Texting as a replacement for speaking?

[KarmaSutra]

I'm re-evaluating my game since I've been back on the market and I have discovered that the primary method of speech for women in my particular demographic (22 - 28) no longer talk on the phone. Instead it's all texting.

I used to be a stauch hater of texting. I used to goof on guys who endlessly typed their ideas and updated their status with women. Now not so much because I understand it's a different form of communicating, ESPECIALLY with women in their twenties.

Take my latest interest. We'll call her M. M's 26, very cute, sexually ravenous and lives on her Blackberry. Lives and breathes by the red light.

At our last SoSuave "We Hate Broad's Club" meeting I showed Brother's Scrouds and C-quenced a text from M which stated, "I'm lying on the couch sucking on a lollipop without any panties; thinking of you."

I should mention that I had just met this girl 2 hours before I left for our Club meeting. Ah, the power of congruence!

It's a younger generation which I'm rapidly coming to terms with. I am understanding and incorporating these dynamics into how I approach and how I maintain the various relationships I am developing.

I continually remind myself that I can adapt to new technologies and mentalities due to my continual self growth and the amount of time I spend opening my awareness. It's easier than you guys think when you know you're in such high demand.

What new technologies are you Mature Men having to become accustomed and how are you implementing them in your overall philosophies?

 

[trent81]

If a chick texted me that, I would have asked her "want to snort some coke off my cok tonight?".

 

[STR8UP]

Ahhh....welcome to the new world my man.....

Seriously.....it's been said on here many times that texting should be avoided at all costs, but as with most anything when it comes to women, it can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending upon how you use it. It's nothing more than a TOOL.

When I hear guys bashing texting wholesale I have to wonder how many of them actually interact with women on a regular basis. You were in a relationship, you had an excuse. Dude.....this is even the preferred method of communication the 30+ yr olds nowadays

You can say what you want about texting, Myspace, Facebook, email, whatever, but at the end of the day it's all about using these methods of communication responsibly. For me I fukking HATE talking on the phone, so texting is perfect. I don't want to hear all about some chicks lousy day or how her pet ****roach (er, I mean DOG) peed on the carpet. Better to knock off a few texts at my leisure, set up a meeting,, and be done with it. When I get her face to face I can use my physical presence to dominate the setting. Texting to set it up is just a means to an end.

Now if a chick starts to get into a play-by-play or the texting becomes ridiculous (like when the dumb b1tch is too stupid to pick up the phone to get directions in 30 seconds and would rather text back and forth for 20 minutes) that's a different story.

A side note- anyone who visited Europe about 5 years ago could have seen this coming. If you want to know what Americans will be doing or wearing in 3 years.....go overseas and see what everyone is doing there. Texting is only a RECENT American obsession.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Ahhh....welcome to the new world my man.....

You can say what you want about texting, Myspace, Facebook, email, whatever, but at the end of the day it's all about using these methods of communication responsibly. For me I fukking HATE talking on the phone, so texting is perfect.

I have seen the light Brother! It is a brand new fvcking world out there.

Now if a chick starts to get into a play-by-play or the texting becomes ridiculous (like when the dumb b1tch is too stupid to pick up the phone to get directions in 30 seconds and would rather text back and forth for 20 minutes) that's a different story.

I've already run into this. The best play is to delete the text and let her find out herself. If she's in despair she'll call.

Have we set up a time and place for our next "We Hate Broad's Club" meeting?

 

[squirrels]

Text is great for anything that doesn't require discussion.

It's **** as a "primary discussion mechanism" and is abused by the entire world. The fact that it's "the sh!t in Europe" does not justify that.

However, it IS a useful tool, when not allowed to run rampant.

 

[realsmoothie]

I abuse it myself. It's a great at allowing you to wuss out and not actually talk to a girl in real time, and thus avoid instant-rejection. Plus, girls that are "iffy" about you will delay a response, so if you're at all anxious about it the whole thing gets worse.

It's just not very manly. It's kind of saying "oh, I sort want to say something to you, but it's not very important so you don't have to deal with me right now. Whenever you feel like getting back to me, that's OK".

Avoiding texting at all costs is one of the things I'd like to learn to avoid at all costs.

 

[The Asian Lover]

Texting is good for setting up dates. Other than that, I don't text.

I always call a women on the phone before the first date, that way I can get a feel for her.

A couple of times my gut instinct told me she would be a b*tch. I wouldn't be able to do that with text messaging.

 

[steve38]

I guess us old codgers just have to change with the times. I had a girl I was working on blow me off last week. The next night, I blew her off and sent a textpic of me in bed (somewhat sexy..lol) saying sorry i was too busy tonight. Good night, sweet dreams. The next night, she was there with me. Texting is just another tool. Use it right and it will work for you. Avoid it and you won't lay anything under age 35. JMO.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I guess us old codgers just have to change with the times.

It certainly appears like it Brother.

Maturity comes when you can adapt to a given change and use that change to promote growth in who you are.

 

[Sinistar]

My old arse used to think the same thing - texting is just a waste of time and I'd be quick to point it out that they were doing just that. But it is so here to stay and I think a DJ, especially an older one can turn this change into advantage if he can embrace it rather than fight it.

My oldest niece (13) represents the revolution. If you think a 26yo texts a lot, think again. I asked her this weekend up at the cabin how many texts she does a day. Her "at least 100." Me (totally dumbfound) "did you say 100?". Her "Yeah at least, just the other day I received over 400." Me "Holy Sh!t". Her (giggles at uncle swearing).

...which then made me think what all of you are probably thinking right about now: Why is a 13yo texting so much? Who pays for it? Does she have a life? WHAT ABOUT THE PARENTS? etc? etc? etc?

Now here's the interesting part. She's a solid 'A' student with the occasional 'B' in something that doesn't really interest her. She never watches TV, just a movie or two with friends. She's in 3 sports (hockey, tennis, basketball). She likes golfing with her grandparents and cooks and cleans at home. Better yet, she has learned that working generates money so she babysits whenever she can. She pays for all her cell phone plan costs, always buys her own food and stuff when out with friends and saves money (in a actual bank account) every month. She has a good group of girlfriends, is already very slender, athletic build (as a 13yo could be), is shaping up to be quite attractive and has great eating habits.

For the parents, they have their sh!t together. Whenever anyone meets their kids within minutes you'll hear "You're kids are amazing!". They aren't ADD, they obey, listen, do things, respect each other etc. An aside: I think a big reason for all of this is that my brother has his sh!t together, knows when to draw the line and has been teaching his kids all along that they need to put in 125% if they want to be ahead in this world.

So for brother Karma and everyone else out there, the real texting revolution hasn't even hit yet. Within 5yrs, the way people interact will have completely changed.

I watched my niece over the weekend. She had that phone in her hand alot. But when she was watching our daughter, she put it away. When we were out swimming, she put it away. When the family was eating, she put it away.

Is she a perfect kid - of course not. I'm sure she'll eventually use texting for something the folks don't approve of. But she has a solid set of values drilled into her already so she'll know when something isn't right.

For a counter example. I watch a friend (early 40's) using it almost hourly. It's hard to watch. He's got a string of trainwrecked relationships and he just uses the technology to meet even more women with whom he'll end up dumped by. In other words, the technology isn't helping him (when it could be) it's just becoming an extension of his flawed value systems. He's still a kid in a mans body. F/B is no different. For a guy like this he should be working on his career, home and hobbies (he's always put the search for his friggin' soulmate first).

My wife and I had an interesting discussion regarding texting and the communication revolution. We had a good debate over whether texting will make the game of attraction easier for boys or girls.

The obvious comes to mind first. Women are indirect, covert and driven by the need for security (physical, emotional, attentional). Texting really works here. They can continue their indirect communication but now they can carry on conversations with 4 friends simulatenously even talking behind one's back while talking to another. When it comes to boys, they can have almost instant attention and even lets them be a bit direct (text a guy they've never talked to yet). It's a great new buffer for girls.

For the boys, I'm still undecided. There are so many AFC's out there that texting will probably just reinforce AFC behavior via becoming 'text friends', never having to interact in person, etc. If a boy is even remotely AFC to start with, perhaps he'll dare to risk some rejection via a text request to do something (here he's at least trying). But then again if you're already risk averse, wouldn't you prefer texting over actual face to face rejection

I would think a DJ could really excel if embracing texting (the right way). First of all, done right it's more ammo for a shotgvn than another round for the sniper rif1e. In other words, use the medium to make lots of low effort contact. I keep thinking about the PUA from New York (article was linked here quite a while back). He meets as many women as he can, quickly get digits and then sends group texts out to setup actual meet ups. If nothing else, a interesting example of the numbers game being played with today's modern communications.

I would also think texting (when done sparingly) could help elevate or sustain interest because it provides a quick way to demonstrate aloofness and indifference. In other words, reply but not very often, not many words and definitely not too quickly. And probably don't respond at all much of the time.

The area to consider is that these younger women will have their cell phones and texting in hand ALL THE TIME! Maybe the firs test is if she can do the entire first meet up without checking messages. If she does, she's more interested in friends than you. Also, any AFC tendencies will get you quick here. If a guy becomes a bit jealous as she texts, you can guess what her and her friends are texting about. Also, the AFC probably won't do well when he's texting some gal continuously (just a friendship buffer) and then she goes silent. Back in the day, the AFC might have to wait 2-3 days before he bumped into her again or called to find out she was dating some other guy. Now he's going to know in realtime.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"I'm lying on the couch sucking on a lollipop without any panties; thinking of you."

And without hearing her actually say this you have no inclination as to if it's a goof, if she's serious or if she's got 3 friends in the room telling her to text that to you to see how you'll react so they can all have a good laugh. Hell, she could've been at Ember with 3 guys lined up buying her drinks at the time.

Texting is a Buffer, even for women. The problem with IM, email, texts, even posts on this forum, is that you can't get an accurate assessment of anyone's intent with their message, only the information.

ƒuck you KARMA.

Am I being serious? Am I messing with you? Am I upset with something you posted or am I alluding to some inside joke only you and I share? Unless I tag some lame emoticon to it, no one knows, and even then I may be trying to distract from it.

Of course women love texts; anything that facilitates more talking and less action they love. There's no accountability, no stress, no anxiety, to perform and even less opportunity to be judged on appearance or attitude or composure. And if she's ever misunderstood, well then it was just a text and how much can you really blame her for you getting the wrong impression?

Texting, IM, email, also makes you too available. It's bad enough trying to convince AFCs that they shouldn't call back some number close half an hour after he gets home or not to spill out his life story on the first date - now he can do so piecemeal, one text at a time.

 

[KarmaSutra]

We spent 16 hours in a marathon-slamfvck-fest this past Saturday so it was certainly not a goof.

I understand what you're saying though.

Fvck you too my man!

Sorry you didn't make it to our round table coupla' weeks back.

 

[Sinistar]

And without hearing her actually say this you have no inclination as to if it's a goof, if she's serious or if she's got 3 friends in the room telling her to text that to you to see how you'll react so they can all have a good laugh. Hell, she could've been at Ember with 3 guys lined up buying her drinks at the time.

Texting is a Buffer, even for women. The problem with IM, email, texts, even posts on this forum, is that you can't get an accurate assessment of anyone's intent with their message, only the information.

ƒuck you KARMA.

Am I being serious? Am I messing with you? Am I upset with something you posted or am I alluding to some inside joke only you and I share? Unless I tag some lame emoticon to it, no one knows, and even then I may be trying to distract from it.

Of course women love texts; anything that facilitates more talking and less action they love. There's no accountability, no stress, no anxiety, to perform and even less opportunity to be judged on appearance or attitude or composure. And if she's ever misunderstood, well then it was just a text and how much can you really blame her for you getting the wrong impression?

Texting, IM, email, also makes you too available. It's bad enough trying to convince AFCs that they shouldn't call back some number close half an hour after he gets home or not to spill out his life story on the first date - now he can do so piecemeal, one text at a time.

Yep, it's a great buffer for girls and boys, women and men too. But all that being said - it is here to stay.

The game just changed - again - maybe it got worse, maybe it got better. And while I agree that there is no substitute for direct face to face contact - you can not just make a woman (especially those who grow up with texting) drop their phones and give up texting justs because they're in the presence of a mega male. Even if her desire is cranked, she will pick that thing up again sooner or later and text you and her friends and resume interacting the way she was 3hrs before you banged away.

It's a interesting topic because I find myself saying (of texting) "Stop wishing it were easier and start wishing we are better" (which I give you credit for).

Also, I try my best not to be absolutist thus it's hard for me to tell a younger guy "Give up that childish text crap (which is what I really think it is), live your life and you'll do better with women." Because I think a guy who "gets" the DJ thing will somehow find a way to use it to his advantage. Sure we can't understand her context when its words in a text. But DJ's know that and let if roll off their backs. We can also turn it around and speak their "text" language right back (using some action, lots of lack of action, covert wording, innuendo, etc) to increase / retain interest. There's got to be more than just a few PUA's and DJ's out there right now who probably think texting, F/B and online dating sites are the greatest thing; casts a much wider net (albeit in a often stale pond) and optimizes time. They've probably even found a way to keep plates spinning with a little less effort (short term, probably not long term).

I'm all for telling a young guy (or old guy) that significant amounts of texting aren't a good use of time or robs them of context - true. But then what? His world is different than ours. The system architect just added another program rule to the matrix. I'm not so sure we can just walk around it. I know we can (and should) continue telling guys to "keep busy", "workout", "spend time with buddies", "sarge more women", "do cold approaches", "build your business", "don't marry unless you want a family", etc. But in every single one of those scenarios, todays 18yo's will be texting again with minutes (hours at the outside).

What I really wonder is - if we tell a new kid coming here (very bluntly) that texting is just a buffer - will he really ever see it that way if he grew up with it? We'll probably be lucky if he just learns the "parlor tricks" of the matrix w/r to texting and follows them to his advantage when it comes to attraction.

 

[Rogue]

A few months ago I was at a nightclub with a buddy to hear a DJ spin. While at the show, my buddy received two text messages from some random girl. The first said, "I want to suck your big fat cøck." The second message said, "Oops. Wrong number."

Funny story aside, I remember reading either Anti-Dump and/or "Doc Love" harp on the requirement you never accept receiving a woman's cell phone number in lieu of her home phone number. Their era was more or less a decade ago. Times have certainly changed in the decade since—I don't know anyone with a landline phone—but their principle of guarding against the low priority convenience factor remains eternally true in this digital age.

I use text messaging with chicks but only sparingly. During the last date I had, the woman texted me while she was in the bathroom reminding me to pay the bill (which I already had). I never responded, thank goodness, and I dumped her later for unrelated reasons. Is that where society is heading?

Karma:
At our last SoSuave "We Hate Broad's Club."

This is just me but I like to call the Orlando brothers "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman (and Scholars)." There was hating of broads except it was acute observations of objective physical reality.

I don't know what's on the mind of the other extraordinary gentlemen but I'm going to try putting something together in the next few weeks.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm becoming accustomed to txting myself. It's fvcking great (as mentioned above) if you don't need to have an actual discussion.

I can ignore the fvcking message if I want, I choose if i want to reply, and sometimes the lack of replying quickly will give her a bit of an emotional ride if she thinks she offended you with her message.

The downside to txting is it leaves a fvcking papertrail. She can show ANYBODY your messages, people can snoop through her phone and find out how you couldn't get it up last night, etc etc.

Remember, if you're going to txt your woman, ask yourself if you want all her friends reading what you wrote before sending it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Call it whatever you want but it ain't going away. No matter how much us old schoolers try to portray ourselves as medieval knights, the fact remains that these damsels have gone digital and if we wish to joust in their arena's (yes, her vagina) we'd better get accustomed to fresh means of communicating with them (yes, their vagina's).

 

[STR8UP]

Funny story aside, I remember reading either Anti-Dump and/or "Doc Love" harp on the requirement you never accept receiving a woman's cell phone number in lieu of her home phone number. Their era was more or less a decade ago. Times have certainly changed in the decade since—I don't know anyone with a landline phone—but their principle of guarding against the low priority convenience factor remains eternally true in this digital age.

That was Doc Love, and I remember thinking how utterly absurd the "home phone only" advice was, even at the time.

 

[guru1000]

It is only a buffer for MEN who use it as a buffer.

At the end of the day, a DJ who plays ONLY by his rules is free to break any rule.

 

[scrouds]

Reading this thread I'm reminded of a scene from last season's true blood, where the vampire asks the girl if he can call on her. As in make a visit. Its always changing, morphing. Much like fashion, certain things, themes change, but the baselines always remain.

I would agree with Rogue here, hating assumes malice, and I didn't get that vibe as much as just calling it as it is. Kind of the situation that sparks the quip "My drinking team has a bowling problem"

Texting, IM, email, also makes you too available. It's bad enough trying to convince AFCs that they shouldn't call back some number close half an hour after he gets home or not to spill out his life story on the first date - now he can do so piecemeal, one text at a time.

I completely agree. Its interesting that in times passed, one could be passive in the amount of time spent interacting with a woman. Nowadays we have to manage this better. Some still do it passively by becoming very busy, and having to necessitate minimal contact due to working, hobbies, etc. What you lose in that case is down time, time to unwind. Because when you have some down time, the phone buzzes.

Otherwise you have to actively manage this, by forcing yourself to ignore. This can be done by shutting the phone/IM off, or just selectively not responding. This takes much more control then the passivity of the past. It is harder.

As to the lack of context, that's just a normal challenge fo non-face communitcation. Before widespread use of the telephone, letters carried the same lack of context, and without the modern aid of emoticons. Of course a letter was usually longer then 160 characters, emulating more the telegraph then an actual letter.

At the end of the day, a DJ who plays ONLY by his rules is free to break any rule.

I love this. To apply it to text, feel free to make the rules up as you go along, this is a new(ish) tech. The tech is notioriously unreliable, so feel free to ignore any text you don't feel like responding to. Ignoring texts is a powerful tool that should be in the DJs toolbox.

I'm game for another round of the extrodinary gentleman scholar broad hating club. Hell if anyone is around tonight (thursday) there's a rocky patel event at backroom cigar in celebration I'll be headed to.

 

[Warrior74]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ_qUvpyiIU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7_06inJyto

LOL.

Sam Jackson and Charlie Murphy are hillarious. And right. All that shyt is stupid. I only text when I have to.