The Dreaded Anxiety Of Approach

[Darth]

You know there was one more thing i forgot to mention and wanted to see how you guys see the situation. Whenever i want to approach a girl i get that feeling of if she turns me down it will be very awkward. Awkward when she says no and later if i see her again or if say shes in one of my classes. I mean again im probably caring about something i shouldn't but im being honest about how i feel and thats the first step to getting rid of this weak emotion. Please advise me and see what you guys think.

I have to admit that I'm in the same boat as playinthemaking. I shouldn't care, but I do. And it's so awkward when you screw a conversation up, and then you keep seeing them after that.

It's like every time you see them after that, you ego takes another blow. She's a reminder that you were a conversational retard that day.

It's hard to get rejected by people you know you're probably gonna see afterwards.

 

[Young Juan]

playainthemaking - - - Alright bro, i will help you out. Here is what you need to do. And this is going to make it all easy for you. No longer are you going to feel pressure from the approach. All anxiety will now wash out of you in a deep sigh of relief!!! hoohaa!
In fact, I'm going to start talking to you like im a goddamned huge Drill Sergent ready to punk your azz, so you will really get my message.

SOLDIER!! I WANT YOU TO GO OUT THERE... AND FAIL!!!!

THATS RIGHT! I WANT YOU TO FAIL.

duuude GO fail... seriously go out and approach girls and crash and burn. That is what I want you to do. YOU HAVE TO DO THAT... You are afraid of hurting that ego and being rejected. Well Now your hole mission is to go out there and MAKE YOURSELF fail.

Now there is nothing on the line. You can't lose. This is win win... Be ok and fully accept failure... And then one day soldier, you will realize, "oohhh crap, I dont care anymore, I can approach anyone"

Fear of Failure is stopping you from approaching - FACE your fear - Pursue that fear - Its ok, expected, and even healthy for you to FAIL.

once you face and pursue your fear it will cease to exist.

Now GOOO!!! Go fail... Go walk up to a girl and say hello and make the interaction even more awkward and creepy then you could imagine... Fail miserably... In fact do it in front of other people hopefully.. make sure everyone in the store see's that you are blatantly approaching a girl, and if you get rejected, or if you puss out in the middle of it and cant think of anything to say and run away crying - EVEN BETTER!! then go somewhere private and laugh your butt off at how funny it was and you are the only person that realizes you are ok with he failure.

So now are you going to feel pressure or anxiety of approaching?? I hope not, because there is none - I want you to report back here soldier with your failure...

If you fail, you win.

If you fail at failing, you win.

Where's the problem here?

 

[playainthemaking]

okay well i want to give a brief report on my situation i went to the mall today randomly and again ****in managed to just be scared to randomly approach. Again guys im not el stud and i am trying my ass off here its alll i think about so dont think that this is just another guy talkin out his ass. There werent any single girls walking around and when i finally saw hot girls it was two or more. I guess friday or saturday during the day is gonna be my gold mine. Good news is that i managed to bag a 29 year old 8 from my class after just spitting that pimping. It was easy though because i had something to talk about that we shared which was our class. Cold approaches in mall are very diff and intimidating but i hope to master that, matter fact i will master that. **** U ANXIETY GO SUCK A ****.

So yeah it was a bad day in the beggining but a awesome day at the end.

To young juans point i think you dont get where we are coming from. I get your point but your not getting mine. U didnt answer my question about it being akward or seeing the person again. I have learned to adopt the failing method into my approach so i dotn expect much and get used to approaching but i still have questions and u didnt get that. Hopefully can help me out and the other guy who said he agreed. Anyways thanks to all for posting and helping out.

THIS THREAD IS GOOD AND SHOULD BE COMMENTED IN SO PLZ DO GUYS. THIS IS ONE THING THAT HAS AFFECTED US ALL.

 

[drak_ool]

here s my two cents... to be honest, I am fearless in night approaches (bars/clubs/parties) yet I definitely still freeze out in some situations during the day.

Overall, as far as day game goes, I try to take the advice of a new york DJ whose name i forgot (wish I could locate his writings for you...). The scenario that should play in your head: you are a busy man, you don't have time to chat for a long time with a strange girl. So when you see a girl, you stop her and you stay in set no more than a few minutes. Basically you have to get a phone number quickly, and then eject, pretexting that your busy but telling her that you want to meet up with her for a drink. But even if you get the number, how do you know that she ll call you back? You have to make a strong impression on her, by being funny (witty comments will take you far in the game), by showing a lot of strength and self-control (slightly louder voice, lots of eye contact, no fidgetting, good posture, generally positive body language and by SMILING). On a more technical note: whenever you get a phone number, make sure to call the girl right there and then and have her save your name, that way when you call back she can remember who it is.

The idea is that it is a numbers' game. If you used this approach with EVERY decent looking girl who crossed your path, you'd have dozens of numbers at the end of the day/week (depending on where you live).

As far as your comments about feeling awkward when you see the person again, especially in a school/college setting... I can definitely see where you're coming from, but you gotta realize there will be plenty of way worst awkward situations that you ll find yourself in (if you bang a girl in your school/class that you have to see every day, seeing your ex-gf eat face with some a$$hole, etc...) so start getting used to it now.

Next time you go into your school's cafeteria (or the mall, or any place where you go often and you always see the same girls) i want you to think: would you rather have all these girls look at you in a neutral way, or would you rather have 99% of the girls look at you weird because you approached them, yet you managed to f.uck the remaining 1%?
Or, would you feel awkward in the presence of a girl who you ve f.ucked and dumped, one night stand style?

 

[JDA70]

playainthemaking

So go over again where you need
advice or help if you would please.

Keep it simple.

Also post all the places you go to meet women.

 

[playainthemaking]

lol okay ill be as crystal as possible so as not to confuse anyone.

So basically i am just going to school and thats pretty much it at the moment. I used to go to parties a lot but stopped doing that a while ago although thats really a gold mine and i prob will hit some people up and do that again. But yeah at the moment its just school and the mall.

My problem is that cold approaches are just so hard. I dont want to ramble on and on again as i have stated my troubles with it before. I try and do it but at the last moment i just get stuck and tell myself okay if you do this your gonna be embarrassed most likely. I try and just do it but it seems that a real fear still exists. I guess im allowing my ego to ruin **** for me. I am afraid of rejection and dont want to feel less of a person after i leave. I dont want to feel like im not worthy since a hot female turned me down, that type thing. Speaking of it now i know that i am worthy and that even if she turns me down it wont kill me. I dont get why i cant just do it.

I am trying ot learn how to not care but it is a process. It wont happen over night. I just seem to feel like any situation outside my bubble is going to hurt me if that makes sense. I can tell i am making progress but the demons are still there. Like i was saying earlier about awkwardness in school or work. I guess i just feel like it is a annoying thing to get rejected and then see them agian over and over. Honestly though Drak ool made a lot of sense and i will try and soak in the comments. Basically though JD is just approach fear i wish i wasnt so busy and had more time to focus in on this issue but then again i guess just doing it and failing is the key. I guess i have to man up soon if not tommorow in a week or month cause i want change and crave it.

 

[JDA70]

So basically i am just going to school and thats pretty much it at the moment. I used to go to parties a lot but stopped doing that a while ago although thats really a gold mine and i prob will hit some people up and do that again. But yeah at the moment its just school and the mall.

Yeah you've limited yourself.
You should make a list of places you know girls are
and go to these place atleast one time a week.
Mall, Pool Hall, Arcade, Coffee Shop, Nite club (Dance Club)
Food Court, Casino, Parties, CD store ( Best Buy), Walmart
and so on.

My problem is that cold approaches are just so hard. I dont want to ramble on and on again as i have stated my troubles with it before. I try and do it but at the last moment i just get stuck and tell myself okay if you do this your gonna be embarrassed most likely. I try and just do it but it seems that a real fear still exists. I guess im allowing my ego to ruin **** for me. I am afraid of rejection and dont want to feel less of a person after i leave. I dont want to feel like im not worthy since a hot female turned me down, that type thing. Speaking of it now i know that i am worthy and that even if she turns me down it wont kill me. I dont get why i cant just do it.

I'll tell you what I told another guy on here that I learned

Start training yourself to think, understand
that your not getting rejected she just disqualifying
herself from being part of your happy world, that little bubble
of happyness and surrounds you. IF you get a not interested
responce well it not really you it's her.

You might think that's a load of BS, thats trickery
thats not true at all it rejection.

But it is true because if she knew the real you
she'd be begging for a date.

Get it?

I am trying ot learn how to not care but it is a process. It wont happen over night. I just seem to feel like any situation outside my bubble is going to hurt me if that makes sense. I can tell i am making progress but the demons are still there. Like i was saying earlier about awkwardness in school or work. I guess i just feel like it is a annoying thing to get rejected and then see them agian over and over. Honestly though Drak ool made a lot of sense and i will try and soak in the comments. Basically though JD is just approach fear i wish i wasnt so busy and had more time to focus in on this issue but then again i guess just doing it and failing is the key. I guess i have to man up soon if not tommorow in a week or month cause i want change and crave it.

Your just going to have to approach.
You need to thicking up your hide dude.
Trust me it hurts more in the long term to sit around and
watch guys getting chicks then some girls
turn down a offer to be with you.
The more you cold approach the easier it gets
and the disqualifications won't bother you.

Wake up everyday from now on and remember you rock.
Every single girls should experience you.