The Cold Approach Just Did Not Work

[englishcrap]

Yesterday I approached this girl on the train. I said to her "Hey I love your shoes"..she said thanks then I continued to chat to her and then she said "Your a stranger I dont talk to strangers"

I replied "Hey if you met me in a bar u wouldnt say that"

She started waving her head back and forth and then just tutted. All the guys in the train began chuckling at me and laughing one guy said this guy is a clown.

I got depressed and felt really burned and upset.

What did I do wrong ?. Why did she say that What should I have said ? How should I have diffused the situation ?.

 

[Sart]

WELL

Are you not the same guy who was refused by the two ugly chicks? What you did wrong? You approached some poor innocent bystander minding their own business and awkwardly tried to back her into a corner and bore her to death for an hour.

Do you have any friends? Aquaintances? Women you know in any capacity whatsoever? Do you have ANY hand AT ALL?

Work on yourself dude and stop harrassing people who simply aren't interested.

 

[Andromax]

OH GOD....

I wish I could put it more nicely than Sart..


But..

Being a male embracing forum we will enlighten you...


What you did wrong..

You did not come across as sexy to the lady..

You did not come across as an Alpha male to the other guys on the train, and they laughed at your expense. Its disheartening. Its really frickin sad isnt it??!




Well.. take a deep breath.

The world aint frickin over.

For you... it's just starting. Its game on, brotha. Get a F-ckin clue and grab your d@mn balls.

Improve yourself.

Read the bible, pretty much the most worthy post and literature worth reading around here.

Read them and you will grow as a man.

Anyone who has read them has. Bar none.

You have nothing to lose. You can read, right?

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

Click above and make a personal investment!!!! its free

Andromax

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by englishcrap
Yesterday I approached this girl on the train. I said to her "Hey I love your shoes"..she said thanks then I continued to chat to her and then she said "Your a stranger I dont talk to strangers"

I replied "Hey if you met me in a bar u wouldnt say that"

She started waving her head back and forth and then just tutted. All the guys in the train began chuckling at me and laughing one guy said this guy is a clown.

I got depressed and felt really burned and upset.

What did I do wrong ?. Why did she say that What should I have said ? How should I have diffused the situation ?.

Can't tell. All you've told us is what you SAID, and then only a small blurb of it. It's obvious you creeped her out in some way or other or failed to establish any kind of rapport.

Oh...and when people laugh like that, laugh with them. Learn to expect it...people love to belittle other people. Just take it in stride.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Socially This might be the greatest gift you will ever receive. Most men never hit on women and live secret lives of desperation. This is rejection. it didn't kill you, your still alive. you'll live through it, now hit on more women. Take it as a battle wound.

 

[octane_orphan]

Not sure if you messing about judging by previous posts! If you not you really need to do alot of reading on this forum inc the DJ bible!!

 

[MrCode]

This seems to happen to you a lot and I think it is because you have really bad body language. Or British women are normally afraid of strangers and British guys are a bunch of a-holes. Probably a bit of both.

If you had powerful, relaxed, non-needy body language, women would not get so freaked out and guys would give you props instead of giving you crap.

Unfortunately changing your inner beliefs and improving your body language is not an easy thing to do, but it is extremely important, so you need to do it.

The best pick-up lines in the world or performing 100 cold approaches won't do much good if you keep coming off as creepy or desperate to these women.

 

[MindOverMatter]

You wouldn't happen to have a pic of yourself? Not sure if this is a game problem, or maybe the girl didn't find you attractive.

 

[MrCode]

I've been thinking of a "shutdown" to use with a bee-otch like this which would at least salvage some of your pride. So, what you do after she says she doesn't talk to strangers is say:

"OK, so you are saying you are socially retarded and have an irrational fear of other human beings? Maybe you should see a therapist."

Then you walk away.

It will take some balls but there is a good chance that after that those hecklers will be laughing at her not you.

But now that I think of it maybe only a guy with good, confident body language could pull this off...try it out anyhow.

 

[octane_orphan]

No offence but that sounds a bit too thought out to me, and I think it might come across as such.

Do we really need to put them in there place? Can we not rise above it? If they shut you down in a harsh way, I would just smile, say "ahh well" and walk away.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

She started waving her head back and forth and then just tutted. All the guys in the train began chuckling at me and laughing one guy said this guy is a clown.

pardon me while I wait for my sides to stop aching from laughter...

Ok. First off man, if you aren't too experienced you don't want to just jump right into doing your approaches in public places like that. Unless you've got the confidence to truely not give a **** what other guys think, you should probably try to focus your game on 1 on 1.

 

[stalluproar]

Words are 7% of the conversation and body language and voice inflection are the remaining 93%. It sounds like you need to work on the 93% judging the response.

Ask if she is single, let her answer, and tell her you look like you would make a nice friend. Make short small talk, then YOU end the conversation by demonstrating you are busy. As you leave, ask for email or her number. It is that easy.

DEMONSTRATE YOU ARE BUSY WHEN COLD APPROACHING. ALWAYS!!!!!!

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Guys,just stop doing that gay **** already.

Meet women where you're supposed to meet women,clubs,bars,parties,through freinds,school,etc..

Not on the ****ing bus or in the back of a barnes and nobles.

Don't you see you're just wasting your time?

 

[NoMoreMisterNiceGuy]

Originally posted by Tha Realnezz
Guys,just stop doing that gay **** already.

Meet women where you're supposed to meet women,clubs,bars,parties,through freinds,school,etc..

Not on the ****ing bus or in the back of a barnes and nobles.

Don't you see you're just wasting your time?

LOL ... I've been doing approaches for years and I kinda feel the same way... Im starting to feel if she doesnt give me buying signals then I wont approach...

 

[Reed247]

I like your shoes?

That sounds like a comment from a gay man. "I like your shoes"? What kind of stupid crap is that.
You should say something like this: "Where can I find abc stop on the train"? Then say, By the way, You have a great sense of style. Then say something funny.

BTW for all of you idiots who say the book store is a bad place, think again. That is a good place. You go to the cafe and sit in a chair where the hot babe is sitting. Then sit your ass down and ask before you sit. Then start asking questions, compliments, jokes. "this place is so crowded", "What is that book you are reading", If she is on a laptop ask her how the internet access is, is it good? crap like that always works.

 

[blackbirdbeatle]

I don't know you as I don't come here often anymore but I have to say that at least you had the balls to approach a girl, let alone with other guys within earshot or staring at you(What else is there to do on a train). 95% of the guys here wouldn't do this so you should find comfort knowing you are ahead of all these guys.

I always chat up people, whether it be on the train, bus, waiting in line for anything,etc... Start with everyone, old, young, man woman, anyone you want to talk to regardless if you are attracted to them or not. The point being get your general conversation skills up to par. I get people not willing to talk sometimes but I learned that there are numerous reasons why and many of which are out of your control. She may have had a bad day, she may have had bad experiences with strangers, she may have trust issues, she may actually have been doing something important like work on the train, she may just be a *****, etc...

Of course I'm assuming she was rude for a reason that was her own because you haven't given us any details.

 

[tim_n]

Originally posted by englishcrap


I got depressed and felt really burned and upset.

Get off the floor, dust off those trousers/pants (I'm english) and keep on trying. Who the fvck cares about what other people think. Practice makes perfect!

On the otherhand, read the bible and check up on your mistakes. I'm no Don Juan, but it sounds like you made some pretty obvious ones to me.

& until you've got some practice socially with just chatting to women in general (ie don't start with a compliment if you don't mean it - it's obvious when you're faking it) don't chat them up with the idea of dating them, chat them up for fun. Worry about the dating when you've got a HB9 or someone worthy of your attention ;- )

 

[skeeloo]

Originally posted by SuperGigaloDJ
Registered: Sep 2002
Posts: 278

.............You should be ashamed.

rofl. that was not called for man lol.

anyway, EC, you dug yourself a grave by asking her how her shoe was. common she clearly knew what you where after, you dont ask about her shoes ecept its funny looking then you can use cf on her.

maybe she was in a bad mood geez let it go its just one girl
one thing i try to avoid in cold approaches is doing pickups where there a other people around .

what killed it for you was that shoe comment. lol

 

[JonJack]

Totaly agree with blackbirdbeatle. It is perfectly fine to approach women anywhere you find them. Once you start building territorial borders on where you can or can't go to pick up girls, you are effectively mechanizing the act of approaching girls. Picking up chicks won't be a natural thing to you. You will still be over-thinking approach plans. You'll still be unconfident.

True confidence is when you can start talking to total strangers anywhere and not get uncomfortable by whatever their response is. And when you get shot down by a girl, the only thing you feel is disappointment that the girl didn't turn out to be friendly or receptive at that moment. You don't care about the reasons why, because you are at peace with the fact that getting shot down can always happen when you approach a girl.

Feeling depressed, upset and thinking that you got burned badly all because someone else got the better of you at that moment exudes a lack of confidence and conviction. They all got the better of you because you suddenly doubted your actions. You started to feel as if you shouldn't have done it in the first place. You regret it all. Look at it this way. Which would you think is more pathetic? A grown man who slips and falls and starts acting all uncomfortable and shy and tries and avoid all eye contact whatsoever, or one that picks himself up and laughs about it with everyone else around him?

 

[Delta Male]

To the guys who say daytime cold approaches don't work, you are wrong. They just don't work for YOU because you don't have enough daytime game. I've laid girls off daytime cold approaches, and Vincent and Dimitri meet the vast majority of their GFs during the daytime.

Englishcrap: she could have rejected you for any number of reasons. You could have been giving off a needy vibe, had fvcked up BL, bad voice, etc. Or, it could have nothing to do with you, and she was just having a bad day. One thing which I noticed which was the nail in your coffin though, was when she said "you're a stranger, I don't talk to strangers"

This is known as a ****-test. The girl may not have actually disliked you, but is just trying to see if you are alpha. The correct way to answer **** tests is to not qualify yourself by answering them logically. A good answer would be "Awww that's so cute, you're shy..." and keep talking like normal.

You failed the test because you answered her logically, trying to qualify yourself to her and give her logical reasons why she should talk to you. This is bad, never do this.

Good job actually approaching though. Don't get depressed, take it as a learning experience and move on. Having done hundreds and hundreds of cold approaches myself, you have no idea how ridiculous it seems that guys get depressed over a rejection off a cold approach. Just work through it, and keep doing approaches.

-Dan
http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com