Been thinking about this lately when we talk about how women so quickly and easily lose interest in a relationship.
One of the most painful things that I have ever had to come to terms with was the way a woman is more likely to put you in a guillotine and cut off your head than she is to want to kiss you and hold you when she ends a relationship.
I have had three long term relationships that have basically ended this way. There were differences in the circumstances behind each breakup, one of them i even initiated, but the end result was the same......I was left standing in a pile of charred ashes while it always seemed as if the woman had managed to hitch a ride on a golden chariot that was headed for a far better place. I would be left there amidst the ruins, trying my best to dust myself off and tend to my wounds, and it always seemed as if the person i had just spent YEARS of my life with could have given two sh!ts less if I were alive the next day.
So I started thinking about how attraction works differently between men and women.
My first observation is that when a woman tends to lose interest in a relationship for whatever reason, there is a tendency for her to lose all feeling for her former partner as soon as she has secured another source of intimacy. Hence, the man is left in the smoldering ashes while the woman rides away in her golden coach.
Now I can't speak for everyone, but I know that personally as a guy, even when I lose interest in a relationship, even when I am the one to break it off, even AFTER I am with someone else, I still care for that person, and will never forget the good times we had and the things I learned from that person.
All of this happens at the end of a relationship, of course, so lets take a look at what happens in the beginning.
For a man, it usually starts with "Wow, that chick has a nice ass". Then he pays attention to the way she carries herself and her personality. Once he has ascertained that the woman has the "whole package", his attraction begins to grow at a steady rate.
For a woman, she generally notices the way a man CARRIES himself at the same time she is assessing him physically. If he meets her minimum criteira in the looks department and she is at least neutral as far as the way he carries himself, he's got his foot in the door. From that point a woman is paying VERY close attention to indicators that the man is a suitable mate. She's usually skeptical, and it takes her some time to warm up to the idea of a relationship as she marks off her checklist in her mind as she observes a man's behavior.
So it's often the case that a man will tend to build attraction to a woman FASTER than a woman builds attraction to a man. If he plays his cards right he can quickly amp up HER attraction in him, to where they are both riding the crest of the wave.
This is all dependent upon lots of factors of course, and the situation is often reversed where the woman falls head over heels IMMEDIATELY, and it takes the man awhile to warm up to the idea of a relationship.
But the thing is, the beginning isn't nearly as important as what happens in the middle.
At some point in a long term relationship both man and woman will likely hit a sweet spot where both parties have very high interest, and the attraction is through the roof.
What is interesting though is what happens as one or both parties begin to lose attraction and interest. Lots of times a guy will suppress his gut feeling that is telling him to end the relationship out of fear that he won't be able to find another woman. So he continues, trudging along, his interest level flatlining just high enough to keep things from falling over the edge.
A woman on the other hand, as soon as her interest drops below a certain level she will start to actively SEEK another partner. She can't handle a flatlining interest level for a long period of time. She must ensure that should something happen with her current relationship, that she isn't going to have to take a fall.
This is where we get the term "branch swinging". A woman must secure a source of intimacy from a new man before she lets go of the old.
I firmly believe that most women MUST have a man or men to fixate their attention and attraction toward at any given time, or they are MISERABLE. If there are no prospects in the pipeline, many women have a hard time holding themselves together.
So if their interest level in their current relationship falls below, say, 75%, they go on the hunt. They are on a mission to fill the gap between a mediocre spark and a full on wildfire. If they are able to secure an new source if intimacy they might find it tough to break off their current relationship, in which case we have a sudden change in behavior. She's coming home to YOU, but something isn't right.....
Then the sh!t hits the fan. One day you make a seemingly benign comment and it sets her off. "I'm LEAVING!" And then she's gone. You call her up a week later to come and get her things from your place, and instead of feeling any sort of compassionate vibe, all you feel is ICE. It's as if she was able to reach inside herself and flip a switch, shutting you and everything you shared out of her life for good. Interest level and attraction....ZERO.
The whole point of this post though is the position the MAN is left in. He has no "switch". And it doesn't even really matter HOW the breakup came about, who initiated it, whose fault it was, blah, blah. He still CARES. And he wants HER to care, even if they both know it will never work. His interest level rarely falls to zero. He cares long after she is gone. No matter how high the peak of the relationship was, he never "crashes" in the same way a woman does. As cheesy as it sounds, he always holds a piece of her.
So if we could put this on a line graph imagine what it would look like. Even if your experiences have been different than mine, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to how the woman's line can drop like a stone, whereas the man's tends to remain much more steady.
Thoughts?
One of the most painful things that I have ever had to come to terms with was the way a woman is more likely to put you in a guillotine and cut off your head than she is to want to kiss you and hold you when she ends a relationship.
I have had three long term relationships that have basically ended this way. There were differences in the circumstances behind each breakup, one of them i even initiated, but the end result was the same......I was left standing in a pile of charred ashes while it always seemed as if the woman had managed to hitch a ride on a golden chariot that was headed for a far better place. I would be left there amidst the ruins, trying my best to dust myself off and tend to my wounds, and it always seemed as if the person i had just spent YEARS of my life with could have given two sh!ts less if I were alive the next day.
So I started thinking about how attraction works differently between men and women.
My first observation is that when a woman tends to lose interest in a relationship for whatever reason, there is a tendency for her to lose all feeling for her former partner as soon as she has secured another source of intimacy. Hence, the man is left in the smoldering ashes while the woman rides away in her golden coach.
Now I can't speak for everyone, but I know that personally as a guy, even when I lose interest in a relationship, even when I am the one to break it off, even AFTER I am with someone else, I still care for that person, and will never forget the good times we had and the things I learned from that person.
All of this happens at the end of a relationship, of course, so lets take a look at what happens in the beginning.
For a man, it usually starts with "Wow, that chick has a nice ass". Then he pays attention to the way she carries herself and her personality. Once he has ascertained that the woman has the "whole package", his attraction begins to grow at a steady rate.
For a woman, she generally notices the way a man CARRIES himself at the same time she is assessing him physically. If he meets her minimum criteira in the looks department and she is at least neutral as far as the way he carries himself, he's got his foot in the door. From that point a woman is paying VERY close attention to indicators that the man is a suitable mate. She's usually skeptical, and it takes her some time to warm up to the idea of a relationship as she marks off her checklist in her mind as she observes a man's behavior.
So it's often the case that a man will tend to build attraction to a woman FASTER than a woman builds attraction to a man. If he plays his cards right he can quickly amp up HER attraction in him, to where they are both riding the crest of the wave.
This is all dependent upon lots of factors of course, and the situation is often reversed where the woman falls head over heels IMMEDIATELY, and it takes the man awhile to warm up to the idea of a relationship.
But the thing is, the beginning isn't nearly as important as what happens in the middle.
At some point in a long term relationship both man and woman will likely hit a sweet spot where both parties have very high interest, and the attraction is through the roof.
What is interesting though is what happens as one or both parties begin to lose attraction and interest. Lots of times a guy will suppress his gut feeling that is telling him to end the relationship out of fear that he won't be able to find another woman. So he continues, trudging along, his interest level flatlining just high enough to keep things from falling over the edge.
A woman on the other hand, as soon as her interest drops below a certain level she will start to actively SEEK another partner. She can't handle a flatlining interest level for a long period of time. She must ensure that should something happen with her current relationship, that she isn't going to have to take a fall.
This is where we get the term "branch swinging". A woman must secure a source of intimacy from a new man before she lets go of the old.
I firmly believe that most women MUST have a man or men to fixate their attention and attraction toward at any given time, or they are MISERABLE. If there are no prospects in the pipeline, many women have a hard time holding themselves together.
So if their interest level in their current relationship falls below, say, 75%, they go on the hunt. They are on a mission to fill the gap between a mediocre spark and a full on wildfire. If they are able to secure an new source if intimacy they might find it tough to break off their current relationship, in which case we have a sudden change in behavior. She's coming home to YOU, but something isn't right.....
Then the sh!t hits the fan. One day you make a seemingly benign comment and it sets her off. "I'm LEAVING!" And then she's gone. You call her up a week later to come and get her things from your place, and instead of feeling any sort of compassionate vibe, all you feel is ICE. It's as if she was able to reach inside herself and flip a switch, shutting you and everything you shared out of her life for good. Interest level and attraction....ZERO.
The whole point of this post though is the position the MAN is left in. He has no "switch". And it doesn't even really matter HOW the breakup came about, who initiated it, whose fault it was, blah, blah. He still CARES. And he wants HER to care, even if they both know it will never work. His interest level rarely falls to zero. He cares long after she is gone. No matter how high the peak of the relationship was, he never "crashes" in the same way a woman does. As cheesy as it sounds, he always holds a piece of her.
So if we could put this on a line graph imagine what it would look like. Even if your experiences have been different than mine, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to how the woman's line can drop like a stone, whereas the man's tends to remain much more steady.
Thoughts?
