The Art Of A Man's Attention - Fighting

[TheException]

Attention

Definition: "notice taken of someone or something; the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important."

Gentlemen...I present to you....one of the biggest weapons in your arsenal, and if its not in your arsenal...its time to put it in. A MAN'S ATTENTION. "A man's attention" is one of the most sought after things in the world. By women....by friends....even by other men(think of your employees if you are the boss). Attention is almost an abstract concept because you dont really get to experience someone else's TRUE attention. Think about it.....you are telling a story to a woman....but is she really listening? You are proposing a new idea at work to several co-workers....but are they really listening? It may appear the people in the example are "all ears" but Im sure many of us hear have "faked" giving our attention to someone, when we were actually bored to death. But on the contrary.....its almost 100% noticeable when you DO NOT have the attention of someone...and it is this aspect of "attention" that I wish to discuss.

How does it feel to be ignored? You may be talking to someone, yet they are more caught up in their phone and not really paying attention to you? Not great right? It is THIS feeling....that you should add to your arsenal and pull out when applicable. Lets get into the good stuff...

Anyone that has been in a LTR can tell you....the optimal behavior of your girlfriend....was experienced BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY STARTED DATING. Before becoming exclusive women are on their "best behavior" because they seek his attention. They have sex every time he wants it, and she rarely picks fights. When you become "official" it is IMPERATIVE to use your attention to reinforce her behavior and keep it right where it is. A popular school of thought is to call out a woman on all her sh1tty behavior. Now I do agree....calling a woman out has its role....but its massively overplayed and the result is usually not beneficial. A woman should definitely be "afraid" when you do decide to actually call her out, so when you do so often over every little thing....you literally DESENSITIZE her to you "anger". Over time...you start looking like a 5 yr old who gets mad and throws things when you dont get your way. A better way to handle her bratty behavior...is to withdraw your attention. And no...its not in a "p1ssed off" tone or trying to "OVERTLY DISPLAY" your disapproval...it should come off like the definition states above....you should regard her behavior as "uninteresting" thus....you give it....zero attention. A woman will feel that...and reciprocate by cleaning up her b1tchy attitude. Think im blowing this out of proportion? Next time you are in bed fighting or arguing....roll over on her very covertly and turn on the tv as if you no longer find her interesting....wait until you see and feel how she reacts to that.

Ill wrap this up with a real life example. My girlfriend and I were meeting some of her friends at one of their houses. The area in which she lived was retarded and the parking was atrocious. It was street parking in a heavily populated and commercial area. So my girlfriend wanted me to park at this open spot....right in front of a fire hydrant. I had no plans on receiving a fine or having my car towed so my search for a parking spot went on. She grew very p1ssed and annoyed because we were now late for the dinner party. She was irritated and blurted out "that we would have parked by now, and that I dont listen to her". I find a spot and we begin walking to the house which is a few blocks away and she is extremely b1tchy at this point saying annoying things like "oh great now we are like 10 blocks away" and general bratty things like this. Most guys have a tendency to want to tell her to shut the fvck up and yell. Me? I didnt say a fvckin word the WHOLE WALK. I let her run that bratty mouth. Once at the party I said hi to everyone and engaged in conversation and practically ignored her the entire time. It wasnt a hateful thing...or a "im mad at you so im going to ignore you" thing. I just had very little interest in dealing with her in that state....thats honest. Fastforward to the walk back to the car....and she states "im sorry I was being rude earlier...I just didnt want to be late". I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

So you see....speak to the woman in a language she can easily understand. And you have to MEAN IT. You cant be doing it just because you want to send her a message or something gay like that. Just find bratty behavior "uninteresting" and respond accordingly. As in all things...fake it at first if you have to. But just understand the mindset that you want to get to eventually....being at a place of pure indifference.

Use it or lose it.

 

[TheCWord]

TheException is the man.

Everyone should just forget about the trolls and wannabes on this site and just read X's stuff, rep him, and profit.

 

[mv.89]

^^ He has a good point. Maybe I missed out on the moral of the story but "Exception" bro , if you are able to control her behaviour with your "no attention" technique then it's worth it, otherwise

wouldn't she keep on doing this over and over again and in the end simply patching things up by saying "sorry".

I, do agree with you on the part that not arguing back gives one power in some situations but how are you making a point with what you do when you are letting her off so easily ? Not hating on

you but just want to understand your POV.

What I would've done in the exact situation? would be to drop her off right in front of the house and go park the car by myself and take my sweet as$ time walking back , maybe even get a drink

before going to the party hahaha and then show up at the party as a rockstar lol

 

[Trump]

Ill wrap this up with a real life example. My girlfriend and I were meeting some of her friends at one of their houses. The area in which she lived was retarded and the parking was atrocious. It was street parking in a heavily populated and commercial area. So my girlfriend wanted me to park at this open spot....right in front of a fire hydrant. I had no plans on receiving a fine or having my car towed so my search for a parking spot went on. She grew very p1ssed and annoyed because we were now late for the dinner party. She was irritated and blurted out "that we would have parked by now, and that I dont listen to her". I find a spot and we begin walking to the house which is a few blocks away and she is extremely b1tchy at this point saying annoying things like "oh great now we are like 10 blocks away" and general bratty things like this. Most guys have a tendency to want to tell her to shut the fvck up and yell. Me? I didnt say a fvckin word the WHOLE WALK. I let her run that bratty mouth. Once at the party I said hi to everyone and engaged in conversation and practically ignored her the entire time. It wasnt a hateful thing...or a "im mad at you so im going to ignore you" thing. I just had very little interest in dealing with her in that state....thats honest. Fastforward to the walk back to the car....and she states "im sorry I was being rude earlier...I just didnt want to be late". I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

Nice bro. That's what we preach here: Do not defend or explain yourself to a girl. Don't take the bait, don't get hooked. I don't think I would have said "no big deal" though, gives her the green light to act double *****y next time.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Unless you were planning on continuing with the attention punishment in some form, your real life example was pretty bad . If afterwards, you just went ahead with your hunky dory self, then, like was mentioned, she would have the green light to get away with that crap whenever she wanted. Full well knowing that you'd eventually forgive her for it.

I do agree with the overall point of the thread though. Actions do speak louder than words, and the action of withdrawing your attention, as long as she wanted it in the first place, is a powerful thing.

If rational thought isn't working with a chick, as it wasn't in this case, then as much as I'd like to yell at her to "shut the fvck up", instead, Id rather just keep my composure and turn my back.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Well I can attest how powerful the giving/taking away of attention is as I was brought up by two parents whose favorite methods of punishment were either the belt or complete silence. I have to admit I was kind of beta/needy/attention whoring as a result though.

Seriously if you don't like the way someone is acting, what is wrong with telling them that you do not like it? If they persist then stay away from them. Simples. That is how I treat people whose behavior I do not like. I do not play games with them. I stay away from them.

 

[El Payaso]

You guys are really missing the point. What Exception said early in the post was RESERVE YOUR ANGER TOWARDS HER FOR MORE WORTHWHILE THINGS. If you call her out over every little thing, she'll get desensitized to your anger and start to see you like whiny little 5 year old.

The actual emotion you want to feel is that you don't give a f*ck either way. It's kinda like a little child who does a bad thing JUST to get the parent's attention. Responding with anger only reinforces the belief that they can get your attention by behaving poorly.

That was what I got out of it anyway. Like other methods, it's not completely flawless but it's a good tool to have in your arsenal and mix up with others.

 

[sylvester the cat]

If you call her out over every little thing, she'll get desensitized to your anger and start to see you like whiny little 5 year old.

You can talk to people without coming across as whiny you know. It's called diplomacy.

Going silent every time you dislike something can get awful stressful if the other person doesn't understand what you are trying to convey.

BY all means go silent if attempts at diplomacy fail. But l like i said, in that situation i would stay away from them.

 

[Turuwal]

G*dd*mn you post some good stuff TheException.

Some notes on this from my time in the trenches during a five year relationship. I believe that every argument was probably due to a miscalibration of one of us trying to get more than our fair share given our sexual market value. If the miscalibration and hence argument was too big, my simple move was to disappear for a few hours to a few days with complete radio silence. This had the effect of resetting the relationship back to equilibrium again. The trick was that I did it without emotion, as suggested by TheException.

I think the reason that I finally ended the relationship was that my sexual market value relative to hers rose sufficiently that it became too hard to calibrate for the amount of games she was playing to keep me tied down.

 

[thatfeel]

Unfortunately communicating in a way that they understand is "sending a message". It's like my I said in my other post, women can't be reasoned with, so you have to know how to guide them, and yes, that means sending messages through action, like how you outlined in your OP. Otherwise, I agree 100%.

 

[DragonBlood]

"oh great now we are like 10 blocks away"

*stops dead in the road in surprise with this bombshell and says*

"we can go home if you like"

THEN apply no attention for the night.

You dont have to use things in isolation.

 

[SmooveMooves]

This is great advice. I already knew this but a refresher on this philosophy was needed. The key is covert not overt. This is the punishment/reward system and its effective. Behavior you do agree with you show attention, behavior that you find undesirable you give no attention. This includes yelling and getting mad because negative attention is still attention. Sooner or later she'll put 2 & 2 together and realize, "hey when I act like this he's more distant" throw a lil competitive anxiety in there and BAM behavior correction.

And you people who say she shouldnt of been acting that way in the 1st place are savages. Women b1tch. That's what they do, some less then others but eventually the nag rears its ugly head.

And use your head, If your womanlady gives someone a ******* right in front of you and your kids, of course you don't respond with turning the cheek. Use your discretion .
Great thread X

 

[sylvester the cat]

Memories of my Maria suddenly flooded back. no amount of reason and logic could help me with that one.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Attention

Definition: "notice taken of someone or something; the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important."

Gentlemen...I present to you....one of the biggest weapons in your arsenal, and if its not in your arsenal...its time to put it in. A MAN'S ATTENTION. "A man's attention" is one of the most sought after things in the world. By women....by friends....even by other men(think of your employees if you are the boss). Attention is almost an abstract concept because you dont really get to experience someone else's TRUE attention. Think about it.....you are telling a story to a woman....but is she really listening? You are proposing a new idea at work to several co-workers....but are they really listening? It may appear the people in the example are "all ears" but Im sure many of us hear have "faked" giving our attention to someone, when we were actually bored to death. But on the contrary.....its almost 100% noticeable when you DO NOT have the attention of someone...and it is this aspect of "attention" that I wish to discuss.

How does it feel to be ignored? You may be talking to someone, yet they are more caught up in their phone and not really paying attention to you? Not great right? It is THIS feeling....that you should add to your arsenal and pull out when applicable. Lets get into the good stuff...

Anyone that has been in a LTR can tell you....the optimal behavior of your girlfriend....was experienced BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY STARTED DATING. Before becoming exclusive women are on their "best behavior" because they seek his attention. They have sex every time he wants it, and she rarely picks fights. When you become "official" it is IMPERATIVE to use your attention to reinforce her behavior and keep it right where it is. A popular school of thought is to call out a woman on all her sh1tty behavior. Now I do agree....calling a woman out has its role....but its massively overplayed and the result is usually not beneficial. A woman should definitely be "afraid" when you do decide to actually call her out, so when you do so often over every little thing....you literally DESENSITIZE her to you "anger". Over time...you start looking like a 5 yr old who gets mad and throws things when you dont get your way. A better way to handle her bratty behavior...is to withdraw your attention. And no...its not in a "p1ssed off" tone or trying to "OVERTLY DISPLAY" your disapproval...it should come off like the definition states above....you should regard her behavior as "uninteresting" thus....you give it....zero attention. A woman will feel that...and reciprocate by cleaning up her b1tchy attitude. Think im blowing this out of proportion? Next time you are in bed fighting or arguing....roll over on her very covertly and turn on the tv as if you no longer find her interesting....wait until you see and feel how she reacts to that.

Ill wrap this up with a real life example. My girlfriend and I were meeting some of her friends at one of their houses. The area in which she lived was retarded and the parking was atrocious. It was street parking in a heavily populated and commercial area. So my girlfriend wanted me to park at this open spot....right in front of a fire hydrant. I had no plans on receiving a fine or having my car towed so my search for a parking spot went on. She grew very p1ssed and annoyed because we were now late for the dinner party. She was irritated and blurted out "that we would have parked by now, and that I dont listen to her". I find a spot and we begin walking to the house which is a few blocks away and she is extremely b1tchy at this point saying annoying things like "oh great now we are like 10 blocks away" and general bratty things like this. Most guys have a tendency to want to tell her to shut the fvck up and yell. Me? I didnt say a fvckin word the WHOLE WALK. I let her run that bratty mouth. Once at the party I said hi to everyone and engaged in conversation and practically ignored her the entire time. It wasnt a hateful thing...or a "im mad at you so im going to ignore you" thing. I just had very little interest in dealing with her in that state....thats honest. Fastforward to the walk back to the car....and she states "im sorry I was being rude earlier...I just didnt want to be late". I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

So you see....speak to the woman in a language she can easily understand. And you have to MEAN IT. You cant be doing it just because you want to send her a message or something gay like that. Just find bratty behavior "uninteresting" and respond accordingly. As in all things...fake it at first if you have to. But just understand the mindset that you want to get to eventually....being at a place of pure indifference.

Use it or lose it.

No women on this planet is worth an essay this long. Including your girlfriend who probably has you on a leash. :crackup: :crackup:

Any man who has to use gimmicks is a faggot. The only "method" you need is to flirt well and pound women you find attractive. Once you have pounded a woman go back to doing whatever makes you happy and let her come along for the ride if she wishes. If she comes along she needs to play by YOUR RULES and that is what makes a woman "relationship material". A rare thing.

Women you have to change for are controlling c*nts. They are for f*cking not dating. You should not need mind games to make a relationship thrive. If you do then your woman wears the pants. Simple as that.

Spin plates and let the best woman win your "attention". The best woman will be the woman who submits. No submission no attention.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Well sometimes you get a woman who acts like a bratty kid, mainly because society or other men have allowed her to do so.


It's human nature to test the boundaries. Sometimes just a few well timed swats in the butt, however you wish to apply them, will shapen them up.

 

[Yewki]

Ill wrap this up with a real life example. My girlfriend and I were meeting some of her friends at one of their houses. The area in which she lived was retarded and the parking was atrocious. It was street parking in a heavily populated and commercial area. So my girlfriend wanted me to park at this open spot....right in front of a fire hydrant. I had no plans on receiving a fine or having my car towed so my search for a parking spot went on. She grew very p1ssed and annoyed because we were now late for the dinner party. She was irritated and blurted out "that we would have parked by now, and that I dont listen to her". I find a spot and we begin walking to the house which is a few blocks away and she is extremely b1tchy at this point saying annoying things like "oh great now we are like 10 blocks away" and general bratty things like this. Most guys have a tendency to want to tell her to shut the fvck up and yell. Me? I didnt say a fvckin word the WHOLE WALK. I let her run that bratty mouth. Once at the party I said hi to everyone and engaged in conversation and practically ignored her the entire time. It wasnt a hateful thing...or a "im mad at you so im going to ignore you" thing. I just had very little interest in dealing with her in that state....thats honest. Fastforward to the walk back to the car....and she states "im sorry I was being rude earlier...I just didnt want to be late". I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

Kudos for not handling the situation worse, but it also could have been handled better. By completely ignoring her and saying nothing it was obvious to her that she was getting to you. If you try to mask your anger by just shutting down, it's kind of obvious you're angry. Would have been more ideal to actually respond, but very casually and make light of it as if it was amusing.

 

[TheException]

wouldn't she keep on doing this over and over again and in the end simply patching things up by saying "sorry".

Its not about preventing her from acting like brat....if you ever meet a woman who NEVER is a brat marry her immediately. But for all intensive purposes....women who do not act like like a brat at times are nonexistent. Dont confuse "brat" with "being a b1tch".

Nice bro. That's what we preach here: Do not defend or explain yourself to a girl. Don't take the bait, don't get hooked. I don't think I would have said "no big deal" though, gives her the green light to act double *****y next time.

It wasnt like you think. It was a very effortless response....staying with the "uninterested frame".

Unless you were planning on continuing with the attention punishment in some form, your real life example was pretty bad . If afterwards, you just went ahead with your hunky dory self, then, like was mentioned, she would have the green light to get away with that crap whenever she wanted. Full well knowing that you'd eventually forgive her for it

Either you underestimate the value of a man's attention or you are misunderstanding from the mind frame I am coming. There was no "ahhh its ok baby I forgive you." It was her acting bratty....me becoming uninterested in my girlfriend in her current state, thus I decided to turn my attention elsewhere(other people)....she didnt like how that made her feel and she knew why I didnt feel like giving her my attention....she apologizes....We move on with our lives.

You guys are really missing the point. What Exception said early in the post was RESERVE YOUR ANGER TOWARDS HER FOR MORE WORTHWHILE THINGS. If you call her out over every little thing, she'll get desensitized to your anger and start to see you like whiny little 5 year old.

The actual emotion you want to feel is that you don't give a f*ck either way. It's kinda like a little child who does a bad thing JUST to get the parent's attention. Responding with anger only reinforces the belief that they can get your attention by behaving poorly.

Spot on. I bolded the main points above.

This is great advice. I already knew this but a refresher on this philosophy was needed. The key is covert not overt. This is the punishment/reward system and its effective. Behavior you do agree with you show attention, behavior that you find undesirable you give no attention. This includes yelling and getting mad because negative attention is still attention. Sooner or later she'll put 2 & 2 together and realize, "hey when I act like this he's more distant" throw a lil competitive anxiety in there and BAM behavior correction.

And you people who say she shouldnt of been acting that way in the 1st place are savages. Women b1tch. That's what they do, some less then others but eventually the nag rears its ugly head.

And use your head, If your womanlady gives someone a ******* right in front of you and your kids, of course you don't respond with turning the cheek. Use your discretion .
Great thread X

Another great reply. Bolded the main parts above.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Either you underestimate the value of a man's attention or you are misunderstanding from the mind frame I am coming.

Don't think so, did you read my next two paragraphs, or did you stop after the first one? Is this me not understanding, or is this you not understanding?

There was no "ahhh its ok baby I forgive you."

That's what I got out of it:

I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

It was her acting bratty....me becoming uninterested in my girlfriend in her current state, thus I decided to turn my attention elsewhere(other people)....she didnt like how that made her feel and she knew why I didnt feel like giving her my attention....she apologizes....We move on with our lives.

Right, but the forgiveness seemed a little too quick for my taste. You went there with her, and expected to be with her. She caused the night to be disrupted. Even though you were fine spreading you attention else where, that is not what you had originally wanted to do. Yes, you will do it, when she acts like a brat. BUT, for the most part, you don't want to. She is causing you to do something you don't want to do.

Is this punishment enough to stop her from doing it the next time? What if she's in a mood and just doesn't want to go where you want to go, or to be around you for the time being? Is this little trigger in her head going to remember, oh, I'll start a fight then he'll just wander off and I won't have to be around him, but it's okay because everything will be 100% okay afterwards.

The point is that you forgave her when she wanted to be forgiven. i.e. when she wanted that attention back. You did not forgive her when you were ready to forgive her. It was her decision, she controlled the whole outcome. It wasn't on your terms, it was on her terms.

 

[May_Day]

I didnt say a fvckin word the WHOLE WALK.

engaged in conversation and practically ignored her the entire time.

I respond with a very sincere "no big deal."

Why are you being so sincere when she was the one who ruined your night? If you're going to "walk the walk" then "talk the talk" and don't be very sincere because she won't take you as a serious man. You can't just ignore her and then when she says "sorry" you become sincere. She will know that she can get away with dissing you again. Also, I wouldn't say that your indifference is very pure because your sincerity shows that.

Your actions were fine at the party but your words aren't matching up. By telling her "it's no big deal", you are basically telling her it's ok for her to act that way. If she feels that it's no big deal to you, she will do it again. You weren't being sincere with your actions because as soon as she apologizes you forgive. She can do this all the time knowing that you will forgive her right on the spot. If you do this too much, she will see right through your act. Her behavior is controlling your actions instead of it being the other way around like it should. She's making you act out of the norm while she can act anyway she wants knowing that you will forgive when she says "I'm sorry." That's like a little kid misbehaving knowing that anything she did won't have any real consequences. So, basically you are all talk with no action to her. Looks like she is controlling your relationship so you should get a handle on it before it gets out of control.

 

[TheException]

Right, but the forgiveness seemed a little too quick for my taste. You went there with her, and expected to be with her. She caused the night to be disrupted. Even though you were fine spreading you attention else where, that is not what you had originally wanted to do. Yes, you will do it, when she acts like a brat. BUT, for the most part, you don't want to. She is causing you to do something you don't want to do.

Is this punishment enough to stop her from doing it the next time? What if she's in a mood and just doesn't want to go where you want to go, or to be around you for the time being? Is this little trigger in her head going to remember, oh, I'll start a fight then he'll just wander off and I won't have to be around him, but it's okay because everything will be 100% okay afterwards.

The point is that you forgave her when she wanted to be forgiven. i.e. when she wanted that attention back. You did not forgive her when you were ready to forgive her. It was her decision, she controlled the whole outcome. It wasn't on your terms, it was on her terms.

How about this pal....you stop making things up and trying to insert them into my own life stories....and you post your OWN REAL LIFE examples and you can say whatever you want in them.