The Name of the "Game" is FUN...

[Mr. Mystery]

When I first came to SoSuave.com I told myself that the most important thing in all this women chasing was to have fun. I promised myself that I would ditch a chick no matter how hot she was if I wasn't having fun chilling with her. It didn't hit me till I was chatting with thecraftylefty just how good this simple advice is.

Lately, I think I've been putting way too much pressure on myself to get women and close all the time (thanks for pointing this out SexPDX!). After my discussion with lefty tonight, I realized that I stopped having fun.

I can think back to successes when I first started here, and I credit it to the basics of course, but also alot of it had to do with just making sure that I was having a good time.

Happiness is extremely contagious, if your having a good time, not only does that display tons of confidence, but the girl is bound to have a good time also.

And damn it, having a good time is alot more fun than sitting there worrying about whether or not she likes you, or you if your saying or doing the right thing.

I've recently started hitting up the bar scene. I have caught what I like to call, bar-shyness. I go into a bar and just walk around, not talking to anyone. I have recently gone into alot of thought on why I act like this, because I have no problem approaching in malls or on the street in general. Then it hit me, I'm focusing too much on the pickup. I should be focusing on myself ( Pook) and having fun. This isn't a job, and it not that fvcking important.

I still haven't had a good bar performance, but now that I know the root of my problem I know that my next trip is gonna be tons of fun!

Fellas, this is just a reminder, that we are doing this for fun. Not only is it more fun to have, well, fun! But it is one of our greatest weapons in our battle to win hearts (and pvssies ).

Cheers men! Have fun.

Mr. Mystery

 

[icepick]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery
This isn't a job, and it not that fvcking important.

So true.

We get into problems when we start to overinflate the importance of it all.

Why is this?

Shouldn't we rise to the occassion and perform better when pressure is placed on us?

This has always confused me. Being a natural procrastinator, pressure has always been the only thing that can make me focus. I have always performed well under pressure. However, when I put pressure on myself to "attract" girls (for reasons I will not get into here, lets just say I had an "attension hoar" phase...) I would falter. I would end up doing strange things and acting "funny" such that they would react negatively and I would be left wondering "what went wrong?"

Why does this type of pressure make us fold? The type of pressure that says "YOU MUST MAKE A PICK UP"? Why do we have to have it in our heads that it is NOT important in order for us to be successful?

Same thing goes for social skills.

If someone told me that I needed to "win over" a group of people, I would probably have MORE of a chance of doing it had I NOT been told that "winning them over" was a neccessity.

Of course, with the information gleaned from this website, I probably could do a MUCH better job then I used to, simply from the fact that all my "nervous energy" would be geared toward destroying the "overinflated" importance that my mind gives to the situation. (That's it icepick, think "this is not important...this is not important...this is not impor...) And in doing so, I would let my natural evolutionarily chisled social self loose on the world.

However, that still does not solve the question. Why does pressure make us succeed in some areas (school, getting things done, tedious work) while it destroys us in others (girls, social interaction, sometimes creativity)?

Or is it just me?

 

[Mr. Mystery]

da dynamically:

Haha, I've been on the boat, I just went for a quick swim. Now I'm the fvckin captain!

icepick:

You always bring up interesting points, glad you chimed in.

This wouldn't be the first post of mine you streared off topic, but most of my posts have lumped up topics anyway, so who am I to decide what the main topic is, I just let the shyt pour outta my head and into the computer, I really have no control over it.

Have fun was the obvious main point, but you brought up some very interesting sub-points.

originally posted by icepick

We get into problems when we start to overinflate the importance of it all.

Why is this?

Shouldn't we rise to the occassion and perform better when pressure is placed on us?

I'm gonna take a stab at your querry.

The reason that pressure is good in situations like school, work, and other challenges is that fun isn't involved in any of them directly. I gain satifaction and happiness when I knock down a goal, so that sorta makes it fun, but its not the same kinda fun that you need with women and social atomosphere.

Real fun doesn't have responsibility. Its there to make you feel good (and inevitably make other around you feel good). When your having fun that I speak of, you have no deadline or goal, your just enjoying life. Pressure clogs this sort of fun up, the two can't coexist.

In challenges that require lots of pressure, the only real fun you have is in the satisfaction of meeting your goal and of course we know almost everyone loves a challenge.

I guess your question wasn't as off topic as I previously thought.

Anyways, one thing I learned of communication is that the more you say the more unclear and ineffective the communication becomes. I have witnessed this countless times in my posts where I end up rambling on (like now), so I'm gonna stop now while I'm ahead.

Fella's have fun!

Mr. Mystery

 

[icepick]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery
The reason that pressure is good in situations like school, work, and other challenges is that fun isn't involved in any of them directly. I gain satifaction and happiness when I knock down a goal, so that sorta makes it fun, but its not the same kinda fun that you need with women and social atomosphere.

Ah ha! So pressure is good when it makes you "get down to business".

Real fun doesn't have responsibility. Its there to make you feel good (and inevitably make other around you feel good). When your having fun that I speak of, you have no deadline or goal, your just enjoying life. Pressure clogs this sort of fun up, the two can't coexist.

Yeah, this makes sense. People don't like to be treated as "business", they would rather be treated as "fun". Why else would you interact with people? Sure, there is "ego" and "money", but when people find out your true motives--and if the motives are "ego" and "money"--they will become quickly disgusted with you. Fun must be the focus.

In challenges that require lots of pressure, the only real fun you have is in the satisfaction of meeting your goal and of course we know almost everyone loves a challenge.

Yeah, fun is an aftereffect, it is not the goal. The goal is the actural challenge itself. When dealing with other people, fun must be the priority; social success (girls, leadership, laughter, etc.) is the aftereffect. It is the other way around.

Pressure forces us to become serious, but we can't take each other seriously because we are all driven by desires that make no logical sense. (Sex being one! ) Therefore, to have fun with the women, we must be able to "let it out" and burn that "seriousness" to the ground in order to be successful. If we let our logical side come out, we end up interacting with girls only for the ego boost.

The brain is not sexy.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery
Real fun doesn't have responsibility. Its there to make you feel good (and inevitably make other around you feel good). When your having fun that I speak of, you have no deadline or goal, your just enjoying life. Pressure clogs this sort of fun up, the two can't coexist.

Right on Mr. Mystery. You took the words right out of my mouth. That's exactly how it's supposed to be.

And I think that's the entire premise around why we call it having "game." It's "game" because you're supposed to have fun with it. When I think of one, I think of the other. They are synonymous (at least in my mind).

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[Mr. Mystery]

originally posted by icepick
Yeah, fun is an aftereffect, it is not the goal. The goal is the actural challenge itself. When dealing with other people, fun must be the priority; social success (girls, leadership, laughter, etc.) is the aftereffect. It is the other way around.

There you go, you summed up the answer to your question pretty well right there.

thecraftylefty:

Yeah, I always thought it was called game because it was competitive and involved strategy, but your defenition is much better.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Alright fellas, read it while you still can, I'm not bumping it again!

Mr. Mystery

 

[Mr. Mystery]

I shouldn't have put my foot in my mouth...

Bump

Mr. Mystery

 

[comote]

Great post and actually I have sort of benifited from this before I read it.
I am currently finishing up a doctorate and basically I work all the time but I never work. If you research you know what I mean.
Anyways I recently decided screw that I am going to have fun. I will work 9-5 m-f and the rest of the time belongs to me. Since I have been having so much more fun simply because outside of my designated work time I do not feel the pressure to work anymore. I went to a party and it sucked, but I still had the most fun I have had in a long time.

 

[Ashlee Angel]

I missed this first time around. Good post.


I have a question how are you doing now as far as PU's in bars.
Have you still been pointing your happiness first?

I'm 19 and I don't drink and I never go to bars. But it is another PU venue.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Ashlee,

I got arrested awhile back for my fake ID, I spent a night in jail and all! So I don't go to bars anymore, but I do occationally club.

As far as my club game goes, I just go and dance with whoever is willing, I get dissed alot, but I also dance with alot of girls.

I don't go out to sarge really, just to have a good time, and if something happens great if not oh well, I still enjoyed myself. Having fun is kinda like an insurance policy, if your having fun even if you don't hookup you still don't walk away disapointed.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Mr. Mystery]

bump.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Guess whos bizzack?

Mr. Mystery

 

[disciple]

Fun is the way to go.

I discovered this once several years back when I was in a club.

Before that night, I used to go to clubs trying to look cool or sexy and trying to get girls to notice me.

Needless to say, I wasn't happy and usually spent the night with a beer in my hand leaning on a wall with about 50 other equally "cool" guys who probably had the same mindset as me.

Well, this particular night I decided that I was just going to have fun with my friends, dance, and just have a good time even if I didn't dance with a single chick.

Well I these glow in the dark sticks in my hands and I was doing dancing with them and doing tricks and stuff.

Just having fun.

Next thing I know, not one but two cute little Spanish girls started dancing with me.

One of them literally jumped on me and I had to catch her and I was dancing with her clinging to me and I held her up by her a$$ cheeks.

Needless to say, that was a fun night.

But more importantly, I learned a valuable lesson.

I think that that fun attitude or vibe is infectious and women are attracted to men who are fun, exciting, unpredictable, and are uninhibited.

This kind of attitude and behavior draws women to you like a magnet.

Having a serious, trying to be cool, tough, or sexy kind of attitude actually repels chicks from you.

Also, that fun attitude makes it much easier to approach because your mind is focused on having fun so if you get rejected or turned down, you just keep it moving.

 

[HB_Hunter]

When Im having this HoldBack thing that pook's once wrote in one of his posts , I bump this up and i try to find anything fun and merely have fun to adjust my attitude and mind-set .

Bump and Welcome Monsieur Mystery

You should tell me though what do you do when you think that your coming too serious , not having fun like before and how do get back to the boat ? Let's have a discussion about that...

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

HBHunter:

When I'm not feeling so great, I sing a few songs in my head. Songs like "Take it easy" Eagles. "Love", "With a little help from my friends", or "Hey Jude" Beatles. Or just about any N.E.R.D.

I also just remind myself that life is short and that I need to take advantage of every second. I've been unhappy enough in life that I am kinda bored of unhappiness.

Mr. Mystery

 

[HB_Hunter]

I'll bump this and discuss a couple of sub-points that may add something to this masterpiece .

Well , I believe that having fun is the way to anything but at times (what im experiencing right now) Im pressurized to have fun ..meaning that i ll try to force myself to have fun and keep on thinking internally especially if im in a bad mood or taking myself seriously "have fun , don't care about how they view or think of you etc.." then find myself forcing myself to open up conversations , prove to myself that im having fun . wonder about what to talk about , then to the conclusion that i stay silent becuase i over-thought things and didn't let go and Be LOOSe .

In other words : It's easier said than done ...

How do you capture the right mindset yet again ?? the mind-set of having fun , playing around girls , never giving a **** about the outcome or ppl's reactions but without pressurizing myself ?? Is it through action and just doing it maybe this is a way but since you are the initiator of this thread..I think you had plenty of fun and also plenty of natural hold-back phases that you can answer me in a right way ...

My regards ,

 

[Virtú]

Pressure (challenge, hormones, biological clock, etc.) and pleasure (fun, sex, etc.) are both external motivators.

IMO, they're useful, but if you have to rely on them in order to do something, then you're in trouble, because if they're lacking, then you will probably end up sitting at home jacking off to porn. This is true for most things in life.

You should have enough discipline to go through the motions even on those rare occasions when you genuinely don't want to.

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Virtú
You should have enough discipline to go through the motions even on those rare occasions when you genuinely don't want to.

Yep...a man is truly wise when he seeks to make himself happy by making others happy...a man is wise when he goes with the productivity flow...

 

[Nocturnal]

The thing is, in life you have to have balance between unproductive entertainment/fun and improvement. For example, you shouldn't spend your days sitting on the couch and never doing anything because in the end, you never get anywhere (you only get short term entertainment), but on the other hand you shouldn't work yourself to death and never stop to enjoy it because then your actions are worthless. There is a balance.