The line between gossip and talking about others lives when they're not around

[FlexpertHamilton]

Gossiping is a feminine trait. Also, in my experience, I’ve never understood why men are so concerned about other men. Advice is one thing but, worried about another man is crazy.

You don't ever worry about the wellbeing of your close friends?

 

[jhonny9546]

Behaviours that show she's invested. Eager participation.

So at this point, if you see her "invested" (i know what you mean by it), se fossi stato approcciato da questa ragazza con un mood investito e felice, e tu eri in uno stato distaccato ma socievole, cambieresti il tuo stato distaccato in solare o piu socievole, o resti comunque distaccato, mostrando lei solo apprezzamento distaccato?

I didn't escalate sexually with them although both of them were giving clear indications of being available to me.

Nice story that intersects with mine! At a local jewelry store, there was a very cute saleswoman who looked at me deeply while we were talking. Before saying goodbye and handing me the bag, she gave me a lovely smile that showed interest. However, I didn’t experience the same thing you did. No one followed me on Instagram, sent me messages, wrote me notes, or made little hearts. Besides her, there were also three other women present. I assume you are very attractive!
I wonder what about you convinced them right away..
There's also the fact that if a woman finds you attractive, then the rest of the group will too

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So at this point, if you see her "invested" (i know what you mean by it), se fossi stato approcciato da questa ragazza con un mood investito e felice, e tu eri in uno stato distaccato ma socievole, cambieresti il tuo stato distaccato in solare o piu socievole, o resti comunque distaccato, mostrando lei solo apprezzamento distaccato?

Nice story that intersects with mine! At a local jewelry store, there was a very cute saleswoman who looked at me deeply while we were talking. Before saying goodbye and handing me the bag, she gave me a lovely smile that showed interest. However, I didn’t experience the same thing you did. No one followed me on Instagram, sent me messages, wrote me notes, or made little hearts. Besides her, there were also three other women present. I assume you are very attractive!

The main difference between the stories: I didn't buy anything, nor did I come to them for or with a high-end watch. I wasn't a customer.
I asked them a favour, to remove the rubber strap from my Citizen dive watch. I didn't even buy a new watch strap, I had brought the NATO strap the technician (who I didn't see, was on another floor where my watch was sent) put on my watch.

And they knew, from me not showing even the slightest interest in the high-end watches on display, that I wasn't going to buy any luxury items. Therefore, their interest in me was genuine. Most salespeople are friendly if you are a (potential) customer, but they knew I was only there to get the strap changed. Nothing to gain.

You, on the other hand, probably bought something at that jewellery store: "there was a very cute saleswoman who looked at me deeply while we were talking. Before saying goodbye and handing me the bag, she gave me a lovely smile that showed interest."
So, the cute saleswoman's gazing deeply in your eyes and smiling seductively isn't showing genuine interest. She's doing what sales people have done since time immemorial: trying to get you to become a regular customer and spend your money, so she can get her commission. Especially saleswomen have a knack of 'flirting' with the customer, but they're not really interested in more than your wallet. People who work in sales or the service industry are contractually obligated to be pleasant.

I wonder what about you convinced them right away..

My charm and panache, probably. Or maybe the fact that I wasn't interested in owning status symbols like diamonds and high-end watches. Being unimpressed by status or status symbols shows an independent self-esteem that doesn't need to be bolstered by the baubles of vanity. So I stood out from their usual customers.
The other thing is that I treated them with friendly courtesy and not like 'servants'. This is actually a very important red flag when dating someone: watch them how they treat people who are (perceived as) lower in status, like waiters/waitresses, receptionists, customer service staff, et cetera. If your date treats service personnel as 'beneath them', they'll be treating you like that when the courtship is over.

There's also the fact that if a woman finds you attractive, then the rest of the group will too

That depends on the status of the woman.
If the woman who thinks you're attractive has a 'high status' within the group, the group will be likely to adopt her opinion. The opinion of a 'low status' woman will likely be ignored by the group.

 

[jhonny9546]

That depends on the status of the woman.

Good observation!

looked at me deeply while we were talking

I can say that was not a "seller" gaze for sure.

they'll be treating you like that when the courtship is over.

You can also see this with pregnant women: first, there is "love bombing," and after the child is born, the father is treated differently. This is also why many marriages fail. Couples often agree to marry when she is pregnant or during the "love bombing" or "honeymoon" phase, or also when they use "making a child" or "marriage" as an excuse to get the "responsability" to bond togheter.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I can say that was not a "seller" gaze for sure.

You think she was interested in you? Why do you think that?

Like I said, some saleswomen show 'flirty' behaviour because they want to make the sale and have you come back for more. Just like a waitress undoing her top buttons to show more cleavage so she gets more tips, not because she wants to signal interest.

There was a question on Quora about hitting on cashiers, where I gave this answer:

Is this female cashier flirting or being friendly?

Martyn V. Halm (Combat Pragmatist)'s answer: > “Is this female cashier flirting or being friendly?” Phone Number. The distinction is actually not that difficult to grasp. Signs that she’s being friendly: * she smiles at every customer, not just at you. * after you paid for your groceries, s...

www.quora.com

I didn't flirt with the saleswomen at the Rolex dealer even when they did show interest in me, as I know that women who are working sales might flirt to reel in customers. I only responded when they took initiative to meet them outside their workplace.

If that saleswoman was genuinely interested in you, she would've slipped you her contact info or try to find another way to contact you (like a message on IG), but despite the deep gaze and the lovely smile, she didn't do anything like that.
So, professional flirtation, not genuine interest.

 

[jhonny9546]

If that saleswoman was genuinely interested in you, she would've slipped you her contact info or try to find another way to contact you (like a message on IG), but despite the deep gaze and the lovely smile, she didn't do anything like that.

Happens everywhere. Basically it's the result you get from the interaction.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Happens everywhere. Basically it's the result you get from the interaction.

Like I stated in that Quora answer, unless she takes an initiative to meet you outside work, assume her 'flirtations' are just professional courtesy.
Even if, like the female guide at the diamond factory, she goes 'above and beyond' and accompanies you to your destination.
Even if she asks your IG, just remain unaffected.

Too many guys respond to low interest women.

I wouldn't have met with either of these women if they hadn't shown high interest in me.

 

[jhonny9546]

Even if she asks your IG, just remain unaffected.

One woman didn't ask for my Instagram, but she showed me she was "available" by creating some highlight content (Instagram stories) related to me. (I'm an artist, and she published a story about some paintings.) She was never interested in art, so she made this for me, expecting me to react or write to her in that story. I didn't react to that.
Later stories were about her 5 year LTR going wrong and how she was working to save it...


How should this be interpreted?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

How should this be interpreted?

Probably as a woman 'monkey-branching'.

 

[jhonny9546]

Probably as a woman 'monkey-branching'.

That's what I thought at first.
She wanted me to validate her interest, then she could have a secrect sex moment with me, and then she may decide if keeping the old or go with the new.

Do all women monkey-branch?
I just know most of them just meet a new guy (most of time at work or school or where they can spend time with), get closer to him, and plan break ups in advance for their current boyfriends. (even married ones or with child)

Then also "Women want security in a form of long-term stable commitment from the man who induces huge amounts of drama and excitement"

Also, I've heard this and sounds conradictory "the man who induces huge amounts of drama and excitement" which is usually a feminine, emotional, and not masculine, wiser man