The ERECTION PROBLEMS thread

[john_x]

Originally posted by Fragem
Haha what a loser you can't get it up.

Stop smoking the drugs man.

LOL
When people join they should actualy have to prove there over the age of 13,

 

[Justin_case]

I have been with my girl for 3 months..both of us virgins. Well about a week ago, she tried to go down on me for the first time. She got her hand to about my pocket.
The thing is she did this after about 2 hours of her being on the recieving end of all the fun. I was rubbing her down, sucking on her tyts, etc. Well sorry but I cant hold a stiffy for 2 hours. So when she started to go down there, I wasn't up at all. I played it off real smooth, sorta moved away but kept doing my thing with her.

Since then I have been thinking about erection problems, alot.

Well tonight, i guess we had "dry sex" all on top of the clothes, no penetration.

I didn't feel I was up to par in terms of being "up"

I realize a large part of my problem is psycological. The whole time I was concentrating on getting a stiffy.

I have also noticed though, that within the past 3 months, I have stopped masturbating as much. I am not as horny anymore, my testostrone level seems lower. The thing is I'm not even getting any action from this girl, but that's a whole nother subject. But why is everything slowing down??

Should I masturbate more??

How do I not really think about getting an erection??

I am also worried guys, becuase our relationship is getting more physical. If I can't perform, it's over. Plus im only 17...I shouldnt be having these problems.

THE SOLUTION:

OK, now i want to begin by saying that guys, there is nothing wrong with you. i am a 20 year old healthy slim male (starting to sound like a dating ad now,) and i know that there is absolutely NO problem with you because i have had the EXACT same problem all you guys have described, which is that you cant get an erection when you need to or are 'expected' to and/or that you can get and maintain an erection through foreplay, (or masturbation when alone) but when it comes to actually having sex with a someone you go flaccid, your heart starts pounding, you have that dreaded cold sweat come over you with the realization that you are already down the road to failing yet again and will either have to explain to the person why you cant have sex, or lie to them, then constantly reassure them that its not them and that its you (which is true, its not them, and yet definitely not true that its 'all on you!') I came to this very page around 3 months ago worried as hell thinking i had a problem that could not be solved. i started to convince my self it was physiological, that is, that there was something physically wrong with me that was hindering my sex life. THIS IS NOT TRUE in nearly ALL cases, and you need to be aware whether you are saying the problem is physical because you genuinely believe it to be, OR that you are telling yourself this is the case, just to reassure yourself by putting a 'face to the enemy' so to speak, giving you the idea that if the issue is visible then it becomes beatable. if you diagnose it wrongly then you are chasing the wrong enemy. this is what i did for a few weeks and ended up only making it worse by seeking dead end solutions. when i realized this i changed my thinking. Now i can see that IT IS ENTIRELY PSYCHOLOGICAL! its all in your head. this then causes the physical effect you can see and feel, thus perpetuating your negative view of yourself and sex itself. NOTE: If you are considering using viagra, like i considered, to at-least temporarily solve the issue and perhaps even break thru the physical block you have so its just the emotional side you have to work on, then DONT! PLEASE! you will become dependent for sure. the ads are lies. there are no pill-popping solutions. you want the real solution? here it is:

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. (if you dont have a partner then get one and solve the issue once you feel you have gotten to the stage where you can or even need to talk about it). Tell them everything. think about how you are going to say it, that is, what aspects you feel you need to shed light on. whether its feeling that you wont be able to pleasure them enough or reach their expectations (performance issues) or failing to get an erection due to the feeling of immense pressure of expectation, as if she is waiting for you to 'sort it out' and get hard (over-pressured) or simply that you have had bad experiences in the past that lead you to have a tainted view of sex in general.

REMEMBER: be caring, loving and gentle. reassure them constantly. being told this is sure to be a blow to them too, but necessary for you to develop further in this area. i met a girl 4 months and 2 days ago, we dated a while, then we started to move toward having sex. first 4 times in bed together, i 'failed', crushing me every time, and she became worried with thoughts of unattractiveness etc. (she once broke down in to tears saying i dont want her or find her attractive) which is ridiculous as she is beautiful and amazing. in the meantime i beat myself up, became self-loathing toward the thought of sex, feeling inadequate and sometimes even in tears when alone. i decided next time there was potential for sex between us i would go for it, and if it failed, i would tell her everything. when that time came, i couldn't go through with having sex. i had to tell her. and i did. she was so understanding it astounded me. i told her about a very bad first sexual experience i had (which is obviously the truth as you there is no benefit from lying anymore) and that i dont want to disappoint her, that i feel pressure as if she expects me to be able to have sex which makes me anxious thus causing the loss of my erection, and that i feel less of a man because im unable to provide what 'real men' should be able to provide. afterwards i said: "all we need to do is keep setting ourselves up in these situations and try it each time. i dont know how long it will be before we succeed. please be patient and understanding and not to feel like you are waiting for me. lets just see how it goes." (*all the while reassuring her its not her that is the problem!*). she did everything i asked. The next 2 times we tried to have sex, i didn't manage to, yet she was so supportive. then we made it half way thru sex, me having a full blow erection but my erection died down half way thru .....but to my surprise we actually laughed at the situation we were in, seeing it as more a funny situation than an 'issue' to overcome, and it suddenly became a much less daunting task to overcome as we were moving through it together with absolutely no weight on either of our shoulders and with the feeling of having all the time in the world! 1 hour later, the same night, we had sex. great sex! all the way thru! it was the most relieving feeling for both of us. we had sex 4 times that night alone! ME! the guy with the so-called 'problem'! solved! now we have sex all the time, experimenting, having fun, (we are going out to buy a karma-sutra book tomorrow haha) its opened up our whole relationship. both sexually and emotionally. I can honestly say we have a stronger relationship now having moved through this than we would have if we have sex straight away as there is more trust and better communication. who would have thought it! benefits to such a difficult sitiuation! And all because i simply TALKED TO MY GIRLFRIEND.

You MUST do the same. it concerns both of you, which is the very reason it seems like so much bigger-an-issue that it really is. You are worrying about your partner as well as yourself, which is double the pressure. And for and for what reason?? believe me, worrying about it is wasteful energy which you carry around with you always. wouldn't that time/energy be better spent talking about it and moving thru it together? if you feel you are unable to talk to your partner about this, you should question both who you are with (i.e. the trust you have in them), and also the resistance you have inside YOU that makes you uncomfortable at the idea of talking about it. openness in a relationship, and in life, is the key to peace and happiness. Remember that 3 months ago i was in exactly the same position as you, then i came to this site, went away, a while later sorted it out, and came back here tell you all HOW TO MOVE THROUGH IT! I have now been having great sex with an amazing girl in a perfect relationship for the last month, which will it only get better. And you can have the same. Plus i know i will never have this problem again. please ask me any questions you want on this issue and i will give the best advise i can, having been in exactly the same position you are in now and pulling through.

Remember: YOU are in control of your out comes. you CAN change your thinking. Take responsibility (without pressurizing yourself), dont beat yourself down, man up, and stay positive!

email me directly for any questions or comments on: randompictureguy@hotmail.com

its now time to relax and take action



peace x

 

[Capt.Jack Sparrow]

You do realize this thread was started almost 7 years ago, right?