The linear nature of male attraction

[aliasguy]

well call me crazy, but i'm very adept/intuitive at noticing when a woman begins to build her list. i see it coming a mile away.

where she use to go out of her way not to argue, she now facilitates arguments. where everything she says use to be nothing about how amazing i was, now nagging slowly creeps into the relationship. where she use to hug me the moment she sees me, now she doesn't. etc.

your average woman will show her hand LONG before she plays it.

those women whose behaviors do not change at all right up until the moment they pull the trigger are very rare. such women also are often borderline sociopaths and that should have been fairly obvious from the get go as well.

i honestly believe the only reason men get blindsided is because when the signs start to appear they don't see them - even though they are fairly obvious to any objective observer.

LTRs don't go from fantastic to sh*t in one day. they just don't.

OK, man,

Call me up when you get sandbagged.

you can't tell. Really.

You've been married, before, RIGHT????

 

[joekerr31]

OK, man,

Call me up when you get sandbagged.

you can't tell. Really.

You've been married, before, RIGHT????

i havent been married, but ive been sandbagged. and at the time i felt truly sandbagged. as though i had been hit with a sledgehammer out of nowhere.

i mean, one woman gave me wild sex in the morning and that evening it was over.

but looking back on things with the perspective i have no i realize that the signs where there.

her sleeping with me the same day we broke up was merely her trying one last time to decide whether she should stay or go - whether it was time.

while women start their list months in advance, they question their decision up to the last minute. which is why its very common for a woman to sleep with a man and then break up soon after.

in this one case, its actually quite funny. i had banged her in the *ss and after we had sex she came out of the washroom and said with little bambi eyes 'there was some blood (from her *ss i guess). but i think im ok.' i replied with half concern at best "ya, you'll be ok."

i knew, right then and there, she knew i didn't care much anymore about our relationship. it ended that night.

 

[joekerr31]

The guy is typically taken by surprise because he saw her stopping the nagging/arguing as her being okay with everything, not even aware that she's withdrawn from the relationship for some time, let alone has been planning her exit. But now she's further down along the "emotionally divorced" road and he's not on that road, which is why it feels like a surprise kidney punch to him. That's why you hear guys say, "Things were fine. I mean, what relationship doesn't have it's ups and downs? Then from out of nowhere she decided to leave me".

exactly. its like the being the eye of the storm. all is calm. but its actually a foreshadowing of the danger to come.

by the way, another very important thing to keep an eye on is eye contact.

women are pretty good actors. they are good at smiling, having sex, etc. - even when they are considering leaving the relationship.

but when she doesn't look you in the eyes as much as she use to, or when she starts looking you in the eye for shorter bursts than she use to, something is usually up.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

I too, have experienced just HOW FAST a woman can REVEAL she's secretly gone from liking you to loathing you.

Yes, my experience is that once most women divest themselves emotionally from you, the level of inconsideration that she shows you can be SHOCKING (and even DEVASTATING for the unlearned (AFC) ).

Yes, as Seinfeld would probably say:

SOME Women are RUTHLESS...they are WITHOUT "ruth"....lol

MOST women are lifelong actresses. They have been perfecting their "craft" since birth. They are skilled at saying one thing and meaning another. They are skilled at acting one way while FEELING another way entirely. Many do this as some eschewed means of self-preservation or conflict avoidance. But there are also those who do this to RUN A POWER MOVE on you.

This is why you must always only be cautiously optimistic about whatever good signals a woman gives you early on in your romantic interactions with them. Many here believe that most women are so erratic only due to their inability to control their emotions. And while this may be true, I disagree that this is the ONLY reason. In fact, I believe that at least an EQUAL number of the more "maliciously manipulative" women really have quite a firm grasp on their emotions.

And those that fit THIS particular category are the ones who ACT, they put on a PERFORMANCE to attract you, to bait you in-------THEN that's when they "decide" whether or not to let you get within range to affect their emotions.

And if they find you "wanting" for any reason whatsoever, THAT'S when they drop your ass for what you may think is "no reason" whatsoever. In fact, it is because they have been ACTING all along that many women like this are even ABLE to do this.

You see, a man can only have a significant emotional impact on SOME women only when she opens the door to allow him to. And that's the objective of the whole ACTING scenario in a nutshell. If a woman deems you worthy enough for her to DROP HER ACT, then that announces the beginning of her willingness to expose herself emotionally to you.

And ironically, this also explains why the reverse is also true. Many guys in long term relationships WONDER how it is a woman that they have been with for years can (seemingly) drop them coldly, callously, and quickly at the END of the relationship.

Well NOW you know the reason, don't you, soldier?

It's because at some point she "decided" to AGAIN close herself off emotionally towards them, and then, out of either self-preservation OR malicious manipulativeness, WENT BACK TO ACTING-----just like she was doing at the START of the relationship.

This is why you should NEVER put too much stock in how a woman "ACTS" around you UNTIL you have experienced at least 2 to 3 months of her demonstrating CONSISTENTLY good behavior towards you. This way, you at least have enough HISTORY with her to reference as you evaluate the legitimacy of her feelings towards you.

So use this Intel to better serve you in your battle to differentiate between women who are worthy of YOUR emotional investment from those who are NOT. :rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

More Food for THOUGHT:

Attraction is an indicator of Interest.

Full blown attraction can often pave the way for the phenomena of what some people would call "falling" in love.

And Interest Level is a measurement of LOVE.

But Interest Level actually has a "scale"...and if you are aware enough, vigilant enough, and humble enough to pay attention to it--------it can oftentimes save you from CRUSHING heartbreak.

But having said ALL THAT, how would you men explain this proposed "linear attraction scenario" within the context of women who are ALWAYS attracted to "you". You know what I'm talking about, those women who you know would gladly leave their other, newer prospects, their boyfriends, or even their husbands if you just "said the word."

Many of us have had women in our lives that have REMAINED attracted to us for decades, and it has NEVER waned-----but rather has remained constant. All that is necessary is for us to simply "enter the room" for these women to again ACT on their "paused" attraction to us.

How exactly does this linear attraction concept figure into these types of scenarios?

 

[STR8UP]

Many of us have had women in our lives that have REMAINED attracted to us for decades, and it has NEVER waned-----but rather has remained constant. All that is necessary is for us to simply "enter the room" for these women to again ACT on their "paused" attraction to us.

How exactly does this linear attraction concept figure into these types of scenarios?

That's an EXCELLENT point you bring up.

But what I was speaking of was in the context of an LTR.

If a woman is SUPER attracted to you and does not get the opportunity to EXPLORE and PURSUE this attraction, there is no potential for her to be knocked off of that "high". To her your mere presence is still a "drug" to her.

The most powerful thing a man can use against a woman is her own imagination. She hasn't been able to really find out who you are and is still projecting an idealized image.

 

[aliasguy]

i havent been married, but ive been sandbagged. and at the time i felt truly sandbagged. as though i had been hit with a sledgehammer out of nowhere.

i mean, one woman gave me wild sex in the morning and that evening it was over.

but looking back on things with the perspective i have no i realize that the signs where there.

her sleeping with me the same day we broke up was merely her trying one last time to decide whether she should stay or go - whether it was time.

while women start their list months in advance, they question their decision up to the last minute. which is why its very common for a woman to sleep with a man and then break up soon after.

in this one case, its actually quite funny. i had banged her in the *ss and after we had sex she came out of the washroom and said with little bambi eyes 'there was some blood (from her *ss i guess). but i think im ok.' i replied with half concern at best "ya, you'll be ok."

i knew, right then and there, she knew i didn't care much anymore about our relationship. it ended that night.

Well, SH*T, man, if you say she doesn't decide until the VERY LAST minute, then Hhow the HELL did you KNOW BEFOREHAND?

If it's ARBITRARY, and based on the guy's actions over a few HOURS, then HOW are you supposed to read the signs?




I'm not as clueless as I sound, here. I know what you are saying. But IT IS impossible to KNOW where they are in the process WHILE it's going on. They are TOO GOOD at "playing along"

 

[joekerr31]

Well, SH*T, man, if you say she doesn't decide until the VERY LAST minute, then Hhow the HELL did you KNOW BEFOREHAND?

If it's ARBITRARY, and based on the guy's actions over a few HOURS, then HOW are you supposed to read the signs?

I'm not as clueless as I sound, here. I know what you are saying. But IT IS impossible to KNOW where they are in the process WHILE it's going on. They are TOO GOOD at "playing along"

they make their decision quickly, but the signs are always there long before.

yes, they will play two hands at once though - because they dont know what to do. i think theres a song with the line 'should i stay or should i go? come on baby let me know, should i stay or should i go?"

this is how a woman thinks.

but if you are attentive you will pick up on signs that she is debate this. while sometimes she will show you the 'i love you more than anything' face (this is the part of her that is wondering if she should stay), she will also show other signs of disinterest, arguing, strange moods, etc. (this is the part of her wondering if she should go).

there are always signs.

 

[joekerr31]

alias, the tough question is that we are all aware that relationships go through rough patches - so how do you know whether you are going through a rough patch and when she is preparing her exit.

and i agree, that can be a tough thing to do.

which is why i say when you are going through a rough patch, simply be prepared that she may walk out on you at some point.

 

[aliasguy]

alias, the tough question is that we are all aware that relationships go through rough patches - so how do you know whether you are going through a rough patch and when she is preparing her exit.

and i agree, that can be a tough thing to do.

which is why i say when you are going through a rough patch, simply be prepared that she may walk out on you at some point.

NO SH*T, man. That is ENTIRELY the WHOLE point.

You talk about reading "signs."

There ARE no REAL signs.

Only the basic stuff that a high schooler can see.

 

[aliasguy]

I am sorry, J.



We are NOT getting past this one tonight. I cannot communicate this one well. Maybe another time. Sorry, again.

 

[joekerr31]

NO SH*T, man. That is ENTIRELY the WHOLE point.

You talk about reading "signs."

There ARE no REAL signs.

Only the basic stuff that a high schooler can see.

there are real signs. and yes, a high schooler can see them.

and when you DO see them, you need to be prepared.

its like a tornado funnel building. sure, it might disappate and nothing happens. but don't be take aback if it doesn't and you're house gets smashed to bits.

but there are signs. its not like things go from a clear beautiful sunny day and then suddenly theres lightening and tornadoes the next second.

 

[AgonyUncle]

Iqqi, I just don't GET you.

Sometimes, you seem so reasonable, but mostly, you just seem to WANT to argue.

If you don't see" branch swinging" as a common, or even PREDOMINATE behavior, well, then you oughta look around yourself more.

Jeez.

Its called "rationalising emotional behaviour"

Anyone who thinks that majority of women will leave a relationship BEFORE they have met a suitable replacement is either living under a rock or has trolls for friends. Im not saying that it does not happen, it does. Its just rare.

Its a fact of life. Women rarely move on unless they have someone else on the go. Im sure some of the ladies have a few ancedotal stories to recite in the defense of their sisters though.

 

[Adam007]

Two experiments were conducted to examine the influence of male height on interpersonal attraction. In Experiment 1, short, medium, and tall women evaluated pictures of men whom they believed to be either short, medium, or tall. On the basis of previous research, it was predicted that women's attraction to the men would be an increasing linear function of the men's height. This prediction was not confirmed; men of medium height were seen to be significantly more socially desirable than either short or tall men. This was true whether the female evaluator was short, medium, or tall; women did not differ in their evaluations. In Experiment 2, short, medium, and tall men evaluated the same male stimuli the women had evaluated in Experiment 1. These men not only gave their own evaluation of the male stimuli, but they also estimated how socially desirable the males pictured were to women. While men showed no evidence that they believed height was important to women, their own evaluations revealed that they liked and rated short men more positively than they did tall men. This was true regardless of the height of the male rater. These results were discussed in terms of social stereotypes and the importance of specifying situational context in the prediction of attraction.

 

[iqqi]

What is interesting though is what happens as one or both parties begin to lose attraction and interest. Lots of times a guy will suppress his gut feeling that is telling him to end the relationship out of fear that he won't be able to find another woman. So he continues, trudging along, his interest level flatlining just high enough to keep things from falling over the edge.

A woman on the other hand, as soon as her interest drops below a certain level she will start to actively SEEK another partner. She can't handle a flatlining interest level for a long period of time. She must ensure that should something happen with her current relationship, that she isn't going to have to take a fall.

This is where we get the term "branch swinging". A woman must secure a source of intimacy from a new man before she lets go of the old.

I see this happening with men AND women. Not just one gender.

I take it as a sign of weak character and fear. I'll pass on that from here on out. You should too.

 

[bigjohnson]

.... I know that personally as a guy, even when I lose interest in a relationship, even when I am the one to break it off, even AFTER I am with someone else, I still care for that person, and will never forget the good times we had and the things I learned from that person.

I see this all the time. I don't quite understand why, but it happens and it's real. It's true outside relationships as well. I've been in situations where I and a woman were screwed over in business by others; where I was looking for the best outcome for her and myself (trying to minimize loss or optimize returns) she was only interested in assuring the worst outcome for the other party. While the actions you take with both goals may sometimes be the same, sometimes they are not.

This case, where we were on the same side, was incredibly instructive. Scary too. "I don't want what's best for me, I want whatever is worst for you".

Men face this in divorce all the time and I think often don't realize what is going on.

 

[frivolousz21]

Yup it's true, I am currently going through a break up with my first serious relationship, and man she could be really distant and cold, whereas I told her I'll always love her (which is true since she's the first girl I've truly loved). These forums really help and that's what I am using to get through. You're so right, I guess the solution is to go through the motions, but I sure wish I could do the switch thing. I really appreciate all the posts on the DJ forums.

you will not always love her

 

[frivolousz21]

Two experiments were conducted to examine the influence of male height on interpersonal attraction. In Experiment 1, short, medium, and tall women evaluated pictures of men whom they believed to be either short, medium, or tall. On the basis of previous research, it was predicted that women's attraction to the men would be an increasing linear function of the men's height. This prediction was not confirmed; men of medium height were seen to be significantly more socially desirable than either short or tall men. This was true whether the female evaluator was short, medium, or tall; women did not differ in their evaluations. In Experiment 2, short, medium, and tall men evaluated the same male stimuli the women had evaluated in Experiment 1. These men not only gave their own evaluation of the male stimuli, but they also estimated how socially desirable the males pictured were to women. While men showed no evidence that they believed height was important to women, their own evaluations revealed that they liked and rated short men more positively than they did tall men. This was true regardless of the height of the male rater. These results were discussed in terms of social stereotypes and the importance of specifying situational context in the prediction of attraction.

wow.....thats pretty amazing...I am 5'7" and have had great success with women.....most of my friends 6 foot and taller are the worst. about my heigh to 5"10 have been the best.

 

[Desdinova]

Nice post, STR8UP.

As with any situation, it can be turned around. Women want the power and the control of the breakup, so they turn on you. Remember, all she wants is control of how the breakup goes. The best thing you can do is feed it back to her, and remain one step ahead of her.

If she wants you moved out tomorrow, move out today. If she wants to know when you're doing something, be distant and tell her "when I'm ready". Before she swings branches, you start dating someone else. Tell her as little as possible about how you're feeling and what you're doing. She will begin to wonder why you suddenly don't care, and wonder if you ever did care. The power shifts back to you, and she will start to care again, and possibly regain some of the attraction that she lost for you.

And iqqi, branch swinging does occur. It doesn't occur as often with older women, because women get uglier with age and find it more difficult to attract men.

 

[Master Bates]

It seems when a woman breaks up she is much more likely than the man to immediately find ways to justify why the entire relationship was a waste of time and should never have happened. It's as if she desperately tries to convince herself that she is all of a sudden much better off without the man she committed herself to for years. really is proof how cold women can be.