The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Dtsm3]

I appreciate your thoughts Dtsm3 but I have hurt this girl and I think she needs time away to gather her thoughts. This guy she is with is a rebound to diminish the feeling of her loneliness. I know that she cares but she is also hurting from the way I treated her.

I think she needs to clarify how she feels being with someone else before realising it's not the same and coming back to me.

It's just painful for me to go through this.
Although I put her through something quite similar. Hopefully this episode means we can start with a mutual understanding of what I feels like to lose the other.

I know I need to go NC now and I know that she will contact me. Whether we can sort out the issues and make a new relationship is only a hope though.

I understand my friend, I really do. I was in a 13 year relationship that was just like this, and being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world!

Just be careful with your expectations and hope. If you expect nothing you can loose nothing, if you expect too much you have alot to loose.

 

[beatjunkie]

venting

i miss u. i wake up and i think about u. i see things in my day and i think about u. i'm alone and wish u were here. i miss our friendship more than anything. i even tried to be ur friend. u ran off and met someobe else. that hurts me to my soul. i trusted u...u told me u believe in me. i believed u. was it all a lie? if it wasnt a lie then how can u be so cold and far? i hate u for what u decided to do. i hate u for what u are putting me thru.

 

[J4m1e]

People change beatjunkie. You cannot convince a girl otherwise - only she can decide wants she feels or wants.

Thanks Dtsm3. Wise words which a rational man would take on board. I hope I can become more rational each day.

I am starting to understand that I need to move on from my ex. I know that she still desires me but I have damaged her ego and her trust in me. When a woman says I want you to be honest she means tell me what I want to hear. Maybe we will reconnect some time down the line and for that I will be happy but it will be her decision.

In the meantime I need to repair and move on.

 

[Dtsm3]

People change beatjunkie. You cannot convince a girl otherwise - only she can decide wants she feels or wants.

Thanks Dtsm3. Wise words which a rational man would take on board. I hope I can become more rational each day.

I am starting to understand that I need to move on from my ex. I know that she still desires me but I have damaged her ego and her trust in me. When a woman says I want you to be honest she means tell me what I want to hear. Maybe we will reconnect some time down the line and for that I will be happy but it will be her decision.

In the meantime I need to repair and move on.

That sounds like a very rational statement my good man! If you continue to think like that and with your mind instead of your feelings, then you will be ok.

And hopefully if I listern to my own advice I will be ok too!

 

[beatjunkie]

^^ @j4m1e

yea but when it happens over and over and over and leaves u fvcking depressed. there is only so much u can take. i don't even know what the point is anymore...girls or friends its all fake. u open up to someone and she hurts u bad. friends leave too. this is all bs. i am about to be the coldest person alive

 

[J4m1e]

beatjunkie - it seems to me that you're feeling depressed. We've all been there and probably not for the last time.

It's advice I could well take but we both need to think more of ourselves rather than investing our happiness in others. Much easier said than done!

 

[Dtsm3]

^^ @j4m1e

yea but when it happens over and over and over and leaves u fvcking depressed. there is only so much u can take. i don't even know what the point is anymore...girls or friends its all fake. u open up to someone and she hurts u bad. friends leave too. this is all bs. i am about to be the coldest person alive

My good man, there is nothing wrong in what you are saying! You are 100% correct. Except about one point, Friends! I have Friends whom I've known my whole life, and some I've made more recently. These people have seen me at my absolute worst, and yet they are still my friends, they are still here. And in return I have been there for all of them when ever they needed me.


The lesson is - True Friends are very few and far between. It is not about having loads of friends, but good quality friends you can rely on. When life is **** like it is sometimes be thankful for your good friends, and when they are down be there for them!

The second lesson - If you can make good friends that can accept you at your worse and still be there for you, don't ever ever accept less in a relationship!!!!! In a relationship they must be able to see you at your absolute worst and still love you! If they do not, they are not worth it.

All of you on here are damn good people that deserve people in your lives whom see the best in you and what you have to offer! I promise you, it IS their loss if they cannot see the best in you. They are at fault, not you!

"If you cannot accept me at my worst, you do NOT deserve me at my best!" - Marilyn Monroe.

 

[J4m1e]

@ Dtsm3 - it's so much easier to give advice than take it on board. I am a great exponent of this. It'll all work out in the end, whichever end that may be. It always has and it always will.

 

[Dtsm3]

@ Dtsm3 - it's so much easier to give advice than take it on board. I am a great exponent of this. It'll all work out in the end, whichever end that may be. It always has and it always will.

You couldn't be more right! If I had followed my own advice in the past, I'm sure I would have had a much easier time. And more friends!

 

[beatjunkie]

If you truly love and care about someone, would you run off with someone else?

If you truly care about someone and want to be with them, would you be with them?

If you love and care about someone would you then go around taking pictures of yourself with someone else?

Knowing that you are a good man, we both know how you would act. So how is she acting? Is presenting herself as someone that cares about you?

In a relationship people can say what ever they want, they can tell you they like you and love you and want to spend their life with you. All that is a load of rubbish, it is words and words on their own mean nothing, it is how someone acts that tells the truth.

My ex has not contacted me since I intiated no contact, our last contact was me asking if she wanted to go for a drink, she never replied. This speaks volumes about how she feels. She does not care enough about me to contact me! So why should I chase her when she does not care??

So how has shes acted towards you? Has she demonstrated that she cares?

i want to believe in this post so bad. thing is i was closed and didnt open up at first. even broke up with her for a hours a few time. all because i felt i was getting more and more attached and did not want to go through a horrible break up with someone i loved again. at the end the irony is that all this i think is what drove her away...she said "u never got past ur ex, u r not ready to settle down." now i dont contact her but she does occassionally. so its me who is acting hurt. even though she got engaged 2 months later. does the quote above still apply?

god i wish i never met this monster

 

[Dtsm3]

i want to believe in this post so bad. thing is i was closed and didnt open up at first. even broke up with her for a hours a few time. all because i felt i was getting more and more attached and did not want to go through a horrible break up with someone i loved again. at the end the irony is that all this i think is what drove her away...she said "u never got past ur ex, u r not ready to settle down." now i dont contact her but she does occassionally. so its me who is acting hurt. even though she got engaged 2 months later. does the quote above still apply?

god i wish i never met this monster

Mate, truth is all women are not evil Monsters, they do care and do have feelings.

The last women I was seeing, you described there exactly how I acted. I was not over my ex, I know I wasn't. I had this fantastic women in my life that I loved spending time with, yet my ex was still on my mind, and she picked up on this. In the end my behaviour proved to her that she was right, By doing what you did "even broke up with her for a hours a few times, all because i felt i was getting more and more attached and did not want to go through a horrible break up with someone i loved again." She realised that I was not over my ex and she was therefore correct.

So did she care about me? Yes - of course she did! I am in the unusual situation to have become friends with one of her friends, and he tells me that when she was with me it was "the most nuts he has ever seen her about a guy!, and she def had feelings for me, i shouldnt doubt that"!

So did your ex care about you? yes - of course she did, they are only human, they would not spend loads of their time with you out of some evil scheme.

The problem is - Past Tense - She DID care about me, She DID care about you.

Then they were hurt, and then they moved on, and now they don't care.

There is no quick fix, What everyone says about no contact being about you learning to be happy by yourself is 100% true. And this is not just for us whom are no longer with anyone, this applies to people in relationships too! We must be capable of being happy by ourselves, if we do not love ourselves no one else ever will!

When your head is clear and you are able to wake up in the morning and not be thinking about someone else and you can smile as if life is good, then you are in the right place.

Another good quote which is 100% true -

"when a relationship ends we go into mourning, but not for the person we have lost, but for what we HOPED our future would be, The solution? Let it go, things very very rarely turn out how we hope in life, but things always work out anyway".

Life is like a book we have never read, we don't know what the next page will be, but it is exciting finding out!


You my good friend are, like so so many people on here, a good person! if you can remember that and be proud of yourself for being so, you will be ok!

 

[beatjunkie]

Mate, truth is all women are not evil Monsters, they do care and do have feelings.

The last women I was seeing, you described there exactly how I acted. I was not over my ex, I know I wasn't. I had this fantastic women in my life that I loved spending time with, yet my ex was still on my mind, and she picked up on this. In the end my behaviour proved to her that she was right, By doing what you did "even broke up with her for a hours a few times, all because i felt i was getting more and more attached and did not want to go through a horrible break up with someone i loved again." She realised that I was not over my ex and she was therefore correct.

So did she care about me? Yes - of course she did! I am in the unusual situation to have become friends with one of her friends, and he tells me that when she was with me it was "the most nuts he has ever seen her about a guy!, and she def had feelings for me, i shouldnt doubt that"!

So did your ex care about you? yes - of course she did, they are only human, they would not spend loads of their time with you out of some evil scheme.

The problem is - Past Tense - She DID care about me, She DID care about you.

Then they were hurt, and then they moved on, and now they don't care.

There is no quick fix, What everyone says about no contact being about you learning to be happy by yourself is 100% true. And this is not just for us whom are no longer with anyone, this applies to people in relationships too! We must be capable of being happy by ourselves, if we do not love ourselves no one else ever will!

When your head is clear and you are able to wake up in the morning and not be thinking about someone else and you can smile as if life is good, then you are in the right place.

Another good quote which is 100% true -

"when a relationship ends we go into mourning, but not for the person we have lost, but for what we HOPED our future would be, The solution? Let it go, things very very rarely turn out how we hope in life, but things always work out anyway".

Life is like a book we have never read, we don't know what the next page will be, but it is exciting finding out!


You my good friend are, like so so many people on here, a good person! if you can remember that and be proud of yourself for being so, you will be ok!

Thank you. Now how do I get rid of thoughts like

"try one more time to get her back before her wedding date?"

or "this makes me feel like a monster knowing i could have tried harder during the relationship." and finally

"my past ex ruined things with my current ex; if only i didnt let that happen. i wish she got to know the real me then maybe she will still be around."

give me the reasonable solutions/answer to these and i will be ever grateful.

 

[Dtsm3]

Thank you. Now how do I get rid of thoughts like

"try one more time to get her back before her wedding date?"

or "this makes me feel like a monster knowing i could have tried harder during the relationship." and finally

"my past ex ruined things with my current ex; if only i didnt let that happen. i wish she got to know the real me then maybe she will still be around."

give me the reasonable solutions/answer to these and i will be ever grateful.

I can't give you the solution my friend, no one can, only you can do that!

There is nothing wrong with having the above 'thoughts' everyone, AND I MEAN EVERYONE' has thoughts like this, at the end of the day we are all crazy! It's true!

You won't be able to do anything to take them out of your head, nothing! What you can do is make yourself soooooooooo busy that you don't have time to think about them! So take up a hobby, take up 3 hobbies, go gym, go dancing, go running, go to parties anything that makes you busy. The time will fly by then! and before you know it you will wake up one day too tired to care what your ex is up to, and then another day you wil wake up proud of yourself for all the new friends youve made and things you have experienced in life! and you will smile!.


In the last year since splitting up with my long term ex I have done the following - Dated two women (ok didnt end well, but im glad I did) slept with 8 women, I've advanced my career, finished a degree, bought a house, tried the following for the first time - Kayaking, Salsa dancing, Rock Climbing, conquered my fear of heights, joined two running clubs, made loads and I mean loads of fantastic new friends through my activities.

All of this makes me smile and damn proud of what I've achieved! and yes some days I feel like ****, and really miss my most recent ex (like mad).

My point my friend is you are a damn good person! and life is what ever you make of it, so get out there, have fun, and make it a good one that makes you smile.! - and I promise the women will come after you!

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Day 61:

BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! I did it. I ****ing did it. 60 days of NC. And it's like stopping with smoking, it's hard at first but eventually it comes natural and after 60 days you are asking yourself why you ever had that disgusting old habit in the first place.

I feel exactly the same now as I did when I quit smoking. Once you get over that threshold it's just smooth sailing from there. I fully believe that threshold is at 60 days. A few days ago I still had doubts about everything, but when day 61 started it literally felt like the beginning of a new life. For the first time, the past with my ex actually felt like the past, like a distant thing from a distant world from another life.

I feel awesome guys. Day 61 of NC, and day 1 of the rest of my new life!

 

[Dtsm3]

Day 61:

BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! I did it. I ****ing did it. 60 days of NC. And it's like stopping with smoking, it's hard at first but eventually it comes natural and after 60 days you are asking yourself why you ever had that disgusting old habit in the first place.

I feel exactly the same now as I did when I quit smoking. Once you get over that threshold it's just smooth sailing from there. I fully believe that threshold is at 60 days. A few days ago I still had doubts about everything, but when day 61 started it literally felt like the beginning of a new life. For the first time, the past with my ex actually felt like the past, like a distant thing from a distant world from another life.

I feel awesome guys. Day 61 of NC, and day 1 of the rest of my new life!

WELL DONE MY GOOD MAN!!!!!

You're a true inspiration! but don't worry at day 35 I am hot on your heels and I will be joining the club soon! Keep the beer chilled for me!

 

[J4m1e]

Great show of strength Mr Kalikoat!

I'm on day 3 and am struuuuggggling.
My head is all over the place. Questioning this that and the other. It just feels unnatural to be doing this. Whilst I'm pretending to move on, she will be moving on too

 

[Dtsm3]

Great show of strength Mr Kalikoat!

I'm on day 3 and am struuuuggggling.
My head is all over the place. Questioning this that and the other. It just feels unnatural to be doing this. Whilst I'm pretending to move on, she will be moving on too

My brother. Something you need to realise, if you are struggling, then I promise she is too!

You are doing this for you, not her! Its got nothing to do with her at all. Keep yourself sooooo busy that you dont have time to think! And in a few months, when your smiling cause of what you have achieved, you can sit back with a glass of the best scotch on offer, with women texting you left right and centre, and think to yourself, I dont need any bloody women, I will answer them when I feel like it! The day will come my friend!

 

[J4m1e]

Thanks for your words and continued support Dtsm3.
I just have no enthusiasm for any other girls at the moment - only her.

I was doing ok yesterday afternoon and then had a dream about her this morning which set me back off again.

I'm staying strong though.

 

[Dtsm3]

Thanks for your words and continued support Dtsm3.
I just have no enthusiasm for any other girls at the moment - only her.

I was doing ok yesterday afternoon and then had a dream about her this morning which set me back off again.

I'm staying strong though.

Trust me my friend, we all understand how you feel. I promise in time you will start to feel different, and other girls will get you attention, but most importantly - you will get theirs!

 

[J4m1e]

I know I'm not the only one hurting but it's all subjective I guess.

Today has been really tough. I keep thinking there's some chance of reconciliation but just need to keep telling myself 'accept that it's over', like a mantra.

If we do happen to reconnect, it will be a new relationship.

I'm nearly 40 and never has a girl sent me loopy like this. I'm acting like a fricking child.