The Girl: Exclusivity = SEX

[Dash Riprock]

I've been hanging out with this hot chick for the past month now. We've been out 5 times and had a blast. She has a great attitude (a flexible giver), a hot bod, and the conversation goes pretty well.

As an FYI, there are 100's of DJ-isms to remember, but My 3 MUST Rules are this:
1- Confidence (includes a good dose of C&F)
2- Control (self control mainly)
3- Being a CHALLENGE (making myself scare in-between dates, limited phone contact, being slightly aloof, setting high standards)

We've done everything but F.

She said she won't give it up unless I agree to see her exclusively. When she posed this (in bed...), I looked at her for maybe 5 seconds and said, "Let's just see where this keeps going," and left it. She didn’t mention another word.

She has awesome LTR traits (I'm sick of dating f-ing loser chicks I DON'T CARE how hot they are--most are SO F'ed up and real a waste) that I'm thinking I DO want to hang with her LT, she's a rare find in sea of wannabees and biaatches. Some may call it oneitis--it's not as long as I maintian "GAME" with her, OK?

My questions is this:

How do I tell her I'll be exclusive with her w/o sounding like an AFC or like I'm giving in to her?

 

[Max Power]

How do I tell her I'll be exclusive with her w/o sounding like an AFC or like I'm giving in to her?

I don't know if you can.

I see the dilemma. You obviously are willing to give into her demands cause she wants the same thing you want -- an LTR with each other -- cause you're sick of every other woman you meet. Problem is she's the one who put it out there first so agreeing to it would mean that she sets the rules of the relationship.

And she's using sex to control the relationship. I wouldn't do it.

 

[Tazman]

And she's using sex to control the relationship. I wouldn't do it.

I agree. Tell her you don't like ultimatums. Basically, if things go well a relationship "develops." She wants insurance in case you decide to leave so she can make you look like a bad person (guilt trip). Another benefit for her is that she can start rationing it out when she feels you're behaving the way she wants you to.

Tell her it just doesn't work like that and do it in a calm and confident matter, which will let her know that you have no problem leaving if she wants it this way. You have to be sure of yourself, don't pause or act like you're considering it, you've already made up your mind.

A friend of mine crumbled when he broke up with his gf because she was trying to control him too much. He eventually gave in to her demands because he felt he couldn't get ***** this easily anywhere else. He is now in a relationship controlled by his now wife. It's funny how she sets the agenda like she's the damn man-of-the-house.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Good words DJs, danka.

The dealio is that I WOULD LIKE to see her solo. I've sampled the buffet for a few months now, and want to go back for seconds on what I like—namely her.

I think I'll let her bring it up again--the exclusivity thing--and then toy with her a bit like, "Wow, exclusive contracts are REALLY pricey, can you afford it? And then I'll kiss her for a minute, and stare at her with a smile for a few seconds. My way of saying "OK."

Provided she brings it up, I don't think it falls into the AFC zone.

If it doesn't work out, SNIP! NEXT!

 

[Max Power]

Well that's all good, Dash.

But you're letting her set the ground rules and she is using ***** power.

I imagine she's a pretty fantastic babe, if you feel this way, just remember that if you agree to her rules on this it will be her rules on everything from now on. I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but that's what this forum is for, right?

 

[backbreaker]

She said she won't give it up unless I agree to see her exclusively.

bye.

if a girl can't handle compitiion I don't want her. I'm not a hoe or anything but a woman is not going to conrol my options.
would you ratherme be honest about me sleeping with othe rowmen or say I'm not and lie and go behind your back.. becuase honestly, until she makes me happy and to the point whre I don't want to sleep withother women... I"m going to sleep with other women.


you hve to make her understand that just because she has a nice little pvssy and all, that she does not hold the cards.. you either play by your rules or you take the ball and go home. there are plenty of other options out there.

I don't care how hot, nice, sweet, gentle, whatever they are. I decide when I want to and who I want to ****, not here.

 

[backbreaker]

Good words DJs, danka.

The dealio is that I WOULD LIKE to see her solo. I've sampled the buffet for a few months now, and want to go back for seconds on what I like—namely her.

I think I'll let her bring it up again--the exclusivity thing--and then toy with her a bit like, "Wow, exclusive contracts are REALLY pricey, can you afford it? And then I'll kiss her for a minute, and stare at her with a smile for a few seconds. My way of saying "OK."

Provided she brings it up, I don't think it falls into the AFC zone.

If it doesn't work out, SNIP! NEXT!

uuh... no

you are tip toeing around something you should be running right through.

it makes it seem that you are actually considering letting her control the sex.

the second she would have brought that up the first time i would have looked her dead in the eyes and tell her.. it's like this or you can go.

and ironically.. it turns *****es on. but you should never, ever, EVER change your way of thinking or carrying yourself for 1 *****.

 

[Max Power]

you should never, ever, EVER change your way of thinking or carrying yourself for 1 *****.

He's totally right.

This girl doesn't want to **** you she wants to wrap you around her finger.

 

[backbreaker]

think about it this way. A woman who really cares about you can't wait to jump in the sack with you.

Rollo said..and he is soooo right.. anyone who makes you wait for sex, it's never worth the wait.


NEXT!

 

[Tha Realnezz]

This is what 90 percent of women want anyways.

Get used to saying "Yeah,it's just you right now" to women as you get older.

What I do is make it clear I have female freinds from work and school and like to stay freinds with ex's.That way you admit to being a player without verbalizing it or turning her off....."I have freinds".

 

[backbreaker]

What I do is make it clear I have female freinds from work and school and like to stay freinds with ex's.That way you admit to being a player without verbalizing it or turning her off....."I have freinds".

humm..I like it.
I usually say I have female friends...b utI like this.. it answers their question.. but DOESN'T answer their question...

 

[Themanthatcan]

I agree with Max Power.

But.

You guys have to remember. LTR's shouldn't be thought of in a negative way.

If you find a quality girl, then there is nothing wrong with holding onto her.

LTR Doesn't = Oneitis.
Why? Because your not obsessed. You still have a life. She still has a life. Your still the Alphamale, and you still respect yourself.

My advice to you-If you feel she's going to be a pretty good LTR partner, then go for it. Just make sure you don't become her doormat in the process.

Just go for the F-close. She'll stop you and question you (If she doesn't no big deal). That's when you say you'd be willing to try it out.

TMTC

 

[backbreaker]

I agree with Max Power.

But.

You guys have to remember. LTR's shouldn't be thought of in a negative way.

If you find a quality girl, then there is nothing wrong with holding onto her.

LTR Doesn't = Oneitis.
Why? Because your not obsessed. You still have a life. She still has a life. Your still the Alphamale, and you still respect yourself.

My advice to you-If you feel she's going to be a pretty good LTR partner, then go for it. Just make sure you don't become her doormat in the process.

Just go for the F-close. She'll stop you and question you (If she doesn't no big deal). That's when you say you'd be willing to try it out.

TMTC

you are right, but you are missing the big picture


A GIRL THAT HOLDS SEX OVER YOUR HEAD IS NOT A QUALITY FEMALE!

she is screaming "this is the **** you have to look forward to if you date me"

lol, what do you think... she is going to flip the attraction switch when you have been dating for a year? please.

 

[Jon55]

you are right, but you are missing the big picture


A GIRL THAT HOLDS SEX OVER YOUR HEAD IS NOT A QUALITY FEMALE!

she is screaming "this is the **** you have to look forward to if you date me"

lol, what do you think... she is going to flip the attraction switch when you have been dating for a year? please.

x2

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Yep, i'd agree here also with what most of the posters have been saying. If she wants to use pu$$y power to control you even before you have screwed her, just imagine how bad it will be later?

 

[gmillar]

Let her see the bright side of not being exclusive: you'll never cheat on her.

 

[LovelyLady]

Something to consider: I think she sees sex as something significant that needs to take place within the safety of a committed relationship. (Emotional safety).

It sounds like she is looking at this as making love with you - not just getting laid.

She doesn't want to be out sexing with a bunch of other guys, and doesn't want to be with a man who sleeping around.

If you are concerned about the distribution of power in the relationship, then I agree to hold off on the sex for awhile after you guys commit, but then realize you are manipulating through witholding sex for power, while she was withholding because she wants to create a stronger relationship between the two you. And she will see it for what it is and probably loose respect for you.

Perhaps communicating with her? ask her WHY she wants exclusivity - TALK about your relationship with her.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you are concerned about the distribution of power in the relationship, then I agree to hold off on the sex for awhile after you guys commit, but then realize you are manipulating through witholding sex for power, while she was withholding because she wants to create a stronger relationship between the two you. And she will see it for what it is and probably loose respect for you.

Perhaps communicating with her? ask her WHY she wants exclusivity - TALK about your relationship with her.

Christ if you have to TALK about all this already then it sounds like it would be one long relationship of giant discussions about everything.

It's very simple. She likes sex. He likes sex. So they have sex. Not "do what i say or no sex." fvck that. What's next? "No sex: you didn't pay for dinner."

Your way or the highway. She doesn't get to dictate the terms. If she's attracted to you she'll cave in to you. They always do.

 

[azanon]

Something to consider: I think she sees sex as something significant that needs to take place within the safety of a committed relationship. (Emotional safety).

It sounds like she is looking at this as making love with you - not just getting laid.

She doesn't want to be out sexing with a bunch of other guys, and doesn't want to be with a man who sleeping around.

If you are concerned about the distribution of power in the relationship, then I agree to hold off on the sex for awhile after you guys commit, but then realize you are manipulating through witholding sex for power, while she was withholding because she wants to create a stronger relationship between the two you. And she will see it for what it is and probably loose respect for you.

Perhaps communicating with her? ask her WHY she wants exclusivity - TALK about your relationship with her.

Both diplomatic and correct. The DJ knee-jerk is to be reactive and always assume its a power struggle, when the reality of it could be more along the lines of what you're saying.

 

[azanon]

Your way or the highway. She doesn't get to dictate the terms. If she's attracted to you she'll cave in to you. They always do.

Some in fact do have personal standards where they will choose "the highway" without batting an eye. I wouldn't be so quick to assume they'll always cave in on their standards just because they're attracted to you. They don't always do. Where's LMS at to back me up on this? Banned I know... but surely he has a new handle now.

.........

I worry that some of you guys have certain personal rules that will effectively eliminate certain upper echelon of women because of their higher moral standards. Quite often, high moral standards go along with a high quality individual (such as degrees, big jobs, salaries). I'd hesitate before I had rules that only allowed easy entry for skanks.