The farting waitress

Nouse4one

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This is my first post; This has bothered me for almost a week, and welcome advise or comments relevent.

Prelude;After hiting the gym with a friend, we decide to go tan. Once at the salon we are greated by 8hb suprisingly with a great tan, 5 ft even really cute she after we talked for about 5 mins or so a 9HB pops out of one of the tanning rooms, and is immediatly snatched into our conversation with a opinion opener [btw if you havent noticed the tanning salon is a excellent place to #close beautiful women,think of the phyc behind this]. After talking with the 8&9 for about 10 mins we #numb close both, the 9 is in a sority freshmen at a local university 6ft amazing body blnd/blue eyes, The 8 is apperently miserably bored and married.

after talking with the 9 on the phone thur and friday, we persuade her to go on a double date and bring one of her sority sisters to a dinner on saturday (@ friday's). Once we were seated i knew.. . that the gods of pick up were messing watching and laughing, our waitress was the hottest ive ever seen eveeeeer in this establishments history Read:i eat there alot. After about 5 mins into this double date i realized that just because your in college that does not make you smart to any degree Only that mommy and daddy just wanted you out of the house. These girls were so effing stupid i may have lost IQ attempting to talk to them, and by the time we all finished eating i wanted to bludgen my head into the table repeatedly un till nothing more then a bloody stump was left on my neck... i expected intellegent conversation from these college girls. Well the whole time me and my friend are joking on these girls and they dont even get what we are doing how ever the waitress picks up on it and thinks we are great! Once the girls get up to go to the bathroom prolly to discuss whos going to screw who.

I explain my delimma to the waitress, end up #closing right infront of our dates.. lol opps, how ever they apperently didnt care too much right after that we went to my house for shots and a game of pool and ..... .... and once in the morning.

After talking to waitress for 5 or 6 days we decided to go out friday, she is great and not easy! wow a decent girl! We date several times over the next week or so things are going great i was even thinking of asking her to be my girlfriend.... ... We are at my crib watching a comedy on tv, She is sitting on my lap and things are looking like we are about to have sex for the first time when as we are making out, the comedy show on tv hits a punch line. Which causes me and her to bust out laughing and then she farts! (remeber SITING ON MY LEG!) it was really small quick fart at first, but then a 2 second pause
.... .... and then she bust out laughing again, and then she fart the most violent fart ive ever heard come out of a human, it literally made my pants leg flap like a effing bird. followed by a 5 second pause.... .... .... .... .... did you just..... um.... im sooo sorry.... .... ...um ...::nervous laugh::its ok.... then dead silence ( there is nothing worst then a aquard silence with a stench that you just cant ignore ) I could taste her fart it was pretty bad. After the comedy show was over we allready planed for her to spend the night, so i went strait to bed. At this point im compleatly turned off and just want to get threw this night as quick as possible.

I havent talked to her since, its been about 5 days im debating calling her because she was really a great girl and beautiful, but i know its going to be effing weird.

*sorry im not the best speller but you should make since or your not the best reader.
 
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kdnash82

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This is too hilarious!! I understand exactly what you mean though. I grew up in a house with my mom and my younger sister. I swear these two women never farted once around me. Our of 16 years not one slip!!!

I moved in with my first serious girlfriend and she never pooped or farted. It was weird and I just assumed that girls didn't do it.... AT ALL!!!

I later moved in with another woman and she didn't either. By this time, I'm just convinced that they don't. Then one day we're having sex and she asks me to stick it in her butt. I'm not all about the poop shoot, but hell, if she asks for something sexually, how can you say no?

So I grab the lube and go to work on her shoot. Eventually she says to put it back in her cooch. As I pull out you hear this nerve racking noise and I feel a blast of air on my crotch area. My first thought was, "Oh gawd!!! I've just been Tucker Max'd!!!" I search my crotch area and there is no poop. I rub my hand across it just to be sure and no brown stains. Then the smell hit me. It stunk so bad.

It was my first experience with a girl farting and it had to be this way. So do I stop or do I continue?

I stuck it back in her cooch and pounded away until I exploded with joy!!

Gross story, but i felt the need to share. Anyone wondering what the whole "Tucker Max" thing was about, go take a look at his site and read his stories. Funny as hell!!
 

marinetti

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HAHAHAHAHAHA

dude, if a girl did that to me, i'd PROPOSE on the spot.

that's awesome.
 

Nexus Polaris

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I can top that one. I was dating a girl once who farted as I was going down on her for the first time. We dated for like 3 months after that. She was great.
 

ducaro

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same here.. i thot they never fart.... until I 'fell in love' with this chik when i was 21.

Ok so whats worse than a gf farting on your lap?.. picture this.. hell broke loose in the 69 position!

I was going all mmm..mmm.. when suddenly there was this jet of warm air that smelt so foul that my odour sensing system broke down almost immediately. It entered my left nostril at a certain speed that casued my eye balls to squint in opposite directions. I was scared and was disoriented for about 10 seconds as I heard the word sorry like 8- 10 times. (only my hearing was working properly at the time) I HATE her!:mad:
 

Prodigy746

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let me get this streight...you are not calling her just because she accidentally farted on your lap. Cmon man think about this....I fart atleast 2-3 times each day.
 

jadager

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Omfg this thread has really made my day all those stories, oh man my stomach hurts so bad from laughing :crackup:

But on the serious part even if I just cant stop laughing, like MooseGod said, all girls fart and I mean ALL maybe just some you never hear them. I thought it was pretty gross when I first heard a girl fart I was totally disgusted but then I realized what's wrong with it? Nothing at all.
Well of course as long as it doesn't happen with like ducaro because that is just disgusting.
She just had a slip off IMO, if she just starts farting around you then yeah reconsider the relationships if you are bother by it, but if not hey we all fart, have you never laugh and let a fart go out?
 

Randallpink83

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wow.... good job on making it a very awkward moment... lol... im sure she is so torn, especially since you havent called her, wow.

poor girl...


I would've just played it off... "Sh!t on my lap why don't you!" then get up and playfully run from the smell..

seriously, when someone farts on you, you gotta move or else the "displeasuring" part of the fart is gonna hit you. lol

hahahahaha... this is great.


I will admit though, getting farted on your lap would suck. Atleast you werent going down like guy above :crackup:
 

Randallpink83

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marinetti said:
buahahahaha... thats so wrong. She is literally grunting and straining with effort... If thats not a good way to sh!t your pants I dont know what is.


....I once remember somewhere on this site someone suggesting that when you are intimidated by a REALLY hot girl just remember she sh!ts like the rest of the world. :crackup:


*PUKE*
 

Lord Shinra

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:crackup: :crackup:
HAHAHH
You made my day! And my tomorrow. THANK YOU:crackup:

Seriously, call her. Any girl you sleep with will most likely fart in their sleep/anytime, once they get comfortable with you.

Dont let this ruin something you could potentially have.
 

KontrollerX

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Ahahahahahahhahahaa oh dear god!!!!!

Post of the friggin century!
 

IM0001

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Damn dude that was frickin awesome. As long as she didnt go on thinking her farts smell like roses i think there is no reason to cut things off between you to. Hell even use it as leverage for when the time comes that you fart in front of her for the first time. (but you cant use that leverage more than once or so)

The last chick I was with said that she didnt ever have to poop. I sware I was about to break out saying "What vegetarians dont have *******s?" but eh thought she would have gotten all pissed if i said that lol.

Off to better meat eatin womens.
 

Lust

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You're a nob.

All chicks fart you idiot, they're still human.
 

Nouse4one

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Lust said:
You're a nob.

All chicks fart you idiot, they're still human.
wow seriously? jk lust ive figured this one out previously to this point in my life, It just bothers me that she almost defecated on my leg.

Btw ASSUME = to make a ASS out of U & ME.
dont be a ass LUST
 

Skel

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kdnash82 said:
Oh gawd!!! I've just been Tucker Max'd!!
ROFL

But seriousl, when do girls poop? Like seriously are they aliens?
 
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