The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

If I'm honest, I've been a little too focused on finding a replacement for my ex, someone to fill that emptiness and I may have been hoping for too much and comparing every girl I'm dating with my ex from a girlfriend point of view.

Yeah, I guess we've all been there.

But, as with everything, is only when you stop trying that you might find someone who does.

I met this girl, who is really feisty, and definetly no LTR material, but she was the first girl I felt a connection, and had real genuine fun since my ex. And it was the only time I was not with a hidden agenda to get over my ex (i.e. getting replacement)

So go out there, use them at your will. It will make you get better and better. And who knows one night you go out, and you don't even think about your ex. Something might happen.

I'm not saying I'm dating this girl. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to pull a second date. But amazingly, and not that I've stopped thinking about my ex, I have another chick on my mind now!

Cheers

 

[Jariel]

I met this girl, who is really feisty, and definetly no LTR material, but she was the first girl I felt a connection, and had real genuine fun since my ex. And it was the only time I was not with a hidden agenda to get over my ex (i.e. getting replacement)

I was seeing someone who did the same before Christmas. We had such a great laugh when we were together, connected really well and there was a spark, but it just phased out - probably my doing. But it does show there are cool girls out there whose company you can really enjoy other than your ex.

 

[bateman72]

Thanks for putting me back on track guys.

It's difficult letting go of my ex because of the way we broke up and because I was the one who caused it, but I know I must aim for that state of acceptance now. It's over and the sooner that truly registers with me, the sooner I can feel content again.

If I'm honest, I've been a little too focused on finding a replacement for my ex, someone to fill that emptiness and I may have been hoping for too much and comparing every girl I'm dating with my ex from a girlfriend point of view. I'm trying now to think of getting laid as the goal and plan to spend some time having fun.

Got a date tonight with a hot blonde. She seems a bit uptight so not sure what to expect, but we'll see.

Day 41 updates:

1) lost my phone and had to stick my sim card in an old phone that I was using when I was with my ex girlfriend. About a billion very sweet text messages on the phone and maybe 30 pictures of her on the phone.

Her phone number even in the memory.

Perused all this, wallowed in her memory for a few hours. Called and talked to some female friends. Woke up this morning and threw the fvcking phone out of my car window on the way to the office.

Lessons learned:

a) The ex is gone. she cant hurt me anymore. seeing her pictures brings the pain back. AVOID PICTURES OF YOUR EX

b) what a woman says doesn't matter, its her actions that count. Reading through these text messages you would think this girl would die without me. We have been broken up since December 10th and guess what, she hasn't died! Talk is cheap.

c) Do not listen to women's relationship advice. Basically what my female friends said boiled down to one thing. " Wow, sounds like you really cared for this girl, don't you think it is worth at least a conversation with her, why don't you just call her and say hi". Such a seductive line of thought, why not just call her and say "hey babe...no hard feeling...just wanted to check in with you!". The reality is if she was THE ONE she would be beating down my door now. Ignore your female friends advice, your friends may love you but they almost reflexively ignore the wrong the female did to you and expect the man to chase and fix something that the man didn't necessarily break.

d) At day 41, an "in your face" reminder of your ex girlfriend, like the one my old phone gave me, is nowhere near as painful as it would have been just a couple of weeks ago.

2) I am suffering from dating fatigue. I am reading Jariel's posts thinking "damn, this dude goes on a lot of dates!" I myself have been hitting the dating and hooking up thing pretty hard. I started questioning myself on this point today. I wonder if I am just compulsively doing this to keep my mind off her. I get this feeling on weekend nights that there is NO WAY I am going to stay at home tonight because I am terrified I will sit in my room and listen to music and obsess about my ex.

Maybe my dating fatigue marks the end of my compulsive dating and hooking up period. I am curious if anyone else feels the same way...like you HAVE to have a date lined up at all times just to keep your spirits up.


Lessons learned:

I think I need to start a new language class or do something more productive than just chase women.


thoughts?

 

[funkychunk19]

Im on day 22 and its not getting much easier. Ive already chatted up a few girls and can probably set something up but I dont think id be emotionally ready. I think the chatting isnhelping me bit by bit right now. Still having trouble with eating and sleeping....even watching tv and music is hard because of the memories. Im really hoping by the 60 day mark im good to go and try meeting new females. I may get slack for asking this but, has anybody seeked professional help for the healing process??

 

[Theodora90]

I notice a lot of you here are male.

As a female I'm desperate for some advice.

No contact started nearly two weeks ago, but I only officially started 5 days ago as prior to that I was stuck glaring at my phone waiting for a call.

However, the past 3 weeks I've felt emotional. (Even when we were together), hormonal - all those things you men fear.

Fast track to two days ago and I am indeed, pregnant.

I broke NC text him last night, I said we had something important we needed to talk about. I got no reply.

What do I do? I can't tell anyone until I know what the hell I'm gonna do about this situation

 

[Lotus Effect]

I notice a lot of you here are male.

As a female I'm desperate for some advice.

No contact started nearly two weeks ago, but I only officially started 5 days ago as prior to that I was stuck glaring at my phone waiting for a call.

However, the past 3 weeks I've felt emotional. (Even when we were together), hormonal - all those things you men fear.

Fast track to two days ago and I am indeed, pregnant.

I broke NC text him last night, I said we had something important we needed to talk about. I got no reply.

What do I do? I can't tell anyone until I know what the hell I'm gonna do about this situation

I'm sorry to inform you dear, but all of us in here are male.

And now that you said you are pregnant, you are not going to get complacency around here.

As a human being, genders aside, I'll tell you this. He should be aware of that. You better find a way to tell him! If he haven't replied you, you better call him. If he don't pick up, then send him a message informing him of the news.

As a man, I'll tell you this. Do not try to blackmail him into a relationship with you because of this fact. It will not work out the way you expect. Think really deep about this, because if things have ended, it's over, and it will not work out again, ever. By bringing a child into this world only to try to fix a broken relationship is not only immature, but ignorant, because after all you will have to raise a kid of a father who won't be as present as it should be, and it will end up being a problematic kid. Besides all the cost is going to cause you.

So enough with this Theodora. Be open with the guy and don't try to play games, because, as always, it will backfire!

And sincerely, I guess this is all the help you are going to get in here.
This is a male forum, and many of us, specially in this specific thread are not in good terms regarding women in general (Read: Misogynist)

And my personal opinion on the matter. Have an abortion! It is drastic, but it will be better for both parts.
After that, Start NC all over again, and mantain it. It hurts to much getting over someone, but it eventually happen. I'm 4 months NC now, and only now I'm beggining to crawl out of the fallout!

Have a nice one!

 

[Jariel]

Maybe my dating fatigue marks the end of my compulsive dating and hooking up period. I am curious if anyone else feels the same way...like you HAVE to have a date lined up at all times just to keep your spirits up.

Absolutely! I'm spinning plates, but a lot of them are just there for someone to chat to and line up a date with so I have something to look forward to and to keep the empty feeling at bay. I suppose there's also the whole ego stimulation side to it too as a way of building and maintaining my confidence.

In some cases it's only when the date approaches that it hits me how disinterested I am in them and I just turn up for the sake of getting back in the game I suppose.

I've not had many dates I've really looked forward to if I'm honest and I've become a total flake. Not good.

 

[bateman72]

I notice a lot of you here are male.

As a female I'm desperate for some advice.

No contact started nearly two weeks ago, but I only officially started 5 days ago as prior to that I was stuck glaring at my phone waiting for a call.

However, the past 3 weeks I've felt emotional. (Even when we were together), hormonal - all those things you men fear.

Fast track to two days ago and I am indeed, pregnant.

I broke NC text him last night, I said we had something important we needed to talk about. I got no reply.

What do I do? I can't tell anyone until I know what the hell I'm gonna do about this situation

Theodora:

I impregnated a girl in the middle of a break up when I was about 27 or 28 years old, the girl was 19. She freely admits today that she insisted on keeping the baby because we were breaking up.

we ended up getting married for 8 years (i am a super nice guy huh?) and then divorced. I won custody and had to pay a nominal amount of maintenance to her for a few years.

all in all the decision to have a baby impacted her life a lot more than it did mine. she lost her twenties, I just had to grow up and it was good for me.

I don't know your age but you should consider termination, I echo what lotus says.

 

[bateman72]

Absolutely! I'm spinning plates, but a lot of them are just there for someone to chat to and line up a date with so I have something to look forward to and to keep the empty feeling at bay. I suppose there's also the whole ego stimulation side to it too as a way of building and maintaining my confidence.

I completely understand what you are saying about keeping the empty feeling at bay. Its funny, I posted that I was suffering from dating fatigue yesterday and ended up getting asked out later that afternoon.

Spent a pretty awesome couple of hours with a former "plate" that I dropped when things got hot and heavy with my ex girlfriend. Laughed a lot, found myself SUPER attracted to her. The date ended when I dropped her off at the airport and even had a nice kiss from her.

Jariel it seems like we should keep "going through the motions" like we are doing because it seems like there are some pleasant surprises out there for us if we continue actively dating.

 

[MikeTyso198]

Let's start the No Contact Challenge. This has personally helped me 2 years ago, and i have seen many members asking for "how to get my ex back", and after breakup questions. The idea is a simple one, for 60 days, you will not talk or communicate with the girl that bazooka your heart. In any way, form, or communication, and every time you feel like saying something to her, you will write what you were going to tell her, AND/OR why you want to contact her, in this thread instead. This has been field tested by me, and it works from selling your soul to the she-devil.

___________________________________________
internet web designers bangalore

 

[Induced Drag]

Dating fatigue here too guys. I'm spinning three plates but they feel like diversions really. Day 48 of nc for me.

Has anyone experienced this? Last week I smashed one of my plates after the second date which is great and all but it got me thinking about the ex more than normal. Of course I compared it to the crazy great sex I had with the ex. I was having a hard time (no pun intended) staying in the moment with my date while we were having fun. Anyone else have this experience?

Also, a good and brilliant friend of mine has offered to crack my ex's email and social media for me. I didn't ask him to do this. As you may imagine, it's taking a lot of my will power to resist the temptation to see how she's doing and what she's doing. So far I've been resisting the urge for a few weeks but it's really hard fellas.

I'm happy to hear you're feeling good Jariel. You say you feel great eating above maintenance. Were you on a low cab diet while you were cutting? If so you may not have been getting good T3 to T4 conversion for hormonal function. It could explain it.

 

[Jariel]

I was having a hard time (no pun intended) staying in the moment with my date while we were having fun. Anyone else have this experience?

Yes, this has happened to me too...a lot. I've been on dates and even when I'm on top of them and they're grinding against me, my mind is wandering towards my ex and I just start to feel down.

I'm happy to hear you're feeling good Jariel. You say you feel great eating above maintenance. Were you on a low cab diet while you were cutting? If so you may not have been getting good T3 to T4 conversion for hormonal function. It could explain it.

Yes, my carbs were quite low. I have tried low/zero carbing before and it makes me feel weak and slightly emasculated, so I think this may explain it. In fact, there may be something in this because most people struggle to eat after a break up, so their hormones are causing havoc which makes it harder to deal with.

But I've been sticking to a healthy, yet higher carb and slightly higher calorie diet this past 2 weeks and I feel great. I'm assuming my workouts are really helping too as I'm pushing myself hard in the gym. I've been putting more focus on legs than usual too, which is a good way to increase testosterone.

I'm actually a lot more sexually motivated too and have been chatting up women with the intention of banging them, rather than filling the emptiness left by my ex now.

It's hard to explain the difference, but at times you can feel like you have a confident state of mind and you're handling things well, but this is more of a feeling of wellbeing and natural confidence. It's like I don't even have to try.

 

[bateman72]

low carbs, ex girlfriend, coconut oil

Yes, my carbs were quite low. I have tried low/zero carbing before and it makes me feel weak and slightly emasculated, so I think this may explain it. In fact, there may be something in this because most people struggle to eat after a break up, so their hormones are causing havoc which makes it harder to deal with.

But I've been sticking to a healthy, yet higher carb and slightly higher calorie diet this past 2 weeks and I feel great. I'm assuming my workouts are really helping too as I'm pushing myself hard in the gym. I've been putting more focus on legs than usual too, which is a good way to increase testosterone.

.

Day 44 updates

I actually had my testosterone checked after about three months of cyclical ketogenic dieting. I came in at 944! If I had to pick two critical things about dieting and working out they would be:

1) coconut oil: MCT's are fats that somehow get broken down like carbs and help keep your energy level up

2) leg workouts: everyone hates legs workouts but the path to a great body goes through the legs. Deadlifts, squats, leg extensions, leg press


all the above is probably a topic for another thread. What I am really posting about is my ex emailed me yesterday. No text, just a couple of pictures.

I guess I am supposed to lose my shiiit now and call her and tell her how much I love her.

Its ironic, the morning after I finally go out on a date that has some real potential, my ex gf breaks no contact.

It really is just like the Swingers movie when the guy says somehow your ex knows to contact you right when you get to the point of not caring.

I deleted the email and allowed myself one fvcking huge bowl of cereal (coco crunch for all you guys on low carb diets)

She looks great to me in the pictures but I just cant allow myself to open up to her again. Too much heartache and pain over the last couple of months.

I'm getting on a plane in a couple of hours to go to Bali for the weekend. I am going to leave my phone in the hotel in case I get a moment of weakness.

I got 16 days till I hit my 60 days. If she tries again after that, tries harder than just a couple of pictures I will respond. Just not now.

 

[bateman72]

Dating fatigue here too guys. I'm spinning three plates but they feel like diversions really. Day 48 of nc for me.

Has anyone experienced this? Last week I smashed one of my plates after the second date which is great and all but it got me thinking about the ex more than normal. Of course I compared it to the crazy great sex I had with the ex. I was having a hard time (no pun intended) staying in the moment with my date while we were having fun. Anyone else have this experience?

Also, a good and brilliant friend of mine has offered to crack my ex's email and social media for me. I didn't ask him to do this. As you may imagine, it's taking a lot of my will power to resist the temptation to see how she's doing and what she's doing. So far I've been resisting the urge for a few weeks but it's really hard fellas.

I'm happy to hear you're feeling good Jariel. You say you feel great eating above maintenance. Were you on a low cab diet while you were cutting? If so you may not have been getting good T3 to T4 conversion for hormonal function. It could explain it.

Dude do NOT crack her email and social media. 48 days is a long time...you sound like you are doing ok. This would be a complete mind fvck.

my experience is that it is important to never look at her social media or her pictures or anything else that remotely reminds you of her.

regarding the sex part...we have all had "middling" sexual experiences and we have all had "HOT" sexual experiences. I think you got to just keep plugging away (no pun intended) and wait for the magic to just happen again. its a numbers game maybe.

 

[Lotus Effect]

To bateman72!

Hey dude,

Read on this solid advice given by this user Culebra23. That guy has said some strong sh*t for me and everyone else, on the 13 posts he posted!

This is true. Women aren't known for having great self control when it comes to their emotions. Unless you have a structured/stubborn type on your hands, they will find a way to get in your orbit.

You hit the nail on the head, when a woman wants you she will stop at nothing. They will send flowers, they will call, call, call, text, text, text, text, email, email, send you pics in panties. If you have a new girl they will do everything to sabotage your new relationship, I am telling you this from experience.

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again. Listen boys, I will give you some advice and I hope you guys are reading this and paying attention. Do yourselves a favor and read all the postings on this message board, in particular the first 100 pages.

A lot of men have gotten that call/text/email from their ex's after a couple of weeks of NC, after they have practically healed, it's sad when they respond to their ex only to realize nothing had changed, the ex didn't want to get back together. If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

 

[Cheeks]

I'm in a rough situation because my girlfriend is going through Post Abortion Stress Syndrome and has been pushing me away. She wants to forget everything and can't bare seeing me right now.

I'm on my 3rd day of No Initiated Contact and I'm doing ok. She texts me from time to time, but she's just not the same. I went out and hit on some girls just to try to get my mind right but I felt awful afterwards, like I was abandoning and betraying my girl.

It is a very hopeless and confusing situation and I don't wish it on anybody.

 

[bateman72]

Hey dude,

Read on this solid advice given by this user Culebra23. That guy has said some strong sh*t for me and everyone else, on the 13 posts he posted!

Thanks lotus..im the fvcking prize. Maintain no contact. get someone hotter!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Im the fvcking prize. Maintain no contact. get someone hotter!

It's tough. It's clichéd. But it is the truth!

Keep it up! Glad I can help!

 

[Jariel]

...and almost overnight I've sunk again.

I've been a bit unwell the last week and have been struggling with motivation, and sinking back into the depression. I've been dreaming of her a lot and I've just woke from another dream that's left me so low I'm nearly in tears. For fvcks sake, it's been 6 months and I still can't get her out of my mind! I still feel like she's part of my life and on some level, it's not registering that it's over.

I got on Tinder earlier and multiplied my prospects. I started texting this gorgeous girl who asked me on a date this week, which is definitely something to look forward to.

I didn't expect it to be this hard moving on. I know that nobody will replace my ex, or necessarily fill the emptiness she left behind. I need to be drawing happiness from my own life, and god how I've tried! At times it works, I get in the gym and it all goes away, throw myself into my work or focus on the present moment, and it all helps...for a while.

Perhaps there is something to be said of branch swinging. Maybe my best hope of moving on is to meet someone I'm really into.

 

[bateman72]

...and almost overnight I've sunk again.

I've been a bit unwell the last week and have been struggling with motivation, and sinking back into the depression. I've been dreaming of her a lot and I've just woke from another dream that's left me so low I'm nearly in tears. For fvcks sake, it's been 6 months and I still can't get her out of my mind! I still feel like she's part of my life and on some level, it's not registering that it's over.

I got on Tinder earlier and multiplied my prospects. I started texting this gorgeous girl who asked me on a date this week, which is definitely something to look forward to.

I didn't expect it to be this hard moving on. I know that nobody will replace my ex, or necessarily fill the emptiness she left behind. I need to be drawing happiness from my own life, and god how I've tried! At times it works, I get in the gym and it all goes away, throw myself into my work or focus on the present moment, and it all helps...for a while.

Perhaps there is something to be said of branch swinging. Maybe my best hope of moving on is to meet someone I'm really into.

Jariel

I think as you start to really deeply accept the fact that your ex is out of your life your mind starts playing tricks on you.

I had a pretty detailed dream about my ex-gf a few nights ago and I really been in a pretty damn good mood last few days.

The best analogy I can come up with is quitting smoking. Every time I quit I have a super detailed dream of lighting up and smoking cigarettes right when I reach the point where I am not thinking of smoking during the day. I think dreams about your ex are a little like that.

Tinder is pretty awesome. For me its almost like real world dating, the mutual selection on your phone based on photos is just like making eye contact across the room.

I feel like the girls (women) on Tinder are also just a lot more willing to arrange a date right away compared to online dating sites.

I actually stopped using other services because it seems like everyone is on Tinder now and it is so much more efficient.

I had a terrible date on Saturday...walked out...contacted one of my Tinder matches and ended up having a decent time out that same evening.

I am a little sick and a little tired today and have a long plane ride this evening. As I have posted before...when my brain gets tired I get into kind of rut thinking about my ex.