Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Texting, IM, email, and long phone calls are all Buffers if they become substitutes for face-to-face personal communication. It's not that digital communication is "bad", it's when it becomes your PREFERRED method of communicating that it becomes a Buffer.
Bear in mind what a Buffer is - a methodology with the purpose of blunting potential rejection. How many guys have bemoaned a MySpace hook up where they got off on all the great IMs and emails and thought how compatible they were with some girl only to find out she was really a 300lb. land monster who took shots from top angles in her pics? That's the Buffer.
Let me ask this, since a good percentage of us are above 30 y.o. and can remember a time when there was no internet, cell phones or IMs; did you ever pass notes to a girl you liked in junior high or high school? Did you ever write letters on notebook paper to the girl you wanted to get with? How did that work out for you? Why don't you do it now? Maybe because it would come off as immature?
IMs, chat, email, texts, etc. are simple the 21st century equivalent of passing notes in class. Women may even eat it up, because they love the act of communicating, but it's simply a Buffer against rejection. It's a nice, safe wall against looking a girl in the eye and conversing on the spot. It lulls you into a false sense of security with a woman - you have all the time in the world to calculate your words, but you're blind to her body language, her vocal intonations, her eye contact, and all the rest of the subcommunications that women instinctively use on a daily basis. Texting and all the other innovative Buffers we think open us to greater facility of communication actually isolate us and limit us from learning to read a woman (and others) in real time, so it's no wonder guys freeze and choke and need PUA seminars and DVDs to help them overcome what should've been socialized into them as a natural acculturation.
I think the default excuse is to fall back on the idea that messaging is just a new modern convenience that makes it easier to connect, but all it really is is another introversion. I've been married for over 13 years, and both my wife and I have cell phones, AIM, email etc., but we've never used these for more than what needs to be bought at the grocery store on the way home from work. We have the choice to use any kind of communication, but we talk face to face or on the phone because it's easier, and there's no bullsh!t barrier of potential rejection now.
I realize all this makes me sound like some Luddite; trust me I'm not. I use IM, texting, email, my cell phone, etc. all the time. In my line of work I'd say I use digital communication more than a lot of people on this board, but it's a poor substitute for direct communication. You can't detect sarcasm, elation, depression, or really any emotional subtleties with any real certainty. Our sales team ALWAYS meet face to face with accounts. Any good salesman will agree that being present is always preferable to cold calls - why would dating be different? Because you have a personal investment - yourself.
Bear in mind what a Buffer is - a methodology with the purpose of blunting potential rejection. How many guys have bemoaned a MySpace hook up where they got off on all the great IMs and emails and thought how compatible they were with some girl only to find out she was really a 300lb. land monster who took shots from top angles in her pics? That's the Buffer.
Let me ask this, since a good percentage of us are above 30 y.o. and can remember a time when there was no internet, cell phones or IMs; did you ever pass notes to a girl you liked in junior high or high school? Did you ever write letters on notebook paper to the girl you wanted to get with? How did that work out for you? Why don't you do it now? Maybe because it would come off as immature?
IMs, chat, email, texts, etc. are simple the 21st century equivalent of passing notes in class. Women may even eat it up, because they love the act of communicating, but it's simply a Buffer against rejection. It's a nice, safe wall against looking a girl in the eye and conversing on the spot. It lulls you into a false sense of security with a woman - you have all the time in the world to calculate your words, but you're blind to her body language, her vocal intonations, her eye contact, and all the rest of the subcommunications that women instinctively use on a daily basis. Texting and all the other innovative Buffers we think open us to greater facility of communication actually isolate us and limit us from learning to read a woman (and others) in real time, so it's no wonder guys freeze and choke and need PUA seminars and DVDs to help them overcome what should've been socialized into them as a natural acculturation.
I think the default excuse is to fall back on the idea that messaging is just a new modern convenience that makes it easier to connect, but all it really is is another introversion. I've been married for over 13 years, and both my wife and I have cell phones, AIM, email etc., but we've never used these for more than what needs to be bought at the grocery store on the way home from work. We have the choice to use any kind of communication, but we talk face to face or on the phone because it's easier, and there's no bullsh!t barrier of potential rejection now.
I realize all this makes me sound like some Luddite; trust me I'm not. I use IM, texting, email, my cell phone, etc. all the time. In my line of work I'd say I use digital communication more than a lot of people on this board, but it's a poor substitute for direct communication. You can't detect sarcasm, elation, depression, or really any emotional subtleties with any real certainty. Our sales team ALWAYS meet face to face with accounts. Any good salesman will agree that being present is always preferable to cold calls - why would dating be different? Because you have a personal investment - yourself.
