Text Message Critiquing

SH03C

Don Juan
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Hey everyone. I wanted to share some recent conversations I’ve had with a few different girls over text/DMs to gather some tips for improvement.

As I’ve mentioned in recent threads I’m a bit rusty after being out of the game for a few years so I’d like to utilize this thread as a way to refine my approach or text game.

Girl #1
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SH03C

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Again, some insight into what I should have said or how to change topics..
 

cola

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Nah, don’t invite for coffee too fast. You are building comfort with her, and doing a damn good job too. Honestly you seem real cool, bro. Keep it up, good work.
Building comfort this way significantly reduces the flake rate, despite traditional advice here.

Send her some pics of you doing some cool **** as a conversation starter.
One way I flip the script and get their minds spinning is by asking the typical frame control questions they ask us..
“So what are you looking for?” “Are you a player?”
 

SH03C

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This interaction was much shorter. After checking this out I started to get the impression maybe she wanted to link up for the night? Check it out and let me know your thoughts.

Girl #2

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deaderinred

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She probably did. But with online who the fuk knows. Im so glad i dont use any of it. Its just tiring and the results you get is not worth the effort. Day and night game out in the real world is just so much better its not even a contest.

First convo was ok. I just imagine myself having to do it with a hundred different matches and id rather shoot myself.
 

SH03C

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She probably did. But with online who the fuk knows. Im so glad i dont use any of it. Its just tiring and the results you get is not worth the effort. Day and night game out in the real world is just so much better its not even a contest.

First convo was ok. I just imagine myself having to do it with a hundred different matches and id rather shoot myself.
Agreed, it does get a little tiresome. A lot of the chicks I match tend to be below my level of interest. I probably only initiate conversation with maybe 2 in 10 matches. A ton of work for sure.
 

Spaz

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Agreed, it does get a little tiresome. A lot of the chicks I match tend to be below my level of interest. I probably only initiate conversation with maybe 2 in 10 matches. A ton of work for sure.
Instead of spending time online, you could go out, put in the same amount of time in social circles and get to create something tangible out of it.

From ur texts, you seem like a decent guy to hang out with, put that to good use in reality.
 

SH03C

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Instead of spending time online, you could go out, put in the same amount of time in social circles and get to create something tangible out of it.

From ur texts, you seem like a decent guy to hang out with, put that to good use in reality.
Thanks man. Unfortunately a lot of my close friends these days have kids, are married etc. so when it comes to getting out I have few or no options at times. I’m making a point to try and forge new friendships to help though.
 

Spaz

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I’m making a point to try and forge new friendships to help though.
You understand your main problem. That's good.

What kind of resources do you think you'll need to meet new people?
 

DreamAgain

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OP you didn't do anything wrong necessarily, but I would throw some jokes in there to make the conversation a little more playful. It's a little on the stiff side, which may be your personality, but I definitely ramp up the banter.

However, you've already given her several opportunities to confirm meeting with you, and she hasn't taken the bait. I wouldn't have even responded to her last message.
 

SH03C

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You understand your main problem. That's good.

What kind of resources do you think you'll need to meet new people?
It’s hard to know tbh. I think I may have to just hit a bar by myself sometime on a Saturday evening or maybe a coffee shop.. got any suggestions?
 

Spaz

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It’s hard to know tbh. I think I may have to just hit a bar by myself sometime on a Saturday evening or maybe a coffee shop.. got any suggestions?
Go browse in groups to join that's listed near you in FB.

See what you like or have something in common, join in, there's always some activities going on.

Frame yourself as a salesman, the product is you, just sell yourself by being friendly.

Easiest job in the world and the most rewarding too.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Your conversation is fine, but it's not going to make you stand out or ignite any feelings in her.

You do a good job (better than most) at relating your own personal experiences to what she is saying (so many guys just ask question after question). But you need to go a level deeper. Ask her to explain why. Why does she like something? What made her decide to do something? How does it make her feel?

I would send max 10 messages to a girl and then ask her out. Messaging in app is initially only so she can get a high-level sense that you are normal, understand how to talk to people, and aren't totally uncalibrated. If she doesn't agree to a date after that, you are wasting your time on any continued dialogue with her.

I didn't like the first girl in your txts. She loved talking about herself, but once you invited her out, she didn't exactly say yes or no, but essentially complained that she didn't want to have to go into the city and then changed the subject after you offered to come her way. She's also trying to get you into her frame by setting the terms of where you'll meet. You failed a couple things here. First, your invite was a bit weak. You said "perhaps meet for drinks?" Ditch the perhaps, and make it a statement and not a question. Also qualify why you are asking if you can. "Hey, I've enjoyed talking to you but I have to go meet a friend now. We should meet for drinks and continue this conversation! I'm free Thursday at 7pm." When she responded with the "As long as I don't have to go into the city," I would have suggested a specific place and a specific time. I wouldn't go too far in her direction, half at most, and I wouldn't talk about that.... I'd just pick a place and wait for her response. If she changed the subject, that would make me ghost her because she isn't interested and only wants a penpal. If she said " maybe, I don't know, not sure, etc", then I'd take the offer away and say, "sounds like you are busy, same as me. Let's just do it some other time." Do NOT keep talking to a girl who doesn't directly accept your invite once you put it out there! Do not allow her to redirect the conversation. Girls who do this are bored and lonely but don't want to meet in person (for a variety of reasons including low interest or serious mental disorders). Waste of your time! You are on OLD to meet girls, sleep with them, and maybe have a relationship, not keep them entertained over text.

The last girl... Don't sweat it. That's how 40-70% of your matches will go. Girls on OLD are flakes. Dont assign blame to yourself for that. However, NEVER double text like that. You responded to her, she didn't answer. Don't text again a day later. It's needy and shows you have few options, or think she is much higher value than you. Get into the mindset that girls should prove themselves to you. You aren't some beggar just hoping they will talk to you. You msg me, I msg you back, and Tou don't bother replying. Well then you aren't interested and I'll move on to some other girl who is.
 

SoSuave666

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Too much chit chat. I used to live in Pittsburgh. Would take girls to Ds dive bar. I think it’s full name is Ds six pack or some sh1t.
Just tell the bird where you’re going and what time. If she comes she comes
 

SH03C

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Your conversation is fine, but it's not going to make you stand out or ignite any feelings in her.

You do a good job (better than most) at relating your own personal experiences to what she is saying (so many guys just ask question after question). But you need to go a level deeper. Ask her to explain why. Why does she like something? What made her decide to do something? How does it make her feel?

I would send max 10 messages to a girl and then ask her out. Messaging in app is initially only so she can get a high-level sense that you are normal, understand how to talk to people, and aren't totally uncalibrated. If she doesn't agree to a date after that, you are wasting your time on any continued dialogue with her.

I didn't like the first girl in your txts. She loved talking about herself, but once you invited her out, she didn't exactly say yes or no, but essentially complained that she didn't want to have to go into the city and then changed the subject after you offered to come her way. She's also trying to get you into her frame by setting the terms of where you'll meet. You failed a couple things here. First, your invite was a bit weak. You said "perhaps meet for drinks?" Ditch the perhaps, and make it a statement and not a question. Also qualify why you are asking if you can. "Hey, I've enjoyed talking to you but I have to go meet a friend now. We should meet for drinks and continue this conversation! I'm free Thursday at 7pm." When she responded with the "As long as I don't have to go into the city," I would have suggested a specific place and a specific time. I wouldn't go too far in her direction, half at most, and I wouldn't talk about that.... I'd just pick a place and wait for her response. If she changed the subject, that would make me ghost her because she isn't interested and only wants a penpal. If she said " maybe, I don't know, not sure, etc", then I'd take the offer away and say, "sounds like you are busy, same as me. Let's just do it some other time." Do NOT keep talking to a girl who doesn't directly accept your invite once you put it out there! Do not allow her to redirect the conversation. Girls who do this are bored and lonely but don't want to meet in person (for a variety of reasons including low interest or serious mental disorders). Waste of your time! You are on OLD to meet girls, sleep with them, and maybe have a relationship, not keep them entertained over text.

The last girl... Don't sweat it. That's how 40-70% of your matches will go. Girls on OLD are flakes. Dont assign blame to yourself for that. However, NEVER double text like that. You responded to her, she didn't answer. Don't text again a day later. It's needy and shows you have few options, or think she is much higher value than you. Get into the mindset that girls should prove themselves to you. You aren't some beggar just hoping they will talk to you. You msg me, I msg you back, and Tou don't bother replying. Well then you aren't interested and I'll move on to some other girl who is.
Nailed it. This is the feedback I was looking for when creating this thread and also such a well articulated response.

Kudos on your high level gamesmanship here!
 

GrowingPains

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Haven't finished reading but this is a great thread.

Good thing you're willing to put yourself out there and get feedback, OP.

To add to Spaz's suggestion for finding groups you can join: try meetup.com. There's tons of groups in your area you can search on there. Yoga groups, work meetups, health stuff, pickup soccer, etc etc.. Easy way to meet people.
 

Shrubber101

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Need to get those negs in there and stop yapping so much. Every other man is trying to get into her panties so what makes you stand out from the rest?

Using negs,being playful and teasing will do that when it comes to OLD. Its the best way you can stand out from the crowd and get her interest.
You need to get some "OMG, I can't believe you said thats!!" from her.

You can really push it with OLD in my experience becouse really, who cares? It's just another face on your phone,so have some fun with it.

After she had mentioned her not liking cats, I would if probably said something like,

"Well at least you won't be a crazy old cat lady one day.

(Next text)

"Just a crazy old dog lady."

I wouldn't soften it or imply an apology with an emoji cos that makes you look weak.

Just push the boundaries of taste and respectability.
I actually tried to see if I could put them off me sometimes just by being weird and rude but in a non threatening way, but it actually had the opposite effect.

But you have to at least tease them and toy with them, just like you should in real life.
You should see every match you get as a fun experiment.
 
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