The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE

[AgentIX]

I know it's an old thread, but I actually found this site by coming across this thread. I think this is solid, solid advice. I am actually coming to a point where I feel I'm strong enough to not cave in to contacting my ex, and finding this thread was just what I needed, because I was actually starting to second-guess myself! Wasn't sure if my idea of NC was good or not. Stay strong!

 

[Some Call Me Tim]

How long after breaking up is this valid?

 

[49au]

You see, the whole "FEELING DEVASTATED" thing is because of your "FEAR OF LOSS".

It comes from pedestaling a woman and acting/thinking that she is different from other women out there.

This is so good. So, so good.

 

[49au]

Metaphysical,

What about when you know that she is unsure of her decision to leave you, BUT she is too strong willed and stubborn to call you. I know she feels sad about what has happened, but still, she will not break down and call me. When can I call her to try to talk her into taking me back?

This is an excellent question (other than the last line which is horrible), that I don't think was answered?

I think there are a lot of passive, submissive girls that will want you back badly after some time but just won't say anything about it hoping that you will come to them? Especially in my situation, where I dumped her, though it was caused by problems she brought onto the relationship.

Very similar to basic male/female interaction when you are meeting women. A woman may be very attracted to you and send strong signals, but if you never act on them then most of the time she is not going to do your job for you.

 

[joverby]

With my first serious girlfriend I got supery clingy and needy and ended up pushing her away (the same fate I'm suffering with my current GF )

Anyway, after she finally broke it off with me I took it like a champ. I think she tried to contact me after it but I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore because it hurt me too much and it wouldn't help me get over it. I could tell it bugged her a lot because a while later when I contacted her she said something like "I though it bugged you..." I never really ended up trying to persue the relationship again and after I told her I didn't want to talk to her she respected that.

But I'm just saying I can tell that attitude does throw them through a loop. Especially if it was due to neediness.

 

[All4One]

Great Guide !!.... Got dumped 3 days ago after 10 months, and from the get go I did the NC, I feel stronger every day...already getting email from her, wanting to be friends......Phat Chance. I haven't responded and won't.....In a crazy way, she did me a favor.

Who ever coined the fraze.."Its called a break up cause its broken" was spot on.

Let them go nuts, that's what the tried to do to you...Be strong.

 

[drellum]

This is an excellent question (other than the last line which is horrible), that I don't think was answered?

I think there are a lot of passive, submissive girls that will want you back badly after some time but just won't say anything about it hoping that you will come to them? Especially in my situation, where I dumped her, though it was caused by problems she brought onto the relationship.

Very similar to basic male/female interaction when you are meeting women. A woman may be very attracted to you and send strong signals, but if you never act on them then most of the time she is not going to do your job for you.

Yeah, I asked the same thing elsewhere.

I went in NC 2 months ago. Did everything by the book etc. I've improved myself in all areas Mentally, physically and spiritually. I have reflected, felt sadness, dated, had sex and moved on.

I haven't been contacted and I didn't expect to. She acknowledged my need to go off the map - I know her and I know that she would not contact me no matter what she was feeling.

My question was (on another site): At some point do you push the door slightly open? Does this take control of the higher ground?

Whatever happens - whether we reconnect or not, I wouldn't like the thought of never speaking again!

I do believe that the point of NC is changing your mindset. It is about how you see the ex....what she is to you. Is she a potential new GF or an old GF who you spent time with.....in other words is she the past or the future.

 

[bigneil]

At this point Drellum, you have nothing to lose by contacting her.

 

[mikey2012]

Da Bomb

this is heavenely

 

[mikey2012]

At this point Drellum, you have nothing to lose by contacting her.

are u a dumbfark..Dont contact the biatch..WTF..

 

[mikey2012]

Read a book called "Confusing Love with Obsession" by John D. Moore. I wrote an essay on it for a psychology class and it has some very mind awakening stuff.

You will see women in this book who's boyfriends cut them with a knife and then still stay with them. You will see guys who beat them, abuse them and do all kinds of sickly mentally disturbing stuff and these women still stay with them.

Why? Because women are emotionalnot logical.

Her emotions of abbandonment and rejection will be so strong, she will not even think about it logically. All she will do is feel like the world has no meaning without you.

It works on women on any age as I've dated women from 16 to 41.

If you have a better method write another guide yourself.

Also notice I said in the post "I do not recommend trying to build a relationship with a woman who has already dumped you once, it will not work out."

And of course she will dump you again if you have not changed.

All this method does is it gives you a chance to shift the power back into your hands and take control of the situation. If you want her back, you can take her. If you don't, well you can just toy with her emotions. The game isn't all nice and peachy. Sometimes you gotta play dirty.

Metaphysical has hit the nail on the head. Anyone who doesnt believe him is a totally moron. Believe women DO ACT this way because there are hardwired to.

 

[mikey2012]

Is you stupid?

Ive done this befor, several times, guess what happens?

Either

1. she comes back and you get to bang her, however she quickly realises your not 'different', your the same guy she dumped but you managed to pull the wool over her eyes for a bit. (then she leaves, or bangs someone else because youve kept up your 'i dont give a sh1t' attitude leaving you even more messed up)

Or 2. She realises your ignoring her, since we'l assume her brain works roughly how most human brains work she assumes that your getting some somewhere else. AT WHICH POINT SHE GOES OUT, FINDS A NEW MAN AND MOVES ON.



Do not be fooled lads, ignoring girls, pretending you dont care what their up to, etc. WILL GET YOU NOTHING. They will go and bang someone else.

The only kind of chick this will work on is social retards who somehow dont realise that they can get some elsewhere without the emotional baggage of getting back with an ex boyfriend who is now playing mindgames.

Metaphysical...dont know how well tested this method is...but its DODGY ADVICE that i sincerly doubt will actualy help anyone.


CD

Is you stupid? You mean Are you stupid? I think you are. In fact I think your are a moron.

 

[mikey2012]

Yeah I second you on this one... actually I think this "guide" is bad advice, especially for guys who are trying to break the AFC mindset. It encourages game playing when they are still learning their ABCs. I think a lot of guys need to toughen up and feel the pangs of rejection and use it to get stronger, not to commiserate and reminiscence and all that BS. You might as well get a box of Midol.

You're right once a girl dumps you, the "relationship" phase is over. Anything you get after that is diminishing returns if anything at all.

You are stupid as well then.

 

[mikey2012]

I really wish I would have stumbled across this site about a month earlier. I just wanted to share my story and get advice and/or help.

Back in June 2010 my girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up. It was pretty mutual and at the time, I felt like it was the right thing to do. We both still talked, hung out, and were even intimate still until up to Thanksgiving. Around that time, she started getting involved with another guy and started to slowly shut me out of her life. I didn't find out about the new guy until about the middle of December and this is when I started to realize that I really missed her and did not want to lose her. It is pretty sad that it took this to make me realize, but at this point it was too late.

We share mutual friends so we hung out a little during Christmas and New Years. I went through the whole begging phase during this time and that didn't help my cause at all. I just made myself look pathetic and desperate.

However, even after all this, she was still willing to talk to me and hear me out. I was able to talk to her and let her know that I was over trying to win her back and that I knew she needed this experience with the new guy. I didn't try to pursue her anyone after this. Since then, she has talked to me when she wanted and asked me for my advice for problems she has had with the guy. I felt obligated to answer because I still care about her and don't want to see her hurt. Whenever I try to initiate conversation with her, she answers with one word answers and the conversation goes no where.

But now, after browsing through the forums and reading posts, I am wanting to start the no contact challenge. After everything that has happened, do I even still have a chance with her? I know the no contact will also help me get over her, but I would really still like to get back with her also. Just wondering what you guys think and if you would be able to give me any advice/help.

Thank you.

Dude,

I don't mean to be rude but starting the no contact challenge now is pointless. Save it when you get dumped the next time.

 

[Fenix94]

This doesn't really work if a guy dated a girl who has a lot of options though. She'll move on just like the guy is.

 

[pira]

my ex and i were together for 1.5 years. she dumped me 5 weeks ago. i have contacted her couple times, no begging but i did contact her. is it too late for no contact rule to work and get her back

 

[bushman]

I also wanted to add something else...

If you're not ready emotionally for this breakup than it's going to hurt regardless. If you want to get emotional stability.. you need to look at your mind. Your mind is the issue... it is why you're so reactive. If there is anything on here that almost everyone needs to work on it's their mind. You may have a great body, all the lines, and great looks.. but if your emotionally unstable girls will find your behavior unattractive. The funny thing is.. most girls themselves are emotionally unstable -- my girlfriend is the perfect example (but I won't go into it). My theory on why she finds me so attractive -- because I'm super emotionally grounded -- I have one thing she doesn't have! I could talk about this subject for years.. because it's like Zen (it's the easiest thing to see, but not many people see it). Hope this helped.. and I hope your ego doesn't blind you from the truth. If anybody wants more info PM me or respond to this thread and I'll give you more information on getting emotionally grounded.

Ok Rabbit,

Can you please give me insights how to be emotionally grounded.

 

[ricodragos]

Request nr2 for emotionally grounded

 

[tlacoyo]

ok...i have a question here. i agree with the whole no contact after the break up....totally agree. Unfortunately i ****ed up and cried and told her i loved her 3 weeks after break up. My question is, does no contact still work after she seen you crying and all?? Also, how much do you recommend for me to start seeing another girl and bring her over to the hang out my ex and i share mutual friends??

 

[tlacoyo]

ok i have a question METAPHYSICAL....what if she goes around telling her friends that im ignoring her on purpose??