The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[Manure Spherian]

I saw leagues were mentioned. Yes, they exist, and generally speaking women from the upper crust of society aren’t inclined to associate with men who aren’t from it. Men out of such a league aren’t even in the orbit of such women. They don’t live near each other, generally don’t go to school together, don’t live in the same towns, and don’t go to the same places.

Regarding leagues, a few weeks ago I told my attractive, middle-class, college-going female cousin about her delusional hypergamy, “The man you desire exists. You’re just not even going to meet him.”

 

[Solomon]

I saw leagues were mentioned. Yes, they exist, and generally speaking women from the upper crust of society aren’t inclined to associate with men who aren’t from it. Men out of such a league aren’t even in the orbit of such women. They don’t live near each other, generally don’t go to school together, don’t live in the same towns, and don’t go to the same places.

Regarding leagues, a few weeks ago I told my attractive, middle-class, college-going female cousin about her delusional hypergamy, “The man you desire exists. You’re just not even going to meet him.”

Totally agree with this, I've talked about this before, how once I started making more money, I started hanging out in different social circles and people. When I was broke I didn't have access to those people like that. The trust fund chick is not looking for her future husband or boyfriend on Tinder. Guys on here think "No that's no true I've seen them" the exception isn't the rule

 

[CornbreadFed]

Totally agree with this, I've talked about this before, how once I started making more money, I started hanging out in different social circles and people. When I was broke I didn't have access to those people like that. The trust fund chick is not looking for her future husband or boyfriend on Tinder. Guys on here think "No that's no true I've seen them" the exception isn't the rule

They are all over the apps where I am at.

 

[Solomon]

They are all over the apps where I am at.

How do you know they are all trust fund chicks?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Totally agree with this, I've talked about this before, how once I started making more money, I started hanging out in different social circles and people. When I was broke I didn't have access to those people like that. The trust fund chick is not looking for her future husband or boyfriend on Tinder. Guys on here think "No that's no true I've seen them" the exception isn't the rule

Correct. And it doesn’t matter what men think or frame themselves as. Eg, “You just think you’re out of her league”. Such a woman might consider a man in a lower league physically attractive—and still not care to talk to him because of his lower status.

Whether this is personal or not, who cares?

 

[CornbreadFed]

How do you know they are all trust fund chicks?

A mix of they told me, I already know some that are on the apps, and their previous partners. These women use OLD as a secondary method mainly.

 

[GoodMan32]

Whether it or it isn’t doesn’t matter. The result is the same: the woman rejected the man.

It stings more when the rejection is personal.

Saying "the result is the same either way: the woman rejected the man" is like saying "a fender bender is no different than a fatal car accident: either way, the car got damaged"

If you are trying to cold approach in Texas than you are better off in Houston, San Antonio, or Austin. Dallas and the rest are going to be more tight knit and uptight making it harder to approach strangers.

I don't want to reveal where exactly I visited on the open forum. All I will say is I visited one of the places you mentioned that are supposedly good for cold approaching.

 

[GoodMan32]

I saw leagues were mentioned. Yes, they exist, and generally speaking women from the upper crust of society aren’t inclined to associate with men who aren’t from it. Men out of such a league aren’t even in the orbit of such women. They don’t live near each other, generally don’t go to school together, don’t live in the same towns, and don’t go to the same places.

Regarding leagues, a few weeks ago I told my attractive, middle-class, college-going female cousin about her delusional hypergamy, “The man you desire exists. You’re just not even going to meet him.”

There's more than one way to think of leagues.

Leagues exist in terms of education/income levels, yeah (which seems to be what you're describing). It's true that a high-earning PhD is unlikely to be neighbors with a high school dropout working an hourly job.

Leagues also exist in terms of looks. It's possible (inevitable even) to live around neighbors who are either well above or well below you on the looks scale. In my condo building alone for example, there's an obese older man as well as some in-shape young female residents.

 

[Manure Spherian]

It stings more when the rejection is personal.

Yes, that can be the case for some.

One can still drive a car after a fender bender versus a deadly accident, both of which are more serious than a woman not wanting to go on a date.

 

[Manure Spherian]

There's more than one way to think of leagues.

Leagues exist in terms of education/income levels, yeah (which seems to be what you're describing). It's true that a high-earning PhD is unlikely to be neighbors with a high school dropout working an hourly job.

Leagues also exist in terms of looks. It's possible (inevitable even) to live around neighbors who are either well above or well below you on the looks scale. In my condo building alone for example, there's an obese older man as well as some in-shape young female residents.

That’s true too. There’s also social status and exclusive social cliques. In any case, they exist. A man can attempt to override them of course.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

I've seen the idea bounced around on the internet that it's nothing personal when a woman rejects a guy.

That's the biggest bull$hit ever.

Are there some instances where a woman's rejection of a guy is nothing personal? Absolutely.

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

Now for some examples of a rejection that isn't personal: If a woman rejects a guy for his looks, height, ethnicity, etc.

If she's not into your looks, height, or ethnicity, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her want to be with you (except maybe becoming extremely wealthy)

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

Rejection is undoubtedly a painful experience, and it’s entirely natural to feel hurt or frustrated by it. In fact, the emotions you feel in response to rejection are not only understandable but are deeply rooted in our evolutionary biology. Humans are social creatures, and our sense of self-worth is often tied to our ability to connect with others. Rejection, whether subtle or overt, can feel like a threat to our sense of belonging, which can trigger feelings of insecurity or self-doubt.

From a psychological standpoint, the emotional weight of rejection is real, and it’s important to acknowledge those feelings. They’re part of being human. But it’s also essential to remember that rejection is often not a reflection of your intrinsic value as a person. As you mentioned, there are cases where rejection happens because of superficial factors, like looks, height, or ethnicity, and those rejections, though painful, are not judgments on your worth or character.

On the other hand, when rejection feels personal, such as when a specific action or comment causes someone to lose interest, it can be particularly painful because it feels like it’s something you could have controlled. However, it’s also important to remember that everyone has their own thresholds and sensitivities, and one person’s “deal-breaker” might not even be on the radar of someone else. The idea that rejection is a reflection of something wrong with you personally can often be misleading because preferences are subjective, and many of the things that might cause someone to walk away aren’t necessarily flaws in your character, but just mismatches in perspective, timing, or compatibility.

So while it’s perfectly valid to feel hurt by rejection, it’s also an opportunity to reframe your understanding. Rather than viewing it as a personal attack, try to see it as a moment of alignment (or misalignment) between two people, driven by an intricate mix of personal preferences, social dynamics, and timing. It’s not always about you; it’s about a connection that just isn’t right for that moment. And with time, this perspective can help ease the sting of rejection and offer you a deeper sense of understanding, both about others and yourself.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

When you're known as the creepy freak of the school, where girls at your high school dread the thought of you being into her, that's the textbook definition of personal.



If I was unwilling to get with a married woman, my body count of free partners would be lower.



There's a big difference between a Bumble girl you've never met in person vs girls you already know in person.

When you have a track record of being unwanted by those who already know you, it begs the question of what you're doing wrong.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and it’s incredibly frustrating when rejection feels personal, especially when it comes from people who know you. It can feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you when repeated rejection happens, and that sense of isolation can make it even more painful. Rejection, especially from people we already have connections with, often feels like it cuts deeper. It’s natural to question what you’re doing wrong or if you’re simply not enough in someone’s eyes.

It’s also important to acknowledge that personal rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, can impact your sense of self-worth, and that feeling of being ‘unwanted’ can linger. The desire to know why or what went wrong is a very human response, and it’s okay to feel that way.

At the same time, while it might be easy to get caught up in the idea that there’s something inherently wrong with you, it’s worth considering that people’s preferences and situations are incredibly complex. There could be factors at play that are entirely out of your control (timing, circumstances, or things that may not have anything to do with your character.) That doesn’t make the sting of rejection any less real, but it can help to remind yourself that these moments don’t define your worth. They are just part of navigating relationships, where sometimes, things just don’t line up.

It’s tough, but building resilience over time, learning from experiences, and recognizing that rejection doesn’t equate to personal failure can help. Your value is not dependent on someone else’s rejection; you’re allowed to feel the pain of it, but that pain doesn’t diminish who you are.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yes, that can be the case for some.

One can still drive a car after a fender bender versus a deadly accident, both of which are more serious than a woman not wanting to go on a date.

Obviously I don't want to be in a fatal car accident.

I would, however, prefer getting into a fender bender over getting rejected by a woman I cross paths with on a regular basis (who I genuinely thought was into me). That's how much it stings for me.

[Yeah, I know I don't drive...but that doesn't mean I never ride in a car]

Rejection is undoubtedly a painful experience, and it’s entirely natural to feel hurt or frustrated by it. In fact, the emotions you feel in response to rejection are not only understandable but are deeply rooted in our evolutionary biology. Humans are social creatures, and our sense of self-worth is often tied to our ability to connect with others. Rejection, whether subtle or overt, can feel like a threat to our sense of belonging, which can trigger feelings of insecurity or self-doubt.

From a psychological standpoint, the emotional weight of rejection is real, and it’s important to acknowledge those feelings. They’re part of being human. But it’s also essential to remember that rejection is often not a reflection of your intrinsic value as a person. As you mentioned, there are cases where rejection happens because of superficial factors, like looks, height, or ethnicity, and those rejections, though painful, are not judgments on your worth or character.

On the other hand, when rejection feels personal, such as when a specific action or comment causes someone to lose interest, it can be particularly painful because it feels like it’s something you could have controlled. However, it’s also important to remember that everyone has their own thresholds and sensitivities, and one person’s “deal-breaker” might not even be on the radar of someone else. The idea that rejection is a reflection of something wrong with you personally can often be misleading because preferences are subjective, and many of the things that might cause someone to walk away aren’t necessarily flaws in your character, but just mismatches in perspective, timing, or compatibility.

So while it’s perfectly valid to feel hurt by rejection, it’s also an opportunity to reframe your understanding. Rather than viewing it as a personal attack, try to see it as a moment of alignment (or misalignment) between two people, driven by an intricate mix of personal preferences, social dynamics, and timing. It’s not always about you; it’s about a connection that just isn’t right for that moment. And with time, this perspective can help ease the sting of rejection and offer you a deeper sense of understanding, both about others and yourself.

You summed it up perfectly when you said having a woman lose interest because of a certain comment or action is more painful because it feels like something that could have been controlled.

For example, I've mentioned the woman I had the date with in 2023. Had the incident 4 days after our date (where she made a joke I failed to get) never happened, it's possible I would have been able to hold onto her at least until the 2nd date.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and it’s incredibly frustrating when rejection feels personal, especially when it comes from people who know you. It can feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you when repeated rejection happens, and that sense of isolation can make it even more painful. Rejection, especially from people we already have connections with, often feels like it cuts deeper. It’s natural to question what you’re doing wrong or if you’re simply not enough in someone’s eyes.

It’s also important to acknowledge that personal rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, can impact your sense of self-worth, and that feeling of being ‘unwanted’ can linger. The desire to know why or what went wrong is a very human response, and it’s okay to feel that way.

At the same time, while it might be easy to get caught up in the idea that there’s something inherently wrong with you, it’s worth considering that people’s preferences and situations are incredibly complex. There could be factors at play that are entirely out of your control (timing, circumstances, or things that may not have anything to do with your character.) That doesn’t make the sting of rejection any less real, but it can help to remind yourself that these moments don’t define your worth. They are just part of navigating relationships, where sometimes, things just don’t line up.

It’s tough, but building resilience over time, learning from experiences, and recognizing that rejection doesn’t equate to personal failure can help. Your value is not dependent on someone else’s rejection; you’re allowed to feel the pain of it, but that pain doesn’t diminish who you are.

There's a poster on this forum who's a journalist. He writes articles about pursuing a woman.

In the last article of his I read, he said if you're getting choosing signals from gals, yet still getting rejected, that means there's something wrong with your approach.

Applying what he said to my own track record, there must be something wrong with my approach (the only other possible explanation is: the alleged choosing signals weren't really choosing signals; my autism merely made me think they were choosing signals)

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Obviously I don't want to be in a fatal car accident.

I would, however, prefer getting into a fender bender over getting rejected by a woman I cross paths with on a regular basis (who I genuinely thought was into me). That's how much it stings for me.

[Yeah, I know I don't drive...but that doesn't mean I never ride in a car]



You summed it up perfectly when you said having a woman lose interest because of a certain comment or action is more painful because it feels like something that could have been controlled.

For example, I've mentioned the woman I had the date with in 2023. Had the incident 4 days after our date (where she made a joke I failed to get) never happened, it's possible I would have been able to hold onto her at least until the 2nd date.


There's a poster on this forum who's a journalist. He writes articles about pursuing a woman.

In the last article of his I read, he said if you're getting choosing signals from gals, yet still getting rejected, that means there's something wrong with your approach.

Applying what he said to my own track record, there must be something wrong with my approach (the only other possible explanation is: the alleged choosing signals weren't really choosing signals; my autism merely made me think they were choosing signals)

It's like fishing. Most of the time, you cast your line and wait, getting a few nibbles here and there, but nothing substantial. Then, out of nowhere, you feel a strong tug on the line. A sudden, noticeable pull that tells you something’s really interested in your bait. That tug is the outlier. It doesn’t happen every day, but when it does, you don’t ignore it. You reel in the line because it’s a sign that something big is on the hook.

In social interactions, those "outlier" moments are the strong signals that stand out. Whether it's a clear sign of interest or a sudden change in behavior, these moments are important because they break from the usual pattern. When someone gives you a signal that’s strong and clear, it’s worth paying attention to. It could be the sign that something meaningful is happening. Just like with fishing, you can’t dismiss those outliers; they could be the moment that leads to a real connection or understanding.

So, when you notice something that doesn't quite fit with the rest of the interaction, take it at face value. That outlier might just be the catch you’ve been waiting for.

 

[SW15]

Dallas and the rest are going to be more tight knit and uptight making it harder to approach strangers.

I don't know where you get the idea that Dallas is tight knit. Dallas is filled with transplants with weak social circles.

Uptight is valid. Dallas is pretentious and women are seeking the 6'0"+, fit, rich guy with Golden Retriever energy. That plays well with bougie White women in Dallas.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Regarding leagues, a few weeks ago I told my attractive, middle-class, college-going female cousin about her delusional hypergamy, “The man you desire exists. You’re just not even going to meet him.”

The issue is that social media and OLD gives women the illusion that they can meet and date these types of men. They might not be able to meet a God, but there's plenty of demigods and frauds out there massaging their egos.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I don't know where you get the idea that Dallas is tight knit. Dallas is filled with transplants with weak social circles.

Uptight is valid. Dallas is pretentious and women are seeking the 6'0"+, fit, rich guy with Golden Retriever energy. That plays well with bougie White women in Dallas.

so if I were to go to a random bar or hangout in Dallas, the women would be friendly towards meet me? In Nashville, that is a death sentence unless you are on broadway with tourists or you look like a top smv white guy.

 

[SW15]

so if I were to go to a random bar or hangout in Dallas, the women would be friendly towards meet me?

Are you going to a random bar alone in Dallas? That would be tough to do. The reception one would get in Dallas for doing that would depend on your looks. A top SMV White guy in Dallas could get away with that. Everyone else might struggle, even with Dallas being transplant heavy.

As far as a hangout, it depends on the hangout. That's too general of a term.

 

[New_Journey]

6'0"+, fit, rich guy with Golden Retriever energy.

I'm not 6'0"+ft, I'm not rich and I have a cat. Do you think I have a chance?

 

[SW15]

I'm not 6'0"+ft, I'm not rich and I have a cat. Do you think I have a chance?

Golden Retriever energy has nothing to do with pet ownership status.

There are some venues in Dallas where you'd be able to have a chance. There are others that might not be a good fit.

Bougie Dallas White women are often looking for a cookie cutter rich, fit guy.