The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[way2smart]

Day 46...was kind of stuck in that rut today even thinking about ol' oneitis, and went for a long walk on the beach (about a 3.5-4 miles). Actually walked by her (at least I am pretty sure) laying there around the halfway mark. Funny how I just noticed her out of the blue like that (it was pretty packed out there today). All the other times I saw her were with the new guy. If it were two weeks ago I would have went up there to talk or say some AFC sh!t but I didn't. Just kept walking and on my way back she was still there and I just looked off at the water as I passed and pretended to pay no mind. Glad I didn't break NC but still brought a lot of emotion, so the self work continues lol

Try not to walk where you might bump into her. In fact, I think you were subconsciously taking those walks just to see her. Please don't.
Walk someplace else.

 

[rastapasta]

Try not to walk where you might bump into her. In fact, I think you were subconsciously taking those walks just to see her. Please don't.
Walk someplace else.

I walk / run a lot every day in that direction where she stays now, but you're right I think subconsciously or even consciously, I think about seeing her when I am out. I find this actually manifests into reality if it is really on my mind haha. Like I was being more aware of beach goers when I was on that side of the beach, and even though when I first saw her she was laying facing away from me so I couldn't see her face, I was like hey that is a nice blonde with a nice ass and then I recognized the purse haha.

Bumping into her is a definite setback in my healing process based on the emotions I feel after I see her, but in the same respect I feel like I have to overcome this and eventually just not give a fvck. I was walking on that part of the beach way before she was even with me so I don't want to stop doing things I want to do anyway. Some day (maybe it will take a year at this rate) I will just not care anymore.

 

[fuko2007]

So its been right around 3 months now. Have not spoken to or laid eyes on her until today. We passed each other driving and i think she waved , well im pretty sure she did. I hit rock bottom again after that. I feel like im worse off than i was at day one. All the old emotions and feelings came flooding back in. The worst part is i know how cold she is so i know she has not felt in anyway bad or missed me at all. I don't know what to do as of now. I was making such good progress and now bam back to sh*t again.

 

[fuko2007]

Just a small relapse man it will be over in 24-48 hours. Get a good nights sleep, hit the gym.

Thanks man. Im going to take off early from work and go hunt some. I know getting some of this sunshine will help.

 

[chaj3_11]

Thanks man. Im going to take off early from work and go hunt some. I know getting some of this sunshine will help.

Bumping into them definately doesnt help. It happened too me a few times as she drinks in the same pub i do. I realised quick it sets you back too much so i just avoid the place now even though all my mates still go. I know you saw her unintentionally but dont feel like its set you back as most of us here feel/felt the same when you do see them its only natural. My ex is the same, no chance she missed me n she got with someone else straight away which proved it. Just keep saying too yourself, if she doesnt miss you then what is the point in missing her. Im in no way an expert btw but that helps me anyway. Stay strong mate.

 

[AlphaBravo]

So it's probably a bit late for a lot of the benefits of this but 18 months on it's time that I ended all contact with my ex. Day 1. Lets do this

 

[petegunderson]

42 days NC, 3.5 months sice breakup. Its gotten better, but this one Fvked me up pretty bad. I hope what ppl say about the 60 day mark is true because this is emotionally taxing. I really dont think I'll have an issue breaking NC, but the constant ruminating over everything is really stressful and affecting my work life. Im incredibly distracted. Anyone have any tips on swatting those thoughts out of your head?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

petegunderson, did you read the link I sent you for the article on "Fear"? You are putting the cart before the horse. You are not acting like a high value man. It WILL NOT go away on it's own until you start to become PROACTIVE. High value men have other sh*t going on, and the thoughts about exes and former oneitises are fleeting. They pass through the mind rapidly like a dream weaving in and out of a dreamcatcher. We may not be able to control what thoughts pop into our brains in an instant, but we can control how long we mull over them for...

LET GO! You're not fixing this. What do you really believe in in your life? Are you athletic? Political? An avid traveler? Whatever it is, throw yourself into it. Take something that already exists and build on it. I started a self-help blog and wrote a book.

If you're still counting at 42 days and talking about 60 days like it's some magical milestone, you're doing it completely wrong. These 42 days mean nothing. You're still hoping for a resolution. It's not happening. I've been there. You're sitting by that phone like a puppy waiting for his owner to come home. Enough man. You need some tough love.

 

[Jariel]

Hi guys, I thought I'd drop in and pass on a bit of motivation for all you suffering from your break ups. I doubt many of you more recent posters have seen my posts in this thread, but my break up just over a year ago really f*cked me up bad!! I guess it was the first time I'd ever truly been in love and I honestly believed she was my soul mate. If I'm being truthful, I still feel gutted how it ended and that we were never able to work things out, but I have moved on, got back into the dating game and had dates and great sex with some stunning women.

One of the biggest mistakes I made after my break up and a subtle trap most of us fall into is letting the rejection influence our behaviour. I had this mindset that "I'm not good enough for my ex, therefore I need to change" or I'd feel bitter and start thinking "I'm not taking **** from anyone any more" and I'd get defensive with women.

It really did me no favours and sucked all the charisma and fun out of my personality. I walked round acting moody and would approach my dates with a serious tone. I went through a renewed badboy phase and carried on the pretence that I'm a jerk and I'd act arrogant or downright offensive. This drove a lot of women away and made me appear very mixed up and bitter. Some girls even mistook it for me being shy!

But when I looked back at why my relationship failed it wasn't because I was in need of a personality transplant, it was because I got complacent, made some mistakes and we had a conflict of interests. In fact, the person she fell in love with was not moody or serious or a bad boy. I was light hearted, charismatic and relaxed and that's why we enjoyed our time together.

If you ever hope to re-attract your ex, then you need to return to that genuine person she fell for. Likewise, if you hope to attract new women, that's the guy you need to be.

I was having a really bad run with women after my break up and was getting rejection after rejection, but the moment I started to relax again, stop taking myself so seriously, started joking and having a laugh with my dates (including ****y funny and neg hits) everything started to click for me and I was having my pick of gorgeous girls and potential relationships.

We would all do well to learn from our break ups and avoid repeating the same mistakes, but don't get caught up in your bitterness. Just focus on relaxing and getting back to the cool, easygoing person you used to be.

Good luck guys.

 

[rags13]

Jariel,

What a fantastic commentary of personal experience and advice.

I think, after going through a situation that all guys will more than likely experience, it's imperative to remember who we were before meeting who we thought was 'the one'. Too often we as men cater so indiscriminately to the women we are with that we lose ourselves as an individual. The longer the relationship lasts, the more chance we have of delving deeper into that abyss. Here's what we as men have to remember...

1) Be your own individual, she may mean the world to you, but that in no way should translate into her becoming your life
2) Embrace the pain when the end happens...as men we put pride in front of what we are dealing with, let the feelings flow, don't ignore them
3) Stay present...don't live in the past, or fear for the future. What you do now will be better than the past and set you up for an even healthier future
4) Remember it ended for a reason, and no matter what that reason is, it will never fade or go away. People don't change!!

The best advice I can give...NO CONTACT!! this is not to get her back, but to get yourself back to your former self. This is imperative for your overall success in life...your job, your relationship with friends and family and best of all, a long lasting fruitful future with the real woman of your dreams.

When she says 'you'll never find anyone like me' simply respond "That's the point!!"

 

[Firestar786]

12 days left till I'm officially divorced

Awesome

 

[fuko2007]

Past three months now. I'm done keeping exact days. I still miss her for some ungodly reason. But im not as bad off as i was. Got the normal stuff going on as of this point. Miss the sex, companionship, and wonder who and what is going on in her life right now. But the cold hard fact is i do know because i lived it. Shes banging some dude or multiple dudes when she wants playing her mind games with them.

But congrats firestar786 . I know you cant wait till that last day haha. But guys take this as a living testament from me. The 60 day challenge is a good thing. It helps alot. All these guys here help alot. But dont cling to the fact that it might torment her or it might make her want to come back. Your only sabotaging your own healing my friends. I started off with that mind set and im well past the challenge and still no contact from her.But is a good thing.

Your going to have your ups and your downs even past 60 days. God knows i do. But hold your head up high and fight that urge guys. Hope this helps some of yall . Have a good day.

 

[chaj3_11]

Well today has been awful. And i have no idea why, suddenly just hit me im lonely and shes happily loving life with the man she ****ed me off for. Every girl i know has a boyfriend and most of my friends are with people. Never felt so down.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Well today has been awful. And i have no idea why, suddenly just hit me im lonely and shes happily loving life with the man she ****ed me off for. Every girl i know has a boyfriend and most of my friends are with people. Never felt so down.

Sucks man, but we all go through it. I can find enough to do during the week with work and all, but the worst for me comes when I go to bed on the weekends, knowing they're out there with some other guy doing something, when that guy used to be me. It sucks, but you'll get over it because you have to.

The key is just to distract yourself. Find something to get yourself out of the house. Preferably another woman.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

There is something a lot of guys keep missing over and over again in this thread. It bears repeating because its the whole point.

IF YOU ARE COUNTING THE DAYS, YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT!!!

Read the DJ Bible, go to my blog, or go to http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com. His articles are older than dirt (2011 and earlier) but they made me a new man. A lot of you guys are missing something.

 

[joshs1974@live.com]

I ran across this thread today, and it inspired me enough to register so I could post. I am torn up pretty bad right now, and hoping this challenge will help. Is there anyone that this no contact thing is not working for? Right now I want her back so bad, but I'm at the point where I'm so miserable that any kind of relief would be welcome. Thanks for any support you guys can offer. It's appreciated, and I know that I'm going to need the support if I am to try this.

I guess this would be day 1.

 

[Heisenburger]

I ran across this thread today, and it inspired me enough to register so I could post. I am torn up pretty bad right now, and hoping this challenge will help. Is there anyone that this no contact thing is not working for? Right now I want her back so bad, but I'm at the point where I'm so miserable that any kind of relief would be welcome. Thanks for any support you guys can offer. It's appreciated, and I know that I'm going to need the support if I am to try this.

I guess this would be day 1.

Hey man, hope your well. There is no shame in feeling hurt after a break up. We've all been there. None of us are robots. I've been cheated on, dumped, lied to in the past as well as me crying in front of an ex, I've begged, pleaded. Done all that Shlt. Hell, I've moved to another country in the past to be closer to an ex!

It's all part of growing man. I'm a better man for it. You will be.

Onwards and upwards.

As mentioned here tenfold - NC is for you and you only. Grieve, eat well, stay fit and allow time to heal ya. Then come back like the man you were to begin with - only with more wisdom. Can't put a price on wisdom. Your wisdom.

Eat well and stay fit bro. Good luck.

 

[spax]

Stay strong guys. You will be a better man at the end of it all

 

[nemz]

Just over a week ago, I met with the ex to sort out the remainder of the work on the house we worked on together. We'd been together just on 18 months before the split, she moved on quickly as most women do and I followed suit 2 months later after taking a month out to sort my ****, hit the gym, going out on dates with no expectations until I met an awesome girl who knocked my socks off. She is 5'8" (I'm only 5'9") with an awesome body, doesn't wear makeup or need it, independent, confident, brilliant family who think we're awesome together and totally supportive of my missions & goals in life unlike my ex who needed me around all the time.

I really felt sorry for my ex and she openly admitted last year was absolutely crap, we'd not seen or talked to each other for almost a year and clearly things hadn't gone to plan, she wasn't happy and had put on a couple of stone since we'd last met. It was so bizarre, no longer was she the woman I thought about day and night like I did immediately after the break as we all do... and some time afterwards in all honesty.

Moral of the story is, work on being the best version of you. Breakups will hurt, a lot... but they also make you stronger, better and more understanding on how to manage future relationships (less really is more, trust me).

As impossible as it seems right now, a better woman in every way is out there, just waiting to cross your path... but you've got to be in it to win it, push yourself to get out there, participate in your own rescue as Corey Wayne always says

You can do it!

:rockon:

 

[Machtwo]

I concur, brilliant post nemz!