The Girl Who Drove Me To Sosuave Is Back

[Desdinova]

Figured I'd share this one...

Way back in 2001, I was an AFC. Pretty bad one too. My fiancee had ended our relationship and dragged my fvcking heart through the gravel when it ended. I found myself back in the dating world, not knowing how to deal with it nor how to approach women. So I ended up here at Sosuave.

One year later, it appeared she wanted me back. She wanted to meet up with me at the bar, and I agreed. I spent the entire evening sarging women in front of her and even did a number close while she watched from three feet away. I barely spoke to her that night.

Then I got married.

About a week after I ended my marriage, she ran into my cousin and he told her that my marriage was finished. She sent me a message on FB. We met up once and I didn't pursue her.

Three years later, here she is again. She ended her LTR with this guy she was with, but hadn't moved out yet. So she starts initiating activities for us to do. We each have one kid now, and we've been mostly doing kids stuff. I'm fine with that. My kid needs to get out there and do stuff. She's also been paying for most of the 5hit we've been doing. She makes good coin now.

Do I still love her? No. I feel absolutely nothing for this woman anymore.

Her now ex-bf is now getting his heart dragged through the gravel. He's a bit worse off than I was. Hell, he ended up phoning me looking for her - well, that was the excuse he used.

If she wants a decent chance at me, she should be putting some effort into competing. I'm currently seeing a 23 year old which my ex (who is now 32) knows nothing about. She's seen pics of the attractive women I've dated. She hasn't worn any makeup nor dressed even remotely sexy when we've gone out. Our personal history and paying for our "dates" isn't going to be enough to make me want her back. I honestly don't think anything she does would make me want her back.

So... I have no clue what to do with this woman. I have fun when I'm out with her, but I have absolutely no emotional connection to her. She killed that pretty good when we split up. Should I fvck her and leave her? Should I get as much free 5hit out of her as I can (considering how much debt she left me in when we split?) I don't know. She just keeps coming back.

 

[Jitterbug]

I tried to hook my crazy ex up with the first douchy skinny jeans wearing androgynous boy I ran into.

I suggest find some fella you can't stand and give him the gift of her.

 

[speed dawg]

If you want to cross this dangerous line, I hope you are really telling the truth about having no emotional connection to her. Only you know that.

Personally, the only way I'd fvck with her is if you just have something going on in your head where you want to nut all over her face or something for your own closure or something like that. But that would also mean you have an emotional connection with her.

I'd steer clear, unless you just want some drama.

 

[Desdinova]

I could care less to nut all over her face. Hell, I did that when we were engaged. She loved it.

I've been contemplating just using her for her money or maybe considering having her as one element of a MLTR. But that 23 year old I'm dating has higher value than both the women I'd contemplate a MLTR with

 

[zekko]

I believe you when you say you don't have any emotional connection with her anymore. But if you're not interested in her, why are you even hanging around with her? It's like you're just keeping her around to be able to say you have another plate. Or maybe you have some sort of revenge motive?

Using someone for money sounds like more of a chick thing to do. I'd prefer to stand on my own two feet.

 

[sharkbeat]

I could care less to nut all over her face. Hell, I did that when we were engaged. She loved it.

I've been contemplating just using her for her money or maybe considering having her as one element of a MLTR. But that 23 year old I'm dating has higher value than both the women I'd contemplate a MLTR with

Then I think we have the answer here. Really, if you can't get horny around your ex anymore, then it's obvious that both your mind and body refuse to breed with her. I don't think you can force yourself to like her. She will sense something is off and will find ways to twist it up, again.

 

[Desdinova]

Des,

Are you interested in revenge? Or just getting something out of her from some level of narcissism?.

This might sound funny, but the only thing I'm interested in is being her FRIEND. Nothing more. However, I'm getting the vibe from her that she's interested in something more. With regards to our previous relationship, she keeps saying "we were just kids then!" I don't give a fvck if we were just kids, there's no excuse for the garbage that happened.

Again, the only intriguing thing about her is that she makes good coin. I spoiled the 5hit out of her when we were together, and it would be nice to get a refund.

 

[disgustipated]

Does she have good friend qualities now? If yes, treat her as such. Nothing wrong with having one more person in life you can depend on. But, can you be a good friend to her too? She may need something one day too. Will you be able to do for her without gritting your teeth over the past? If you can, act this way towards her. If she makes a move be honest and tell her how you see the two of you now.

If no. Lose her. You already said you're not into revenge. Or can't you say no easily?

 

[PeakIV]

Im still "friends" with the psycho who sent me here.

What happened to the saying " you can't fight and fu*ck and be friend's afterwards?"

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Des,

What up dude!

Ask yourself:

1) Do you really think this girl has changed? I'm sure age, maturity has had its effects, but at her core do you think she's a different (better) person now?

2) Can you truly only be her friend? If a plate or two falls off, you two are regularly hanging out and she is down to fuvk, would you be able to resist if you weren't getting any from other women?


Personally I think if the situation aligns properly, after enough time spent together it will be hard for you to or her to resist taking it further and complicating matters.

As long as you are dating/banging others, I suppose hanging out with her from time to time isn't that big of a deal.

But if your plates fall off for whatever reason, then she will be a trap that will be hard to resist.










PIMP

 

[Die Hard]

STOP CARING!

You care too much and you think too much... Why the fvck are you asking us what you should do? What is preventing you from doing what you want? What is there to think about?

You can just do whatever the fvck you WANT to do. And you WOULD, if there was nothing at stake here. But the very fact that you have dedicated a fresh new thread to this situation and are discussing it with us, shows that this situation is TROUBLING you.

When you're in the supermarket and you have to choose what you're gonna eat the next few days, you have many options. Do you come on here creating new threads to debate with us wich food to buy? I don't think so...you just do whatever you feel like doing!

So why not with this situation? Why don't you just do with this cvnt whatever you feel like doing? Obviously, something is bugging you, you have the feeling that something is at stake, you are thinking too much about the outcome of your decision...

In other words, YOU CARE TOO MUCH. So what you have to do first, is STOP CARING. Once you've fixed that, THEN make your choice, it will come easily then, just like picking food in the supermarket, and you sure won't have to ask our advice on it.

 

[Desdinova]

Why the fvck are you asking us what you should do? What is preventing you from doing what you want? What is there to think about?

You can just do whatever the fvck you WANT to do. And you WOULD, if there was nothing at stake here. But the very fact that you have dedicated a fresh new thread to this situation and are discussing it with us, shows that this situation is TROUBLING you.

I'll tell you as many reasons as I can as to why this situation troubles me. I've never been in a position like this in my life and it's been fvcking with my mind.

I'm completely on the fence of whether I should hate this woman or be indebted to her. She treated me like garbage when we split up. She wanted me out of her life. I resented her for destroying what was supposed to be my "happily ever after". I loved that woman unconditionally and she 5hit all over me. I hated her guts.

Now here I am with the answers and understanding of why she left me and treated me like garbage. Women do this with AFCs all the time, and DJs like us thrive on it because women dump those losers to be with us. I'm now one of the guys that I resented for being more interesting and sexy. Everything's gone around 180 degrees.

Because she dumped my ass, I found sosuave, became self-confident, improved my self-esteem, became good at picking up women, and became more masculine and sexy. I should be thanking her for kicking me to the curb because it's made me a much better person. But my former AFC self is screaming at me to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Another thing I think about is - is this what I really want? Is this what I worked so hard at changing myself for? To get the woman back who drove me here? Deep down inside, the answer is NO. The fact that it's happening is just a side-effect from all the changes I've made to myself.

I also know that I can do better than her.

Here's something else that's screaming at me... She had a kid with the guy she dated before she ended up with me. When she initially told me this three years ago, it turned me right off. However, I understand this one too...

In a woman's brain, their list of ex-bfs is like a high score list on a video game. The ones who are sitting at the top are the ones they've reached milestones with. The guy she had her kid with was the guy she lost her virginity to. The reason why I'm on that list is because I'm the first guy she lived with, the first guy she was engaged to, and the longest relationship she's ever had. All the other guys who have never reached milestones with her aren't on the list and are completely forgettable.

So there's the long answer of why I can't figure out what I want with her. I've been on both sides of the fence with her - the needy AFC side, and now I'm on the confident DJ side. Both of these sides are at war with each other on how I should view her. Is she the bytch from hell who destroyed my life, or is she just an average woman who was doing what was hard-wired in her brain when it comes to attraction? Should I resent her for the damage she inflicted upon me, or "forgive and forget" because that's how any woman would have handled my AFC ass?

Does she have good friend qualities now? If yes, treat her as such. Nothing wrong with having one more person in life you can depend on. But, can you be a good friend to her too? She may need something one day too. Will you be able to do for her without gritting your teeth over the past? If you can, act this way towards her. If she makes a move be honest and tell her how you see the two of you now.

This was probably the most helpful post in this thread, and is most likely the route I'm going to take. All those feelings of "love" for her are completely gone, but I'm finding myself not being able to hate her for doing what any woman would do. Friendship would be the most favorable outcome here, but there's a possibility it may not be able to happen (at least on her part) because I want to fvck other women.

 

[Slickster]

You need to forgive and forget and at the same time move on from this connection. Bury the past.

When you say "she's the b!tch from hell who destroyed my life" that is a very unhealthy thing to be carrying around. Just the fact that that thought enters your head regarding her.

Revenge is stupid. You're already getting revenge if you are living your own life happily.

There's nothing wrong with staying in contact or being civil but spending too much time with her will end badly. The first issue that comes up which taxes your "friendship" is going to send a rush of wtf am I doing with this chick again to your brain. It is inevitable.

She lost her chance with you long ago.

 

[PeakIV]

There's nothing wrong with staying in contact or being civil but spending too much time with her will end badly. T

sorry this is all wrong, she should be dead to you, there is everything wrong with spending time with her, she should be dead to you, gone , six feet under, men and women can't be friends in general for the obvious reason that at some point, one will want to f*ck the other, let alone if you had a previous relationship with her!

 

[Slickster]

sorry this is all wrong, she should be dead to you, there is everything wrong with spending time with her, she should be dead to you, gone , six feet under, men and women can't be friends in general for the obvious reason that at some point, one will want to f*ck the other, let alone if you had a previous relationship with her!

I guess you missed the rest of my post and chose to pick on that one line.

I'm not advising friendship.

 

[PeakIV]

I read the rest of your post but you still said........ "There's nothing wrong with staying in contact or being civil but spending too much time with her will end badly.

IMO Why stay in contact?? what for? you should have no contact whatsoever, it is the past , it did not work out, finished. Others might disagree.

 

[Desdinova]

When you say "she's the b!tch from hell who destroyed my life" that is a very unhealthy thing to be carrying around. Just the fact that that thought enters your head regarding her.

That was the way I viewed her for a very long time. It no longer enters my head because I have a better life now than I did when I was with her. I really don't have any positive or negative feelings for her. I've been sort of neutral throughout the whole thing. Recently we've been going out and having fun together, but that's pretty much where it ends for me. If I still hated her, I wouldn't even contemplate spending time with her, but I also have no desire to have a sexual relationship with her. She's the one who's stuck in the friend zone.

 

[Aristippus]

If she wants a decent chance at me, she should be putting some effort into competing.

*** The past with her wasn't so great so why revisit it?

So... I have no clue what to do with this woman.

*** If you had no emotional investment you would have a clue.

Should I fvck her and leave her? Should I get as much free 5hit out of her as I can (considering how much debt she left me in when we split?)

*** Even with protection you could always impregnate her, if the condom is faulty and breaks. Not to mention the fact that you already saw fit to sever ties with her before. The "free sh*t" will come at a cost in some way. Whether it's a matter of you having some sort of social ties with her after wanting to extrude her OUT of your life like a cancer in the past or some other situation where she somehow becomes more involved with you than you desire.

At some point she may ask a favor of you after giving you a bunch of "free sh*t", as you put it, and it probably will be a small, not unreasonable favor, so you'd feel guilty to say "no" after all she did for you, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc. Women, especially one you want no part of, will find ways to creep into your life ever so slowly, like a growing fungus, and before you know it, what was once no strings attached turns into a situation with a bunch of strings attached.

Consider the money you paid for debt that she left you in as you buying your freedom. You purchased your freedom and the cost was well worth it. No need to seek reimbursement and at the same time becoming involved, once again, with the very cause of your misery and enslavement in the past.

 

[cordoncordon]

I don't know why you are wasting your valuable time on this to be perfectly honest about it.

 

[expos]

I don't know why you are wasting your valuable time on this to be perfectly honest about it.

He has feelings for her. He once loved this person. That doesn't go away easily.