Re: Here's What Happened With the Two Women in Question
I appreciate your respective comments. One of the two women who said those words to me is 35 years old. Again, I blame myself for the fact that I assumed she would be the kind who would be less superficial and possibly more willing to pursue a longterm kind of relationship due to her age. I was wrong, and found out the hard way that she was one of the most superficial and shallow of most women I have encountered. When we split, and I was candid with her that I felt used by her and that she had hurt my feelings, she told me that she wasn't sure what she wanted when we first met, and that our timing back then was off. It was after that that she then told me the "in retrospect, you are right, I didn't feel the same way that you did and you deserve to be with someone who does and blah, blah, blah." Basically, it was a bad deal from the start and I should have been smarter, because this story has a strange aspect to it. This woman is actually a best friend of one of my older brother's ex-girlfriends. I had met her at my gym just like anyone would take a chance and talk to a woman, and didn't find that out until after our second phone conversation.
Again, I have learned a lot from my mistakes with this woman. Due to the numerous negative experiences I've had with other women, I immediately developed oneitis with her and thought she was going to be different. But the signs of lack of interest were clear. Most of the time, I would call her and her cell will ring, but she would never pick up. I gave her the sense that I was desperate by sending her text messages for example, to check on her, and then telling her in advance in those text messages, when I will call her. And then when I called, she often didn't pick up. She often returned my calls the next day. When she finally brought her boyfriend to the gym and began to display such a huge ego and power trip upon noticing that I was there, I thought she had put the final nail on the wall and decided to switch my work out days, not necessarily because I care about what she does, but I just don't like anything that could cause me to lose focus or bring back negative memories into my mind when I;m working out.
The second woman was a year older than me (29) and I met her at my gym also, last summer. Again, considering most of the overwhelmingly negative experiences I have had with women in this country, when I talked to her and she gave me her email address and I wrote to her and we set up a date, I thought things were going good. I thought it was one of my most memorable dates because it was the very first time any woman, after buying her drinks, had offered that we go to a nearby restaurant and eat, then she ordered food and drink for both of us and we ate. But she was very cautious with me. I took her dancing and while she danced, she didn't even let me touch her. Honestly, I was disappointed. I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she was generally cautious with men, because she had mentioned during the date that her parents are divorced and when it happened, she rebelled very hard. She also told me about an experience in which a guy beat her up really badly during a robbery.
But I got very frustrated and disappointed when she erected all these barriers upon me during our date, not letting me have any contact with her while she danced, etc. She had caught a cab to meet me and we hung out for just about two and a half hours and then she said she had to work the next morning. She asked me if it was easy to catch a cab from where we were, but I thought I'd give her a ride at her home, where she lived with three, female roommates. I tried to see if we could get together again, but she was leaving town for good in two days and said the only way we could both see each other again would be on the day before she left, if I came to the gym. She gave me a slight kiss on my lip when I dropped her off and that was it.
Again, that's a lesson I have learned the hard way. I tend to give myself too much to any woman who shows me the least bit of attention or gives me the impression that she's being receptive toward me in the initial stages. Instead of letting this woman go quietly and begin her new life in a different city, I contacted her a while after she left by email, still reliving what I perceived to be the wonderful memories of that one date and letting her know that I missed her. I think I had emailed her about twice and she did respond briefly. But then, recently, feeling quite lonely and somewhat frustrated about being single once again on the 11th year of Valentine's Day, I made a silly mistake and wrote her an email wishing her a Happy Valentine's Day. That's when she responded on February 13 informing me that although she felt flattered by my compliments, she had to be honest in the sense that she didn't feel the same way, and said she wanted me to know that she was now seeing someone and that she hoped I could share those same feelings again with another woman. Looking back, I never should have contacted this woman again after she left in the first place. As is natural human tendency, I sent her a last email expressing myself along the lines of what I wrote in my introductory paragraphs on this topic. I told her that she shouldn't even bother trying to respond because if I get anything from her in my inbox, I will delete it immediately.
Anyway, I have learned from my mistakes and one thing that I have also learned is that people often aren't what they seem to be. Overall, I think these experiences, as unique, though negative and unfortunate as they have been, have helped make me a stronger person, a stronger man. And for these reasons, I think it makes sense for me to hope that there will be brighter days ahead. Now, before anyone decides to hammer me for the mistakes that I certainly have acknowledged above, I would like to kindly plead that before doing so, consider the fact that I have recognized my errors. None of us is perfect and I think going through such experiences helps make all of us better people.
