Re:
Not married, not divorced, but I have friends, even in their mid 20's now married. Some divorcing.
Having observed my generation, coming generations, and a 'disease' leaking into the mentality of most Americans is thus...it's a very PC, whimpy, wishy-washy, happy go lucky mentality. From reading your post, I see these women wanting to go to schools, or pursue their own pathes (which is fine), but they do it on the families dime and time.
It doesn't necessarily add value to the family, in fact, it usually subtracts value, as in lost time. But they do it anyways. Because we're about this mentality of experience.
I saw it watching MTV's "True Life." A young guy, in his 20's, wanted to be an artist. He's talent, no doubt. But he wasn't working so he could focus on his art. Thing is, he still went out and partied, borrowed money from his parents to buy booze, and lived at home. If he wanted to TRULY be an artist, he'd be at home MAKING it happen. Oh, and he smokes pot, so his motivation is low, it may or may not cost him money, but he does it anyways.
You can see/feel the same thing in colleges. Girls/guys wants to "try" a degree out, yet the 4 years of schooling don't really give you a FEEL for the career, only the education, which is normally a 180 from reality. Yet, lots of kids TRY out careers in college and they dump it, while their parents second mortgaged the house, they dropped their retirement contributions, or forewent vacations in their younger years to build a nice 529. It's this PERSONAL voyage people are on because they're not really getting guidance in youth.
Our society is beyond survival and is now at levels of self-introspection. About discovering oneself, done at exhorbitantly high costs, lost time, normally involving drugs, or promiscuous sex. Is that FINDING yourself? Was Ricky Williams going to LEARN anything on this token voyage out of the NFL? NO.
But because we come from a society where even the poorest people have more than MOST of the world, we have a higher level of entitlement. And a real problem with emotional, financial, or person dependence on others. Many marriages come together of dysfunctionality, which is why I truly believe below 10% of women will be worthy of a long-term relationship or marriage given their sordid, fvcked up history. Promiscuity, the will to fight, entitlement, drug-use, broken homes, lack of values or morals, poor education in a country ripe with opportunity are contributors to a poor marriage.
Sure, if you opt for average, it's doable. But we're all crazy. Even me. In my own ways. I don't doubt I'm above people, I would just say I see it. It's ok to be an azz, but you should be nice to complement and know you have both traits in you. In life, duality exists, and the nice side of a guy is valued when he doesn't FREELY give it away as most AFC men do. Be an azz, so your niceness is appreciated and so that she knows you mean business and won't pull crap on you. Because she will if you can; I've heard that ALL too often.
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To me, this happens because the AFC male just walks into the same life with a different person. He never takes time to observe his issues. And to me, a long-term relationship requires compromise, understanding, and leadership. I wouldn't tolerate being with a woman who didn't uphold my views or visions of the future, because as I see it, through the MAN, all of a WOMAN's wants can be achieved. In turn, he will also provide for her children.
Disgustingly, I heard today through a co-worker, that her 3 kids are slated to be married. The guys range in age from 26-30, and the daughter is 34 herself. All the women are older, so the boys are marrying 'up,' Yet, the siblings are FIGHTING, literally fighting over wedding dates because in her words "the girls are 34 and have to get pregnant." WTF.
Are you serious? Maybe it shocks this NON-married guy, but marriage, the WHOLE institution benefits the woman. For her years of spreading her legs until she gets to marriage, she gets the ULTIMATE lottery ticket, because in MOST marriages for the NON traditional woman.
Am I downing it?
No. It has its places. Maybe some WEIRD relationships it works, and maybe for the guys seeking traditional relationships it works. But what FEW realize is, YOU ARE MAKING A LEGAL CONTRACT with her. Not only are your TAX documents altered, but by LAW, she now has the protection of lawyers and the government over HOW you behave and WHAT you do. It isn't just cushy words spoken on a religious alter. Looming in the background are lawyers, just like a business agreement, so you BETTER be buying ONE HECKUVA business to invest PERMANENTLY in it.
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To me, being romantic ABOUT IT has its merits, BUT, it is also how people get killed, metaphorically. You get sappy, and "gee she'll change," or "gee, I love her," or "gee, she's the best I"ll get," or, "gee, she's good in bed, my family likes her, she cooks, cleans, we have kids, etc." WOW. Casualness KILLS.
Maybe it's me, but the brunt of women the guys here are PUAING, I wouldn't want to now touch. It might be PIE IN THE SKY, but if you guys are building ALL this inherent value from learning about business, wealth, sales, picking up women, socializing, and making life long friends on here...you would just say "hey you can TELL me what to do and I"ll give that up in exchange for your MANY drunken nights, sex sessions, and videos made on GGW?" yikes.
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I've got a guy friend who was married just around 24 years old. He JUST finished school, was with her 1 year after college, then married her. Prior to marrying her, he was dating 1 FINE broad, but she played mind games. The girl he's now married to I knew as a friend who fawked around alot in school. She was a friend of mine, but I never thought they'd marry. She was the type talking about it, but sleeping with guys or sucking them off while doing it. **** on 1 side, talking out the other.
They got married and she's JUST as controlling. She has no friends of her own, while he's in sales. When people visit, she goes to bed. She doesn't really have any hobbies, so if he's not around, she's bored. She does 50% of the housework, and for now, pays 40% of the bills or so because she's been working at the same bank since college, but if she's PREGO, he pays all the bills.
He admits that she doesn't give up sex as much, YET she thinks about pregnancy, just to "have kids young and not be an old mom." WTF? Why have kids if you're not banging regularly? What's the point? Your relationship isn't what I would call healthy if he's out talking how UNSERVICED he is, yet she's all about her dreams?
Friends have heard him say "if he had more game, he would have scored a hotter wife or stayed single." And he's not really an AFC in the true sense, b/c he's had 3 somes and 4 somes and banged HOT BROADS. I believe part of it was his mom died early, and he wanted to be married for her before she went this past year. But it was that motivation that hurts most, because he has to "clear" things wit her BEFORE he makes a move. And she's not the type that easily gets along with people; she talks lots of crap about his guy friends, and I'm one of the few she actually likes him to be around, or even over when she's there. See the dillemma?
This isn't an ALL or NOTHING case. BUT, it's more common than not because I get alot of crap @ even 25 about being married or prospects for marriage. Come on? The societal pressure for men is STAGGERING, and when you suggest arguments FOR or AGAINST it, people think you're INSENSITIVE. I get the "when do you want to be married by " questions. Like I care? I don't. I feel if I find the girl worthy of doing it, I WILL. If I don't, I won't. To me, people with a set date on marriage or time, CHEAPEN it. Instead of respecting the institution, they view it as a custom Of Life, like WE ALL HAVE TO DO IT.
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Do we? Know. Marriage doesn't benefit the man, entirely. It benefits the woman, society, and companies. It stabilizes the system. It puts the care of elderly women, and women who likely won't be on Wall Street in the care of men who can AFFORD to care for them, otherwise their looks in exchange for material goods would garner them NOTHING.
It benefits alot of companies and the government, because couples SPEND tons of dough, Single guys, NOT SO MUCH. They're also more PREDICTABLE in terms of spending, so companies can invest in areas KNOWING there's a return on capital. This was a prime driver for the construction of American education. A ruling class with predictable people popping out of schools. Companies KNEW they could get the workers they desired to grow. Otherwise, if every person was an ENTREPRENEUR, then we'd all be competitors. Business would be VERY VERY different, but the forced education in America segregates, diversifies, divides, and numbs kids.
I'm such a conspiracy theorist in a sense, but if you do the research and REALLY think, you might see the rabbitt hole before and you'll back track before you hit the edge. I believe MARRIAGE has its place, and to me, that places GREATER value on it WHEN or IF the time comes, but ONLY IF IT DOES. I've met great girls, and I have one now, but we've had our ups and downs most certainly, and I've never hinted at marriage, because nobody is ready. People have to have understandings. Compromise. If you take her on, is she a LIABILITY or an ASSET for the rest of your life?
A-Unit
) or how I must be some borderline abuser for commanding my wife's respect. A lot of people think I'm anti-marriage from the points I argue here; I'm not anti-marriage, I'm anti-bad marriage and I know far too many people living out miserable lives becuase of their immature perspective of how marriage ought to be. But what it all boils down to is setting a frame for yourself and becoming comfortable in that frame together.