ZeeOwl
Senior Don Juan
OK. Here's a curveball that an ex threw at me a while ago. It was obviously a test, even to me back then. It's also obvious to me that I failed it miserably. But I'm still stumped as to what the purpose of the test was... And by extension what I did wrong... Any insight would be appreciated. Including from the women.
Background info:
I was still in my Mr. Super Nice Guy days. I start dating this woman. She's a single mother. Very self-sufficient. Above average intelligence, and about 7.5 looks. Has moderate psycological issues, and a string of bad relationships with loser guys. She say's she's looking for a good one this time. We dated for about about 3 weeks, during which time I initiated talk of a relationship.
I move in with her (I think it was her idea, but I'm a little fuzzy on that bit). For the first month (from the 1st date) she's Miss Super Sweety with me. Showering me with attention and appreciation. Pretty much opens up to me completely on all levels.
During the 2nd & 3rd months, things stay generally good, but the honeymoon is definitely over. She starts letting her character flaws show through. Mostly mood swings which tightly follow her menstrual cycle, and she has a nasty temper which surfaces on occasion. I deal with it calmly, though when she gets (verbally) aggressive with me, I hold my ground with equal force. We start making some serious LTR plans. I try too hard to give her what she wants, even beyond what I'm capable of offering. She's smart enough to pick up on this.
During months 4 & 5, the relationship starts deteriorating. We fight more often, and more intensly. I've pretty much concentrated all my free time on the relationship and family life. She hints that I should do more of the things I like, even if she's not into them, and isn't involved. I prefer putting more energy into trying to re-rail our floundering relationship. Near the end of month 5, she tells me that we should take a break. I agree, as the tension is getting too much for me too. So I go back to my place for a few days...
The test:
I'm doing my thing at my place. Lot's of work comes in, so I'm busy. Decide to wait until she call's me since she's the one who asked for the break.
After 3 or 4 days, she show's up at my place unannounced with a box containing all my stuff. She tells me the relationship is over in a firm & calm tone, hands me the box, and turns around to leave. I'm shocked, don't react right away, and just as she's getting in her car, I go after her. I tell her we need to talk, take her by the hand, and lead her back into the house. So we're sitting in my kitchen talking. I don't remember the exact convo, but it revolves around her being dissatified with the relationship. She tells me she's upset that I didn't call her. I tell her why. So after about 15 min of this, I tell her calmly "OK S. If you're unhappy in our relationship, we'll split up. I'm fine with it." She gets really mad, storms out of the house, and leaves.
Post test (I don't think this was part of the test, but just in case...):
1 or 2 days later, I call her. One of her kids answers the phone, tells me she doesn't want to talk to me, so I hang up. Try again the next day, same story. 3rd time, I drive to the town where she lives, call her from a pay phone a block from her house, same story. So I walk to her house and knock. She answers the door, I tell her I want to talk to her, so we go to the park across the street from her house. Convo started fairly smoothly, I ask her to explain to me what's up. It gets more and more heated, she's basically trashing me with all sorts of stuff that's wrong with me (some of it true), and about my past (we talked alot about each other during our relationship). I resist the urge to counter-attack, try to get her to calm down, but she just gets nastier and nastier. After about 30 min, I give up. We go back to her house, so I can re-coup some tools in her basement that I'd loaned her, and that she'd forgotten to give me the first time. I tell her to call me when she feels ready, say goodbye to her kids, and leave.
End of story.
Kindly refrain from pointing out my obvious relationship blunders. I'm quite aware of them now.
I'm only interested in the test.
Background info:
I was still in my Mr. Super Nice Guy days. I start dating this woman. She's a single mother. Very self-sufficient. Above average intelligence, and about 7.5 looks. Has moderate psycological issues, and a string of bad relationships with loser guys. She say's she's looking for a good one this time. We dated for about about 3 weeks, during which time I initiated talk of a relationship.
I move in with her (I think it was her idea, but I'm a little fuzzy on that bit). For the first month (from the 1st date) she's Miss Super Sweety with me. Showering me with attention and appreciation. Pretty much opens up to me completely on all levels.
During the 2nd & 3rd months, things stay generally good, but the honeymoon is definitely over. She starts letting her character flaws show through. Mostly mood swings which tightly follow her menstrual cycle, and she has a nasty temper which surfaces on occasion. I deal with it calmly, though when she gets (verbally) aggressive with me, I hold my ground with equal force. We start making some serious LTR plans. I try too hard to give her what she wants, even beyond what I'm capable of offering. She's smart enough to pick up on this.
During months 4 & 5, the relationship starts deteriorating. We fight more often, and more intensly. I've pretty much concentrated all my free time on the relationship and family life. She hints that I should do more of the things I like, even if she's not into them, and isn't involved. I prefer putting more energy into trying to re-rail our floundering relationship. Near the end of month 5, she tells me that we should take a break. I agree, as the tension is getting too much for me too. So I go back to my place for a few days...
The test:
I'm doing my thing at my place. Lot's of work comes in, so I'm busy. Decide to wait until she call's me since she's the one who asked for the break.
After 3 or 4 days, she show's up at my place unannounced with a box containing all my stuff. She tells me the relationship is over in a firm & calm tone, hands me the box, and turns around to leave. I'm shocked, don't react right away, and just as she's getting in her car, I go after her. I tell her we need to talk, take her by the hand, and lead her back into the house. So we're sitting in my kitchen talking. I don't remember the exact convo, but it revolves around her being dissatified with the relationship. She tells me she's upset that I didn't call her. I tell her why. So after about 15 min of this, I tell her calmly "OK S. If you're unhappy in our relationship, we'll split up. I'm fine with it." She gets really mad, storms out of the house, and leaves.
Post test (I don't think this was part of the test, but just in case...):
1 or 2 days later, I call her. One of her kids answers the phone, tells me she doesn't want to talk to me, so I hang up. Try again the next day, same story. 3rd time, I drive to the town where she lives, call her from a pay phone a block from her house, same story. So I walk to her house and knock. She answers the door, I tell her I want to talk to her, so we go to the park across the street from her house. Convo started fairly smoothly, I ask her to explain to me what's up. It gets more and more heated, she's basically trashing me with all sorts of stuff that's wrong with me (some of it true), and about my past (we talked alot about each other during our relationship). I resist the urge to counter-attack, try to get her to calm down, but she just gets nastier and nastier. After about 30 min, I give up. We go back to her house, so I can re-coup some tools in her basement that I'd loaned her, and that she'd forgotten to give me the first time. I tell her to call me when she feels ready, say goodbye to her kids, and leave.
End of story.
Kindly refrain from pointing out my obvious relationship blunders. I'm quite aware of them now.
I'm only interested in the test.