The Girl Who Drove Me To Sosuave Is Back

[zekko]

I don't know why you are wasting your valuable time on this to be perfectly honest about it.

Seconded.

And the "maybe I'll get some money back" reason is just lame, IMO.

 

[speed dawg]

Sorry Desdinova, but I ain't buying this friend crap.

I can't even begin to understand WHY you'd even want to waste your time with this. But there again, I already know, and so you, and so does all these other posters who are trying to give you good advice. You obviously still have a hangup with her.

Sure, be civil with her. But she would not be an active part of my life.

As I told Bible Belt, good luck. You gonna do what you gonna do.

 

[Boilermaker]

I am with the majority here.

I want to be "friends" with her sounds like something that would come from a chick ...

with a real motive behind.

Good luck,

 

[cordoncordon]

He has feelings for her. He once loved this person. That doesn't go away easily.

LOL cmon. He says he doesn't have any of those feelings for her left. He says he doesn't want revenge. He says he doesn't want sex. He can take or leave being a friend to her. Add all of that up and what do you get? A big story that doesn't make any sense.

Why else would you want to hang out with this girl if none of those above things are true? So either he does want to hang out with her for one of the above reasons, or he has some sort of OCD where he can't let go of someone, even if there is no benefit whatsoever to his actions. Or maybe this is his ego talking and this is his chance to get back at her. Who knows.

To me it is just a giant waste of valuable time that could be better spent pursuing things in his life that will add to it in a positive way.

FYI I say all this with complete respect to Des. He is and has always been a great addition to this board.

 

[Desdinova]

Why else would you want to hang out with this girl if none of those above things are true? So either he does want to hang out with her for one of the above reasons, or he has some sort of OCD where he can't let go of someone, even if there is no benefit whatsoever to his actions. Or maybe this is his ego talking and this is his chance to get back at her. Who knows.

I haven't initiated a single thing with her. She's been doing it all. If she disappeared tomorrow, I'd be fine with it. If she catches me on days where I don't have anything planned, then I have no problem going out and doing stuff. I have other female friends that I just do stuff with.

He has feelings for her. He once loved this person. That doesn't go away easily.

The only thing I really feel for this woman now is a bit of disgust. She had a baby with a guy she knew was a loser. She tortured her now ex-bf by continuing to live with him after she ended the relationship. She's a damn idiot.

I could list reasons why I should ditch every single friend that I have, but why should I nit pick over dumb stuff that doesn't affect me?

As long as she's not being a bytch to me and I'm having fun, I see no reason to avoid having her in the friend zone. She'll probably disappear once she finds out I'm dating other people.

 

[zekko]

Can't help but wonder why you would actively engage any person who disgusts you.

I recall Des saying in the past that he usually has a return go round with his exes. Something about his exes always come back and he indulges in another fling with them. It's been a long time since I've done something like this, because like most of the guys here, I've found these dalliances to be a waste of time.

Once things go south, they're not likely to get better. I will be civil with my exes, even friendly, but I'm not going to hang out with them. I guess different people handle these things in different ways.

 

[Die Hard]

Look Des, you can't FORCE yourself to 'forgive and forget' becaue you think it's the "right" thing to do. Rational thought has nothing to do with it, this is about your feelings. When you hate someone, you can't tell yourself you shouldn't hate that person and expect your emotions to simply adjust themselves to that rational thought.

The damage she inflicted upon you, it has left feelings of hatred lingering in you. It is not our of your system yet! If it was, you wouldn't have thoughts like these:

Is she the bytch from hell who destroyed my life, or is she just an average woman who was doing what was hard-wired in her brain when it comes to attraction? Should I resent her for the damage she inflicted upon me, or "forgive and forget" because that's how any woman would have handled my AFC ass?

You have either "forgiven and forgotten" or you have not. Clearly, you have not, otherwise you wouldn't even have to ask yourself the question.

So NO!, you should not be friends with her, coz that is not what you WANT. You don't WANT to be friends with a woman who destroyed your life, unless you're some Jesus, Ghandhi kind of moron who loves his enemies??

What's going on here, is you don't want to accept the feelings of hatred that are still lingering inside of you. You don't want them to exist and you don't want to see them. Coz they make you realize a fact that you don't like, namely: she still has a certain degree of influence over your emotions, you are still not completely independent and free of her, you are still a bit vulnerable to her, even though you have come a very long way since she hurt you...

You want this 'leftover vulnerability' to vanish, you want to be COMPLETELY free of her, of the things she did to you in the past and the impact that made on you. So you try to prove to yourself that you ARE completely over that sh!t, by forcing yourself to be friends with her.
After all, if you can be friends with her and enjoy her company without any trouble, it means there are no more residue feelings of revenge inside of you (coz if there were, they would interfere with your ability to be friends with her). So proving to yourself that you can be friends with her, equates proving to yourself that there are no more residue feelings of hatred or revenge, which means you don't feel any "hurt" over the past anymore. And THAT is what this whole thing is about. You want to prove to yourself that you're truly over the stuff that happened in the past, that it doesn't bother you anymore, that you've completely moved on from it.

But if you truly were, then you wouldn't feel the need to prove it to yourself. You'd KNOW it!!

So let go of this "crusade", it's futile and won't bring you what you want. Trying to be friends with her is just a trick you're playing on yourself, it's not gonna work. There are only two real options here:

1. Treat her like dirt, get payback, play with her feelings and hurt her, throw her down and crush her under your heel, have your REVENGE! mad:)

which is not what I suggest...

2. Next this bytch and go completely No Contact. You don't need this woman in your life, she's only stirring up trouble. And you don't need to prove anything to yourself with regard to the past. What's been done, has been done. Yeah, she destroyed you and tore your soul apart. It happens to the best of us, we're all human and we've all got emotions, which can get hurt. Just live your life as best as you can and deal with women the best way you can.
All your current and future successes with women will undo the negative experience you've had with your ex. The solution to what happened between you and her, cannot be found in any possible interaction between you and her. It can be found in your future successes and your ability to handle the OTHER women that came/come after her. THAT constitutes truly moving on from the past and from your ex. You will prove to yourself that you are now strong and capable, through dealing with other women. If you succeed at that, it will undo the sh!t that happened between you and the ex.
Coz really, if the new Desdinova is able to handle all the future women in his life, then surely that new Desdinova would've been able to handle the lowlife ex if he would meet her today for the first time. (Women are all the same, if you can handle them all, it means you would be able to handle the ex as well...)

So again, any continuation of interactions and situations between you and your ex constitute "staying in the past". There is no more score to settle, there is no need to prove anything to yourself in regard to your ex.
If you had met your ex for the first time today, and gotten into a relationship with her, she would not inflict damage upon you like she did in the past. You are not that guy from the past anymore and you don't need to prove it to yourself, it is a fact that you already know. So let go of her and TRULY leave her in the past. The past cannot be undone, the only thing we can do is MOVE ON from it and focus on the future!
Just accept that you once were an AFC, that you got hurt badly and were incapable of handling yourself with the ex. She won, she fvcked you up very badly and it cannot be undone, you just have to come to terms with it. But it will not happen again with any other woman, you have changed! And that is the beauty of it, you don't have to feel bad about who you were at that time and cringe when you think back of the old Des! In fact, it should put a smile on your face when you think back of "him" coz only when you think back of "him", do you realize how far you have come and how great you are TODAY!

So NEXT this bytch . Not out of revenge, not to prove anything to anyone but simply because you don't need her in your life at all, she's no good for you. And don't gimme that "I do have fun with her blah blah...and my kid needs to get out there and do stuff, so she comes in handy blah blah..." That's just you trying to come up with reasons for being friends and keeping alive that whole if I can be friends with her, it proves that I'm truly over the past self deception...

 

[Bible_Belt]

He once loved this person. That doesn't go away easily.

It never goes completely away at all. Once you love someone, you will always at least care about them. Anything else is an act to protect your ego.

Des, that's where you are now. You're not in love with her as a romantic interest, but at the same time, you don't hate her and actually care whether she lives or dies. There's nothing at all wrong with that. I don't believe in hating people. It's a waste of time and energy that poisons the mind.

 

[PeakIV]

It never goes completely away at all. Once you love someone, you will always at least care about them. Anything else is an act to protect your ego.

Does that work the other way? I think not. she couldn't care less, so you will always be on the losing end.

Why does that not work the other way? Women have options and also don't fall as deeply in love so can change feelings like the wind when a better option comes along.

we on the other hand (like bible belt says) once we fall that's it. It always stays there beneath the surface.

Bummer, but that's life. I sometimes wish we could switch off completely like a woman with no residual feelings left for the previous person.

 

[Reyaj]

Yeah I disagree with almost everyone who has commented here... I have no feelings for any of my exes whom I've been with for years. Actually the thought of being able to bang them and then act indifferent kind of gives me a powertrip

Could it possibly be that Desi has reached an elevated level of game where he can objectify a woman he once loved and not care????

I think the fact that he is able to talk bout doing this and be unphased shows what an alpha DJ he really has become. I will take him at his word.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Once you take the garbage to the curb leave it there. I believe Rollo has dibs on this quote but its a good maxim to live by. One person, one try, per lifetime. That's been my motto. Works pretty well.
KC

 

[Desdinova]

So I have an update for all of you. I hadn't heard from her in a couple of weeks, so I asked her about her progress on moving out of her ex's place. Here's the response I got:

After all, I want to work it out, I guess I'm not ready to give just yet. I really hope he can make some changes. well just the drinking and the lying. that is the root of it all, just have to see what happens. I had half of my things packed and then we somehow started talking like we use to, and now here we go again. He implied to his family that I was cheating on him and now they all hate me and have made it well known that I am not welcome. Oh and I find out that for the last year and a half since we sort of separated he has been trying to get various women back here for sex. He said that it was just drunk talk and nothing more. So it's not the ideal start over but I believe that we do love each other, I just don't know that we can live together. why cant it be easy?

...and she deserves every bit of what's coming her way. The best part is I was able to add to the whole mess with his family thinking that she was fvcking me :crackup:

My response:

LOL, have fun with that!