Texting and meeting a married coworker

user252009

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She's leaving the company in a few months but we've met a few times now, she initiated the contact in the first place and usually texts first as well, also in the evenings. She's married but does display some IOI. HB8 by my standards. Some of my coworkers know we've been meeting up but that's about it. No escalations yet as I'm not actively pursuing her but rather let her take the initiative, and when she does, I set up a date and time and location and she immediately agrees and we spend a few hours together. I'm also dating other women to not fall into oneitis as in my past. Thoughts, do I keep seeing her when she reaches out or do I slowly fade it out with her and focus only on the other women?
 

Divorced w 3

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Sounds like you made a splash at the office spending a lot of individual time with your married coworker, I would be thinking more about what’s your professional reputation looking like these days.
 

user252009

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Only a few of my closest colleagues know about it and we only met a few times, so I'm not worried about that at all
 

Divorced w 3

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You asked what we think. I’ll be honest, nothing more than just objective feedback.

Do better. I don’t know why you would tell anyone in your group about this. Well actually yeah I do but that’s for another day. Nobody is going to believe that nothing happened. Worse, she works there, opening you up to HR scrutiny for spreading rumors. You look like you have low character messing around with a married woman, and as a result are creating unnecessary office drama. Your career seems less than important to you.

In a perfect world, stop and never be seen with her individually in public ever again. Your social and professional standing drops here by the minute.
 
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user252009

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You asked what we think. I’ll be honest, nothing more than just objective feedback.

Do better. I don’t know why you would tell anyone in your group about this. Well actually yeah I do but that’s for another day. Nobody is going to believe that nothing happened. Worse, she works there, you look like you have low character messing around with a married woman, and as a result are creating unnecessary office drama. Your career seems less than important to you.

In a perfect world, stop and never be seen with her individually in public ever again. Your social and professional standing drops here by the minute.
Because we also hung out with the coworkers together a few times, and now we just meet for drinks or whatever but it's just two of us, nothing like that going on
 

jhonny9546

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Sounds like you made a splash at the office spending a lot of individual time with your married coworker, I would be thinking more about what’s your professional reputation looking like these days.
How did this happen?
If this woman is supposed to spend time with her husband, why is she now interested in her colleague after spending time with him? Is she confronting her feelings while spending time with both, and has she chosen the colleague over her husband because she has stronger feelings of desire for him? Feel free to ask if you need further assistance!
 

user252009

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How did this happen?
If this woman is supposed to spend time with her husband, why is she now interested in her colleague after spending time with him? Is she confronting her feelings while spending time with both, and has she chosen the colleague over her husband because she has stronger feelings of desire for him? Feel free to ask if you need further assistance!
Hard to guess, and it's not like I'll confront her about it as the whole thing is pretty lowkey for obvious reasons; guess time will tell
 

Rainrain

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Where do you guys hang out when you're not at work? What do you talk about? When you hang out, does she touch you? Is she like this with your other co-workers?

When I was working in customer service, there was a girl in the logistics department whom I thought was kind of cute. She was going through a tough time after her grandmother passed away, and I used that as an opportunity to open her up emotionally. I asked her out to lunch, and during the lunch, she dressed up and seemed to make an effort to show off her breasts. She also texted me at night whenever she was high. Although I knew she had a long-term boyfriend, she never mentioned him. She did say her mom had an affair at work and that’s when her parents divorced…

One day, just before I was about to go on vacation for a week, we ended up alone in the cafeteria with the lights off after everyone else had left. I had the chance to make a move, but I hesitated and didn’t kiss her. When I returned from vacation, she seemed distant. My absence appeared to have de-escalated whatever was developing between us. I tried asking her out for coffee again, but she responded in a stand-offish manner, asking “what are we going to do?”, as if she wasn’t interested. I still regret not making the most of that opportunity.

With married women or women in relationships, timing is crucial. At any moment, their partner might plan a date night, start a home renovation project, or organize a trip, which could shift their focus and overshadow your efforts. Before investing further in this relationship, ask yourself what you truly want. Are you just seeking validation without commitment? Do you want to be intimate with her? Or do you just want to maintain a friendship? As with any pursuit, there is a risk of rejection, but in this situation, any hesitation on your part could wash it all away. You have to follow through 100%, no wishy washy ****.
 
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user252009

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We mostly meet for drinks / coffee, but it was only a few times, so it's not a regular thing by a long shot. I'm outcome independent as I've learned to be these last few years. Granted, my 2+ year dry spell isn't helping, but I also don't regularly have genuine connections such as this one. She's not like this with other coworkers, we both work remotely so it's not a physical office thing. Interesting thing is whenever we talk about meeting up, she's immediately up for it and if it doesn't work for either of us, we find a later date and then it's 100%, no flake, set in stone. We talk about everything really, she really opened up to me recently with very personal things, so I did the same. She also texts me later at evening/night after we've met, but we don't chitchat via text.
 

Rainrain

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We mostly meet for drinks / coffee, but it was only a few times, so it's not a regular thing by a long shot. I'm outcome independent as I've learned to be these last few years. Granted, my 2+ year dry spell isn't helping, but I also don't regularly have genuine connections such as this one. She's not like this with other coworkers, we both work remotely so it's not a physical office thing. Interesting thing is whenever we talk about meeting up, she's immediately up for it and if it doesn't work for either of us, we find a later date and then it's 100%, no flake, set in stone. We talk about everything really, she really opened up to me recently with very personal things, so I did the same. She also texts me later at evening/night after we've met, but we don't chitchat via text.
It sounds like you are in the acquaintance, friend, or coworker stage. If you want to move towards intimacy, you'll need to push through some social boundaries. This means asking her out, planning the logistics, and arranging a setting where you can be alone together for romance. You need to show her that you're willing to risk your friendship and your job for a chance to be with her at least for one night. The more confident and in control you appear, the less self-conscious she will be about being intimate with you. It is achievable, but it requires significant effort, leadership skills, courage and a lot of balls. Again, no hesitation.

Also, you need to be aware that a long relationship or commitment will never be possible since her marriage will usually come first.

Good luck in whatever option you choose.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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We mostly meet for drinks / coffee, but it was only a few times, so it's not a regular thing by a long shot. I'm outcome independent as I've learned to be these last few years. Granted, my 2+ year dry spell isn't helping, but I also don't regularly have genuine connections such as this one. She's not like this with other coworkers, we both work remotely so it's not a physical office thing. Interesting thing is whenever we talk about meeting up, she's immediately up for it and if it doesn't work for either of us, we find a later date and then it's 100%, no flake, set in stone. We talk about everything really, she really opened up to me recently with very personal things, so I did the same. She also texts me later at evening/night after we've met, but we don't chitchat via text.
How are you dating other women as you stated in your first post but on a 2+ year dry spell.

Something doesn't add up. You can't be dating women without having sex with them. If you are it's not dating it's being their gay friend.
 

Chow Mein

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I have a very hard time comprehending why you would be her monkey branch…but heck I’ve seen more crazy things happen.

Just. Go. For. It.
 

Learning Curve

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You asked what we think. I’ll be honest, nothing more than just objective feedback.

Do better. I don’t know why you would tell anyone in your group about this. Well actually yeah I do but that’s for another day. Nobody is going to believe that nothing happened. Worse, she works there, opening you up to HR scrutiny for spreading rumors. You look like you have low character messing around with a married woman, and as a result are creating unnecessary office drama. Your career seems less than important to you.

In a perfect world, stop and never be seen with her individually in public ever again. Your social and professional standing drops here by the minute.
Pretty much this sums it up.

But consider this, my current GF i also met at my workplace, but we were very secretive from the beggining and i have set all the rules about that, to this day after 1 year, nobody knows about us in the company.

It can work, but you need a woman that gets it and that she can be secretive about it.

As, @Divorced w 3 said you are chasing a married woman, for what?

In a workplace with a married woman, the risk is high. Avoid, unless you don't really care, if she has the mindset of having fun and keeping it between you and her then go for it, most married women cheat anyway. This is how women operate now.

You need a strategy to handle such situations in a secretive manner, and you need to have the woman on board, if not, avoid and eject.
 

user252009

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Yeah from now on no one's gonna know we're meeting up; let's see how it continues, definitely am willing to go with it if she is as well, but I guess the husband topic will have to come up at some point if we keep texting and meeting up
 

Lotus Effect

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I've read:

Oneitis
and
Married woman

In the same sentence. That is a recipe for disaster.

OBS: If you are going for a married chick, who is not in an open relationship (aka cheater), than you are a chump.
 

All_Kindz_Of_Gainz

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She's leaving the company in a few months but we've met a few times now, she initiated the contact in the first place and usually texts first as well, also in the evenings. She's married but does display some IOI. HB8 by my standards. Some of my coworkers know we've been meeting up but that's about it. No escalations yet as I'm not actively pursuing her but rather let her take the initiative, and when she does, I set up a date and time and location and she immediately agrees and we spend a few hours together. I'm also dating other women to not fall into oneitis as in my past. Thoughts, do I keep seeing her when she reaches out or do I slowly fade it out with her and focus only on the other women?
You're falling in love with a married woman LOL
 

Gamisch

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Who said anything about falling in love? What kind of a reply is that?
One of the best replies ( as in a one sentence reply that sums it all up).

Lately I've came to this conclusion (for the 100th time in my life;)

the little man in your pants is leading you rather than that grey mass in your skull.

All the while an experienced Don Juan should KNOW that women are fickle as Eff. One moment they feel this next moment it's that. On top of that women are perfectly capable of giving a man an orbiter role where sex isn't even in the conversation; cap driver, work husband, money loaner, handyman, ghey best friend ect ect. Mind you, its not unthinkable that ALL of these men wanna hit it but won't ever stand a chance.

And ,with all due respect, but if you are ALSO on a lengthy dryspell....you should know that this is (literally) a possible dead end.

*** Husband will take his anger due to the humiliation out on you.
*** women TALK. Suddenly she blurs out that "@user252009 at least LISTENS to me!!". And now you're on a really real hitlist from another man. And the "hit" might be an anonymous phonecall to HR or literally a bullet and everything in between. Aka, it's NOT within your control who she talks to and how people will react.

Take a page from the female playbook: "suddenly " you changed your mind and you understand that your career cannot and will not be jeopardised by anyone, any family member friend or woman. And thus "suddenly " you cut all contact. For Christ sake, leave her and focus on ANY other woman bruh...

Play with fire and you will get burned l.
Now imma go pump some iron. Bon dias.
 

Lotus Effect

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How did this happen?
If this woman is supposed to spend time with her husband, why is she now interested in her colleague after spending time with him? Is she confronting her feelings while spending time with both, and has she chosen the colleague over her husband because she has stronger feelings of desire for him? Feel free to ask if you need further assistance!
Dude, please, STF!

"Fell free to ask if you need further assistance"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You are a joke bub. Seriously.

Read the "advice" you've wrote.
It does not even make sense. hahahahahah

I knew you were just waiting for the "Master Don Juan" to start acting like you knew sh!t.

I just knew
 
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Solomon

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WOW at people giving him advice on how to proceed with a married woman, then you got some of the same people complaining about modern women when you are supporting this type of depravity talk about cognitive dissonance. No wonder modern women are so bold.

OP I've seen people in your shoes get written up or even fired for these types of relationships when shyt goes left. If you're going to deal with a woman from work at least be it a single one so people can mind their business(better yet don't deal with co-workers period) Your reputation will not just be ruined but let's say she goes to HR and says you harassed her (this happened to a guy personally I know and he didn't harass her, he got caught smashing more than 1 co-worker) and that's not the case all she has to do is show text messages or screenshots and you outta there.

Your job/career should be far more important than any type of kitty cat especially married kitty cat
 
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