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The dark side of being a playa'

Chow Mein

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Not sure how to answer this topic, but this is something I've been struggling with-the difficulty of breaking up or ghosting someone after they've invested so much effort and emotion into the relationship. I feel a strong sense of empathy and even sympathy for them, knowing how much they've put in. It feels similar to giving money to the less fortunate or turning away a stray animal that's desperate for care, where the imbalance of power makes it unsettling. There's something almost inhumane about watching someone beg for a relationship and go out of their way to do things for you.

I get the point you're making about misleading women and the long-term effects of that. But I think the real issue isn't just deception - it's the emotional dependency that some people develop. When someone invests in you thinking there's a future, it's not just about purity or being "used"—it's about how rejection can break them in a way that makes them more vulnerable to unhealthy relationships later on. That's why honesty is important, not just for their sake but for your own integrity.

Mind you, I have managed expectations by clearly stating that I don't want anything complicated or with strings attached, and yet they still become emotionally codependent somehow. It's like even when you lay everything out, some people convince themselves there's more to it, and that's when things get messy.
If you made it clear in the beginning, that’s on them.
I just stick with ‘eventually’ I would like to settle, I’m still keeping plates strong for almost 2 years. Sometimes they are bring up that they no longer want to be an option, but they stick around. It’s their internal monologue that they have to rationalize themselves.

I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place and seems to be enough to keep their mind off it when they are with me. We just enjoy each other’s company without any ‘future’ plans.
 

New_Journey

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I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place
Why? Are you scared of something? Are you scared of her finding out and don't want you anymore? Hummm you better be careful.... this is a sign of walking on eggshells, no bueno.
 

Manure Spherian

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I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place and seems to be enough to keep their mind off it when they are with me.
In many cases such traces will make them want you even more.
 

Dr.Suave

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This thread made me think about my older cousin

 

jhonny9546

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In many cases such traces will make them want you even more.
Wanting your man to have another woman, to do things with her, is so exciting, but it is not healthy.
So "in many cases" is referred to the cases in which you're in a realtionship with a damaged woman or a healthy one?
 

Manure Spherian

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Wanting your man to have another woman, to do things with her, is so exciting, but it is not healthy.
So "in many cases" is referred to the cases in which you're in a realtionship with a damaged woman or a healthy one?
Women do not WANT their men cheating on them or with other women, yet many put up
with it and cling to men who do so.

And yes, this goes for some healthy women.

Lol at health. Isn’t this a seduction forum?
 

The Duke

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Why? Are you scared of something? Are you scared of her finding out and don't want you anymore? Hummm you better be careful.... this is a sign of walking on eggshells, no bueno.
Nothing to do about walking on eggshells. Its about avoiding unnecessary drama that always derails a nice evening when she finds another girls hair tie, hair, ear ring, etc.
 
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Totally legit, but this particular woman is damaged.
What does she want to prove to her man, and what does she want to prove to herself by behaving this way?
I can only assume that he behaved in a way that hurt her feelings at some point. Things I know about were:
- he did not want to have child with her when she was younger (because they were struggling financially and lived in a rented apartment - she didn't care at that point about it but he did and said no to that idea)
- he did not want to have child with her later on

I can only assume that he cheated on her at some point but she was "above" telling me that.

How did you knew?
She wanted to arrange a meeting with me at their apartment for me to meet her boyfriend as a "colleague" of her from her work. Now, my work is far from stewardess work therefore chance that he would believe in it was near 0. Also, there was nothing I would or her boyfriend would gain from such meeting. She could gain leverage as well as easily could drop some crazy one-liner like "btw. he phucked me yesterday just when you called me" so my imagination was already processing images of that guy going atomic on me with some of his black belt moves. I respectfully declined an offer and simultaneously at that point knew that she is (and never was) serious about me. I was just an expendable tool for her.
 

New_Journey

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I’d rather not deal with the drama
Wait, are you dating women expecting to not deal with drama? I recommend you to date men if that's what you want.


Nothing to do about walking on eggshells. Its about avoiding unnecessary drama that always derails a nice evening when she finds another girls hair tie, hair, ear ring, etc.
This is paranoia and the covert contract of "if I make sure I don't have something from other women around, I will have a good time". If she makes drama, then you already know how she is when she gets jealous, but men are scared to see cause then they will have to make a decision.

Have you been in that position? If not, then try it. I've being on that position, she found hair, she started crying but we weren't exclusive. I let her cry her feelings out, then fvcked her with the same d!ck and in the same bed I fvcked the other woman.


The man who is afraid of a woman's emotions and does things to prevent that, ends up being emasculated and losing the girl altogether.
 

Clockwerk50

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If you made it clear in the beginning, that’s on them.
I just stick with ‘eventually’ I would like to settle, I’m still keeping plates strong for almost 2 years. Sometimes they are bring up that they no longer want to be an option, but they stick around. It’s their internal monologue that they have to rationalize themselves.

I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place and seems to be enough to keep their mind off it when they are with me. We just enjoy each other’s company without any ‘future’ plans.
Unfortunately, it's not so cut and dry for me. One of the things that differentiates human beings from wildlife is our capacity for compassion; animals wouldn't think twice about killing one of their own if it meant survival, whereas humans have a deeper emotional and moral complexity that makes us consider the consequences of our actions-especially when they affect others.

With that said, you do have future plans with your plates, even if they're short-term.You both arrange schedules to meet up, maintain a certain level of emotional and logistical investment, and create an ongoing dynamic that keeps the connection alive. If that structure disappeared, the relationship-sexual or otherwise-would likely fade. And that's the thing-there is an investment being made, whether we acknowledge it or not.

That's why I find it cruel and almost torturous to play around with relationship beggars-people who pour themselves into something that will never become what they hope for, even if it is for our own benefit. Women may toy with ***** beggars, but I doubt men would toy with relationship beggars unless there are narcissistic qualities involved.

Just thinking out loud.
 
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BadBoy89

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OK, fair point. A man shouldn't pump and dump.

As long as:

- the women is under 25
- the woman is hot
- the woman gets married
- the woman looks after the house (cooks, cleans)
- the woman gets pregnant quickly, delivers healthy baby
- the woman can't divorce
- the woman can't take half
- the man is allowed to have one hot mistress on the weekends, preferably South Korean

You give a man that, he will NEVER mess with a woman's purity.
 
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