The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fuko2007]

i can understand where your coming from desdinove. The only diffrence is my ex is bpd. that came from a professional ive been seeing and she and i did not end on a good note haha. but ive had an ex-contact me while i was out dateing around and i screwd me all up. suddenly all these women became un attractive and she was the only girl in the world. my advice to u is keep spinning plates. most people need one rebound relationship. we need 5 or 6 at the same time haha. just look at it like that. thats what i do and it helps a tad.

 

[Hiker]

But those two text messages I got on the weekend was like pushing the reset button. I'm all fvcked up over her again and it's been tempting to respond because all four of the women I'm seeing have traits that I don't like./QUOTE]

Thanks for this. I was close to listening to some voice mails the ex left. Not anymore.

Ericgasak34,
You're confused because it feels good to have her around again but your gut is telling you something is not right.
Your gut is right. The ex is using you to soften the blow from her other breakup.. Go NC immediately. It will probably drive her crazy.

Day 26
Things have improved. Better sleep, appetite returned, more enjoyment from everything, etc.
Had some great sex last weekend. Was like a shot of morphine. This new chick was hotter and a better lay than the ex. Not relationship material, but she's fun.

 

[L_T_D313]

Day 21

It's like the feelings come and go and as of now they are here. This sucks, I don't have the urge to contact her. I just wonder if she misses me or if I ever cross her mind. She's more than likely moved on and happy while I'm busy living on a emotional rollercoaster ride. I will continue this though eventually shiiit will get better. -Lo

 

[L_T_D313]

When did the feelings start to subside for you?

 

[Stevo117]

Help please!

Ok here we go. Hope someone reads this because I am a total mess, like seriously depressed. My story:

Been with this woman for 8 years. Wonderful relationship, no cheating, no craziness, we get a long real well great families etc. got engaged June 2010 was so happy. Moved home to save money, bought a condo together June 2011, were set to be married July 2012. January 2012 it happened; cold feet on my part big time. Don't know why but panic attacks, sleepless nights the whole thing. Since I'm a mature adult and trust her completely I told her about it. She was supportive at first but after 2 months of this feeling inside me she had enough (can't blame her) and called off the wedding, decided to fly to Africa to volunteer and said sell the condo while I'm gone.

I realized what I lost but it was too late. I begged and begged but no use she was gone. I didn't really talk to her until she got back and immediately we started sleeping together again. But I wouldn't let myself get sucked in until I fixed my issues. So I went to therapy, lost 20 lbs, dated like a mad man and really noticed how confident I was again and guess what I still loved her and was ready to make this work. So we continued sleeping together and I decided to go slow and mix in some romantic dates for her, woo her again...but now I noticed she's changed towards me and by December she's down right distant and hurt and after New Years she says to me she's still not over what happened, she loves me but needs space to let go of the past and love me like I deserve. I was devastated!

So I spent the last half of January up until now trying to convince her to just go with it I'll never let her down again. But she wants space, but when we see each other she never denies my touch or advances. So I try a week with NC and I fail and break it and spend the next week begging. Then I try 2 weeks NC and break it again but she tells me she really felt my absence...now I've spent the last 2 weeks begging again and I can't seem to even do 3 days NC and I can tell I'm just hurting her now. I'm never rude, and I never throw anything in her face I just validate her, agree and pour sweet words all over her and she melts and sends me mixed messages like lovey emails and texts and tells me how she misses us but wants space to clear her head so she's at her best.

So here I am. Ready for 60 days I hope. I'm not going to tell her anything since I've done that twice I'm just going for it. This is the girl I want my life with and we deserve another chance. Can I just get advice from anyone on here on if you think 60 days will give her the space she needs and give it another shot? I don't think this is your typical she dumped me now ill go NC and see what happens but I realize that's what I've got to do....I've complete 1 day.

 

[L_T_D313]

L_T_, if you are asking me?? I don't know, probably after 60 days, as suggested. Of course, they don't just STOP, but they fade at an accelerated rate.

The key, is to believe in YOURSELF, and remember that YOU were a good guy before you met her, you were happy before - and you are STILL a good guy, and will be happy once again. Single or with another girl. I Honestly believe I am a good, honest hardworking man who treats others fairly. Can I be wrong or make mistakes? Sure I can. We are all human. BUT the difference is, I learn and grow from my mistakes.

For the most part, I have continued to grow and learn and prosper through my life, and the women I left behind, relatively stayed the same. So, I consider that "a win"

Lol yeah I was asking you I forgot to quote. I'm a noob here forgive me. Also thanks for responding I know it will take some time it's just some nights are damn near unbearable. I just wonder if she ever thinks of me. I was a good boyfriend to her I mean I fucccked up some but still who's perfect? She said I helped make her a better person she thanked me for that. I showed her real love something these other cats haven't done. Maybe she'll recognize what she had but by then it'll be too late. I'll be living life banging out on sluttts!

 

[fuko2007]

Ok. most of you guys know that i just got out of a relationship with a woman who im 95 % sure is bpd or has some type of pearsonality issue. Well while on a date lastnight i get a text after about 13 days of nc saying they would like to talk and that we spent tons of time togther and wanted to make peace between us. i could not text back right then so i got one back saying or not. This morning i fuc*ed up and said i was"open" to talking. She took into consideration my feelings and said she did not want to cause me any more pain etc so if i did not want to it was ok.

But i agreed to it . What should i do now guys? I dont want her fessing up and be like yeh i was out ****ing the whole world sorry. It was also put she wanted to make peace over a few things and that there was alot of missunderstanding between us? advice? i know i just ****ed my NC and must start over now.

 

[User]

Fuko, Bruss, FTS. It's not worth it. You have already answered your question. That's why you went NC in the first place. And since she's a BPD aka FB!, she's going to lie to you. It's her nature. Do not continue to pet this snake, it will bite you. But if you absolutely have to meet her. (If she doesn't flake) Don't talk about the past. Don't give her a chance to talk about the past. Meet her at a place that YOU like and talk about how you've been having an awesome time in her absence.(the whole point of NC) I REFUSE to give my ex the satisfaction of effin with my emotions, TWICE!. Again, this is not worth it. Remember if you pet that snake it will bite. That's all it knows how to do. Just my two cents bruss...

 

[L_T_D313]

Fuko, Bruss, FTS. It's not worth it. You have already answered your question. That's why you went NC in the first place. And since she's a BPD aka FB!, she's going to lie to you. It's her nature. Do not continue to pet this snake, it will bite you. But if you absolutely have to meet her. (If she doesn't flake) Don't talk about the past. Don't give her a chance to talk about the past. Meet her at a place that YOU like and talk about how you've been having an awesome time in her absence.(the whole point of NC) I REFUSE to give my ex the satisfaction of effin with my emotions, TWICE!. Again, this is not worth it. Remember if you pet that snake it will bite. That's all it knows how to do. Just my two cents bruss...

Preach!

 

[fuko2007]

Fuko, Bruss, FTS. It's not worth it. You have already answered your question. That's why you went NC in the first place. And since she's a BPD aka FB!, she's going to lie to you. It's her nature. Do not continue to pet this snake, it will bite you. But if you absolutely have to meet her. (If she doesn't flake) Don't talk about the past. Don't give her a chance to talk about the past. Meet her at a place that YOU like and talk about how you've been having an awesome time in her absence.(the whole point of NC) I REFUSE to give my ex the satisfaction of effin with my emotions, TWICE!. Again, this is not worth it. Remember if you pet that snake it will bite. That's all it knows how to do. Just my two cents bruss...

that seems to be the popular vote about it. my gut says the same but im locked in a battle with it and my head....i ducked out on her lastnight and had some great sex wich was worth it but i still feel like that door is open and i need to close it.

 

[Purefilth]

that seems to be the popular vote about it. my gut says the same but im locked in a battle with it and my head....i ducked out on her lastnight and had some great sex wich was worth it but i still feel like that door is open and i need to close it.

Decide "It's over." In your head, then it will be in the same place as your gut.

If you are conflicted like this, always follow your gut.

 

[Von Huge]

I went on a few dates with a gorgeous girl. I'm still dating four other girls but I liked this one the most. She told me that she has someone waiting for her back home (she's studying at university in my city), and a quick check of her fb confirmed that she's been in a relationship for nearly three years. She said she wasn't sure what to do cause she had a fantastic time with me, I took the nice guy approach (blegh that's not me) and said that I really liked her and wanted to see where things would go with us, but that I understand if she couldn't bring herself to see me anymore. She texted me back this morning saying that she just wants to be friends for now. I'm usually a good replier to texts, but I've decided to go a modified form of NC. She's been invited to my 21st in a few weeks, and uninviting her would be a sign of weakness and show that I'm bothered by her decision. So I've decided to literally just not respond to her messages, unless she sends one begging to go on another date. When she sees me at my 21st, I will be polite but distant and focus on having a good time. I have that many attractive girls going soley for me, that at the very least it's going to be a massive DHV in conjunction with my external nonchalance. I'm going to dance with these girls in front of her and just be the life of my own party. Even if it's not true NC, I think that for me personally this is the better decision. Other girls I'm dating are going to be there too, she's gonna learn very quickly that she ****ed up big

 

[obloquy]

Day 15

What can I say. The pain is still there, some days are better than others, but not by much. I don’t wake up gasping for her anymore, but she is still the first though in my mind. Appetite has not come back yet. Last Monday was pretty harsh. Been exercising and hanging out, which does help. But I've realized im in this for the long haul. She really does not care about me, and that has been hard. How cold and treacherous can some women be, how easy it is for them to lie, how unaccountable they are for their actions. The last couple of weeks of the relationship I lost my frame, I did not call her out on some of her behavior and began to resent her and to get jealous, she smelled it like a blood-hound and began a massive campaign of serious **** test, which obviously I did not pass and she lost ALL interest. This is what so far I have come up with today (every day I think something different). Oh this sucks, when will this end. I just want to reach indifference, and every time I think im beginning to approach it, kaboom, the mind**** comes back. How can she be so ****ing perfect in my mind, unbelievable. I am SO SURE that if I would get back together again, the second day I would be like: am I crazy to be with a ***** like this again. So I have no idea why this whole damn process. Guess 15 days is not enough time, but I don’t want to waste more time on thinking about this POS. Anybody else getting close to that indifferent stage? Maybe talk a bit about the early signs on reaching that level.

 

[Ericgasak34]

Dude I just read your blog. Um; I am in a situation myself with my ex-girlfriend man. We are trying to be friends and it's quit hard. She's got feelings for another man which is hard to deal with but I am trying to be mature as much as I can be. However, I don't think I would be able to be her friend if she was to start dating anyone. It's would be way too hard for me. Nothing against her but I would catch feelings. I find myself struggling at work because I have her on my mind but you just have to work through that stuff man. If you feel that you're not moving anywhere with her than it's time to move on. However, if you feel that you have a fighting chance then give it time. I know man it's tuff, confusing, and most of all emotionally hard. Good luck man We are going to need it.......

 

[L_T_D313]

Day 15

What can I say. The pain is still there, some days are better than others, but not by much. I don’t wake up gasping for her anymore, but she is still the first though in my mind. Appetite has not come back yet. Last Monday was pretty harsh. Been exercising and hanging out, which does help. But I've realized im in this for the long haul. She really does not care about me, and that has been hard. How cold and treacherous can some women be, how easy it is for them to lie, how unaccountable they are for their actions. The last couple of weeks of the relationship I lost my frame, I did not call her out on some of her behavior and began to resent her and to get jealous, she smelled it like a blood-hound and began a massive campaign of serious **** test, which obviously I did not pass and she lost ALL interest. This is what so far I have come up with today (every day I think something different). Oh this sucks, when will this end. I just want to reach indifference, and every time I think im beginning to approach it, kaboom, the mind**** comes back. How can she be so ****ing perfect in my mind, unbelievable. I am SO SURE that if I would get back together again, the second day I would be like: am I crazy to be with a ***** like this again. So I have no idea why this whole damn process. Guess 15 days is not enough time, but I don’t want to waste more time on thinking about this POS. Anybody else getting close to that indifferent stage? Maybe talk a bit about the early signs on reaching that level.

I'm on day 28 had my days misconstrued due to February being a short month. I can tell you that almost halfway through this process it gets easier. I have days where I don't even think about her. Then there are days where I miss her and wonder why doesn't she comeback. I believe I am turning a corner, to a neighborhood called indifference where ex's don't mean a thing. Just remind yourself that if you break your NC she'll have the power and will use it to hurt you. Stay strong brother we're here if you need us. -Lo

 

[L_T_D313]

Dude I just read your blog. Um; I am in a situation myself with my ex-girlfriend man. We are trying to be friends and it's quit hard. She's got feelings for another man which is hard to deal with but I am trying to be mature as much as I can be. However, I don't think I would be able to be her friend if she was to start dating anyone. It's would be way too hard for me. Nothing against her but I would catch feelings. I find myself struggling at work because I have her on my mind but you just have to work through that stuff man. If you feel that you're not moving anywhere with her than it's time to move on. However, if you feel that you have a fighting chance then give it time. I know man it's tuff, confusing, and most of all emotionally hard. Good luck man We are going to need it.......

Yoo, your situation resonates with mine's to the point where it isn't funny. My ex did the same exact thing. Eventually we got back together... and she did the same exact thing. It's best (and trust me I know how hard it is) to just let her go. The sooner the better before she ends up dating this guy or someone else for that matter and dangles you around. Building up hope inside of you only to say things such as: "I think we're best as friends." "I don't think we'll ever get back together." "I love you, but I just can't." Dude take it from me just leave the friends situation NEVER works with someone you're in love with. You're just prolonging the pain and providing her with comfort while she scopes out a new mate. Trying to be friends will result in you two talking late you spilling it all out and her making you clean up the mess. While she nonchalantly shiiits on your life.

 

[Frank43089]

Hello IM new to this thread. Basically I had a friend of a few years that I worked with. She wanted to date me for a few years I was always skeptical. To make a long story short she new I drank too much going into dating. We went on a few dates and talked everyday and felt close. She told me she liked me a lot and i told her i did too. But one day we got in a fight drunk and she told me we couldn't do this anymore that i need to move on and she move on. She immediately asked to go back to being friends. I told her I can't just be friends with someone I have feelings for a day after you break up with me. THe next day she texted me wyd and she always did this when she wanted to hangout. I should of ignored her but i told her please leave me alone. Then the next day I did the big mistake of begging her to forgive me and take me back and she knew I was drunk and said exactly why she couldn't do it anymore. Then friday i worked 4 hours with her and completely ignored her acted as she didn't exist. Later that night she texted me are you okay!? I said I'm fine and she said no your not don't lie to me! But from now on starting tomorrow I am going to do the same thing ignore her unless she asks me work related things and not respond to any of her texts or emails or any phone calls I can do it and be strong I just want her to go away right now wish me luck haha.

 

[Frank43089]

Hello IM new to this thread. Basically I had a friend of a few years that I worked with. She wanted to date me for a few years I was always skeptical. To make a long story short she new I drank too much going into dating. We went on a few dates and talked everyday and felt close. She told me she liked me a lot and i told her i did too. But one day we got in a fight drunk and she told me we couldn't do this anymore that i need to move on and she move on. She immediately asked to go back to being friends. I told her I can't just be friends with someone I have feelings for a day after you break up with me. THe next day she texted me wyd and she always did this when she wanted to hangout. I should of ignored her but i told her please leave me alone. Then the next day I did the big mistake of begging her to forgive me and take me back and she knew I was drunk and said exactly why she couldn't do it anymore. Then friday i worked 4 hours with her and completely ignored her acted as she didn't exist. Later that night she texted me are you okay!? I said I'm fine and she said no your not don't lie to me! But from now on starting tomorrow I am going to do the same thing ignore her unless she asks me work related things and not respond to any of her texts or emails or any phone calls I can do it and be strong I just want her to go away right now wish me luck haha.

 

[L_T_D313]

Hello IM new to this thread. Basically I had a friend of a few years that I worked with. She wanted to date me for a few years I was always skeptical. To make a long story short she new I drank too much going into dating. We went on a few dates and talked everyday and felt close. She told me she liked me a lot and i told her i did too. But one day we got in a fight drunk and she told me we couldn't do this anymore that i need to move on and she move on. She immediately asked to go back to being friends. I told her I can't just be friends with someone I have feelings for a day after you break up with me. THe next day she texted me wyd and she always did this when she wanted to hangout. I should of ignored her but i told her please leave me alone. Then the next day I did the big mistake of begging her to forgive me and take me back and she knew I was drunk and said exactly why she couldn't do it anymore. Then friday i worked 4 hours with her and completely ignored her acted as she didn't exist. Later that night she texted me are you okay!? I said I'm fine and she said no your not don't lie to me! But from now on starting tomorrow I am going to do the same thing ignore her unless she asks me work related things and not respond to any of her texts or emails or any phone calls I can do it and be strong I just want her to go away right now wish me luck haha.

There you go brother that's the route. I went to school with my ex I'm currently NC'ing. I did this before. without knowledge of this thread it was an ingrained concept. one time she seen me talking to a mutual friend and almost broke down. It eats them up when you ignore their asses.

 

[Frank43089]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU0f79Ydp2k I got over one ex without the no contact challenge but hopefully this one works better and faster. But heres an old school song to listen to if anyone misses their ex, if you were played by her.