...

Threw in a few bold messages for you. Stay strong Sir. I've been in the same situation as have many of the OP's here.

 

[SayWhat]

A new day, a new episode of a pathetic soap

I act happy and mad with a co worker just to have some fun. Someone noticed this and said to my ex 'wow he's really cruel to her'. Today my ex comes into the kitchen and says to me 'why are you avoiding me, why are you also acting pissed to everyone else because of us?' The pissed thing is because of the thing with my co worker. She thinks I act pissed because of what happened between us. I acted cool and said I'm not avoiding her and I don't know why she thinks that because I answer when she asks something.

Jesus what an ego centered ***** thinking this is because of her. I really want to say this to her, but I know I shouldn't.

Edit: I'm done. This evening she suddenly came in the bar, who comes over a few minutes later, this new guy... I don't know what to do

 

[Spinach]

Ahh the heartache and turmoil we men go through for a woman... At my age one would think that all this drama would be behind me. Alas it is not. After her walking away from a 6 year relationship and having another guy in her bed within 2 weeks, I often ponder why does this continue haunt me even after 6 months of no contact except for a birthday greeting that opened the wound once again. Why would a mature, well established man be jealous over a woman who is 20 years younger than I am, living paycheck to paycheck and a Grandmother to her daughters first child...(out of wedlock of course...). I wonder what the solution to this puzzle will hold for me as truth be told I still have her in my thoughts on a daily basis. I know the advice to make me a better me, move on to other woman, hit the gym, ect. but the oneitis is very strong. Any magic elixir to rid my heart and mind of this red headed curse would be greatly appreciated. No fool like an old fool......Sigh.

 

[drake33]

I plan to just keep myself focused on our daughter. I don't want to be baited into the bs anymore. You're right, I won't worry what she thinks. I'm focused on my own healing, therefor I can be the best father possible. I don't think that makes me immature...I'm just not ready to interact with her at all right now. She owes me an apology. Straight up. Things will go this way until and if she does.

 

[Pogba]

I was in the shoes of many of you guys 4-6 months ago ; granted some of you have a different element involved ex. Kids & work.
First let me tell you this - DON'T miss out on this opportunity grow as an individual. Again ACCEPT the break up , remember any relationship experience is a valuable experience. Good part is you didn't marry her and have 50% of your money or property divided.

Firstly , it's not going to be easy ..some night will be easy and some nights will be hard. You can't sit down and try to understand her actions , she doesn't even understand her actions. Women understand women in this world and guess what ? They HATE themselves. Separate and become a MAN , stop feeling sorry for your self because chances are if you died today ...she will be having sex with another guy the following week or day.
Think and invest in your self and women will come along. Your $100 dollar bill will not wake up and say they are bored or moving on.

Tip 1 ) If she owes you any money or property worth less than $1000 , just forget it and block her from all platforms.

Tip 2) Only respond if you share kids together.

Tip 3) Don't try to force yourself to get over her , don't try to dream up been together again ...SHE is fcckiin another dude !

Tip 4) Understand that's their nature , you should view women like this as your smaller siblings , they make silly decisions that make you chuckle inside.

Tip 5) Work on YOURSELF , I can't stress this enough. If you are making 3000$ a month ...try to make 4 -6000$ month. Don't stay at the same place.

Finally STOP feeling sorry for your self , stop feeling sorry for people in general. You can care but never be invested enough to feel sorry for anyone. I can't put up a front because I was in that position like you guys for a while and it's AMAZING what a switch of mentality can bring.
Thinking about her depends on your relationship , for some of you it will be gone by 1-2 years and other it will last a lifetime , it's all about how you deal with it. Don't agree with the notion that the world is not FAIR , believe me life is fair.
If you feel sorry for your self 24/7 that's what the universe will serve you , if you feel confident and positive everyday then that's what the universe will bring you. You will have some bad days but it won't break you.

 

[Pogba]

I plan to just keep myself focused on our daughter. I don't want to be baited into the bs anymore. You're right, I won't worry what she thinks. I'm focused on my own healing, therefor I can be the best father possible. I don't think that makes me immature...I'm just not ready to interact with her at all right now. She owes me an apology. Straight up. Things will go this way until and if she does.

SHE DOES NOT OWE YOU NOTHING ! But to make sure YOUR daughter is safe 24/7.
Don't expect an apology , it will only delay your growth. Suck it up and admit your faults in the relationship , accept her decision even though you don't support it. Accept the possibly that things won't be the same anymore , be indefirent to her. This is a prime opportunity to mature into a better man.
I don't have to tell you the biggest payback you can give her is showing up with a hotter and better personality girls at her doorsteps to pick up YOUR daughter.

 

[SayWhat]

I really want to know what I did wrong so I can improve it, so I know why she chooses him over me. Should I ask her this?

 

[drake33]

SHE DOES NOT OWE YOU NOTHING ! But to make sure YOUR daughter is safe 24/7.
Don't expect an apology , it will only delay your growth. Suck it up and admit your faults in the relationship , accept her decision even though you don't support it. Accept the possibly that things won't be the same anymore , be indefirent to her. This is a prime opportunity to mature into a better man.
I don't have to tell you the biggest payback you can give her is showing up with a hotter and better personality girls at her doorsteps to pick up YOUR daughter.

I think she does owe me an apology in regards to makin threats about our daughter...I am taking this chance to mature...I'm reading books, that aren't fitness/nutrition related...I'm a CPT. I'm dieting for summer, planning a possible Miami vacation. I just miss her and what I thought we had..I have plenty of chicks trying to get at me..."girl you ain't the only one that's tryin to be the only one.." Just having a hard time dealing, I've banged a few...but it's not exactly right. I don't want to become that. Idk, I'm taking my time..

 

[drake33]

I really want to know what I did wrong so I can improve it, so I know why she chooses him over me. Should I ask her this?

No man! Ask her nothing! If you've made it clear what you want, step back...let her come to you...if you go to her, what you say or ask will fall on deaf ears

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

@ Social_Leper

"I actually felt sorry for her because I do care about her and she is by and large a good person or at least was. Honestly I do not think she did anything wrong while we were together. After 2 years I feel like I know her enough to be confident of that. But maaaan she is NOT relationship material anymore - not right now. Maybe in like 5 years when we've both matured but not now."

Am in the same situation with my recent ex. I feel sorry for her too as she's essentially not a bad person either. But there is an emotional instability there that can only be addressed by themselves, not propped up by a relationship.

At the end of the day, we have to walk. They've had a chance and they decided to neglect it. That's not to say never again. For here and now though, it's not right. I've tried to do it two or three times in the past (being fairly stable myself - I tend to attract these types), and it hasn't worked. I have little or not reason to believe it ever really does.

@Saywhat: Please hold your frame and re-read what has already been said. This woman is not worthy of your time.